Color Blind (Able to Love) (10 page)

As they dug into their meal, he didn’t stall in addressing the issue uppermost on his mind. “Tell me why you abandoned me.”

***

Annie coughed. He didn’t even give her a chance to enjoy the meal. But that was Saul. He wouldn’t be him if he sat back waiting on her to gather her courage. He owned three car dealerships and they flourished even through the economic downturn for a reason. Saul Sweeterman didn’t sit back and wait for life to happen.

“I was scared.” Three simple words filled with so much truth.

“Scared of what? Of me, of us, of what we’re feeling?”

He fired the questions at her but Annie was quick on her feet. “Of all three,” she countered. “Saul, there is something I need to share with you and I admit it’s the main reason I ran. First, though, I apologize for leaving the way I did. It was an unprofessional act of cowardice.”

“I accept your apology, but don’t belabor the point. Get to why you left.”

He was all business. Annie gathered her wits. It was obvious that Saul wasn’t about to let her wiggle out of this conversation. She had to quit her stalling. But, talking about race wasn’t easy, particularly when it could end a promising relationship.

She took a deep breath. “I realize you have feelings for me and I didn’t want things to get too deep when you don’t really know me. I may not look the way you imagine.”

She saw his eyebrows furrow. “Do you think me so fickle that I wouldn’t want you because of how you look? I touched your face. I know who are you on the inside. You’re beautiful. You have a sharp wit. You make me laugh. It doesn’t matter to me what you look like. I’m a man and real men want more than a beautiful face. We want a woman who’ll stand by our side no matter what. We want women like you. No, let me make this personal. I don’t just want any woman. I can get that. I. Want. You.”

Annie felt tears dim her eyes. She knew he meant every word. She knew she was beautiful. Her parents had given her good genes. A former homecoming queen, Annie didn’t need to hide her face under a paper bag. But, what she couldn’t hide was her skin color.

Why don’t you take him at his word?

Why bother telling him when he may never see again? What he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt, right?

As the thoughts raced through her mind, Annie remained silent. Saul must have thought she didn’t believe him. In a swift move, he jumped to his feet and grabbed her with stunning accuracy. He pulled her close and buried his nose in her hair.

“Since you don’t believe me, let me show you the only way I know how.” He kissed the top of her head. “You smell so good. Like vanilla.” His hands rifled through her curls. “A man could get lost in your thick, luscious curls.”

Curls that were a product of her Native American lineage.
Stop him.
Annie told herself she needed to put the brakes on what was sure to be a successful seduction. She trembled at his touch. She’d savor the sensations rocking her body for just a minute. He kissed her neck. Then her ear. Okay, one more minute, then she would push him away. She felt his lips on her forehead. Another thirty seconds. Then he kissed both cheeks. He drew perilously close to her mouth.

All it took was a second; Saul took her upper lip into his mouth. She reacted by grabbing ahold of his hair. Her hands ploughed through the silky mane savoring his answering groan.
Whew!
Lord, help me.
Okay, this had gone on long enough. She had to put an end to this madness.

She pushed her way out of his arms, and drew several deep breaths. She looked at Saul, recognizing the smile of male dominance. She wasn’t always saved. She knew a satisfied man when she saw one.

“I’m guessing I proved my point,” he said, basking in the moment. She appreciated his disheveled hair. It made him look…hot.

“No doubt about that,” she purred. Okay, her voice was a dead giveaway. She cleared her throat. “You’ve more than made your point.”

He strode into the house presumably to put some distance between them.

Well, he definitely deserved bragging rights because if she didn’t have the Holy Spirit constraining her, they’d be finishing this ‘conversation’ in his bedroom. Scriptures flowed into her mind until her heart rate slowed to normal.

Her conscience rode her. Annie had ducked out of telling him the whole truth but she refused to dwell on it. She had told him in so many words. Still Saul insisted that he cared only about her inner beauty.

Annie’s lips still tingled. She raised one hand to touch them, awed by the desire fanning her body. She was a grown woman. In seconds, she’d been reduced to a whimpering schoolgirl. She needed to flee from this temptation. How could she stay under his roof after that kiss?

She verbalized her thoughts as soon as he returned, looking more composed. “Maybe I should ask Corey to come back.”

“You’re going to drive me insane,” Saul grunted. “I don’t want Corey back. Listen, I’m not a Neanderthal. I’m capable of restraint. I’ll keep my lips and hands to myself. I’ll behave above board. I know you’re trying to do right by God and I have no intention of messing with that. I can respect you enough to honor your commitment to God. That’s what you do when you’re in love.”

Her breath caught. She sounded like the heroine in a cheap romance novel but Annie had to ask, “What did you say?”

“I said I respect your wishes because I’m in love with you.”

“You love me?” she repeated the question with a voice that mirrored her confusion. “But, how can you love me when you’ve never seen me?”

“How can you ask me that when you’re a Christian? You love Christ and you’ve never seen Him.” She couldn’t fault his reasoning.

“Yes, but—

“But nothing. I don’t have to see you with my eyes. I just have to see you with my heart.” He ambled over to her. She reached her hand out to help him determine her exact location. He faced her. His blue eyes reflected all of his pent-up emotion. “I love you, Annie Hays, so accept it. Don’t question it. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she said, finally believing and accepting. The words had been torn from her heart and poured from her mouth. She squashed any niggling doubts and concerns, convinced that with emotions as strong as his, he would overlook the color of her skin. Saul engulfed her into his arms and gave her a tight squeeze. Annie held on refusing to let go.

That’s unrealistic mumbo-jumbo and you know it.

Prayer changes things,
she countered.

A person has to want to change for change to happen.

