Conquering Chaos (2 page)

But just when I get close enough to say hi, she spots somebody and takes off running.
Before I know it, the girl of my dreams is locking her arms around some guy, and they’re
making out hardcore by the lockers.

My heartbeat is now in my ears. I close my eyes and sigh. Of course a girl like that
would already be taken.

Feeling like an idiot for the rest of the day, I finally meet up with my friend Ash
after school for our usual ten-minute walk home. She hitches her backpack over her
shoulder, pulls out two cigarettes and hands me one.

“Thanks dude,” I say, my head still full of the rocker girl. “I’m dying.” I shield
the lighter for her and then stand against the wind to light my own. We walk and smoke,
making sure to cuff our cigarettes just in case a cop drives by. In a small town like
Marine City, police will stop an old lady for jaywalking if they’re bored enough.

As usual, we head to Ashley’s house and straight on into the garage, which was originally
fixed up as a room for her older sister but later turned into Ashley’s lair and our
traditional hangout. The door is scribbled with graffiti of all sorts of stuff fourteen
year olds aren’t supposed to be into, from pot leaves to retro mushrooms. Ashley throws
on some Bone Thugs N Harmony, one of our favorite groups, along with Sublime, Tech
Nine, Eminem and a whole bunch of rock bands. I wonder what kind of music the beautiful
blond bombshell chick from today listens to.

That’s what I’m thinking while Ashley grabs a familiar box from under her bed and
opens it to release the beautiful aroma of weed. We spark up the bud in her homemade
pipe, and finally I start to let it all out.

“I saw the hottest chick today, dude,” I say after coughing out a cloud of smoke.
“She has the biggest tits in the seventh grade, long blonde hair, and a smile that
don’t stop.”

“Really?” Ash takes the pipe. “What’s her name?”

“I don’t even know, actually,” I say, gloomy about it. “I didn’t even talk to her,
I tried to find her after class, but she’s got a boyfriend.”

Ash laughs. “Who cares?”

I cough on the last hit. Ashley knows me too well. “I’ll get her,” I say. “Don’t worry.”

Catelynn:

I’ll let Tyler direct that movie, but I know it by heart, too. The usual craziness
of seventh grade was especially crazy for Tyler and me, even before we met. Tyler,
obviously, had his own reputation going on. He was a real smart-ass kid, and like
all of our friends back then, his life was rough around the edges: A dad in jail,
a single mom who’d worked hard to move them out of the trailer park, and he wasn’t
exactly known for being well behaved.

And I could relate to a lot of that. Tyler describes me back then as a blond bombshell
with a big smile, but at the time, this “bomb-shell” was living in a shady trailer
park. I wasn’t the kind of person to cause trouble at school, but trouble was definitely
something I was familiar with. I’ve got all the usual “trailer park kid” stories.
My mom’s trailer wasn’t as bad as a lot of the others, though. It was a newer model
with a nice open-concept living room, dining and kitchen area, and a hallway to the
right that led to the bathrooms and bedrooms. My room was where I showed my personality.
I painted my walls hot pink and splattered them with neon paint that looked awesome
under my black light. My whole door was covered with stickers. My sister and I loved
scribbling little messages and drawings on our doors, and there was always funny stuff
written all over the place. After I got together with Tyler, you could find “I love
Tyler Baltierra” written in Sharpie everywhere.

But really, the trailer park was not a good place to live. We never had good relationships
with our neighbors, and there was always crazy drama going on between the people who
lived there. Drunken fighting, drug feuds, nasty kids getting in your face, you name
it. And our nice, spacious trailer had its own share of that crap. Believe me, we’ll
get to that later.

School was where I escaped that whole scene. My friends were all trailer park kids,
too, but school was a more comfortable place for us to just relax and let down our
guards. I was a real social butterfly back then, which unfortunately took priority
over being a student. In my own easygoing way, I was pretty bad in school. I didn’t
get called the the principal’s office all the time like some people, but I wasn’t
getting any passing grades, either.

