Complicated (15 page)

“Jonathan?” Sean wobbled on his feet. He sank onto the closest chair. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, the last time I checked, my name is Jonathan and I’m very serious. No, you said stoic. Whatever.” He sighed. “Look, I’ve seen enough people who claim to love each other. They do these ridiculous dances around each other where it’s very obvious they can’t handle the darker sides of each other. I bared my soul to you. I showed you my black sides and suffered the consequences. I thought you were strong. I thought you could handle me.”

“I can.” Sean nodded.

“Really?” Jonathan asked. “Doesn’t seem like it.”

Sean dipped his head again. “I can’t handle myself.”

“That’s bullshit.” He kept his answer snappy to grab Sean’s attention, and the tactic worked.

Sean glared at him. “You don’t know me.”

“You’re right. I don’t.” Jonathan shrugged. “Guess I never did.”

“Three days doesn’t equal love.”

“No shit. Why are we still arguing? You’re afraid being with me is a mistake because I’m still a virgin. I thought being with you would be the next direction in my life because I thought I loved you.” Three days wasn’t enough to decide if someone was a stalker or truly cared. Geez. Everyone was right. He was too young to decide what the hell he wanted or needed.

“Why do you love me? I’m a mess.” Sean stood. He stepped into Jonathan’s personal space.

Jonathan curled his fingers under Sean’s chin. He couldn’t help but touch the man he still cared about. “Underneath all that shellac and bullshit is a good guy who is scared to death to put himself out there. That guy is so fucking sexy it’s not funny. He doesn’t realize he is strong and can handle anything thrown at him. When you get it through your head that you don’t always have to be the actor, you can be Sean then you’ll see why I fell for you.”

Sean stared at Jonathan with tears slipping down his cheeks. The long hours he’d spent awake were evident in the dark circles under his eyes. “We had fun, didn’t we?”

“That night at the diner was actually one of the best nights of my life. I saw the actor but then I saw you switch gears. You knew exactly what to do to help me. You didn’t shy away from me.” Jonathan longed to hold Sean in his arms. Sean hadn’t been kidding when he’d said they were a complicated pair. They were all kinds of fucked up. He toyed with the wrinkles on Sean’s shirt. “If you’re not sure about us or what we had, then tell me. I’d rather hear the truth, even if its ugly, than think I know what’s going on.”

Sean scrubbed the back of his hand across his mouth. “I meant what I said. I care about you. I’m in over my head and more than a little in love with you.” His voice dropped. “When I was talking to Tony, I said I wasn’t sure about stuff. I’ve never been in love—not real love—with anyone. I’ve had to depend on myself. The idea that I could have deep feelings for someone and that they could return those feelings scares the shit out of me. I don’t know if I can handle having a relationship because I blow up everything I touch.”

“Makes sense.” More than Sean realized. Jonathan flattened his palm over Sean’s heart.

“When I said something between us was off…it had to do with our sex life. I’m torn between wanting to go slow with you and the driving need to fuck your brains out. I’ve never gone slower than breakneck speed when it comes to a physical relationship. You make me want to slow down and that blows my mind. I’m scared the attraction will die, and you’ll get bored with me. I’m afraid you’ll finally have sex with me and decide I suck. What happens if the polish wears off and being with an actor isn’t enough. I don’t want to suck.”

“You do suck.” Jonathan pressed his lips together. He shouldn’t have made the joke, but it was partially the truth. Sean did a great job of sucking him off.

Sean chuckled. The soft sound grew louder, and his shoulders bobbed. He laughed out loud. “Come here.” He didn’t give Jonathan much choice before he snagged him in his arms. “I’m sorry.” He buried his face against Jonathan’s neck. “So sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Not believing in us. I shut us down before we got a chance to get started.” More tears streamed down Sean’s cheeks. “Forgive me? Please? You’re the one man I don’t think I can live without.”

“Don’t say what you don’t mean.” Still, hope blossomed in his chest. “I’m not strong enough to take a lie now.”

“I do mean it. I can live without coke, pills, booze, but I can’t manage without you.”

Earlier, he might not have believed Sean. Now, he did. They’d been through a lot in a short period of time. The relationship would struggle—all relationships struggled—but they’d manage if they stuck together. “We’ve got work ahead of us. We have to fall in love on camera. Are you sure we can do that without confusing the fake for the real?”

“I know we can.” Sean gripped Jonathan’s shoulders. “I know you better than I know the character of Owen, and I’m thrilled he’s being played by you. We can do this.”

