Counting the Days (18 page)

Several months have passed and Danny continues to come and go as he pleases. He lives the life of a single man. Sometimes he comes home, sometimes he doesn’t. When he does decide to grace us with his presence, he comes in late and is usually in an inebriated state. Most of the time he’s so drunk that he passes out where ever he lands. I don’t fuss with him much when he’s like that, it’s safer. Samantha and I have learned to just go quietly to another room when he’s in one of his moods. Most of the time, it works and he leaves us alone. Other times, when it doesn’t work, I just lock Samantha in her room and try to shield myself from his blows.

Tonight, however, the evening was going quite well. Danny must have hugged me at least five times and with each hug, he gently kissed my neck. He went into the living room and played with Samantha. They wrestled and laughed for at least a half-hour. Then I didn’t hear anything, but silence. I began to panic inside, but I didn’t want Danny to know that I was a little alarmed by the silence, so I walked calmly into the living room to see what was going on. To my surprise, Danny was reading Samantha a story. They were sitting together on the couch, reading.

“
Dinner will be ready in a few minutes,” I said to mask my checking in on them. He looked up and smiled, then resumed reading. I quickly went back into the kitchen and began setting up the table.

After he finished reading Samantha the story, he brought her into the kitchen and we all began to eat. It was nice not having to avoid a fight for a few hours. We talked and joked around. I really enjoyed Samantha’s giggling with her daddy. We rarely heard the sound of laughter in our home and it truly was music to my ears. Usually we sit in silence while we eat dinner, but tonight Danny seemed to be in an extremely good mood. When he came in this evening he was humming and whistling happy tunes. And after he showered, he came into the kitchen commenting on how good dinner smelled. I was taken back by his good mood. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him happy while he was sober.

After dinner, Danny and I sat together drinking coffee, making busy talk while Samantha watched cartoons in the living room. Danny laughed as he told me about his day at work with his father. Apparently, his father won the bid on a very important job. This job was the brass ring of jobs and would put D&D Painting in the top of the business industry.

As we sat talking, I thought about how nice it would be if every evening was like this one. The band was playing tonight, so our evening would be cut short, but I was determined to enjoy every minute of the calm serenity. At least, for now I could live in this dream life for a few hours.

Danny motioned for me to sit on his lap and he whispered sweet nothings in my ear. I couldn’t help, but giggle. In my heart, I secretly wished that he was like this all the time. He playfully began tickling me and then we kissed. In my dreams, this was the Danny that I fell head over heels in love with.

“
I know that I haven’t been the best husband, but I want to tell you that I plan on changing. I’m going to get help with my anger problem.” He said these words with all seriousness. Or so it seemed like he was. Then he continued speaking, “I’ve contacted a treatment center and made an appointment to meet with them on Monday morning. I couldn’t have done it without the help of your friend Tracy.”

I thought I was going to drop dead of fright. I don’t know how he did it, but he found the business card that I had gotten from the women’s shelter. Oh man, this has to be a set up. No matter what I say, this is going to be a no win situation. Be careful Marilyn. Proceed with caution. Girl, you are damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. I was so petrified with fear that I couldn’t find any words to say in my defense.

“
What’s the matter Marilyn, the cat got your tongue?” He said with a smirk on his face, patting my legs. “Seriously, I have an appointment on Monday morning. I thought you’d be happy. We both know I have a problem.”

“
Danny, I swear, I didn’t tell Tracy anything. One day I was walking blindly and I felt like I was losing it, so I stopped at the shelter to see how I could get help for the bad things that I do.” That’s good Marilyn maybe if I take the blame or act like I’m the one with the problem, just maybe I can save myself from a beating.

He playfully swatted my behind and kissed me on the neck again. “It’s okay, Marilyn, most of the time you push my buttons by doing stupid things and I overreact. I know that I have an anger management problem.” He motioned for me to get off his lap. He got up, walked over to the fridge and got himself a beer. “I forgive you for all the nonsense that you put me through and I am going to that appointment on Monday. It’s going to be the only way to prove to you that you’re the problem, not me. They will teach me how to have self-control when you’re behaving improperly.”