Tyler spotted me before I spotted him, but I found out who he was pretty quick. We
had a few classes together, and it wasn’t long before we were hanging out with the
same big group of kids. We weren’t close, but we were familiar with each other and
talked casually sometimes. Of course, I had no idea this kid had already made up his
mind to get me!

The first I heard of it was from our friend Alexa, who quietly gave me the news one
day when the usual group was gathered at school. In true junior high school girl fashion,
she just came out of nowhere and said, “You know, Catelynn, Tyler really likes you.”

“Oh, really?” What else do you say? I didn’t see it coming, but Tyler must have known
what was up: When I walked out of the classroom, I remember glancing over at him and
he was giving her the darkest death glare I’d ever seen.

So from that point, I knew Tyler was interested in me. But I still had a boyfriend
at the time. I didn’t know how
serious
Tyler was about getting together with me until one night a few weeks later, when
I had a party at my house. All of my friends were there, including my boyfriend. And
Tyler was there, too.

I can’t explain how, but I could just sense that whatever might happen between Tyler
and me would be something serious. Maybe it was the way he was focused on me, or the
look in his eyes whenever he glanced at me with this other guy. Whatever it was, I
knew that Tyler had made up his mind to be my boyfriend, and I knew that if I encouraged
him, it would be a done deal. I think that’s why I told him he couldn’t stay at my
house after the party. That wasn’t true at all. I had several guy friends over that
night, and my mom was fine with all of us kids being there until whenever. But when
Tyler asked if he could stay, I lied and said no. I wasn’t even sure why I did that,
at the time. It was weird.

Tyler:

I begged Cate to ask her mom to let me stay over that night. I definitely had plans.
The whole reason I went to the party in the first place was to scope things out, and
the first thing I noticed was that she totally wasn’t into her boyfriend. Every time
he tried to pull her down on the bed to make out with him, she’d get up and walk away.
When I saw that, I knew I was in. And I knew she felt it, too. That’s why she wouldn’t
let me stay! She was just nervous because she knew, deep down inside, that she wanted
to be with me, too. She knew if I stayed we’d be together by the time the party was
over. She just wasn’t ready for it. But right after that party, she broke up with
her boyfriend. I went for it.

There was no big production about it. All I did was walk up beside her and take her
hand. Of course, that took some nerve. I was terrified. It was the scariest thing
I’d ever done in my thirteen-year-old life. But I made up my mind that that was the
way to do it: I was going to run up and grab her hand, and if she let go, well...I
couldn’t plan that far ahead. But I went for it.

Catelynn just held my hand back. We didn’t even look at each other. That was just
it. We just walked on ahead, holding hands, and we’ve been together ever since.

Catelynn:

I fell for Tyler because he was always making me laugh. Whether he was writing funny
notes to me, cracking jokes in class, clowning around with his friends, he always
brought this fun, positive energy to the room. I was a social kid, but I was pretty
shy and reserved. I loved that he was funny and outgoing. It helped bring out bigger
parts of my personality, too.

From the very beginning of our relationship, Tyler and I have had a strong bond. Not
just as boyfriend and girlfriend, but as really good friends. No relationship is perfect,
but even back then, we had a connection and concern for each other that was really
different from what we saw in other couples around us.

People think junior high relationships are no big deal, and maybe they’re usually
not. A lot of our friends at the time were going through relationships one after the
other, dating just to date. But Tyler and I weren’t like that. When we got together,
we didn’t feel like messing around. Even at such a young age, we somehow brought out
these grown-up, serious instincts in each other. Suddenly it was clear that we both
wanted a long-lasting relationship, someone who would be there forever. Of course,
we didn’t know how to handle that kind of goal right away, and there was a time early
on when we broke up for awhile and each dated someone else. But we got right back
together, because we both wanted to be serious and we had what we wanted with each
other.

Tyler:

We started the relationship with a promise to be honest and open. We each brought
out something in each other: Cate mellowed me out, and I inspired her to be more outgoing.
But we had to stumble around a little bit to find that balance. I’ve always had a
strong personality and always speak my mind. Catelynn, on the other hand, is a natural
people-pleaser and grew up doing anything to avoid conflict.

