Coming Home (Homeward Bound Series Book 1) (14 page)

His words knocked me off my feet. Literally. I stumbled backwards, crashing into the end of the bed with a thump. I’d have bet money it would leave a bruise on my shin tomorrow. Remaining where I’d fallen, I watched as Zoe zipped up her bag. It was bulging almost to breaking point.

“I think that’s it.” Zoe forced a sad smile.

There were a million things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the voice to say any of them. “I’ll carry it to the car,” was all I could manage to blurt out.

“Thanks,” Zoe sighed as she hitched her handbag over her shoulder.

I snatched her overnight bag and headed out. Standing outside in the sunshine, I stared down the deserted street. Sunday morning silence was perfect.

The car beeped as Zoe unlocked it and she came wobbling out, dragging her feet. All the laughter and merriment and peace was gone, replaced with emptiness. Her features were blank and her eyes sunken. I was worried how quickly she could transform from the carefree woman I knew and loved to her current state. I was overwhelmed by the desire to tell her to stay. To beg her to stay. I wouldn’t. After everything this week had thrown at her, Zoe needed to go home. She needed some normalcy. Some space. She needed to get back to reality and start living again.

Silently she slid into the driver’s seat and started the car.

“So…” we both mumbled at the same time.

“Thanks for…well, everything,” Zoe stumbled as her eyes filled with tears.

I couldn’t stop myself. I squatted down and rested my arms on the open window. “Pippi…I’m so glad you came home. You have no idea. As for everything else…well, honestly, it was my pleasure.”

Zoe opened her mouth but no words came out. Moments passed and she snapped it closed again. Not a word was spoken. There was no need. I already knew. Flicking the car into reverse, Zoe slowly rolled out of the driveway. Dragging my feet, I made my way towards the front door before slumping down on the steps. I’d fully expected it to hurt like a bitch, but I didn’t realise it would be this fucking painful, either. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest while it still beat.

And because I’m stupid and a masochist and a complete idiot, I looked back. I knew I shouldn’t have. At the end of the street, with the indicator blinking, sat Zoe’s battered red car. I watched and waited for her to take the corner but the car didn’t move. Climbing to my feet, I wobbled to the end of the driveway, my hands on my hips, and waited. Why the hell wasn’t she turning? There was no traffic. No one was around. Still her car remained stalled.

I started to jog down the street towards the stationary car. I thought I was fit, turns out not so much. By the time I got to the car I was huffing and puffing and almost gagging. I didn’t have time to worry about me. Reaching the driver’s door, I looked in the window and fuck, it hurt. Zoe was there, tears streaming down her face, leaving thick black lines in their wake. She was sniffing back deep, gut-wrenching, soul-destroying sobs. She was clutching the steering wheel with shaky hands, barely able to hold it steady. I couldn’t help myself. Poking my arm through the open window, I switched off the ignition before pulling open the door. Leaning over Zoe, I tugged on the park brake before unclicking her seatbelt and lifting her from the car.

“It’s okay, Zoe. You’re okay,” I whispered into her ear as I nudged the door shut with my thigh and carried her up the street. “Kane…Kane!” I yelled as I stepped into the house.

He emerged from the bathroom with a threadbare navy towel wrapped low on his hips. Seeing Zoe crying in my arms, his eyes widened with alarm. “Can you run down the street and grab her car? It’s parked in the middle of the road. Keys are in the ignition.”

I could see the confusion on his face, but to his credit, Kane didn’t ask questions. Instead he nodded and vanished into his room, appearing moments later wearing jeans and pulling a shirt over his head before running out the front door barefoot.

Her tears had soaked through my shirt, leaving a wet patch on my shoulder. I didn’t care. Trembling in my arms, Zoe forced herself closer to me. Her unexpected movement almost caused me to dropped her. Readjusting her in my arms, I flopped into the recliner, Zoe on my lap. I just let her cry.

I don’t know how long she cried. I lost track of time. My legs went numb beneath her bony bum but I didn’t move. I couldn’t. She was an absolute train wreck. Somehow my strong, independent Zoe had broken and I didn’t know how to put her back together. It broke my fucking heart. If I could give her my strength, I would, without question or hesitation. Everything I had, everything I was, was Zoe’s.

