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Chapter Twelve

Kacie Jo stayed by Donovan’s side as they followed her father into the den. Ike asked Sam what he thought of Caldale, asked Ali if he’d been to the states before. Ali laughed and said he’d graduated with honors from an American university.

But if someone asked her which school the man had attended, she couldn’t tell them. All she was concerned with right then was Donovan. His eyes were blank, as if he’d withdrawn, as if he were lost inside his mind.

It wasn’t the first time she’d seen the emptiness. He’d looked similar the night she’d tempted fate and ended up pregnant. But this time was different. This time it scared her to death.

She wanted Donovan to quit with the fake accent and laugh that sounded like he was entertaining guests at the State Fair or trying out for the remake of
Dallas
.

At least she could see the speculative look in Sam’s face, could tell the man knew something was wrong. Ali didn’t seem all that comfortable, either.

“You were going to tell us what brought you to Caldale, Ali.” Donovan’s voice sounded different, and it wasn’t just the heavier southern accent. Kacie Jo reached for his hand as he spoke. “Let me guess. Sam found you and asked you to come out and try to convince me I’m needed in your part of the world.”

Sam shook his head. “Can’t blame this one on me, Tex. Ali showed up on my doorstep. I’m just extra baggage. I figured as long as the prince here was coming out to see you, I might as well tag along, see what or who tempted you back to Caldale.”

Sam tipped his head in Kacie Jo’s direction. “I think we both see why you came home.”

Donovan pulled Kacie Jo to his side, and she tried not to frown.

Ali looked once more in Donovan’s direction, obvious concern on his face. “I’m happy to see you found someone, Donovan.” He turned to Kacie Jo. “I heard much about you over the years. I have to say I’m a little surprised you’re not a child.”

Donovan laughed. “You should’ve seen me when she walked in her brother’s house the first night I was back. Surprise doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

Kacie Jo wanted the small talk to stop. She wanted someone to acknowledge something very wrong was going on with her husband.

She looked over to her father and found concern on his face. When he met her eyes, he shook his head slightly as if to reassure her, as if to say let it go for now.

“So, what did bring you here?” She was surprised by how normal her voice sounded.

Ali’s eyes were filled with kindness, and Kacie Jo figured she’d like the man at any other time. But right now, he was a threat to Donovan.

“I had some news to share with your husband. But now that I see he’s a happily married man, I’ll keep the news to myself.”

Donovan laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous, Ali. Married or not, news is news. You came all the way from B’en Ai to tell me something. Might as well spit it out.”

Sam stood. “I think we better get going. I’ll look you up tomorrow, Nelson."

Kacie Jo wanted to cry. She didn’t know what had caused her husband so much pain, but these men obviously did. They knew, and they were just as afraid for him as she was.

“Wait just a damn second, Sam. Let Ali tell me why he’s here.”

When Sam and Ali looked at each other in concern, Kacie Jo wished they’d leave without answering.

“You better sit down, my friend.”

Placing her warm hand in his ice cold one, Kacie Jo followed Donovan to the couch and held on for all she was worth.

“Ahmad has been arrested. His trial starts next week. I’d hoped you would tell the rest of the world. But I’m sure there’s someone else….” He let his words trail off.

Beside her, Kacie Jo could feel Donovan shaking. He ran a trembling hand through his hair. “They’re trying her husband?”

He sounded torn, completely off balance.

Ali nodded. “It won’t be the first time a trial like this has taken place. But he’s a powerful man. You know they called it an accident.”

“We
know
it wasn’t.” Donovan’s anger was so powerful, she could feel it rolling off him in waves.

Kacie Jo wished one of these men would tell the whole story. Would tell so she could somehow help Donovan through this. Whatever it was had to be horrible beyond her imagination.

“So you came to ask me to cover the story?”

Ali nodded. “I came to ask the man I knew could preserve my sister’s memory, could make sure her life’s work continued. You’re the best, and you loved B’en Ai.”

For a moment, Kacie Jo’s breath caught in her throat. She’d honestly believed the man was going to say Donovan had loved his sister.

Donovan turned to Sam. “Who will cover it?” His question came out sharp. Angry.

“Don’t worry, Donovan.” Sam shook his head. “There are plenty of others who will jump at the chance. You’re practically on your honeymoon.”

Kacie Jo narrowed her eyes at the older man. He sounded concerned. Sounded like he cared. But it also sounded like a dare of sorts. She wanted to rip the man’s eyes out.

Donovan stood and took his hand from hers. Kacie Jo didn’t like the look in his eyes.

“How long are you here?” Donovan directed the question to Ali.

For a second, the prince didn’t answer. Instead, his eyes searched those of his friend. And then he turned to her, and Kacie Jo knew he was going to answer. “I’ll stay through tomorrow afternoon. But I have to return soon. The country’s still in upheaval after the war.”

Donovan nodded. “I’ll let you know something by noon.”

At the words Kacie Jo wanted to protest. Wanted to tell Sam and Ali to leave town tonight before they could add to his pain.

But she didn’t. Instead, she watched her husband walk his friends to the door. Sometime in the last few minutes, Donovan had come back to himself. He sounded the same. Looked the same. But something had changed.

And that something scared her almost as much as the idea that he might go back to B’en Ai. He could come back from B’en Ai. She wasn’t sure he’d ever escape what left him so shaken.

Donovan wished Kacie Jo would talk to him. But ever since they’d left Ike’s she’d spent most of her time avoiding him.

They had to talk about this. Someone had to tell the story or the world would ignore it. He needed to hear her say she understood if he had to go. Needed to hear her say she believed in him. Believed he’d be back even if he did leave. Needed to hear her say he could do this. That he wasn’t on the edge just thinking about it.

He didn’t need to hear her doing laundry and making space for him in her closet.