I didn’t want to steamroll over her, and I didn’t want her to hide her feelings and
opinions from me. So I put my big mouth to use and told her, “Hey, if you don’t like
something, you have to tell me. Don’t just agree with me to make me happy.” God gave
you a mouth for a reason!

Catelynn:

It was really hard for me to get used to Tyler’s kind of honesty. I was not the kind
of person who stood up to speak my mind whenever I wanted. Growing up in an unstable
house, it was always my job to be a peacemaker and saying whatever I needed to say
to make things go smoothly. The last thing I ever wanted to do was make waves, hurt
feelings, or cause a fight.

For awhile, I tried the same thing with Tyler. Whenever we had a disagreement, I would
always choose the path of least resistance and go along with what he said. To me,
it wasn’t even something I expected people to notice. It was just second nature to
choose the path of least resistance. But one day, all of a sudden, Tyler came out
and said, “Okay, this is annoying.”

Tyler:

It wasn’t an argument — we never really argued or fought, and it’s still very rare
— but it was definitely our first big talk. The problem was that I could tell she
wasn’t speaking her mind to me, and she was always holding in what she really wanted.
For example, I’d suggest doing something that I knew she really wanted to do, and
I’d ask her what she thought. And without fail, she’d never say, “Yes, I want to do
that.” She’d say, “Whatever you want to do.” And if I said, “Okay, let’s not do it,”
she’d agree with me, even though I
knew
she was disappointed! I couldn’t understand it. When I asked what she wanted, it
was because I wanted to know! Finally I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I had to
bring it up.

I said, “Listen, I’m not into this thing where you say ‘yes’ and agree to everything
I say. I can’t have you pretending you’re okay with something when you’re not. That
doesn’t make me happy. I don’t want to be with someone who goes along with everything
I say. I want a girl who has her own voice and is confident about it. You can’t be
afraid to disagree with me.”

Cate’s reaction was the funniest thing. She had a surprised look on her face, like
the idea had never even occurred to her before. And when I was done she just shrugged
and said, “Okay.”

“Can you do that?” I asked her. “Can you actually say what you want so we’re not just
always going with what I want?”

“Well,” she said. “Shit, yeah, I can do that.”

Catelynn:

After that, my habits completely changed. It was like I was just waiting for someone
to tell me it was okay to speak my mind. The thing was, no one ever really had. Not
like that. I know it had a lot to do with my upbringing and home life: When I got
together with Tyler, I’d already lived in ten different places, and I was used to
living in unstable, unpredictable, emotional situations. So speaking my mind and sharing
my feelings just wasn’t at the top of my list of survival skills. It wasn’t something
that had gotten positive results in the past.

But to have someone tell me for the first time that he really wanted me to disagree
with him sometimes, that he cared about my point of view, was a big deal for me. That
was one big way that our relationship empowered me from the start. And once I got
the hang of it, it was on! I was objecting to things left and right. And if Tyler
ever acted surprised, I was quick to say, “Hey, you told me to!”

I know a lot of people struggle with this same thing. They try to hide certain thoughts
or feelings because they’re afraid of how their partner will react. But Tyler and
I made communication a priority from the start, and when we had an issue, we worked
it out like friends. We’ve always been good at talking to one another and figuring
out what to do as a team.

Tyler:

It hasn’t always been easy to figure each other out. Regardless of age, the first
couple of years of any relationship are about getting to know how the other person
works. How do they process their feelings? What stresses them out? What makes them
feel safe? What parts of their personality or my personality are causing issues? What’s
the best way to stop our differences from coming between us? It’s different for every
couple.

Catelynn:

In our case, learning how to be honest with each other made our relationship strong.
Since we weren’t hiding how we really thought and felt, we were able to trust and
know each other better. And that made us
want
to solve problems together. When you’re open to the other person’s unique point of
view, you double your power to figure things out.