Consolation (Consolation Duet #1) (30 page)

The hair on the back of my neck stands. I can’t explain what has my senses heightened, but I look around, trying to see if I’m being watched.

“What is it?” Rea asks and looks around too.

“I don’t know, I just got a weird feeling.” I look around again but I don’t recognize anyone.

We enjoy our lunch and I tell her about Aarabelle’s birthday party. She laughs and tells me I’m going overboard, but knows there’s no stopping me. I want to celebrate where we’ve come in a year. Aara may not know the life she’s had isn’t exactly sunshine and roses, but she’s had a life filled with love.

“I gotta get back to work,” I say and put a ten-dollar bill down. “The guys are all leaving and I need to make sure everything is in order.”

“First, you’re going to sit here and tell me about the sex.” She crosses her arms and waits expectantly.

I thought I’d gotten away with it, but apparently not.

“I really don’t have to tell you anything.” My smile fades almost immediately when I look at the end of the bar and Brittany is sitting there. “I’m leaving,” I inform her and start to grab my bag.

“Why?” Rea looks and sees her.

Brittany looks over and stands.

Anger flows through my veins. I walk over to her and she averts her eyes. “Don’t look away. Are you following me?”

“Following you? No!” she says and goes to gather her things. “I swear, I don’t want to cause trouble.”

“What do you want?” I ask, because this is the part that still gets me. She wanted me to know about her and Aaron. She could’ve let me go on living my ignorant life, but instead, she made me aware. “I’m trying to move on from all of this, but it’s obvious we’re going to see each other.”

Brittany leans against the chair and sighs. “I want to move on with my life, but there’s a lot causing me not to.”

“I feel the same.”

“Look, I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t set out for you to find out, but don’t you see? I’m the same as you. I’m in pain.” She nearly chokes on the last word.

“I wish I could say I care . . . but I don’t.”

“I know you don’t care and I wish I wasn’t the other woman. I just don’t know how to move on . . .” she admits and her eyes fill with tears.

Reanell stands behind me and places her hand on my shoulder.

“Can you answer some questions for me?” I ask. I can’t even believe I’m entertaining the idea of talking to her, but maybe we can both find a way to move past this.

“I can try.”

“When did you start seeing him?”

She looks away and then back to me as she tries to collect herself. “We were together about a year before he died. We met at a bar and started talking.”

“Wow.” It’s as if I’ve been punched in the gut. He was seeing her when we were trying to get pregnant. “When did you find out about me?” I look at her and wait for the answer that has bothered me since I found out.

Brittany pushes her blonde hair behind her shoulder. “A few weeks before he died. When I found out I was pregnant.”

My eyes snap up and I fight back the nausea that threatens to escape. “Pregnant?” I ask looking down at her stomach.

“Yes, I was eight weeks pregnant when I lost the baby.” She looks at me with sadness in her eyes.

I grasp my throat and try to breathe. “I-I don’t . . .” I’m not sure what to say. “When?”

“I lost the baby a week after he died.”

And the hits keep coming.

So she would’ve had a baby with my husband. Awesome. After three failed pregnancies and countless months of infertility, I find this out. Each time I start to think this can’t get any worse, it does.

“I think I’m going to be sick.” I turn to Reanell and she pulls me into her arms.

“I love him. I wasn’t just some girl.”

I turn and look at her. “Yes, you were. He didn’t tell you he was married. He never told me about you. The man you loved was a lie. I’ve known him since he was sixteen. I went to his senior prom, was at his boot camp graduation, married him. You weren’t his life.” I spew the words out.

“You weren’t either,” Brittany rebuts.

I wish I could argue with her. I wish I could yell and scream, but she’s right. I wasn’t his life. I was his wife who got pregnant and maybe trapped him.

Brittany wipes her eyes and rights herself. “I’m sorry. I should go.”

Reanell steps forward. “I know you’re hurting, but this,” she points to me, “Isn’t the right way.”

