Consolation (Consolation Duet #1) (31 page)

He slowly lowers me as we get to my door. “I don’t have to stay,” he somehow reads my mind.

“Don’t be stupid. I want you here.” I take his hand and open the door. He holds my hand as we enter my bedroom.

There are a lot of memories in this room, but I want to make new ones. I deserve new ones. Corolla was beautiful, but this is where our life is. We need to be a couple in our real life.

Liam holds my hand as I pull him to the bed. I look around at the room and am grateful for my tirade. It allowed it so there aren’t any pictures other than of Aarabelle. I didn’t want to look at him after I found out about Brittany. I sure as hell don’t want to feel like he’s looking at me now.

His hand holds my face as he slowly inches close before he kisses me. I lie back on the bed and pull him on top of me. Pushing the beanie off his head, my fingers slide through his hair. The scruff I love so much is back and it scratches my neck as he begins to move his mouth there. I could fall apart so easily in his arms. He gives me such comfort and security.

“I hate the idea of leaving you,” he says against my skin.

I hate it too, but I focus on the words floating around before speaking them. I have to tread carefully before I say things. I’m in the tiptoe stage where I have to guard his heart and my own.

“It’ll be okay.”

Of course I don’t know that. Our lives are constantly hanging on a precipice, ready to tip over the edge and shatter. He could die at any point. I could decide it’s too much stress. But if we can love each other enough, we have a chance.

Liam pulls my shirt over my head and holds me close. It’s like he’s holding on to more than just this moment. Unease begins to build and I start to question what we’re doing. If he’s dreading it already, do we even have a chance?

His lips trail down my collarbone and I try to alleviate my worries. I want to stay in the moment with him. Give myself over and let him take me from my own mind.

“Stay with me,” he orders in his deep, husky voice.

I close my eyes as his mouth wraps around my nipple. He sucks and nips at it as I writhe beneath him. His hand travels down my body beneath my shorts. He moves slowly, and I catalog each movement he makes. The way his finger brushes against my hip. Each swipe across my clit as he toys with me.

Liam strips me of my defenses so I’m open and exposed to him. He can see through my layers of bullshit and straight to my heart. “Liam, kiss me.” I want to hide back behind my walls.

“Let me love you. Let me in.” His voice leaves no room for question. He knows I’m scared. He knows me. I close my eyes and he pushes his finger inside me. “I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.”

“Feels so good,” I moan as he uses his thumb against my clit.

Suddenly his hand retreats and I’m left feeling empty. My eyes fly open and I whimper. He gazes at me as he removes his clothes.

I sit up and push his hands away, “Let me.”

My fingers gently pull at his shirt. I go slow, savoring him and knowing what lies beneath his clothing. A man too beautiful for words. I trail down his now bare chest and use my nails to scrape at his skin. He hisses as I run my finger across his stomach.

“No other man has my heart,” I murmur. “No other man has my body.” My eyes lock on his as I remove his pants. They slide down and he moves me back beneath him.

“And no other man will ever have them again.”

His lips crash against mine and his tongue presses into my mouth. I kiss him with everything I am. He commands my body and I allow him. Liam is claiming me and I’m claiming him. We are each other’s and no matter what happens, I can’t go back.

I don’t want to go back.

He pulls my pants off completely and hovers above me.

“I love you.” My voice is strong and I need him to know. “I’m yours.”

He enters me in one push and I nearly cry out from the feeling. His eyes stay trained on mine and he rears back and slowly pushes forward.

“Liam!” I cry out as emotions and physical sensations become too much.

“No other man will be inside of you,” he says aloud but I can’t tell if he’s trying to convince himself or me.

“No one . . . only you,” I say.

“No other woman will have my heart,” Liam assures me. “No one else ever had my heart. Only you, Natalie.” His eyes close as he slides back and forth.

From the words and the feelings, it’s too much. Liam has stolen every resolve I had to keep something for myself. He knows what I need and he gives it to me. With his body and with his words.

