Christy: A Journey Tale (9 page)

“So why didn’t she leave him? Why do people
always stay with someone who abuses them?”

“Oh that’s an easy one. She stayed ‘cause she
loved him.”

“Love,” Jennifer said incredulously.

“That’s right, Love. She loved him, I mean
that’s what they all say, ain’t it? Then again it’s got to be some
twisted kind of love that keeps bringing them back every single
time. While I was around, she was never going to leave him. That’s
how she was, and that’s how it was going to be.”

“Did he ever…” Jennifer tried to ask, but she
hesitated and stopped short unable to finish the sentence.

“A few times,” Christy said letting her off
the hook, “but he never did much to me.” Momma protected me when I
was young and then when I got older I wasn’t around. Me and him
also had a few conversations when momma wasn’t there that kind of
settled things. They were typically short and sweet and to the
point. He didn’t like me and I sure as heck hated him. I guess you
could say we had what they call an understanding. Plus, I don’t
think it hurt that deep down I think he was a little afraid of me.
He had to sleep some time, and I think he knew I wasn’t like momma
and might just do something that he might not live long enough to
regret.” Jennifer looked a little nervous at that. “Not that I
would have,” Christy said to make Jennifer feel better even though
she had told him as much to his face. “He just thought I might and
the thought of it was good enough. Anyways, at that point I didn’t
figure I would be around for much longer. I just didn’t know how
right I was.”

“Double bacon cheese burger and hash browns
with everything.” The waitress said as she sat the plate down in
front of Christy, “and a salad for you miss.”

“Thank you,” Jennifer said as she smiled back
at the waitress.

“I’ll bring you another Coke.” She said
indicating Christy’s glass. “Is there anything else I can get
you?”

“Nope, I think that’ll do,” Christy said as
she packed the ice down with her straw as the waitress turned to
leave. She then proceeded to slurp down what remnants were left at
the bottom of the glass and attacked the burger. She had to hold it
with both hands and even then she had some difficulty getting her
mouth around it, but that didn’t stop her for long. Jennifer tried
not to stare and focused her attention on her salad. The dressing
was on the side just the way she liked it. The lettuce was starting
to brown a little on the edges, but it still looked pretty good.
Jennifer was mildly impressed, all things considered, and poured
the dressing in concentric circles over the top. The tomatoes were
sliced a little large, so she took her knife cutting them up
smaller while at the same time mixing the salad. By the time
Jennifer was ready to eat she looked back at Christy and the burger
had all but vanished. Another Coke had also materialized, and
Christy had downed half of that as well.

With the burger gone it appeared that Christy
felt like she could take the time to savor and enjoy her hash
browns. Jennifer took a fork full of salad into her mouth and
couldn’t help but stare. You could tell from the edges that it was
hash browns, but that was the only indication. The vast majority of
it was covered in a thick layer of chili. Christy began to mix it
in and turn over the piled layers in reverence. As she did so
Jennifer could see what else lay beneath. It was an absolute mess
and Jennifer marveled at how she could eat that and still call it
good. She went back to her salad; the crisp texture of the grilled
chicken was surprisingly tasty.

A different waitress this time set down
another full glass of Coke and took away the empties. There was
still about half of her hash brown mess left, but Christy looked
like she would have to let some of it settle before she could
finish the rest.

“Skipping school,” she said as she took a
swig from the fresh glass. “There ain’t no kid that never did
anything but get in trouble, skipping school, and that’s exactly
what happened to me. I was down at the Texaco just hangin’ out one
sunny day when this stud muffin rolled up in a black Thunderbird,”
Christy said slowly as she relived the memory. “It’s kind of funny
now, because if the same thing happened to me today I would
probably think the guy was small time. Oh, but back then, my whole
world stopped. This guy had a pull on me like I ain’t felt since,
and when he said ‘you want to go for a ride?’ I was all over it.
Even after all these years I can still remember the way he said
those words,” Christy paused again as she savored the moment.
“Anyways, that first day was amazing and if I could get stuck
repeating the same day over and over again like they do in the
movies, that day is pretty high on my list.”

