Confessions of a Bad Bridesmaid (14 page)

TWENTY-FOUR

Edward went stiff.
Even against the moonlight she could see him go pale. She wasn’t sure why she’d brought up James but she wanted to know. She wanted them to be honest with each other and she wanted to know.

‘James is gone. No one can help him now. All I can do is help everyone else.’

‘What happened to James was not your fault.’

‘How would you know? You weren’t there.’

‘Then tell me.’

He didn’t speak for a while, so Olivia waited. She wanted him to talk to her. She wanted him to let her in. Even though he’d made love to her—over and over—she still felt he was holding back. As if he didn’t trust her. And that made her nervous. She wanted all of him. And that made her nervous too.

‘We were at the lake, playing in the maze. James wandered off...’

Edward’s voice was quiet, barely a murmur. Olivia had to stay perfectly still to hear it.

‘Will had been teasing him about the fact that he’d never win because he couldn’t ever get the last riddle. The one in the lake—’

Edward’s voice cracked and so did Olivia’s heart. Edward wasn’t himself right now—he was a twelve-year-old boy who’d lost his brother.

‘It wasn’t your fault, Edward. You didn’t tell him to go into the lake.’

‘But I didn’t stop Will from saying those things. I laughed along with him. I may as well have pushed James in.’

‘Why do you take all the guilt on yourself?’

‘Because... Because... I don’t know. I was the eldest. I should have been watching. I should have known better.’

‘You were twelve. And you were mucking about somewhere you’d been hundreds of times before, saying things you probably said to both your brothers all the time. That’s what brothers do. You had no idea he would do that.’

‘I should have saved him.’

His voice cracked again and he stopped talking. Olivia waited until his jaw stopped flickering.

‘Ed. What happened to James was an awful accident. He could have gone into that lake without you and Will saying anything. He was a little boy who was curious and unaware of the consequences. It wasn’t your fault.’

Edward stayed stiff and still in the moonlight. Olivia drew closer to him and reached over to kiss the edge of his cheekbone.

‘It wasn’t your fault,’ she whispered, and he turned to her. She kissed his forehead, then his eyes. Then she gently kissed his lips. ‘You are a good, kind man, Edward. A beautiful, strong, nice man. A man I want to make love to.’

He watched her lips as she spoke, then leaned towards her and kissed her lips as gently as she had done to him.

‘You make me feel different, Olivia. You make me feel like there are only the two of us and nothing else matters.’

‘Nothing else matters,’ she repeated, pressing herself closer to the hard muscles of his strong body. She wanted to be close to him. She wanted to offer comfort and support and strength and to give him everything he’d given her.

Her lips met his and his mouth opened, letting her in. Their kiss was deep and laced with something very different. Something intense that meant something. Olivia curled her arms around his neck, pressing his head closer, and his hands came around her hips, bringing them right into him.

They moved and shifted but stayed close. When he slipped himself inside her she moved closer, keeping her hips moving with his. He moaned and she shivered. There were no fancy tricks this time. No crazy positions. Just two bodies moving in time, staying as close as they possibly could, and Olivia had never felt more loved in her entire life.

* * *

When the sun woke her the next morning Olivia didn’t move. She was still wrapped up in Edward. In his legs, in his arms and in his scent. And she wanted to stay there. But the buzz of his phone made him grunt sleepily and shift.

He smiled at her and then the phone buzzed again. His brow furrowed and he swung his arm away, knocking his glass of water off the side table as he found it.

‘What?’ he grumbled into it.

Olivia moved away as his conversation continued. She didn’t want to. But his conversation sounded like work and it sounded urgent. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. Olivia watched the muscles in his naked back move as he stretched them out.

She couldn’t resist. She moved closer and sat behind him to massage his shoulders. She needed to touch him. He responded by moving his head around and pressing his lips against hers. When his eyes met hers they were greedy. He smiled and she smiled back. They didn’t need words. But then he looked angry and turned away, barking something into the phone.

He was busy and she was naked. And in his room. With no clothes except the ones she had on last night.

‘I’ll have a shower,’ she mouthed, and he nodded before she moved off, trying to think of her next move. How was she going to get out of his room without being seen?

As she twisted the hot water handle she smiled. Easy solution. Don’t leave. Except she had to. Her flight home was today. Damn.

‘How are you feeling this morning?’

The bathroom door opened and Edward stood with absolutely no shame, naked and aroused in front of her. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to completely satisfy this man. But the idea of trying filled her with a bubble of something delightful.

‘Tired. And wondering how I’m going to get out of your room without anyone seeing.’