I couldn’t speak or move. I was frozen solid with fear. I had no idea what he would do next. Samantha came into the kitchen and asked for a glass of milk. I went to the fridge and served it to her. Before she left the room, Danny intercepted her and picked her up. She immediately shot me a glance of panic.

“
Do you know that your Mommy is a b----?” He asked. She immediately stiffened up. She’s only three and a half, but she’s seen so much over the years that she knew a battle was coming. “Tell Mommy, she’s a b----,” he turned her towards me and pointed. “Tell her! Say it…you’re a b----.” My poor little girl, fear was written all over her face.

“
It’s okay, baby, say it.” I said trying to assure her.

“
You’re a b----,” she whispered and began to cry.

“
That’s my good girl,” he said as he put her back down. He pat Samantha’s head and she ran back into the living room crying. “You see how you affect her? Now she’s crying and it’s all your fault.” He is such a jerk.

I just stood there waiting for the punch or the kick. I began to mentally brace myself to be slammed. He sat there staring at me, shook his head, then got up and walked away. He just got up and went to our bedroom. I didn’t know what to do with myself, should I start cleaning the kitchen and wait to see if he comes back to beat me? I decided to stay right where I was. I didn’t do anything. I just stood there waiting. He was acting so strangely. If he hit me, it would be all over with, but this type of behavior was nerve racking.

After a few minutes, he came back out, dressed and ready for the club. “Why don’t you call Jenny and have her come over and watch Samantha for a couple of hours tonight and join me down at the club? The gang hasn’t seen you in a while and I think it would be great if we had a night out together. I have to play, but in between sets we can dance and blow off a little steam.”

“
I don’t know,” I hesitated. It’s been several years since I’d gone to any club. He always kept me secluded and I couldn’t understand or even trust his inviting me.

“
Are you telling me ‘No’?” he quipped.

“
No, dear, I’m not. I’ll be there.” I responded quickly in agreement.

“
Make sure you’re there before our first set,” he said walking towards me. I couldn’t help but cringe, as he got closer. It was an automatic reaction. “Oh, don’t worry honey, if I was going to hit you, I would’ve already done it.” He bent in, grabbed me and kissed me passionately on the lips. I tried to relax, but I couldn’t read his behavior and it was scaring me. What’s he up to?

He headed for the door, turned around and said, “Oh, if you ever check in on me again when I’m playing with my daughter, I’ll kill you.” He paused and shot me a devious smile. “I’ll see you in an hour…oh, and wear the red dress,” he said before leaving.

I was trembling out of fear, so badly that I had to sit at the kitchen table for about ten minutes just to calm down. After breathing a sigh of relief, I cried. Samantha came into the kitchen and put her arms around me while I sobbed. “Its okay sweetheart we’ll be out of here soon,” I said comforting my little girl.

I left as soon as Jenny came. The guys would be playing their first set in about fifteen minutes. So I had to get moving. I didn’t want Danny to have any reasons to get angry with me. Maybe something good would come out of his appointment at the treatment center Monday, but this is only Friday and a lot can happen between now and then. That’s if he really has an appointment on Monday. As I pulled up to the club, I made sure that my clothes were just so. Danny can turn on me over anything, so I needed to make sure that I looked perfect.

He immediately caught my glance as I walked in the door. I walked over to the band member’s table, said my hellos and then sat down. Danny came over, kissed me hello, and then disappeared into the crowd. The club was packed and I was a little apprehensive as to how I should behave. The waitress came over and I ordered a drink. I also informed her that I would not be accepting any drinks from anyone other my husband, Danny. She looked a little surprised and stated that she didn’t know that Danny was married. I assured her that he was.

