Christy: A Journey Tale (5 page)

As Jennifer drove through the narrow lanes
between the different sections of the cemetery she thought about
her own feelings and how different she was in only a matter of
hours. “It’s amazing what a little time can do.” She thought to
herself. She still had her problems and for the most part she still
didn’t know what she was going to do, but things were a little
brighter now than they were before. She at least had hope. Jennifer
took a deep breath as she began to contemplate what she would do
tomorrow. Oh tomorrow, to return back to her life and to decisions
that must be made was definitely a lot scarier, but at this moment
she was more at peace than she had been in a long time.

Jennifer eased the car back into the same
parking spot she had left before and turned off the ignition. She
sat there for a second staring out at the graves before she turned
to her mother.

“Are you sure?” Jennifer asked giving her
mother the opportunity to change her mind.

“Yes honey, I’m sure.” She said with a
reassuring smile. “This cold is making my arthritis act up, and I
can visit the plot tomorrow anyway. Besides I think I’m getting
kind of tired.” Mary Beth said knowing that her daughter could
easily see through her excuses, but that didn’t matter. She wanted
Jennifer to say goodbye or let go of whatever it is that she’s
holding in, and if Mary Beth went with her there’s no way it would
be the same.

“Ok,” Jennifer said as Mary Beth gave a
slight nod and then opened her door to get out. Jennifer followed
her mom’s lead and then walked over to say goodbye.

“When do you plan on going back?”

“You know I had always planned to go back
today, but I honestly don’t think I will. Maybe tomorrow or even
the next day, I haven’t really decided.” Jennifer said since she
was in no hurry to return home. It was even kind of funny she
mused. She had thought this funeral was just something to be
endured until she could rush back, but this was starting to feel
more like home every minute.

“Well, you know you’re always welcome at my
place. If you’re still in town why don’t you come over
tonight?”

“I think that sounds good.” Jennifer said as
she hugged her mom one last time. She then stepped back so her
mother could get in her car, and then stood by to watch her leave,
waving good bye as she went.

The sun was now starting to shine through the
clouds, melting off some of the haze. It was brighter now, but this
did little to warm things up. Jennifer looked across the cemetery,
but the green tent was gone along with all the workers and
equipment. A cold stillness swept over her as she put her hands in
her jacket pockets. As she scanned the area the scenery reminded
her of the woman she had seen as they were leaving and recalled
that she had been standing on the rise there just above where they
were having the funeral. She looked up toward the spot, curious and
wondering if she really was some nut or if there was something
more. The thought that the stranger was actually there to observe
the funeral pushed her curiosity over the edge, and Jennifer began
to make her way up the hill.

Just over the embankment and passed a large
oak tree, she reached the exact spot. She glanced around the area,
but there was nothing remarkable about it. It was just another part
of the cemetery, but it was a place that offered an unobstructed
view of her father’s grave. It was unobtrusive and out of the way.
In other words, it was the perfect place to see without being seen.
Her curiosity turned into intrigue as she tried to guess the
woman’s motivations. “Who would want to show up for a funeral, but
not want any to know she was there?” Jennifer thought as she looked
down toward the ground. The grass was matted flat and just over by
the tree was a pile of cigarette butts. As she stood there Jennifer
could still perceive just a hint of the smoke still hanging in the
air.

“She had waited,” Jennifer thought to herself
as she mulled over the implications. The woman must have known him
well to have this kind of emotional attachment. Jennifer’s mind
calculated the possibilities, but it still seemed so weird. The
whole circumstance was almost beyond belief if she wasn’t actually
experiencing it. She looked around scanning the area closely
searching for any hint, any sign that someone else was still
around. Nothing, there was absolutely nothing except for the
occasional car or the faint noise of traffic in the distance. There
was nothing she could do now. There was nothing more she could
investigate. She sighed, Jennifer would have given anything to know
who she had been, but it looked like it was a mystery that would
have to remain unsolved.