“Then let’s get through the short film first. If we’re still head over heels for each other, then….we know.” Although he was already sure of his feelings. He loved Sean Banks.

“Deal.”

* * * *

Over the next three weeks, Jonathan threw himself into the role of Owen. He patterned his life after the character in order to give the best performance possible. He and Sean ran lines after shooting for the day and worked to make the characters come to life. He also learned so much about Sean’s approach to acting. Sean ran the lines himself, memorized everyone’s parts and played out each character before doing his portion. He knew the scenes inside out, and when the director called for action, Sean lit up the screen.

No wonder he’d been such a draw. The more Jonathan watched Sean work, the more entranced he became. The difference came in the kisses. When Clayton and Owen kissed, the attraction wasn’t two-dimensional. The shared passion leaked onto the film. Jonathan saw past the character to the man beneath. He’d tried to keep his emotions constrained to only the character, but he knew better. He’d fallen more in love with Sean.

“Okay, boys. This is the first day of naked time.” Tony rested his hands on his hips. “We’re going very minimal. Kade and I are the only ones working the cameras. I’ll have the girls come in to set up the lights then they’re gone. I want this to feel intimate.”

“We’re going to have sex,” Sean said. “It’s all intimate.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Tony moved the cameras. “Just get into character.”

Sean glanced over at Jonathan and shrugged. “Ready for this?”

Jonathan nodded. “I am.” He tugged Sean into the extra bedroom that served as Sean’s bedroom in the fictional other apartment. He’d seen Sean laugh, relax and come into his own on the set. “We are ready to take this step.”

“Yeah?” Sean laced their fingers together. “You sound really sure.”

“It’s not hard to be sure when I know the guy behind the mask.” Jonathan kissed Sean on the lips. Smooches on set weren’t the same as the ones stolen off camera. Thank God, he wouldn’t have to hide the damn erection. “I like him.”

“Care to show him?” Sean slid his fingers into Jonathan’s jeans pockets. “Because he really wants to be with you when the cameras go dark tonight.”

Jonathan steadied himself. He looked into his heart and listened to his gut. Both parts of him wanted to lay down with Sean. He’d turned a corner. He wasn’t the simple young man any longer. He’d grown up and gotten wiser. They still had a long way to go, but he believed they could make it.

“Christ, you two. Save it for the cameras.” Tony knocked hard on the door. “Please? This is going to be one of the harder parts.”

Sean slid his hand over the bulge in Jonathan’s jeans. “This is very hard.” He kissed Jonathan. “I’ll do it, if you’re all in.”

“I’ve always been all in.” Jonathan slapped Sean’s ass. “Let’s go. Tony wants to see dick.”

Tony rolled his eyes but also smothered a smile behind his hand. Jonathan winked. When they entered the bedroom that served as Jonathan’s room, he flopped onto the bed. According to the script, he was supposed to be sleeping when Clayton came home from a hard day of work. Owen was to believe Clayton was a waiter, when in fact, he’s a hired gun.

He closed his eyes and wriggled to get comfortable. The mattress was nice and soft…and quiet. He marveled at how the crew had managed to make the springs silent. Couples everywhere would buy that secret for a great price.

“Action,” Tony called.

Jonathan listened for Sean’s footsteps on the carpet. He kept his eyes closed and forced his breathing to stay even.

“There’s my…boy,” Sean, as Clayton, said. The rustle of him shrugging out of his dress shirt echoed in the room. The bed dipped as he climbed onto the mattress. “Owen?”

Jonathan slipped into his role of Owen and murmured, “I’m awake.” He opened his eyes a crack and smiled up at Clayton. “You’re late.”

“I know.” Clayton stroked Owen’s face. “I had to stay over.”

Owen touched the fake bruise on Clayton’s shoulder. “You’re hurt.”

“I’m fine.”

“A bruise like that isn’t evidence of being fine.” Owen kissed the purple spot. “How’d you do this?”

“I tripped.” Clayton shrugged. “I did.”

Owen rolled his eyes. “When you’re ready to tell me the truth, I’m listening.”

Clayton flattened his palm on Owen’s chest. “I can’t.”

“Be honest? I know.” He snorted. “You haven’t told me where you really work, what you do when you’re at this phantom job and why I’m not allowed to call you when you’re gone.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to…but I can’t.” He nuzzled Owen’s chest. “I don’t want to talk any longer. I want you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Clayton whispered.

“Cut.” Tony snapped something. “I need to reset the cameras. Something broke.”

