Consolation (Consolation Duet #1) (28 page)

I wake the next morning and my hand reaches for Liam, but all I get are cold sheets. Again.

No.

I sit up and look around.
Please don’t let this be a dream.
It’s definitely not my bedroom. I’m in North Carolina. “Okay,” I tell myself, “Just take deep breaths.”

Climbing out of bed, I feel the aches of the muscles I hadn’t used in a while. I’m sore but I welcome it. It reminds me of the complete ecstasy I felt in Liam’s arms. The sun shines through the window and I go to see where he is.

I walk past Aarabelle’s room to check on her, but she’s not there. I rush down the stairs and see them on the couch. Liam has Aara tucked into his side and she has food all over her face. She’s elated and smiling, watching television with him. Leaning against the wall, I watch them.

She starts to wiggle and he places her on his lap. “Okay, Mommy’s still sleeping, and I’m pretty sure you’re going to need a new diaper after the amount of food you ate. We’re going to keep that between us.”

She stands on his legs and bounces.

“So if you could not poop, that would be really great,” he tries to convince her. “I mean, I can buy you a doll or whatever it is you kids are into. Want a pony? There are wild ones running around. I’m sure I can snag one if you can keep up your end of the bargain.”

“Mamamama,” Aarabelle coos and Liam tries to occupy her.

“Your mama is way better looking than me. Can you say Liam?” he asks and she eats her fingers. “Probably not but you could try.”

I stifle my laugh as she eats her hand and bounces, oblivious. If he’s already bribing her with ponies, we’re going to need to nip this in the bud.

“A pony?” I say as I come into view.

“Oh, thank God. I was worried she was going to shit and I don’t have rope or tape.”

“There’s so much wrong with this situation.” I smile and walk toward them. If this is a glimpse of my mornings with Liam, I’ll be a very happy woman. He sits shirtless and I do my best not to ogle, but his body is hard to tear my eyes away from. His chest is broad and shoulders strong. I know what it feels like to have his strong arms wrapped around me.

In fact, I would like to have that right now. I saunter over, wearing his long t-shirt that I found on the floor. Remembering how much he liked me leaving in it the first time we fooled around, I figured he wouldn’t mind.

“Good morning,” he gazes at me as I stand in front of him.

“Morning.” I scrunch down and kiss him and then kiss Aara. “Morning, Princess.”

I lift her into my arms and make myself comfortable on his lap.

“My two favorite girls.” Liam wraps his arms around us and squeezes.

“Thank you for waking up with her.”

Aarabelle babbles on as I nestle her into my chest. She looks at Liam and her whole face lights up.

Liam shuts the television off and pushes the hair off my face. “I went for my run and when I got back I heard her talking in her crib. I must’ve worn you out last night,” he says with pride.

Rolling my eyes, I snuggle into his chest. “What time is it?”

“Ten,”

“Ten?” I yell out as I jump up. “You let me sleep till ten? What the hell?” I ask and look at Aara. “Did you feed her?”

“Yes, I fed her,” he scoffs. “I’m not a total idiot.”

“What the hell is on her face?” I ask, swiping the dark brown smear on her face. “Is this chocolate?”

Liam stands and ignores my question. “I’m gonna hop in the shower.”

“Liam! You gave her chocolate for breakfast?”

“Feel free to join me,” he says while walking up the stairs.

“You’re going to change every shitty diaper she has!”

“Love you!”

“Ugh!” I groan and look at her all happy and clueless. It’s hard to be mad at him since he let me sleep in, but still. He has so much to learn and hopefully he’ll be around for me to teach him.

“Don’t let her get too close!” I call out from my beach chair. Liam is letting Aarabelle play near the water and I can’t help but get a little antsy.

“Calm down. I know how to swim—well!” he lets me know in an annoyed tone.

I’ve gotten to actually enjoy the beach for the first time since Arabelle’s been born. I don’t know what to do with myself. Plus, I get to look at Liam shirtless. Really, I’m winning anyway you look at this.