Jennifer tried to push her curiosity and her
wandering thoughts from her mind as she walked a few steps forward
to the edge of the precipice where the land sloped down sharply and
looked toward her father’s grave. The dark red earth, “Tennessee
clay,” they called it, formed into a fresh mound. The standing
arrangements and wreaths had been placed in a semi circle around
where a small laminated placard had been pressed into the earth.
They did a good job. She would have to give them that, she thought
as she decided to make her way back down the embankment and to say
what she still thought she needed to say to make her peace.

Jennifer’s last words to her father were not
in anger, but they weren’t exactly out of love either. Their last
exchange had been cool and casual like two old friends divided by
their differences, but neither one really wanting to offend the
other. Jennifer told him goodbye and he hugged her gently being
careful of her white wedding dress. She had thought that day was
the happiest of her life, but now it was largely a blur.

Jennifer’s father had disliked Paul almost
from the moment he met him. He was never rude nor disrespectful,
but always cold and cordial. Jack had seen the world through his
job. He had been a traveling salesman before he and Mary Beth got
married and he hit the road again when Jennifer turned five and
started school. She remembered him talking about some of the things
he had seen and experienced, but never in great detail. He was a
kind and generous man, but that kind of peace did not mean he was
ignorant of the world. It bothered Jennifer that her father didn’t
like Paul, while Jack for his part was always trying to figure out
what this guy was up to. Oh, Jack understood Jennifer’s foolish
infatuation. That was clear enough, but what wasn’t clear was what
made this guy tick. Jennifer was attractive, but she wasn’t
gorgeous. She had a good heart, but she was also ambitious. It was
not out of Jennifer’s character to do something just to prove that
she could. This guy had money, he had been an athlete, and he could
probably get any girl he wanted. So why does he want my girl? That
was the question that constantly kept coming back to him. So much
so that it prompted him to have a talk with her shortly after she
showed her parents the one caret brilliant cut rock that now
adorned her finger. The fact that this guy was taking it this far
was making Jack even more nervous. He knew that once he got her
alone he would have to tread carefully even though she probably
wouldn’t listen to him he knew he had to try.

“Jennifer, I want you to know that your mom
and I are very proud of you.” He said in his most tender and
fatherly voice. Jennifer barely noticed; she had so much nervous
energy she could hardly sit still.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it? I just can’t keep
myself from staring at it,” she said as she looked up at him
briefly and then back down at the ring. She was mesmerized and he
soon began to doubt that he could make any progress. She wasn’t
listening, but he still wanted to try.

“Jennifer it’s great, but have you ever
considered…” He stopped himself in mid sentence deciding that
approach would be way too blunt. He decided it would probably be
better if he came at it from a different angle. “What I mean is
that I want you to be careful, Jennifer,” he said with more caution
than fatherly support, and the change in his tone got Jennifer’s
attention.

“What do you mean?” she stiffened
defensively. Jack smiled trying to disarm the tension.

“Jennifer, I don’t mean it like that. I’m not
saying anything against him. Fathers worry honey; we can’t help it.
That’s our job and nothing makes us worry more than our,” he
stopped himself before he could say little girl. “Daughters,” he
concluded.

“Oh, dad, you don’t have to worry. Just be as
happy for me right now as I am.” Jack nodded his head with a
dutiful smile and joined his daughter in a long embrace. He often
gave in to people to avoid a fight, but he consoled himself by the
fact that it wouldn’t have done any good and he knew it. To her
this guy walked on water and she accepted nothing but his
infallibility. Some lessons your kids have to learn on their own,
but that still shouldn’t keep you from trying to help.

