Conflicted (Secrets and Lies) (46 page)

Ethan placed me on his side. He kept his eyes from me as got up from the bed. He paced around the room while running his hands through his hair as he cursed. I focused on keeping my marbles so I didn't pass out. Ethan paused in front of the window right as a flash of lightening lit the room. It displayed the rage in his face. He continued to pace as I sobbed into the pillow. After a few minutes, Ethan returned to the bed and coaxed me out of the ball that I curled into.

"Look at me Mia," he directed. I opened my blurry eyes. He grasped my face and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I won't do anything to put you or the ones you care about in danger. You can trust me."

I tried to relax into him but our uncertainty loomed over me. Another sob escaped my chest at that thought. Ethan brought me even closer to him. He pulled the covers over us as we faced each other. "What?" he asked, perplexed.

I wiped away the tears that were drying out. "I'm scared that any second you'll push me aside and fairly so with everything I withheld from you."

Ethan cupped my cheek and took a deep breath. "I've been waiting for the right moment to tell you Mia and as heavy as this moment is between us it seems like the best possible one."

My eyes grew wide at the prospect of anything else coming out tonight. I doubted that either one of us would be able to handle it. "I'm not sure I understand."

He rested his forehead on mine. "I love you. I've been in love with you since the second I saw you maybe even before that without my heart realizing it."

I lost my breath for an entirely different reason. Ethan watched me with worry as I struggled to find my breaths again. "I love you too. I didn't know it was possible to feel this way about someone else. It's all happened so fast but I can't picture my life without you in it. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner," I confessed.

The depth of love behind his eyes mesmerized me. He closed them for a moment and opened them with such a beam that it almost blinded me. I cuddled into his body.

"I'm still waiting to collect on what you promised me," Ethan said with a sinful smirk.

And just like that he switched gears on me. He jumped from one emotional extreme to the next in all the same ways that I did. We had to have been made for each other. Everything turned out better than I could have imagined and I resented not telling him sooner. It was like we finally had a chance to begin with each other.

He grabbed my ass and slid me into his hard length. I let out a low moan as his hands discarded the scant lingerie covering me. His hands journeyed over to my breasts. They brought each nipple to attention as he stroked his long fingers along them.

"I thought you wanted to collect on my promise," I groaned.

Ethan removed his fingers and replaced them with his tongue. His lips kissed along a trail before his teeth grazed along the same path until he hit the center of my nipple. The swivel of his tongue and teeth along each nipple sent everything inside me to another level. It turned every part of me on and my frail insides shifted to a fiery burn. I tried to shuffle down his body to make good on my promise but he held me still not allowing me to move an inch. He slid my legs around his sides as his hands went from my chest to my face. He framed my cheekbones tenderly before pulling me into him for a scorching kiss. His gifted tongue twirled along the sides of my mouth until he consumed every part of my tongue so that it twisted along with his until we were breathless.

"I don't doubt that you are good for it but I'm busy," Ethan husked.

He pressed his chest into mine and lifted me so that he could thrust forward into me. I gasped as he entered hard at first but slow and deliberate with each push thereafter. Ethan brought his forehead to mine and ran his hands along my back. I fell into an easy rhythm with him. There was no urgency, distraction, or lust between us. It was raw and emotional. Every inch that his hips rocked into me was with a reverence for this connection we shared with one another. I returned each thrust with the same devotion. I clasped my hands around his neck and running my fingers through his hair. He raised his hips even higher and it drove him even further within me. I arched my back and cried out from the intensity of it. His grip strengthened when he did it again.

"Ethan..." I cried out with a God like praise.

Everything about what was happening between us was so intimate that I didn't have words for how it all felt as it happened inside me. My heart had already left my chest with everything I'd admitted to him tonight including that I was in love with him. He jerked his hips harder into me. I met him with as much robustness as we continued in a slow steady pace. Ethan buried his head into my shoulder. My hands wrapped snugly around his back.

Every part of me was alive and welcomed everything he was giving me. Every wanton feeling that I always had around him ran throughout me but in such a different way than it ever did when we were together before now. I got lost to the man I handed my heart over to for what I hoped was forever.

Ethan shifted us as he laid me down on my back but never stopped our movement. His hands journeyed along my sides making me moan. His lips met mine for a soft kiss. He pressed on at a measured pace before he came to a stop. I moved forward with my hips but Ethan stilled me as he grabbed my hands and put them above my head.

"Don't panic. I want to take this slow with you Mia so you know how much I love you," Ethan groaned as he twisted his hips.

He gave my neck gentle kisses before bringing his mouth to my lips for a soulful kiss as he began moving again. I gave way to his change of direction not being able to fight it for a second. Everything about this time was different for us.

"I love you too," I panted.

Ethan resumed at a steady pace before giving away to a relentless one that I welcomed. He continued pushing faster and harder. I met each thrust clenching myself even tighter around him before I couldn't hold back any further. He quickly followed once I let go. He released my hands and I wrapped them around him as he buried himself into me.

Ethan brought his head up from my chest and rested next to me on the pillow. We stared at each completely lost in the love that had been between us but never spoken until this evening. I ran my finger along his brow to wipe away a bead of sweat that was about to trickle down. He clutched my hand after I finished. I cuddled into the crook of his shoulder. I wanted nothing more than to be as close to him as possible for as long as he would have me.

~

I awoke the next morning to the blinds open with the sunlight flooding in around me. I went to reach for Ethan but came up with nothing but the cold side of the bed. I sat up in a panic. My chest tightened as I whipped my head around the room. He wasn't in here. I looked around his room for any signs of where he might be but I came up with nothing. I gave up in the bedroom. Against my better judgment, I snooped around the rest of his place but it was empty.