There were so many people and lots of girls all over. I couldn’t find Danny anywhere in the crowd. I felt like a fish out of water. A couple of years ago, I would have made my rounds, saying hello to all I knew. Look at me now, I can’t believe how stupid and out of place I feel. I’m so insecure and have no confidence whatsoever. I couldn’t even look at anyone passing by straight in the eyes. I had to look down at all times. Every once in a while I would see Danny speaking with someone, of course it was always a girl, and it never was an ugly girl. Just stay put, Marilyn. Just make nice with the girlfriends here at the table and try to enjoy yourself.

Soon the guys began their first set. After a few songs, Danny waved me over and the band began to play Brown Eyed Girl. While he sang to me and to, probably five other girls on the floor, I put on my ‘he’s singing to me, little ole me’ look on. I wished that he’d only had eyes for me during the song, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers. When it was over, he gave me the cue to get back to the table. At least I was seen. Now the entire bar knows that Danny has a wife. The bar was quickly beginning to get crowded and many more girls were going up front dancing exclusively for the band members. Every once in a while, I’d smile and nod politely to the girls at the table. I tried to make conversation and would say a word or two to them, but it’s been so long since I’ve been out that I didn’t know any of the new girlfriends. With the exception of Danny and the other band members, I knew nobody in the bar. I felt very alone. On the norm, I would have Jenny and Paul here to keep me company. Even having Tina here would have been a good thing. I haven’t heard anything new about her disappearance and she’s been gone for quite a while. I wish things could have been better between us, but she left before we could straighten things out.

When the guys finished the first set, Danny came over and was surprisingly attentive. He ordered us some drinks and we danced to a few songs while the DJ played. I made sure that I didn’t make eye contact with anyone. When we were sitting at the table, Danny actually paid attention to me when I spoke. He was even his old octopus self. It’s been so long since he’s treated me nice, that I’ve forgotten how to act. I’m kind of excited that we might have a decent time tonight. Please Marilyn, don’t get your hopes up, it always goes sour and he could turn on you at any minute.

One of the band members came over to the table and whispered something to Danny. He excused himself and made his rounds before returning to the table. His friend Chris was with him when he returned. They conversed and I listened. I didn’t look at Chris, and Chris didn’t look at me. It was a great thing. After a while, Thomas and Mike even showed up. At least now I had someone I knew to talk to. Danny was being very generous with the booze.

After a while, Danny went with the guys up for their second set. Mike’s girlfriend showed up and they disappeared on to the dance floor. Chris ventured into the crowd of women, thank goodness, and Thomas, well, he stayed with me at the table. All the girlfriends of the band members went out on the dance floor. I could tell that Danny was feeling pretty good at this point. He was totally oblivious that I was there. I watched him flirt with several girls that he apparently knows pretty well. He didn’t even care that I was sitting there watching him. My husband is a jerk!

Thomas began talking and broke my gaze from Danny. “So, Marilyn, how are you really doing? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you. How many years has it been?”

“
I don’t know, probably close to three years.” I glanced over at the stage and watched my husband bend down and kiss some girl. Idiot! I turned back to Thomas and blurted, “So, how have you been?”

“
I’ve been good. Just working my life away. I bought a house in Lindenhurst,” he hesitated and continued, “just keeping myself out of trouble. To tell you the truth, I haven’t seen Danny in a couple of years. Mike and I just came in here for a night cap when we saw you guys.”

“
I’m glad you came over, because I was dying of loneliness,” I said glancing over to the stage again. Danny was totally preoccupied with his little girly friends. “I thought that you’d be married or something by now,” I questioned, noticing how good he looks. I always knew that Thomas was one of the nice guys, but I never noticed how good-looking he is. He’s always so sweet and polite. I don’t know what I was thinking of when I let him get away. I was so busy chasing the hottest one that I let go of the nicest one. Stupid. Look at that fool husband of mine up there. He’s making a love connection right in front of his wife. This is the man that I picked. Foolish. I turned back to Thomas, “So tell me, is there a special someone in your life?”