He moved closer, wrapped his long arms around her waist and kissed her deeply. ‘So don’t leave. I have to do some work, but after that we could stay in bed all day.’

‘Oh, OK. That would be great. With everyone wondering where we were. Fiona would send out a search party and pretty soon they’d find us here. Naked and enjoying each other.’

‘So?’

‘So then I’d be embarrassed.’ She pushed on his chest. ‘I’m going to have a shower. Alone. You do your work and think of how to get me out of here without anyone seeing.’

The angry look returned to his face. But it wasn’t the ‘real’ angry look. It was the ‘I want to have sex with you’ angry look. That angry look she couldn’t resist.

‘First of all, there’s nothing embarrassing about spending the day with me. That is the stuff of girlhood dreams.’

Olivia snorted, ready to tell him what she thought of that comment, but he kissed her words away.

‘Secondly, this is my shower, and if I want to get in it with you I will.’

And he did. And he made it worth her while to let him in.

She got out of the shower shivering, and it had nothing to do with the cold water she’d blasted over herself before she stepped out.

Wrapped in a towel, and drying her hair with another, Olivia found Edward sitting on his bed, papers and laptop around him, dressed in boxer shorts. His golden torso was lean and muscled and it made Olivia’s mouth water.

He looked up. ‘I’ve got to get this finished. Then we can spend the morning together before you leave.’

‘No, I have another idea.’

He raised an eyebrow.

‘What if I stayed?’

Edward’s fingers paused above his laptop.

‘Stayed? For the day?’

Olivia adjusted her towel, pulled it a little higher.

‘No. Stayed. Indefinitely.’

Edward’s heart thudded. She wanted to stay? That wasn’t the plan. He felt his control slip slightly. He licked his lips.

‘Don’t you have to go home? What about your job?’

She paced towards him and he got distracted when her towel slipped. He had to focus. She wanted to stay. She wanted more than one weekend.

‘Don’t you want me to stay?’

Yes. He wanted her to stay. He wanted to see her naked. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to be with her.

But she couldn’t stay.

She was right in front of him now, and looking down at him with those big blue eyes of hers. Cinnamon and soap whirled around her. It made his head spin and his groin shift.

‘I thought you only wanted one weekend.’

He saw the moment she started thinking again. Her eyes changed; her forehead furrowed. She shifted and pulled the towel off her head, letting her wet hair tumble over her shoulders. He felt his control perilously close to the edge.

‘I did. But now...I want more.’

Edward’s throat was so dry he couldn’t speak. She wanted more. She wanted to stay.

Olivia blinked before tossing the towel over her arm. Gently she placed a hand on his shoulder and his skin burned with the contact. He wanted her. Again. Just one touch and he wanted her again. His attraction to her was dangerous and out of control.

Edward pushed his laptop onto the bed. She wanted to stay. With him. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She couldn’t stay. Not with him. Will was right. He didn’t do relationships. Those others—he’d known they would never go anywhere. But Olivia? She was like a drug. When he wasn’t with her he thought about her, and when he was with her he thought about nothing else. He couldn’t let her into his life because then nothing else would matter. Work, his family—she’d be too distracting and then what?

‘Olivia, you said this was one weekend. One more night, you said—remember?’

‘I know what I said.’ Her voice had an edge to it. She pulled her towel up higher and flicked her hair over her shoulder. ‘But I’ve changed my mind.’

‘Just like that?’

‘No.’ Her eyes flashed now. He could see her getting frustrated, and he wanted to stand up and hold her as he had the night before the wedding. ‘Not just like that. I thought that last night...we shared something special.’

‘We did. But now it’s over.’

Her face changed. Slight irritation turned to full-blown anger. He’d said the wrong thing and her angry face was back. He’d seen that look before. When she’d threatened him in the drawing room. And she’d looked just as sexy then as she did now. More now—because she was almost naked and he knew what she felt like, what she tasted like. But he had to control himself and his feelings. This couldn’t happen. Sure—it would be nice. For a while. Then she’d get bored and leave.

‘So that’s it, is it? One night and it’s over?’

He stood up. That wasn’t fair. ‘You made the rules, Olivia.’

He watched as she sucked in a deep breath, as if readying herself for something. ‘I like you, Edward. A lot. I think this could become something...more. I don’t know what. And I know you feel the same way I do. I
know
you do.’

His stomach clenched. Her words stabbed at him. Her cheeks pinkened. He wanted to kiss her. But he couldn’t. This would never work. He couldn’t concentrate when she was around.

‘Olivia, this weekend was nice...’

‘Nice?
Nice!
This weekend was more than nice. This weekend was...life-changing.’

The phrase hung in the air between them.