Brittany starts to walk away and I grab her arm. The words taste like vinegar on my tongue. I fight with myself whether to say them, but I’ve lost a child. I know the pain and how hard I held on to each loss as my own personal failure. Each baby that didn’t make it ate at me. “I’m sorry you lost a child,” I say as tears fall.

The tears she had stopped start to flow and slide down her cheek. She doesn’t say a word as she gathers her bag and leaves.

“A baby,” is all I can say as Reanell pulls me into her arms. “She was going to have his baby.”

Two weeks pass and I do my best to put Brittany and her bomb to the back of my mind. Liam has been gone, so it’s given me time to grieve the news in my own way. I’ve come to some kind of peace regarding it, although I don’t know I’ll ever completely be at peace with it. I hate myself for being relieved she lost the baby. It’s not something I’m proud of, but Reanell has been great with helping me understand my feelings.

This last training session was supposed to be three days, but they extended it to seven so they could get some shooting qualifications. I don’t miss this shit.

He came home late last night and had a lot to finish, so we agreed for a late dinner tonight.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Liam says as he comes in the kitchen with a bag of Chinese food. I can smell the yumminess.

“My hero.” I give a dramatic sigh and clutch my chest. “Did you get me an eggroll?”

“Do I get a prize if I did?”

“You get a kiss and maybe I’ll get naked for you.”

“Maybe?” he asks with a raised brow.

“Fine, you’ll get nookie if I get an eggroll,” I acquiesce.

Liam digs through the bag and his face says it all. They forgot the eggroll. Ha! I’m so going to make him pay for this.

“Eggroll, Dreamboat.” I put my hand out waiting. He continues to dig.

“If I don’t get laid because there’s no fucking eggroll, I’m going to kill someone,” he says out loud and I smile.

There’s no eggroll and he’s going to be upset. Oh, how I enjoy late dinners.

“Is that all I am to you?” I quip. “Sex?”

He looks over and grimaces. Looks like someone isn’t happy. “I’m not even going to answer you. I’ll be back,” he says and starts to walk away.

“Oh, stop!” I say laughing. “Don’t be an idiot.”

Liam’s arms cage me in as he leans down. “I’ll make it up to you.” His voice is full of promise.

“I’ll be sure you do.”

“I missed you,” he says as his lips barely touch mine.

“I’d miss me too.”

“And you say I’m arrogant.” He smiles against my mouth.

I smile back and kiss him gently. “I just know how lucky you are.”

He kisses me again and laughs.

We eat our dinner and fill each other in on our time away. I miss hearing the field stories. Things that happened and all the dumb things they do. Liam tells me about Quinn and the pranks he pulled on some new guys who checked in this week. I laugh and tell him about work and then I fill him in on my talk with Brittany.

“She was pregnant?” he asks with his jaw hanging open.

“Apparently. I don’t know what the hell to believe anymore. It’s all ridiculous.”

Liam pulls my chair so I’m sitting with my legs between his. “Are you okay?”

I know it’s not easy for him to shift into this conversation. I mean, here we are again, talking about Aaron in some way. Even I grow annoyed with it. The flip side is that Aaron wasn’t just some ex for me and he wasn’t some guy to him. There’s a lot of history for both of us.

“It was a shock. It was a big shock,” I say in a hushed tone.

“I’m sure, but that doesn’t answer my question.”

“I’m fine.”

“Oh, good. You’re fine again.” Liam throws his hands up and they come down with a slap.

I look up as I hear the chair grate against the floor. He moves away from me and starts to eat again. I sit here stunned.

“Why are you pissed?” I ask, a little pissed myself.

He drops the fork and looks over and huffs. “You’re fine? We’re going back to that? You find out your husband was having a baby with the woman he was fucking behind your back—and you’re fine?”

Fuck him. I can be fine or whatever else I want to be.

“I’ve had a few days to process it all, Liam. I’m sorry I don’t want to tell you all the shit that went through my mind. I’m fine with it now—is that better?” I sneer the words and shake my head.