“What about it made it so great?”

“See, that’s the thing; we didn’t do much at
all. That car of his was a T-top, and when he drove, he drove it as
fast as it would go. I’m sure that’s not how it really was but, man
it sure did feel like it at the time. We drove and kept on driving
and the air whipped through my hair and with it all the cares of
the world just blew away with the wind. We also talked a little
here and there. He was 22 and was what he called an ‘independent
businessman.’ I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, but it sure
did sound important and that was good enough for me.”

“So what happened?” Jennifer asked
suspiciously, but also almost afraid of the question.

“Not much really. That ride was pretty tame.
He dropped me back off at the Texaco just before dark and asked if
I would be there again tomorrow. I said yes and he just smiled and
drove off. The next day my butt was back in front of that store.
When he rolled up again I couldn’t jump in that car fast enough. I
was 15 at the time, and it may seem kind of weird now, but at the
time I didn’t see anything wrong with at all. He had a place a few
towns to the North and much closer to Nashville where he did most
of his business. On the third day he drove me by my house, and I
left a note in the mailbox and that was that.

“You ran away?”

“Yes I did, and never looked back. I had
always been dreamin’ about a way out of there and old Johnny gave
me just that. There were strings of course, but I didn’t think much
about those either. He offered me a whole new life that didn’t
include my family and anything else that went with it, and to me
that was a pretty good deal.”

“Oh my goodness! What did you do?”

“What do you think I did? I did whatever he
asked me to do.” Christy sighed as she saw the look on Jennifer’s
face. “No, most of it wasn’t like that. Well, some of it was, but
it was only really bad at first. He kept most of his business
dealings to himself and his so called business partners, but after
a month he began to trust me and that’s when I reckon I started to
become more than just a play thing. Then later on he began to trust
me more and more, and before I knew it I was a full-blown member of
the gang. By the end of the second month I was helping to do it
all. It got to be my job to cut it, weigh it, and bag it up.”

“Weren’t you scared to get mixed up with a
drug dealer?”

“It didn’t faze me in the least. I had
started using a little by then and the need for the stuff gave me
an extra push to stay in line. He knew it, too – which is why he
probably started me on it in the first place. My memories aren’t
all that clear so I can’t be sure what all I did. It was like I was
day-dreaming or something, but what I do remember…I ain’t exactly
proud of.”

“How long did this go on?”

“Not a long time I guess, about three months
or so.” Christy thought about it for a second. She wasn’t quite
sure how to say it so she just said it. “I got pregnant, you see,
and that has a way of changin’ your way of thinking. When I was
first late I didn’t know what to think and that kind of fear will
sober a person up real fast. So the next time Johnny passed out
with his buddies I lifted a twenty from his wallet and walked to an
all night drug store down the street. When I got back I went to the
bathroom and sure enough it came back positive. Now that’s when I
really started getting nervous. As you can imagine Johnny wasn’t
exactly the fatherly type and I didn’t think he would think too
much about my current condition.

“What did you do?” Jennifer said before she
thought about it. The words seemed so stupid as she heard herself
say it, she regretted it instantly. “I mean, I couldn’t imagine
being in that situation.” She said trying to recover.

“It wasn’t easy. I’ll tell you that, and to
be honest I locked myself in that bathroom and just sat there
rolling the whole thing over and over in my mind. I kept hoping it
was just a dream or something. I remember closing my eyes and
holding them shut tight as hard as I could and then I would open
them up real big and wide hoping that I would wake up. I wanted to
wake up more than I had ever wanted anything in my life.” Christy
became lost in thought staring down at the table. The pain and
frustration and who knows how many other feelings where beginning
to come through in Christy’s face. Jennifer could tell she was
reliving the experience. Jennifer’s stomach knotted as the silence
was becoming too intense.