As their engagement progressed, Jack could
see trouble brewing. It wasn’t what he did exactly. Oh, if it had
been something like that the guy would be out on his ear. No, it
was much colder than that. It was what he didn’t do that bothered
Jack the most. The guy was an egotist and one that only surrounded
himself by those who worshiped him. He wanted supplicants not
friends, and Jennifer was always there for him. He never lifted a
finger for her but expected her to be at his beck and call. Every
time Jennifer came running when he crooked his finger, Jack
disliked him just little bit more.

He tried again and again to talk to her to
get her to see what was happening, but no matter what he said, she
wouldn’t hear of it. She was always disappointed in him because he
didn’t like Paul, and that disappointment was beginning to turn
into resentment. Over the next few months of their engagement, he
could sense the change in her mood, but it was too late. She made
it clear in no uncertain terms that all he was trying to do was rob
her of her happiness, her moment in the sun. The clothes, the
lifestyle, the honeymoon in the Mediterranean, she was determined
to have it all. It was like being in a fairy tale, and all her
father wanted to do was close the book.

She didn’t talk to him for a month after
their last fight which only confirmed that stubborn is a force of
nature. It couldn’t be turned and certainly could not be stopped.
“No matter what,” he thought as he resigned himself to his
daughter’s will, “I love her; and if I have to watch the train
wreck I will, if only to be there for her when it’s all said and
done.” He would play his part, and he would be there to hold her
when she cried.

Jennifer cursed her naiveté as all those
conversations and arguments she had with him flooded through her
mind as if a levy had broken. She stood there, her arms folded. It
was too much, the regrets and recriminations.

“Just be careful.” She repeated his words to
herself. The weight of the moment forced her to her knees where she
bent over, head in hands, but she didn’t cry. She was beyond that
now. This had to be it she thought. This was rock bottom.

Jennifer had dropped to her knees and stayed
that way until the pain and lack of blood flow forced her to shift
her weight causing her to become unsteady and before she could
compensate she fell over on her butt. It took her a second to
recover from the impact and the shock as her skin hit the wet
grass. She shook her head at the incident. There was nothing left
for her to do but smile. She thought about what a mess she was and
how stupid she probably looked rolling around on the ground, but
she didn’t care. It was all so ironic she just stayed there and
folded her knees up to her chest.

Jennifer sat like that for who knows how
long. Time was lost to her and quite frankly she could care less.
In fact, as she got to thinking about it, there were a lot of
things that she was worried about 24 hours ago that almost seemed
ridiculous now. She was young and had a life to live. It was her
choice to determine her own fate. When she thought how reactionary
she had been for so long it made her sick. Then again, what’s done
is done. She could beat herself up over it or she could move on,
and right now moving on was looking pretty good.

Her legs were asleep now and she stretched
them out and waited for the feeling of pins and needles to pass.
She then stood up and brushed herself off even though it didn’t
make much difference. She laughed at the sheer absurdity of it and
gave it up for hopeless. When she straightened up she looked toward
the grave one last time and then after a moment walked over to one
of the standing arrangements. It was a wreath made of several
different types of roses. She reached in being careful of the
thorns and selected the one with the largest bloom. With the rose
in hand she turned around and laid it down on the grave.

“Thank you, Dad.” Jennifer whispered and then
turned around to make her way back to her car. When she got there
she glanced back up at the rise, but as she suspected there was no
one there. That was just one of the many things she would have to
get over, she thought as she opened the car door and noticed how
pristine the interior looked in comparison to herself. She tried
brushing herself off again, but after a minute it just seemed
silly. An hour ago it probably would have bothered her, but right
now she just shrugged and got in the car. Her dress was cold
against her skin as she sat down, she attempted to adjust it trying
to make it better, but it was no good. She started the car and
turned the heat on high as she thought about what she would do
next. She knew she would go back to her hotel for a hot shower and
a change of clothes, but first there would have to be a drive
through. She had been hungry before, but now she was ravenous. She
tried to keep her mind off it though as she continued to tick items
off of her mental to do list as a plan for the rest of the day
began to fall into place. Then and only then did she allow herself
to think about her husband.