The frail edges of my heart began to splinter at the idea of him leaving me. It was déjà vu and it was close to killing me this time. With each step I took along the cool tiles, my heart began to tear open. The agony seeped into every vein and travelled into every part of my body. My eyes watered on my way back to his bedroom. He had left me. I went into the bathroom to collect my things and get the hell out of here so that I could have the proper meltdown that my body demanded.

I barely made it to the bathroom without falling over. I gripped the sink while hyperventilating to the uncertainty of what this meant. He said he loved me but followed it with a disappearing act. The pain subsided after I let the terror of what this meant for my life. If he betrayed me, Harrison would start executing his threats. I slid to the floor as tears streamed down my face. I should've never told him yet I did because love blinded me again. I crawled over to grab a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I couldn't be here any longer without it crippling me into the fetal position. I staggered to my feet and over to the vanity to grab the rest of my things. On approach, I caught sight of the envelope on the mirror.

Mia ~

I'm sorry for leaving you alone this morning. I need a little space. It doesn't change my feelings for you but I need to come to terms with the fact that you lied to me. I can't be without you so I'm asking you for time. I need some time to determine our road together. I stress
our
road. I won't do anything to jeopardize your situation with Harrison. I would never do anything to bring harm to you or your loved ones. You must trust me when I say that but you also need to know that I'm not a man that will let anyone dictate my life. I need to determine why he preyed on you. There is a ticket inside this envelope. I've taken the liberty of planning your weekend for you. I know how much you hate when I do this but believe me when I say that it is for your own good. I don't want you sitting around becoming deranged because I need some time away from you. Bri will meet you at the airport. Appearances need to remain in place so you will return Sunday evening so you can be in the office on Monday morning. I'm not leaving you. I love you. I'm not sure if you believe it as you read this but I hope you give me the benefit of the doubt. I'll be in touch.

Ethan

My hands shook nonstop while reading his letter. My heart twisted with the uncertainty while the rest of my body dealt with the continuous waves of agony shooting out from every direction. As was everything with him from the very beginning, my heart believed he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I believed that he wasn't evil like his counterparts. As my breathing evened, I worked to control the tears that refused to stop. I didn't have a lot of faith in this letter but then he knew me well enough to know it was exactly how I'd feel.

I wanted to curl up on the floor and let the overwhelming ache in my heart win. I managed to find the last shred of strength in my feeble bones to get away from his apartment. I gathered the rest of my things while swiping away the tears that continued to cascade. With each swipe, my wrath surfaced and replaced the ache. On my way out of the door, I opened the envelope and looked at the ticket information. My anger radiated throughout me at even entertaining what he wanted me to do. Curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to know where he planned to ship me off to while he ran around doing God knows what as he took his "time".

Hmmm...Now that is one place I can get on board with to disappear to for the weekend. If he wants time, he has it. He just might not have me when he returns.

EPILOGUE

Two months ago I set out on a path with a desperate need to have a
plan
for my life again. I had experienced unfathomable pain that almost took me out of this world. My body remained but my insides were dead to the world. I hit rock bottom with no direction on what was right or wrong. I stopped caring if my actions could hurt people. In my pursuit to find purpose, I settled on a path that threatened to take the last bit of humane morals within me.

I never believed that one person could shake you to the core until he came along. Ethan turned my world upside down. He breathed life back into me with a love that scorched my soul. In a short amount of time, he stole my heart in every way. He made me realize the depths of deception in my life as well as remember how much I love my friends. Ethan did it all while remaining the biggest mystery I'd ever come across in a person. His soul was pure and the depth of love in his deep brown eyes tugged at my heart even now. They were pushing me to believe in him.

Faith was difficult to give someone that you hardly know especially when it was more than your life on the line. The people I was fortunate enough to give all my faith to were the same people that stood to suffer because of my poor choices. I had a letter asking me to hand over that same faith. It was hard without knowing him. Faith and love were two
very
different things. It was possible to have one without the other. I learned that today.

Forgiveness was an even harder thing to come to terms with after this year. I didn't deserve to be forgiven for my recent actions. Was it better to forgive and forget? Was it better to keep things buried so that you didn't end up revealing too much of yourself to be betrayed? I didn't have any of those answers. In the loneliness of this hallway, I fell even deeper into the abyss. I welcomed the emptiness that spread throughout me.

The
secrets
and
lies
that dictated my life almost made me miss out on a life changing love. Walking away, I wanted to believe in the power of love but my mind was full of doubt. In falling for him, I learned how very dangerous living a lie could be and that secrets do nothing but shatter your world in the end. Ultimately, it now all came down to one question.

Is loving someone with every fiber of your being enough to save you?

COMPLICATED

BY M. M. KOENIG

SYNOPSIS

Mia Ryan has been hiding things from the man who stole her heart as well as the people she loves most in her life. Coming to the realization she can no longer live a lie, she strives to correct her mistakes but sometimes even our best efforts are not enough. Now, she finds herself blackmailed into a position to keep those that she loves dearly safe from her poor decisions.

In the second installment of the Secrets and Lies saga, Mia moves forward on a path against her will. Not one to let things go, she begins to push for answers to the questions that left her so deeply conflicted.

Will she keep her friends safe? Why did Harrison take an interest in her? Why did Micah return? Does she stand a shot at a relationship with Ethan? Will she ever be able to crack the mystery behind the man?

So many questions with even more complicated answers...and
no one
will ever be the same once she discovers the truth...

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

First and foremost, I have to say thank you to Nikki. Mia's story would not have made it to paper if it hadn't been for a good kick in the ass from you. You've always believed that I could do something like this even when I didn't. You and your family have changed my life beyond measurable words. I will forever be grateful that I kicked that trashcan in your direction our freshman year. Who knew such a simple act would be life changing?