Kane returned and slipped inside, offering me a shallow nod as he dropped the keys on the kitchen bench before tossing me a bottle of water and vanishing out the door again. Chicken shit. I knew he was hiding. Tears were not something he dealt with well, if at all. Usually when Mum cracked, Kane mysteriously vanished for a couple of days before returning with a knowing smirk and an apologetic carton of beer.

The tears dried up, the shaking receded and a soft snoring replaced it. She’d completely worn herself out. After less than an hour awake, Zoe had crashed. Heavily. I had no idea what the fuck I was supposed to do with her. Or without her. I knew she was supposed to be on her way home and if she didn’t leave soon, it would be dark before she got there. I couldn’t wake her. She looked so peaceful. So angelic. I’d be stuffed if I didn’t feel a whole lot of damn satisfaction and pride that she was wrapped in my arms. Wriggling slightly, I grabbed the magazine from the coffee table beside me and flipped it open with one hand and began to read.

I needed to pee. Badly. I’d already ignored my bladder twice, but this time it was burning and would not be denied.

“Zoe,” I whispered into her ear as I shook her arm softly. “Zoe, come on. Wake up,” I tried again when she didn’t stir. “Please, Pippi…”

“I really hate that name,” she grumbled as her eyes fluttered open.

When she squirmed, it wasn’t only my bladder that started paying attention.

“Stop wriggling or you’ll regret it, Pippi,” I promised, unable to disguise the lust in my voice.

Her eyes widened and for a moment I was worried I’d pushed her too far, as they lit up with mischief instead of fear and trepidation, I knew everything would be okay. “What’s wrong, big boy?” she teased, deliberately digging her bony butt into my thigh.

“That’s it!” I declared, pushing myself to my feet and taking her with me so she was momentarily weightless. For a long moment I held her in my arms, breathing in her scent. When she wriggled again, I set her on her feet.

As I headed towards the bathroom on a mission, I could hear Zoe’s childish, girly giggles behind me. Smart ass. I wanted to be cranky but I couldn’t. Not with Zoe. Not now. Probably not ever.

Minutes later I returned to find her perched at the kitchen bench sipping a cup of coffee. She looked so comfortable in my home. So relaxed. So right. No woman―hell, no one had ever looked so right in my house before. I’d be damned if I didn’t like it.

“I poured you a cup,” she said as I entered the room, almost as if it was the most normal, natural thing in the world.

“Thanks,” I offered as I flopped onto the stool beside her. I knew I needed to ask, but it didn’t mean I wanted to. I’d rather do anything than have this conversation. Anything else. It needed to be done. And it needed to be now. “So Zoe, want to tell me what happened?”

Rolling her eyes, Zoe bit down on her lip. She looked everywhere but at me. For a full minute, which felt like an eternity, she simply stared into the bottom of her coffee mug as if she was hoping the answers would bubble out. Still she remained silent.

“Zoe, talk to me, please. I can’t help if I don’t know.”

“You…can’t…fix…this…Spence,” she sobbed as unshed tears took residence in her eyes.

I couldn’t believe she had any more tears left to cry, but there they were. “Let me try, Zoe. Please?” I know I was begging and being a whiny bitch, but I had to help her. Someone did. I didn’t see anyone else lining up to take a shot.

“You don’t get it,” she snorted, wiping her face.

“Try me.”

I was being a prick. I knew that. I couldn’t stop, either. Zoe might hate me right now and she might hate me tomorrow, but I could live with that. I had to get her through the next twenty-four hours. Then the twenty-four after that. I had to push her out of her comfort zone. If I couldn’t push her out of it, then I’d drag her, kicking and screaming if need be.

“I can’t explain it,” Zoe snapped, springing from her stool and tipping her coffee down the drain.

I watched her as she stared out the kitchen window, every muscle in her body tight with tension. I wanted to take it away―make it better. Easier. If I could I would in a heartbeat, but I knew this was one battle I couldn’t fight for her. I’d stand beside her all the way, I just couldn’t do it for it.

“Please, Zoe, just try.”