“Kacie Jo.”

“Hmm?”

That little hmm was packed with unspoken words. He heard everyone of them. Why was she so angry with him? He hadn’t said he was leaving.

“Kacie Jo, we need to talk.” He should go to her and make her listen, but he didn’t trust himself to stand there watching her make room for him in her life.

“Go ahead and talk, Donovan. I’m all ears.” She threw something across the room and it slammed next to the door.

Nope. She wasn’t interested in listening. He knocked on the bedroom door.

“What?” She answered, but she didn’t really want him in the room. The last time he’d walked through this door everything had changed.

He pushed it open, stepped into the room. “You okay?”

She held a floral cotton dress still on its hanger to her chest and shrugged. “They want you to go.”

He nodded. “I’m not hiding that from you, Kacie Jo. You heard them, so you know why they’re here.” Even as he said the words his brain screamed no. Only the reasons for no were jacked up. They had nothing to do with Kacie Jo. What kind of man was he?

“They’re just using you for ratings.”

She’d taken his argument and made it her own. This he could talk about. Make it about the job and not his personal failure. “I figure that’s true about Sam. The man’s a barracuda. But Ali wants justice. He thinks I’m the man to get the job done.”

Kacie Jo tossed the dress on the bed. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t want you hurt.”

She knew. He balked at the word hurt. He should have never let her see his weakness. The last thing he needed was for his wife to see him as broken. Anger simmered inside him and he tried to push it away.

“What
do
you want, Kacie Jo?”

 
For a few seconds, she just stood there. Finally she answered. “I want you to tell me why a prince would cross an ocean to ask you to cover a story. I want to know what happened, Donovan.”

More than anything he wished he could forget. “No you don’t. You think you do, but you don’t. Suffice it to say Anaj’s husband should rot in jail. Hopefully, Ali’s family can ensure that ending.”

“He must think he needs you.”

The media vultures knew stories worked both ways. Viewers equaled ad revenue. War, controversy, innocent blood equaled more viewers. Anaj’s story and the subsequent war had made-for-TV written all over them. For Ali it was far more personal. He didn’t say any of that, though.

“And Sam must think you’ll go back,” Kacie Jo continued. “He thought Ali was the magic bullet, the sure thing.”

She’d pegged Sam right off. But it didn’t matter. Sam and Ali didn’t matter. The only person who mattered was standing in front of her closet throwing an old softball mitt into a bag of keepsakes.

Donovan crossed the room and pulled her to him. The hug as much for him as for her. “Sam’s clueless, Kacie Jo. He doesn’t know about us. He doesn’t know how I feel about you.”

As she relaxed against his chest, the tension eased from her.
 

“I wish you could tell me, Donovan. And not about what happened to Anaj. I saw the news. I heard the stories. I’m talking about you. What happened to you?”

Donovan wondered if he’d ever find the words that explained what happened to him. He fully believed he’d lost his soul. But Kacie Jo had given it back. Kacie Jo and the baby.

And even though she’d seen the reports from B’en Ai, she couldn’t know the full truth of what happened or his complicity in Anaj’s death. He could never tell her. She needed to let this go.

“Listen to me, Kacie Jo. I’m not going to talk to you about this. This isn’t one of those problems you can fix and I’m not one of your students who needs help. B’en Ai is a part of my past, and it’s staying there.”

“So you’re not going back?”

He almost laughed at the relief in her voice. Funny that she was relieved at the one thing that proved his weakness. “No. I can’t.”

“It might help. Being back there might help you deal with whatever it is….”

The anger boiled over. “I’ve dealt with it, Kacie Jo. I don’t need to go back, and I need you to be my wife, not my therapist.”

She didn't respond. Dammit, he wanted her to react. Wanted her to quit treating him like he was some sort of ticking time bomb.

Instead, she turned around and started taking more clothes out of the closet. That’s when he spied the shirt, the shirt he barely remembered from childhood. Without thinking, without wondering what it was doing in her closet, he picked it up.

“What’s this doing in here?”

She looked at the shirt and a million emotions crossed her face. She held out her hand. “Give it back, Donovan. You know what it is. I’m not fighting with you.”

Oh, yes, she was. Donovan didn’t know why that was important to him, why he wanted her angry enough to quit treating him like an invalid. He stood there looking at her and knew if she didn’t stop acting like he would break any second, he would do just that. So he held the shirt away and poked at what caused her pain.

“Oh, I remember. You used to sleep in this shirt. I’m surprised it still exists.”

Kacie Jo stood back and crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes narrowed. “Stop it, Donovan. Just give me back the damn shirt.”

Donovan looked at the blue and red striped Polo golf shirt with its four buttons and faded collar. A tiny rip had started on one of its frayed edges. The first night he’d spent at the Jenkins’, Kacie Jo’s mother had worn this shirt with jeans. She’d tucked him in and promised to make him smiley face pancakes the next morning.

When she died, Kacie Jo’d taken to wearing the shirt to bed every night. Grady’d wondered if his sister was going crazy.

“What’s this doing in your closet, Kacie Jo? What else do you have in there?”

He moved toward the closet and Kacie Jo stepped in front of him. “Stop it, Donovan. Just stop. This is cruel, and you know it.”

“Why’s it cruel, Kacie Jo?” He held the shirt out toward her. “Why’s it cruel for me to know why my wife still has her mother’s shirt hanging in her closet? Why is it cruel for me to know what other secrets you have hanging in there.”

She turned away. “They’re not secrets. You know they’re not.”

“They are, Kacie Jo. You make them secrets by hiding them away. I was there. I remember. Is that what you’re doing here? Avoiding them?”

His brain screamed stop, but he couldn’t. Suddenly he needed her angry.

“Stop it, Donovan. This isn’t about me.” No anger yet.