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So even though he wanted to talk to her, tell her he was sorry, beg her to forgive him, he didn’t. Instead, he handed the kid in the check out lane his cash and walked out of the grocery store carrying two full paper bags and wondering if this was how it all ended.

Chapter Fourteen

As Donovan walked away Kacie Jo couldn’t believe her legs still held her upright. She felt like one big bowl of gelatin.

She couldn’t believe she’d stopped with hello. Couldn’t believe she hadn’t said all the words that were going through her mind. She’d had her perfect chance to tell him exactly what she thought. He hadn’t even asked about the baby.

If she’d needed any kind of sign she was taking the right action, she certainly had it now.

She paid for her milk and forced her feet to move her out the sliding glass doors toward her car. She hated her car, hated it for the memories it held.

Tired and sad and mad as hell, she practically threw the plastic sack holding milk in her back seat. She didn’t need him, didn’t need this heartache.

And she didn’t need the entire population watching to see if she broke down in the parking lot. She could feel the curious eyes as she brushed her hair off her neck and moved to open the driver’s side door.

She just wanted to get home and call Grady. Get this whole mess over and done with.

“Kacie Jo, wait.”

Donovan's voice sounded as his footsteps crossed the asphalt parking lot toward her. For a second she thought about jumping in the car and driving right past him. There was nothing he could say that she wanted to hear.

Instead, she leaned on the doorframe and turned to watch him approach. She didn’t bother to speak, just watched as he moved uncertainly toward her.

When he finally reached her side, she crossed her arms and waited.

“I couldn’t let you leave without talking to you.”

Ha. Weeks pass without a word and now you want to talk
. She almost said the words aloud. But she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of a response. Instead, she arched an eyebrow, letting her silence speak for itself.

“I wanted to make sure you’re okay. That the baby’s okay. To see if you need anything.”

“How polite of you to ask, Donovan.” Kacie Jo seethed as she spoke the words with sugary politeness. What she really wanted was to tell him to go to hell. But she wouldn’t do it. Not here, not now. “We’re just fine. Now if you don’t mind….” She sat and moved to close the door, but he grabbed it and held tight.

“Wait. Please, Kacie Jo.”

After-work shoppers filled the parking lot. A grocery cart rattled, and a child cried. Behind Donovan, the new family she’d spied earlier left the parking lot and Kacie Jo knew what she had to do.

Pulling the door from his hand, she closed it soundly then rolled down the window as she started the car and stared at Donovan and shook her head. “You’ve had four weeks to talk, Donovan. I’m not interested.”

And without looking to see what he did, she put the car in drive, leaving her past and the man she’d loved standing alone. As she drove away, she felt her heart breaking one last time. But at least this time leaving was her choice.

As Kacie Jo sipped her ice-cold milk, Grady paced in her living room. For once, she wished he’d do what she asked and quit being the big brother.

“Kacie Jo, are you sure you want to do this? You guys haven’t even talked.”

Inside Kacie Jo seethed because Grady was right. They hadn’t talked because Donovan wouldn’t even try. Until today in a crowded parking lot where God and everybody could watch her heartbreak and mortification.

“Oh, yes, we did. We talked today at the grocery store. He was buying all the ingredients for taco salad and split pea soup. He’s a regular gourmet these days, cooking for his mother. Just stop with the questions, Grady. Either you do this for me, or I go find someone who will.”

Reluctantly, Grady agreed. “I’ll do it. But I still think you should try counseling. What about the baby?”

She’d had enough.

“Grady, let me remind you that Donovan walked out on
the baby
. He didn’t call or come by for a month. He just disappeared. So don’t go asking me
what about the baby
. I’m the one thinking about the baby. This is the only answer. Now, are you going to help or not?”

Grady sighed. “I’ll do it. But not without reservations.”

Kacie Jo tried to ignore the pain in her heart. It was over. She needed to get through this and move on with her life. She had to.

“I’m worried about you, Kacie Jo.”

She reached across the table and took his hand. “Don’t be, Grady. You’re going to be a terrific uncle. We’re going to be okay.”

For a few seconds he held her hand in silence, trying to get into her mind, to figure out what she was thinking and feeling. He’d always been able to do that and it had always driven her crazy. This time she hoped he
did
see what was there.

“I know you’ll be okay, Kacie Jo.” Grady laughed sadly. “If there’s one thing I can say about you, it’s that you’ll always land on your feet. But I’ve watched this whole thing unfold. And this time it’s different.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You set out with a plan like always. And you met your objective successfully like always.”

That’s how he saw this whole mess?

She laughed bitterly, but he shook his head. “No, I’m serious. I’m not saying you planned on getting pregnant, but you had every intention of pursuing a relationship with Donovan that night. And he had every intention of avoiding you. And you won.”

Lucky, lucky me.

“When I brought Donovan back I really believed I was doing the right thing. I thought…I don’t know. I thought you’d be able to help him heal, and I knew your heart was breaking.”

Kacie Jo swallowed the emotion building in her throat. “Don’t blame yourself, Grady. Donovan and I just weren’t meant to be.”

He disagreed. “Since he left, you’ve gone back to your normal plans. It’s almost like he never existed.”

Kacie Jo pointed to her stomach. “Obviously, you couldn't be more wrong.”

“I’m not talking about the baby, Kacie Jo. I’m talking about your life. You’ve gone right back to all your plans from before.”

“What am I supposed to do, Grady? Pretend like my life is over? Pine away, waiting for some kind of explanation?”

“No, but you could get mad, could scream, yell, holler. Hell, you could buy a punching bag or a dartboard. I bet I can find a good picture of Donovan to hang up on it.”