My phone rings and I look at the number. California?

“Hello,” I answer.

“Natalie? It’s Catherine.”

“Cat! Hey!”

I haven’t talked to her in so long. Between her working insane hours and the fact that my life is nuts, we just miss each other. I do get to talk to her through Jackson though . . . I guess that’s something.

“Hey! I had a few minutes and was thinking of you. I think I’m going to come back east next time Jackson comes to Virginia and I’d love to see you.”

I laugh as Aara throws sand at Liam. “Yeah, that would be great.”

“You sound happy,” she notices.

“I am. I’m actually away until tomorrow. Liam and I came to the Outer Banks.”

She goes silent for a second. “Things are good then? With Liam?”

I sigh and the smile that forms is natural. “Yeah, things are really good. I’m content, Cat. He’s sweet and he loves Aarabelle and me. It’s strange and we’re adjusting, but I’m in love with him.”

“Oh, that’s amazing. Seriously! I’m so happy for you. And after finding everything out?”

Jackson and Mark found out about the affair, I assume through Liam or Quinn. Jackson pulled me aside and assured me they knew nothing. He and Mark were both angry, but they’ve also seen it so many times. Cheating isn’t uncommon in the SEAL community. I was grateful that I wasn’t the only person who was blindsided by it.

“It sucked.”

“Trust me, I know. I know it’s awful, but I promise you, in time, the affair can even become a blessing. When I walked in on my ex cheating on me with his whore, I didn’t think I could love again. It was the most horrific thing, but because of that . . . I met Jackson. Maybe Liam is your lobster.” We both laugh at the
Friends
reference.

“I think he could be. I’m taking things one day at a time, but you know. Oh,” I remember to tell her about Aara’s party. “In about a month, I’m going to have Aarabelle’s first birthday party. I know it’s a little early, but I’d love if you and Jackson could be there.”

“Oh, for sure! Jackson wouldn’t want to miss it. Okay, babe, I gotta run. I have a meeting in a few, but I’m glad we could catch up a little,” Catherine says, sounding rushed.

“Me too! I can’t wait to see you.”

“I can’t wait either. Kiss that precious little girl and we’ll chat again soon.”

I disconnect the call and think about what she said. Her ex did a real number on her. At least I never had to walk in on Aaron and Brittany, but at least Catherine wasn’t married and having a baby. It sucks no matter which way you slice it. Infidelity takes a part of your heart and tarnishes it forever. I can polish it up, but it’ll always have a dull spot.

Liam and Aarabelle head back and I appreciate the way he moves. Even the way he walks is lithe. The muscles in his arms enlarge as he lifts the baby. I stand up and head over to them.

“Dadada,” Aarabelle babbles and rubs her eyes.

Liam and I glance at each other and then down to Aara. She gazes at the house and I wonder if she is just making noises or if she seriously called him some form of Daddy. It would make sense. He’s the only man in her life. Neither of us speak as I wait to see if she says it again.

“Did she?” I question aloud.

“We probably misunderstood.”

I nod and blow it off. She might have said something else and we are being silly. We both stay silent for a few beats and watch her as if she’ll say something again. After a few minutes, Liam reaches for my hand and laces his fingers with mine.

The sun warms my face and I close my eyes.

“You should really be wearing something else,” Liam chastises, breaking me from my peaceful moment.

“What’s wrong with my bathing suit?” I ask looking down.

I know it’s not the body I had before kids, but I don’t think I’m fat. I have on a deep burgundy strapless bikini. It hugs my new curves but hides the tiny pooch I’ll never get rid of.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just having a hard time not wanting to carry you over my shoulder and bury myself inside of you again,” Liam says and I literally shudder.

My stomach tightens and I need a minute to think again. That was definitely not what I was expecting to hear.

“Okay,” I manage to say. “What time are we leaving tomorrow?”

“I need to get some stuff ready before I leave, so probably after breakfast. And after morning sex.”

“So sure I’m going to give it up, huh?” I play with him a little.