‘Olivia, I have loved being with you.’ He stepped forward to hold her hand. ‘But this can never go anywhere. I have a busy job and a life in London, and you... Well, you wouldn’t fit in.’

She pulled from his grasp as if burned. Her eyes opened wide, and although he could see the fire spitting in them there were tears as well. He’d hurt her.

‘Olivia, please. You have to understand. I lead a very boring life. I’ve worked in the same place for years. There’s no wild parties or good times in my life. You would hate it.’

TWENTY-FIVE

Olivia forced back
the tears. He was pushing her away. After everything they’d shared he was trying to get rid of her. As if she meant nothing. He was telling her she didn’t fit in. She wasn’t good enough.

‘I thought you liked me...’

‘I do...’

‘No, you don’t.’ She snapped her arm out of his reach again and stepped back. ‘You see me as the perpetual party girl. A woman you can’t take seriously. I’m a joke to you—this weekend has been a joke to you.’

‘No, Olivia.’ This time he didn’t hesitate. He grabbed her hand and held it hard. ‘That’s not it.’ Anger flashed in his eyes. ‘I take you very seriously. But you would get bored. I know what you need. Excitement and fun and adventure. I just don’t
do
that—and besides...I can’t take care of you. You distract me.’

‘I distract you?’

‘Yes. And I can’t be distracted. I have to stay focussed. You deserve someone who treats you as if you’re the most important woman in the world.’

But you do!
She wanted to scream at him. She wanted to tell him how he made her feel. Important. Desired. Beautiful. Loved. She blinked as the thumping in her chest turned into heaving. His focus had lasted exactly as long as he’d said it would. One weekend. And now he didn’t want her any more.

‘But I thought I “captivated” you.’

‘You did. You do. But you don’t want this—you don’t want me.’

His eyes never left hers. They burned into her and she could see what he was saying behind them.
Don’t make this harder than it is. Accept this for what it was—one weekend. And leave me alone.

This weekend had changed Olivia. She felt as if she’d fallen into a screaming heap but then Edward had picked her up and tended her wounds and made her feel whole again. He’d made her realise she was beautiful. But now he was putting her on her feet and sending her on her way and she had to be strong. Move on.

She breathed in deeply and pushed her face into a smile. ‘You’re right, Eddie. I mean, this was fun, but it’s time to move on to the next party.’

He smiled back. She’d thought the pain would relieve itself when she saw him smile, but it didn’t. It just got worse.

‘I won’t forget you, Olivia.’

His words cut right down deep. She almost doubled over with the pain of them. ‘I’d better go and get dressed.’ She turned to leave and through her blurry vision found the handle of the door.

‘Olivia, wait...’

She looked back, searching his face desperately for some sign that he’d changed his mind. She wanted to see in his eyes that he’d got it wrong and he wanted her to stay, and for a moment she thought she saw it. Something flickered in his eyes and his jaw twitched. She hesitated, holding her breath.

‘I have some work to do, but I’ll see you downstairs at breakfast...before you leave.’

She wanted to smile and flick her hair nonchalantly, but she didn’t. She just turned and fled before he saw the first tear fall.

* * *

The phone rang as Olivia walked out through the door and Edward answered it mechanically. It was the Prime Minister. He tried to concentrate but it was difficult.

She’d trusted him and he’d hurt her. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her to stay, but they would never work. He didn’t want to hold her back or make her hate him.

It was good that she’d left. If he saw her again he wasn’t sure he’d be as strong next time. His control always seemed to vanish when Olivia was near. He’d catch her scent and he’d forget everything he was going to say.

She was leaving.

But he’d meet someone else. Someone who didn’t send his heart racing and make his brain vanish. Someone who wore sensible dresses and didn’t get drunk and pass out on the terrace.

Except he didn’t want anyone else.

‘I want more,’
she’d said.

More.

She’d wanted to stay. She’d wanted him. And he wanted her. More than anything. More than he wanted to keep his job. More than he wanted to do the right thing. He wanted her. He needed her. Olivia wasn’t a distraction. She was his salvation. And he’d be damned if he couldn’t take care of her.

No. He couldn’t let her go. He
wouldn’t
let her go. This was real.

‘I’m sorry, Prime Minister, I’ll have to call you back.’

The voice on the other end of the phone stilled.

‘I have to speak to someone about something very important. I’ll call you back when I’m done, sir.’

The Prime Minister didn’t answer, so Edward just hung up. On the Prime Minister. Who was, after all, just a man. Just as he was. Just a man trying to figure out how the hell he had made the monumental mistake of letting Olivia walk out through the door thinking he didn’t want her.