The emotions she’d been holding at bay ever since the day she’d broken most of her dishes started to bubble to the surface, and she turned away. She’d cried enough over Donovan Nelson. Staying angry equaled wasted energy. Disappointment, self-loathing, hurt. She couldn’t go there.

Her brother continued as if she hadn’t moved. “You’ve taken this like it was supposed to work out this way.”

She’d had enough.

“Well, Grady, I think that’s called realism,” she said her voice breaking. “I am angry. I am devastated. But I’m not going to let those emotions take over my life. I’m not going to break down. It happened. Bad stuff does all the time. This isn’t nearly as bad as some people have it. I’m fine.”

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Grady said, refusing to back down. “You’re fine. You should’ve marched over to Tammy Nelson’s trailer and hauled Donovan’s butt back here or at least told him off. I could’ve sworn you loved him.”

Kacie Jo tried to hide the pain his last words caused, but she couldn’t do it.

“I did love him, Grady," the tears started then, and she didn’t bother brushing them away. He wanted proof she felt something, well good for him.
 
“I loved him for years, but it wasn’t real. When I thought it was real, I found out it wasn’t then either. It’s over. And I want it over for good. It hurts too damn much to sit here waiting on him to make the first move.”

“Kacie Jo, you knew he wasn’t well. You knew…” he started to argue again and Kacie Jo cut him off.

“You wanted to see me show some emotion, Grady? Well, get a good look. I despise him for leaving when he had a
choice
. He could’ve stayed and fought, could’ve gotten help, but he just walked away. I want it over. If you won’t do it, like I said, I’ll get someone else, dammit.”

Grady’s hand rubbed her shoulder and then he pulled her into a hug just like they’d shared a million times before, and she wished she could find the peace she’d lived with for years.
 
But this was different. She was never going to recover from Donovan Nelson. And Grady was right. She had no one to blame but herself.

“I’ll take care of it.” Grady said, and she wished she felt protected. Wished she believed everything would be okay. “I'll file the papers today.”

The tears drained her strength, but her resolve clicked back into place. This was the right thing to do.
It was. It was. It was.

She’d make it up to her baby. Somehow, some way.

Donovan heard the super secret knock devised in fifth grade between him and Grady and sighed.

He hadn’t seen his old best friend since leaving Kacie Jo. No surprise there.
He
was the evil one in this mess. Kacie Jo was an innocent victim who'd been unlucky enough to try to save him from himself.

If he could make it up to her, he would.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the door. “Grady.”

His friend seemed tired and sad, and he was carrying an envelope. “Donovan.”

Donovan opened the door wider, sure of what the envelope held and torn between relief and fear. “Come on in.”

Grady shook his head. “I better not. But I figured I should deliver this in person. I feel I owe it to you.”

“She’s asking for a divorce?”

“Jesus, Donovan. What did you expect her to do? You abandoned her.”

The lightness of the envelope seemed at odds with the constant weight on Donovan’s heart. He had to explain. “I didn’t plan this, but I had to leave, Grady. ”

“No you didn’t, Donovan," Grady said angrily. "You could’ve stayed, could’ve let Kacie Jo help you. She loved you and you broke her heart because you wouldn’t let her help.”

“She couldn’t help this, Grady.”

Grady stood on the porch steps and shook his head. “I know you didn’t want to give her a chance. And I know you’ve talked more to me in the last few seconds than you have to her, which is wrong on so many levels I can’t even think about it. Kacie Jo wants a divorce, and I’m honor bound to help her get one. You might want to get a lawyer because I plan on taking you for everything I can.”

With that Grady left the porch, climbed into his pickup and drove away. Donovan didn’t watch his friend leave. Didn’t bother.

Without opening the envelope he threw it on the table and sat resting his head in his hands. So this was it? This was how it ended? He’d be able to tell his story one day, be able to share how he lost his family. Lost the best woman he’d ever met. He’d be like so many others at the group meetings he’d tried to attend.

Maybe so, but Lord knows he couldn’t tell Kacie Jo what happened. She’d spend all her time trying to fix him. He didn’t want that, either.

So what did he want?

His mother opened the door, but he didn’t look up.

“Saw Grady down the road a bit. He stop by?”

Donovan nodded. “Yeah. He was on business.”

“I see.” She sat across from him. “You had to know this was coming.”

“Yeah, I guess I did at that.”

“You going to fight it?”

Donovan stared at the envelope, wished he could ignore it. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

Tammy didn't condemn him. “That might be easier.”

He nodded in agreement and closed his eyes. Told his heart to shut the hell up.

“But I guess I’m the world’s worst to give advice on love.”

Ike’s words about bout how his mother had been as a young girl played through his mind.

“I figure life kind of throws us all for loops now and then,” he said.

“I never did tell you about your daddy. I’m sorry for that.”

Donovan wasn’t sure he wanted to hear this story. “It’s okay. I’ve heard a little.”

“Ike Jenkins told me he started the story. He said it was up to me to finish. I’ve been avoiding the topic because it hurts me to remember. To relive those days. But it hurts worst of all to think about how I could’ve destroyed everything good in you. How I let myself be so selfish in my grief that I nearly ruined the most precious person in my world.”

Tammy reached out to touch Donovan’s arm. Her warm, calloused fingers stretched out from aging hands. Hands that matched the lines on her face.

Donovan closed his eyes, eyes that matched hers almost perfectly. He hadn’t thought about that in so long. Not since he was a little boy, staring in the mirror, wondering why his momma hated him and how he could make her smile again.

“Thank you for giving me another chance, Donovan. I can’t make up the past, but I can certainly give you this.”

Donovan swallowed the lump of emotion building in his throat. “You don’t have to do this.”