“Do you want us to stay put or what?” Jonathan asked. He’d thought the issues with the angles and cameras was set based on the amount of cameras in the room. Tony had the shot from about a dozen angles.

“I’ll be back. Fuck.” Tony picked up one of the smaller cameras and surged out of the room.

The door shut, leaving Sean and Jonathan alone. Jonathan sucked in a ragged breath. Time to bare his heart. “I want you to make love to me tonight.”

Chapter Thirteen

Jonathan stared at Sean. He’d dropped one hell of a bombshell on his boyfriend, but he didn’t care. He knew what he wanted and when.

“You…what?” Sean yanked Jonathan into the bathroom. “Jonathan.”

“What?” He’d spoken clearly. Where was the issue? “We need to focus. What’s better than having sex? We release the pressure and find a deeper meaning for the characters.” That and practicing what they needed to do between the sheets when the cameras were off would make the on-screen pairing so much hotter. He couldn’t play a sexually active gay man without having a little more practice.

“You’re right. My focus is off.” Sean nodded. “Telling me sexy stuff makes it hard to think and concentrate.”

Concentrate. Breathe. Yeah, they were all hard—including his dick—which was why Jonathan wanted to make things easier. “You don’t understand.” He pulled Sean into his arms. “I want you to make love to me.” He kissed Sean hard on the lips. “Not at this exact moment, but tonight. Tony and Kade will be right back, and I don’t really want them to hear me say I want you to fuck me. Definitely tonight. We have the other big love scene tomorrow. I’d like to feel more credible.”

“You’re really that in to method acting? You know, you’re credible without. I believe you’re sexy and not a virgin.”

“Method acting.” Jonathan chuckled. “I’m not that deep. I’m telling you what I want because it’s time. I love you. I trust you and I can’t think of anyone else I want to be with.”

“I’m stunned.” Sean slipped his hands over Jonathan’s ass. “Really.”

“I don’t know why.”

“You keep amazing me. When I want to give up on myself, you kick me in the ass. When I think we’ve reached a plateau, you shove me off the ledge. You believe in me and have faith when mine’s gone.”

“I want your cock in me.”

“Damn.” Sean grinned. “Filming is going to be hard.”

“As hard as your dick?” He eased his palm over Sean’s burgeoning erection.

“Yeah.”

“Then we’re in the same boat. It’s hard as hell to keep my dick under wraps when they keep making you take your shirt off.” He squeezed Sean’s ass. “I meant what I said. Tonight.”

“I love when you’re pushy. Yeah, we’ll make love tonight.”

“Are you two done having a quickie?” Tony called from the other side of the door. “We’re ready.”

“So are we.” Sean kissed Jonathan then tugged him back into the main part of the apartment. “Time to slip into Clay and Owen.”

“Both of you get naked,” Tony demanded. “I want to do the reveal.” He slapped Kade’s ass. “I love this script.”

Sean stripped off his shirt then shucked his pants. In moments, he stood naked in front of Jonathan. “Ready.”

“No lack of modesty.” Jonathan pulled his shirt up over his head. He stepped out of his pants and socks. The boxer briefs weren’t going anywhere yet.

“Honey, I’m sorry to say I danced naked on a couple of movie sets because I was high off my ass. I thought I was cool. Turned out I was playing into the hands of the tabloids. Sadly, I did learn that being naked doesn’t bother me.” Sean shrugged. He collapsed onto the bed. “Ready for my part.”

“I’m not as…ready.” Jonathan rubbed his biceps. He needed to psyche himself up a bit more.

“That’s fine by me.” Tony adjusted the camera and took another measurement. “There’s something to be said about not showing off the goodies. I’m not sure what to say, but I’m sure there’s something to be said.

Sean patted the bed. “Come to bed, darling. Tony wants to start shooting.”

Jonathan settled beside Sean then rolled onto his belly. He shimmied out of his boxer briefs once he knew the sheets covered his butt.

“Okay, boys. Scene thirty-two. The big reveal.” Tony stepped behind the camera. “You are Owen and Clayton. Action.”

Jonathan closed his eyes and allowed the character to take over once again. He and Sean were supposed to be post-sex snuggling and just about asleep. Clayton was about to reveal his secret identity. Owen was to scramble from the bed in shock and horror. Jonathan tried to clear his mind, but he kind of identified with both Clayton and Owen. Clayton was stuck in a situation he couldn’t control—like Sean—and wanting people to accept him. Owen, for his part, wanted to believe in Clayton, but lies were destructive. Good thing Jonathan and Sean worked out their differences and stopped the lies.