She sucked in a long, deep breath. I watched as her shoulders rose before she let it out and they fell. It was like the fight fell away too.

Chapter 25

ZOE

“It was like I was drowning. Except I was still breathing. It was like everything felt heavy. Everything was an effort. Even holding my head up was draining. All of a sudden I was just so tired. So fucking tired. Then all of a sudden, I just couldn’t. I know it’s dumb and you must think that I’m pathetic, but I just couldn’t, Spence. I just couldn’t,” I mumbled.

I didn’t have time to take another breath or speak another word before a pair of long, warm, muscular arms wrapped around me like a protective cocoon. As much as I wanted to run away and hide, bury my head under the covers and wait ’til it was over, I wasn’t going anywhere. Spencer had no intentions of letting go. I dropped my head back and it fell on his shoulder with a soft thud but I knew he wouldn’t drop me. He’d never let me fall.

I don’t know how long we stood there in silence. It felt good. And as safe as I felt, I knew it couldn’t last. I wanted it to. I really did. Sucking in a deep, fortifying breath, I felt Spencer’s arms tighten around me, crushing me against him. Squishing my ribs painfully. The words were filling my throat and I was desperate to spit them out. “I’m so sorry, Spence. You don’t deserve this mess.”

“Don’t apologise, Zoe. For anything,” he growled into my ear, his husky, sexy voice reverberating off my neck, causing goose pimples to cover me from head to toe.

“You’re too good for me, Spence. Always have been. The truth is, as much as I don’t want to be, as much as I wish it was different, as much as I wish I could be stronger―I can’t beat this. I feel like I’m choking.”

Without warning, Spencer spun me in his arms and suddenly we were face to face, barely a breath apart. Yet his eyes were stuck on me, gazing deep into my soul. I could feel it in my heart and it set off a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

“Firstly, stop! Stop thinking so little of yourself. You’ve always done that and honestly, it pisses me off. Secondly, you are strong. Stronger than you know. Stronger than you believe. Right now, after everything you’ve been through, give yourself a break. Zoe, it’s okay to fall apart. It’s okay to not be okay right this minute. I’m not going to pretend I know what you’re going through, but you better believe that if I could take it away, if I could―”

“I know,” I added, threading my fingers through his.

“You can beat this, Pippi. Just give yourself some time. Let your body heal. I mean, look at you. You’re in so much pain but you’re pretending you aren’t. Stop being stubborn Zoe just for a minute. For a minute, just be.”

A giggle bubbled up and escaped. I didn’t want to admit it, especially to Spencer, but he was right. Maybe I was trying to be okay too soon. Forcing it. Maybe I just needed time. Normalcy. Maybe I just needed to get home, get some sleep, and get on with my life. Otherwise he wins. He’d already taken so much from me. If I gave up now, then he’d taken everything. The asshole didn’t deserve that.

“I know,” I admitted, but it came out as breathy whisper.

“Sorry? Didn’t catch that?”

“You…are…right…” I snarled through gritted teeth. It physically hurt me to say the words but what dug the knife in a little deeper was seeing the sly, satisfied smirk crossing his face.

“So, where do we go from here?”

Spencer lifted my hands up before dropping them behind his neck. I couldn’t help but to trace my fingertips up and down the soft, squishy flesh at the back of his neck. His hands settled on my hips and I felt warm all over. I felt my face burn and I wanted to bury my head in his shoulder. I was just afraid that would just make everything worse.

Summoning all my resolve, all my strength, all my determination, and all my stubbornness, I looked up into Spencer’s eyes and I’d never seen him look so calm. “I go home,” I declared resolutely.

“You sure?”

“I have to.”

“Want me to drive?”

The sincerity was etched deeply into his worried features. I knew all I had to do was say yes and he would drive hours out of his way to make sure I got home okay. Without missing a beat, I used the last thread of resilience I possessed. “Thanks, Spencer, but…I think I need to do this on my own. I’ll be fine.” I tried to sound confident but I felt anything but.

“Okay,” Spencer conceded. I knew he didn’t believe me but I was glad he didn’t call me out. I knew under interrogation I’d falter, but he didn’t even query it. He kissed my forehead before hugging me tight. “You ready to head then?”