“I have a lot on my mind.”

“That’s no excuse to be an ass to me. I didn’t have to tell you about Brittany and their love child. But I’m trying to be honest with you. You said we should talk about this crap.”

“I know.”

“That’s your cue to say ‘I’m sorry,’” I instruct him.

He looks over and pulls my chair back. His eyes sparkle in the light and he gives a dramatic sigh. “My darling, Natalie,” Liam pauses and then lifts my hands between us, “I’m forever sorry for being an ass. I promise to only fight with you when it’s acceptable and you grant me permission. Will you forgive me?”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I’m pretty sure I do.”

“You’ll live.”

“You might not,” I threaten.

Liam’s lips rise as he fights his smile. “I’ll take my chances.”

He could probably kill me in half a second, but he’d have to catch me first. We both sit in silence and I allow myself a few moments to gather myself after our argument. I wonder how long we can seriously go like this.

Liam starts to shift a little and I notice he seems to be somewhere else. Normally I would push him, but it’s unlike him to be uncomfortable. Liam exudes confidence. He knows how to handle most situations before they even happen. Maybe I really upset him with our disagreement.

“Are you okay?” I finally ask after a long bout of silence.

“Yeah, I told you I have a lot on my mind,” he explains. I sit and wait for him to expand on that. He lifts his head to the sky and lets out a deep breath. “We got our deployment orders today.” He looks over at me and waits.

I know what this means and the fact that he’s this unhappy tells me all I need to know. It’s soon and I’m going to need to start preparing for it. I try to dig deep into my old ways. Think later—smile now. I need to lock down my own concerns and be his support. He can’t see my fear, he can’t see my sadness. He has to hear the words that will keep him safe. Time to rely on my own training of being the one who gets left behind.

“When do you leave?”

Liam grabs my hand. “Right after Aarabelle’s birthday.”

“Oh, really soon,” I say and try to fortify myself behind the wall of indifference. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with deployments.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I ask surprised. He didn’t do anything wrong. This is the life. It’s time I get used to it again because Liam is in for a long time.

He stands and begins to pace. “I know you’re not okay about this. Fuck. I’m not happy either.”

“Am I happy? No. But it’s your life. I understand.”

“I think we should go away for a week before I leave. I have stand-down leave before. We can go back to Corolla and just be us.”

The picture he paints is something I can’t refuse, but I took off work not too long ago. “I don’t know. I mean, I have a lot going on.” I chew on my nail and battle my own wants. Another trip would be great to be able to just be us again. But I’m trying to move forward in all parts of my life, including working.

“Lee, I think it’s important for us to do this before I go.”

“We just got back though.”

“I know, but I want to spend a week together. Just the three of us. I want to soak up as much time as I can with you and Aarabelle.”

The pleading in his eyes makes it almost impossible to resist him.

I stand and put my arms around his waist. “Liam, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t need some trip to reaffirm how much I love you.” I wait for him to look at me. “I don’t know that I can get away again.”

Liam’s hands glide down and he grips my thighs, lifting me. I hang on to him as my legs wrap around him. “I’ll just steal you.”

“I’m not stealable,” I joke and make up the word.

“I’ve already stolen you.” He kisses the tip of my nose.

And he has. He knows it too. I don’t want to fight tonight, and I think I can talk him out of the trip later on . . . but tonight, I want to be with only him. I don’t want to think about babies or deployments. I want to just be us.

“Where’s my eggroll?” I ask and he smirks.

“In my pants.”

My eyes widen as I try to keep from laughing. “Is it a big one?”

“I’d say so,” he retorts with a smile.

“I may have to see for myself.”

“I can arrange that.”

I press my lips on his and he carries me out of the kitchen. I keep kissing him as he moves with me in his arms. A tiny pang of stage fright hits me again as I realize this will be the first time Liam has ever been in my bed. The bed I shared with my husband.