I soar high as he flips me onto my stomach. His hand wraps around and he applies pressure on the bundle of nerves. He pounds me from behind as I push back against him. I need him to lose it. I want to drive him so hard that he can’t think of anything but how good this feels.

“Fuck me,” I cry out as I push myself back to meet his thrusts.

He nearly loses it as he grips the back of my neck and the sound of skin slapping overtakes the room. Heavy breathing, moaning, and our love making echoes. I close my eyes as he grips me tight and fucks me relentlessly. It’s heaven and hell. I fight my orgasm off, as I want to go over the edge together.

“Let go, goddamnit,” he says angrily. “Let me feel you lose it.”

He swirls his hips and circles my clit and I’m gone.

I moan and let myself go. Liam kisses my back and follows me over the edge a minute later. I fall flat on the bed, sated and exhausted.

“You’re incredible,” Liam says as he rubs my back.

I roll over and smile lazily. “You’re pretty incredible yourself. I’ll be right back.”

I sit up and head into the bathroom. I wrap my robe around me and look at the left side of the sink. Aaron’s old razor and toothbrush. They’ve been a part of the house and I forgot to get rid of them. I pick them up and hold them in my hand. I don’t feel anything though. No sadness, no anger just resignation.

Liam opens the door and sees me. He looks at my hand and then closes the door.

“Liam!” I call out and rush toward him.

“I’m going to go.”

“No! Please, it’s not like that,” I try to explain. I wasn’t mourning or anything, I saw it and picked it up. “Please, stop. Let me explain.”

He’s throwing his clothes on and tears start to form in my eyes. “I’m sorry. I need to go.”

“Stop!” I cry out and he turns. “I wasn’t upset. I wasn’t crying over his razor. I just saw it and I don’t know . . . I picked it up. It wasn’t like that.”

“What was it like?” He looks away, but I see the hurt in his eyes.

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”

Liam grabs my hand and I look up. “Try.”

“I saw it there, but I didn’t feel anything. I won’t feel bad though. You can’t expect me to be so unfeeling. You’re the first man to be in my bed other than him. You have to have some sympathy for that.” I wait for him to fully register what I’ve said.

“You think I don’t have sympathy for what you feel? You’re fucking kidding me. I’ve never said a word, but I’m fighting a damn ghost.” Liam’s words are sharp and he’s clearly upset.

“You’re fighting something on your own. I’ve never made you feel that way.”

His eyes meet mine before he turns away again. “Maybe not, but seeing you with that razor. Clutching it to your chest wasn’t my imagination.”

“You have two choices,” I say determined to end this, because he’s making it something it’s not. “You can either trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about or you can leave.”

“So easy for you?”

“Don’t.” I say with no room for an argument. “Don’t you dare make this my fault. This is all you.”

Liam steps toward the door and my heart sinks. His hand rests on the doorknob and he turns to me. “I just need a minute. I’ll be right back.”

I nod, understanding. “I can handle a minute.”

He steps toward me, and in an instant, I’m in his arms. He holds me close and breathes me in. “It’ll never be more than that,” he vows and then releases me.

I climb into bed and wait for his minute to pass.

“No, Mom, I hear you,” I say while trying to put the food we need for Corolla in the bag. I figure if we’re going for a week, we should pack what we can.

“Are you going to be back in time for her party?” she asks.

She’s flying in three days before Aarabelle’s birthday party to help. The flight from Arkansas isn’t cheap, and no matter how many times I explain I’ll be back a full week beforehand, she isn’t grasping it.

“Mom, everything will be fine. It’s a two-hour drive and Liam has to be back to work after that anyway.”

“I’m ecstatic you guys are going away again,” she admits. My mother has been extremely supportive of my relationship with Liam. She’s always loved him and knowing how great he is with Aarabelle is enough for her.

“Liam pretty much demanded it. I feel like shit taking off work again, but I’m going to do some stuff from there. I think it’s important though.”