“I think I’ve proven myself.”

“I’m not so sure.”

He’s more than proven himself, but it’s not in my nature to let him gloat.

“I’d be careful. Aarabelle is yawning and I can think of something to do during her nap time.”

I look at the baby and wonder if it’s too early for her nap.

“I have some other things I really wanted to do, like catch up on my TV shows.

Maybe another time though.”

Liam lunges forward and practically knocks me out of my chair. “I’d start stretching, sweetheart.” He kisses the side of my neck and his warm breath causes goosebumps to form. “I’m going to make you come many, many times.”

I try to manage my breathing and appear in control. “I’m counting on that.”

He’s going to make me suffer, but in the absolute best way.

An hour later, we pack the few things we brought to the beach and head back toward the house. I feed Aarabelle and get her ready for her nap. She’s exhausted, and after her oh-so-healthy breakfast, getting her to eat lunch was not fun. Once everything’s cleaned up and I get her settled, I’m not sure what to do.

Do I go and look for him? I mean, he alluded to what we’d be doing. Then I feel awkward because I’m not sure if this is normal. I feel like a horny teenager worrying about having sex all over again. I’ve never had an adult relationship where you date.

“Trying to avoid me?” Liam says and I leap out of my skin.

“What is with all of you? Do they train every one of you to scare the shit out of people? Fucking hell.” I try to calm my heart, but it’s been almost a year since he died . . . it’s been a year.

It’s a year.

Today.

And I didn’t even realize it. It’s been one year today since Aaron died.

I look at Liam with tears building. I’m here on vacation with Liam—making love, having fun, and I didn’t realize it’s the anniversary of my husband’s death.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?” he asks concerned.

“Liam,” I say with my hand on his arm. “I don’t know . . . I mean . . . today is a year. Today makes one year since he died.” I look up with despair. I’m an awful person. I mean, I didn’t even know. I didn’t think about it or him. Yes, he hurt me, but still. Shouldn’t I be in Pennsylvania? I suddenly want to vomit.

Liam stands there and doesn’t say a word. Guilt for two men becomes too much for me. I’m standing here on vacation with my boyfriend crying over my dead husband. The day after we had sex for the first time. Oh my God. I’m going to lose it.

“I need a minute,” I say and rush down the stairs.

There are no answers here to ease my mind. Nothing is right and yet nothing is wrong. I made my peace with Aaron. I made my choice with Liam, but at this moment, my two worlds are colliding and nothing fits.

I burst through the door onto the beach and fall to my knees. I’m more upset that I forgot. I don’t know what the protocol on mourning is, but shouldn’t I have remembered?

I think about the note I found with the apology. Maybe he was sorry about the affair. Maybe he was sorry he married me and was unhappy. Even though I don’t think that. Sure, we had hard times—all marriages do—but we had a lot of happy. We had laughs, love, and we had a family. I take this time here on the beach to forgive him and forgive myself. If I go off his letter, he wanted me to be free and to love again. I want that too.

And I have that.

I look toward the ocean and there are three wild horses trotting along the water. I’ve never seen the horses when I’ve been on the beach. They’re majestic and the three of them move a little slower for a moment.

The dark brown horse seems to be in charge as it leads the pack. There’s a light tan horse who’s in between the two darker horses. The other horse pushes past and is almost black. It’s the tallest of the three. It moves in front and the tan horse perks up.

I sit and watch them and can’t help but feel for the tan horse. I decide it’s a she. She has two male horses vying to lead her. But she’s wild and doesn’t want to be led. Again, I decide all of this. She wants to love, but feels torn between the two horses. When I’ve written their entire story in my mind, the dark brown horse turns and leaves her.

“I’m sorry too, Aaron. You left me.”

The two horses run in the opposite direction and I feel like somehow he just answered me.

Standing, I brush the sand off my legs and decide to find Liam. He deserves an explanation. When I turn, I see him standing a few feet behind me. His arms are at his sides and his eyes are sad.