“Yeah,” I lied. “Let’s do it. Shit! My car…”

“Pippi…breathe. Kane brought your car back. It’s in the driveway and here are your keys.” He grinned, scooping them from the bench and dropping them in my hand.

Hand in hand, we walked out the door and I heard it click shut behind us, but I didn’t give it a second thought. Staring at my car, I could see everything coming back to me. It all seemed too hard. Too overwhelming. Too exhausting. I sucked in a deep breath and unlocked it. My handbag was still on the front seat. Everything was waiting for me. Déjà vu settled over me.

“You can do this.”

It was like he knew I was freaking out without me saying a word. I both hated and loved that he knew me so well. It was intimidating as hell. He was right, though. Deep down I knew he was. I slipped behind the wheel and started the engine, pulling the door shut behind me. The knock at the door startled the shit out of me. Regathering my wits, I wound down the window.

“You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Spencer asked with genuine concern.

“I’m scared,” I admitted honestly. I had never lied to him, I wasn’t about to start now.

“Nothing bad is going to happen to you, Pippi,” he assured me, his voice so strong and confident.

I watched as his eyes darkened and narrowed, and a sad, defeated smile danced on his lips. “Zoe,” he began softly, wrapping my hands in his, “I’ll follow you all the way back to Melbourne if that’s what it takes to make you feel safe.”

I knew better than to argue. I had absolutely no doubt that he’d do exactly that. Spencer wouldn’t hesitate to put his life on hold again and follow me home. I couldn’t let him do it. “I’ll be fine, Spence. But thank you. I mean it. You really would have, though, wouldn’t you?”

“Anytime, Pippi. Anytime.” The sincerity etched on his face left no room for doubt. The only reservation I had was in deserving him. He’d been so good to me―too good―and I’d done nothing to repay him. I couldn’t even think of anything I could do to balance the ledger. I made a mental note that one day…one day I’d find a way. Somehow.

“I can do this, Spence, I know I can,” I promised as I straightened myself in my seat and squeezed my eyes shut. Maybe if I repeated the lie enough, I’d start to believe it.

“I know you can.” He winked and my stomach lurched. I wanted to punch him. God, I wanted to punch him so bad. “Go on, Pippi…get out of here.”

“Thanks, Spencer,” I spluttered, the words choking me.

“Text me when you get home.”

“I will. Promise.”

I backed the car out of the drive and turned onto the road. It was still empty. Not another car in sight. When I paused at the stop sign and glanced in the rearview mirror, I wasn’t surprised to see a truck behind me.

Shaking it off, I flicked on my blinker and took the corner. Ten minutes later I passed the outskirts of town and accelerated down the open road. I know I’d been driving slower than necessary but right now that was the least of my problems. For the moment, I just had to focus on getting out of here. There was still a truck on my tail. Somehow I knew he would be. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I needed him. I needed him there more than I needed my next breath.

“Thank you,” I murmured to myself, steeling myself for what was coming.

As I approached the spot, the exact location everything that irrevocably and irreversibly changed forever, my foot fell from the accelerator unconsciously. I felt my heart beating erratically, threatening to break through my already painful chest. I forgot to breathe and it didn’t take long before black spots blurred my vision. A horn blasted, shaking me from my own nightmare and sent me crashing back into reality. Even though it scared the shit out of me I was glad. I’d started to veer onto the other lane. Thankfully the road was deserted. Well, except for me and my escort. Correcting, I swerved back into my lane and continued on my way.

As scary as it was, it was soon over. I’d got past it. I hadn’t broken down and the world hadn’t ended. Risking a glance in the mirror, I saw the flash of Spencer’s headlights as he started to back off. His truck, which had only moments ago looked so huge, so intimidating in my rearview mirror, was now shrinking into the distance. Once again, Spencer had known. He’d known me and he’d known exactly what I’d needed. I don’t know how I could ever repay him, but I vowed one day I’d find a way.

When Spencer faded into the distance and I couldn’t see him anymore, I turned on the stereo and Bon Jovi’s sexy, crooning voice filled my car. Shaking off my funk, I started singing along as I drove. Loudly.