At that point she closed her mind off to any warnings. If this isn’t right, then I don’t know what is.

Chapter Eighteen

Saul was going crazy. It had been thirty long days of tossing and turning all night thinking about her. He enjoyed their Bible study sessions and attended church with Annie every Sabbath. He enjoyed their walks now that his leg was as good as new. Both of them avoided that topic, as neither was ready for their idyllic situation to end. Boca Grande was reclusive and exclusive so they had spent lots of time getting to know each other. However, they knew it was time for her to go home. It had been difficult, but Saul had lived up to his word and kept his hands and lips off her.

Why had he made such a stupid promise? They were adults.

Saul had become very independent and things with Cassandra were progressing nicely. After his last visit with the eye doctor he’d heard more of the same. “Your eyes are physically fine. I’ve no idea why you’re not able to see.”

Blah blah blah. He was done with trying to figure that out. Saul appreciated the years he’d had his sight but how could he be depressed when Annie was so cheerful? She didn’t seem to care that he couldn’t see. What Saul appreciated the most were her prayers. One morning his body was talking to him and he went and stood outside her door. Since she’d moved back into his home, Annie stayed in the bedroom that once belonged to Cassandra.

Saul had been about to knock when he heard sounds coming through her door. He pressed his ear to listen in and to his surprise she’d been praying for him. He heard her calling out his name to God asking Him for healing and deliverance. Saul leaned on the door with tears in his eyes.

He’d never known what it is what like to truly be loved until that moment. A woman who prayed for you with such fervor and consistency was one worth keeping. He walked away humbled beyond belief.

But, at nighttime, Saul struggled which was why he was gathering the courage to ask Annie to join him down by the beach. He knocked with more firmness than he realized. The door shot open.

“Are you all right?”

No. I’m in heat.
“Yes, I just wanted to see if you would like to sit with me on the beach. The night is young.”

“Give me five minutes to get changed.”

As they sat on the beach clad in swimwear. Saul felt a pang. “I wish I could see you. You said you had brown eyes and hair. I’m thinking Sandra Bullock, or Kate Beckingsdale.” He turned to ask, “Am I close?”

“Not even,” she said. “Try Thandie Newton or Paula Patton.”

“Hmmm… I don’t think I know them.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

Her wry tone made him defend himself. “Sorry if I’m out of the loop. I haven’t had time to go to the movies and even then I’m not good with the remembering names.”

He leaned into her and nuzzled her hair. “You smell like apricots.”

“Hmm…” He felt her edging away from him and yanked his arm around her waist to still her movement. She wasn’t going anywhere if he could help it. What he had planned required close proximity.

“I’ve been a man of my word, haven’t I?” he prodded.

“Yes, you have.”

“It’s much more frustrating that I thought.”

“Saul, you’re dragging and that’s not like you. Get to the point.”

“I want to kiss you,” he said. “I want to feel my lips pressed against yours.”

“Oh, I want you to so bad, but I can’t.” Annie confessed. “If I kiss you, I might forget I’m a child of God and…I can’t.”

He wanted to make her forget but she sounded like she was really struggling. “Okay, no kissing, for now.” He nibbled on her ear and kissed her on the cheek. “Hug me,” he whispered.

She grabbed him tight. He felt the tip of her tongue touch his neck. Now he was confused. Wasn’t this the same woman who lectured him minutes ago? He felt her hands in his hair and read the signs. Her body pretty much told the truth. Saul told himself that he’d sit and let her explore. If it killed him, he would help her keep her chastity.

***

“Saul, I want you but we’ve got to stop,” she croaked while she dragged her hands through his hair.

He groaned but pulled away. Goose bumps rose on her flesh. She missed his nearness. She sat upright and brushed the sand out of her hair and dress. She’d donned a sarong over her bathing suit.

Saul sat as still as stone. Only his deep breaths kept Annie from wondering if he were alive. His face was unreadable.

Compelled, she spoke, “I—I wasn’t trying to lead you on. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not.”

The two words were torn from him. She touched him and he flinched. Surprised, she jerked her hand away. He was mad. Her thoughts raced. Annie grabbed her towel and stood.

What must Saul think of her? She felt guilty of that and the fact that she’d stretched the truth a wee bit earlier. The real reason she stopped the kiss was because Saul didn’t know he would be locking lips with a sister. She needed to tell him the truth.

“Annie?”

Now. She needed to tell him now.

Annie looked at his face. “I’m here.” She couldn’t tell him. Not yet. Annie helped him to his feet and they made their way inside the house.

Troubled, she remained quiet most of the way. She wanted to retreat to her room to think but Saul wasn’t having it.

“Watch a movie with me.”

“Let’s wash up and I’ll meet you in the family room.” It took her ten minutes to return. He was already there. She noted his curly wet hair and ached to run her hands through it again.

“Come snuggle with me,” Saul suggested, having heard her entrance.

Annie complied and soon, they were engrossed in the story. At a pivotal scene, she turned to ask him a question, then sighed. To her dismay, he’d fallen asleep. She pressed the off-button on the remote and tried to move.

She was locked in. “Saul! Saul!” she gave a loud whisper. After several attempts, she released a deep breath. “I give up.” Annie snuggled closer. Within minutes, she too was asleep.

“We spent our first night together,” greeted her when she awoke to consciousness the next morning.

“What time is it? I expected to be up a long time ago! Why didn’t you wake me? We’ll be late to your last consultation with Dr. Pryor if we don’t hurry.” Annie peppered questions at him as she rolled up the blanket he must’ve placed on her while she slept.

“It’s a little after nine,” he answered. “Relax, there was a cancellation so I was able to secure a later time. We go in at eleven.”