“I was on that toilet for so long both of my
legs fell asleep so bad I couldn’t stand up. I kept staring at that
stupid stick but my options weren’t gettin’ any better.” Christy
rubbed her eyes and sighed. “I reckon in the grand scheme of things
I was probably pretty dumb. I kept expecting things to all of a
sudden be different. Like I could do it all over again and make
better choices. I did learn that much at least. I had made my bed
and now I was going to have to lay in it whether I liked it or not.
I was just a kid, I didn’t have any money, and I certainly didn’t
have any place to go.”

“What about your mom? I know your dad could
probably have cared less, but wouldn’t your mother want you
back?

“Well, you’re right. I did still have momma,
but in my own mind I guess I still thought about that as a last
resort. I knew enough about him to know that Johnny wouldn’t want
me around anymore, but the more I thought about it, the more I
convinced myself that he loved me. I thought that if he loved me as
much as I loved him, he would have to love our baby even more. It
made so much sense at the time. I would tell him and he would be so
happy and everything that I was worried about would be all right
and nothing would have to change.” She said as the sarcasm dripped
from her words.

“I take it that things didn’t exactly work
out that way…?”

“Nope, that would be putting it lightly,”
Christy paused, carefully selecting and weighing her words. She
seemed to be debating the options, and when she began again, she
appeared firm in her decision.

“I think I’ll spare you the details. Let me
just say it was ugly.”

“Ugly?” Jennifer said not sure what she
meant.

“Ugly…so ugly he even made my daddy look
good. To this day I’m not sure what set him off. I reckon he just
didn’t want it to be his fault. He was so weird about it. It was
like it was a joke or something. He even laughed at me. Laughed in
my face. He just kept laughing that is until I showed him the
stick. I wasn’t trying to make him mad or nothing I just wanted him
to know that I wasn’t making it all up. It wasn’t a joke. I just
wanted him to know that I was telling him the truth. I suppose when
it became real to him and he couldn’t just shrug it off anymore is
when he turned on me.”

“That’s when it got ugly?”

“Oh yes, but it’s always ugly when a man
turns on you. That look in their eye when their face turns a
certain way and you know right then what’s coming. He got up from
his chair and came at me yelling every Godforsaken name he could
think of. I think he even made up a few and the closer he got the
faster they spewed out of his mouth. It got to where they stopped
being words; it just all melted together like some vicious roar. I
don’t know how else to describe it.” Christy shook her head as she
remembered the experience, and then just as quickly she pushed it
out of her mind. “Anyways, I guess since he couldn’t see that baby
being his, it had to be someone else’s. Even though he knew just
about every move I made, that didn’t matter. All that mattered I
reckon is that he hurt me for whatever I did wrong.” Christy
realized she had said a lot more about the experience than she had
intended, but it sure felt good. It had been a long time since she
had really talked about her life with anyone. It was nice, but she
could see the worry on Jennifer’s face. It just didn’t make much
sense to Christy to make yourself feel good by making someone else
feel bad. It didn’t seem right somehow. She decided to cut it
short. “So to make a long story short I took a beatin’ and I’ll
spare you the play by play. After I finally woke up I made myself
scarce for the next few days. I did my best to stay out of his way
and for his part he acted like nothing ever happened. I had
wondered how he was going to play it the morning after, and if he
wanted to ignore it that was just fine with me.”

“I don’t understand how anyone can be that
way. What did you do about the baby?” Jennifer asked as she was
still trying to wrap her mind around everything Christy was telling
her.

“I know it seems a little crazy, don’t it?
Well, whatever peace I had wasn’t going to last long. I know how to
take care of myself, but that didn’t change the fact that there
would come a time when that choice wouldn’t be mine to make
anymore. I wasn’t going to let that happen. That morning when I
came to, I made up my mind that I was as good as gone. The only
thing I needed was time.” Christy said with a smirk as she could
see Jennifer relax a little. “I needed a few days to heal up and
take it easy.”