I’m really looking forward to the trip. After about a week of arguing with him on how I didn’t think it was fair to request time off again, Liam made a valid point. I work with a team of former SEALs. All of them have had deployments and work ups, they all know what it’s like to be the one leaving and wouldn’t begrudge me a chance to spend the time with him.

Of course Mark gave me no argument and said he didn’t even need to run it by Jackson. I still felt guilty and almost hoped they would say no.

“Well, I can’t wait to see you and that beautiful granddaughter of mine.”

“We can’t wait to see you either. I’ll call you when I get back from Corolla.” I grab some snacks to throw in the bag. We leave in three days and at least this time I’ve had time to pack.

“Okay, have fun. Love you.”

We disconnect and I hear a car pull in the drive. The purr of the loud engine lets me know it’s Robin. Great, now he even has me calling the stupid car by its name. I head out toward the deck to see why Liam’s here. He told me he was super busy with training before the leave periods start.

“Hey,” I say, pulling the blanket I grabbed off the couch around my shoulders.

“Hey, sorry I only had a few minutes and I figured you’d rather hear it from me.” Liam looks pissed and determined. He pulls the brim of his uniform cover lower, so I can’t see his eyes.

“Okay? What’s wrong?”

He kicks his foot and I can already tell I’m not going to be happy. “I’m leaving tonight.”

“What?” I exclaim.

“I have to head out for a few days. We have a mission and they need us to go.”

“But your leave starts tomorrow. We were leaving for Corolla,” I say and pull the blanket tighter.

He looks up and I see the resolution. He doesn’t have a choice. “I know. I’ll try to be back . . . they said it’s a day or two. If we can’t leave on Friday, we’ll go as soon as I get back.”

“I’m not taking off more time. I was having trouble with taking the five days.”

Liam steps forward and places his hands on my shoulders. “I know. I’m not happy either, but I have to go. It’s a small team of guys.”

“And you can’t give it to the other chief?” I ask, knowing he couldn’t.

Life of a military girlfriend. Job comes first and we come second.

“Natalie,” he says my name and he grips tight. “I
have
to be the one to go.”

“Okay, I mean, I don’t have a choice. I hate this. I’m pissed, but it is what it is.”

Liam pulls me close and his lips press against mine. He holds me tight against his body and keeps his mouth fused to mine. This kiss is desperate as if he’s memorizing me. His hands hold like vises around my arms. He doesn’t let up and I can’t help but think how this feels like goodbye. It’s like that kiss where you’re not sure you’ll ever have another one. I fight the urge to cry because I feel it in the tips of my toes. It’s hurting and I try to break away, but Liam keeps me against him.

Finally, he pulls back. My breath is coming in short bursts. “What was that?” I ask.

“I’ll see you as soon as I can. I’ll try to make it back before we were supposed to leave.” He brushes his hand across my cheek.

“Liam,” I try to stop him but he keeps going. “Liam! Stop!” I start to jog after him and he stops. “You can’t kiss me like it was our last and then leave like that.” I hold my arms across my chest and he turns and looks at me.

“I’ve never had to leave someone behind. I don’t know how this works,” he explains.

I haven’t thought about how this would be for him. He’s been single.

I step forward and wrap my arms around his stomach. “Well,” I say sweetly, “You tell me you love me and that you’ll see me soon. You kiss me tenderly and feel free to tell me how every minute you’re away from me will suck.” I grin and Liam’s arms encase me.

“Oh, is that all?” he relaxes a little.

“Well, any compliments will work.”

“How about this . . . every second I’m away from you I’ll feel like my heart is missing.”

“You can do better . . .” I smirk.

He looks behind me and chuckles, “I will think of you every moment of every second.”

“Better, but I could use a little swooning.”

“Oh, Natalie, love of my life . . . I will hold my breath until I can breathe the same air as you and even then it will not be good enough because my lungs will be dead.”