Counting the Days (7 page)

Is she serious? She can’t be serious? Why didn’t she just smack me or something? Oh no, she really means business, I can see it in her face. Stop this Marilyn. Say you’re sorry and that you didn’t mean it…any of it. This is your mother and you can’t live out on your own. You can’t live without her. You’re not nearly close to being ready. You don’t even have a job. What are you going to do for money? Where are you going to live?

I looked her straight in the face and said, “Goodbye Mother,” and then walked out the front door never to look back again.

I was so wound up that I paced back and forth across Jenny’s living room. Of all my friends, I knew that Jenny would be the only person that would understand. I also hoped that she would invite me to crash at her house until I was able to work something out.

“
I can’t believe she threw you out, Marilyn. What are you going to do now?” Jenny asked. The gears in Jenny’s head were grinding and I knew that she was going to try to validate my story to see if I was lying. It was written all over her face, she didn’t know whether to believe my story or not. She did, however, look concerned for me nevertheless.

“
I haven’t the faintest idea what I’m going to do. I don’t have a job so I don’t know how I’m going to pay rent for an apartment. School starts in a few weeks. I don’t know what I’m going to do?” We both sat down on the couch and quietly talked things out. “I don’t know what got over her. One second we were chit chatting, all happy and then, POW, she started ranting and raving about how rotten Danny is and how he’s going to mess up my whole life. She even suggested that I was the cause of my father leaving. Can you believe that?” I was getting good at this lying thing.

Jenny stared at me for a moment, trying to figure out if I was lying or not. I’ve never lied to her before, so she won’t suspect it now. She hesitated and then said, “Marilyn, I don’t know what to think. It just doesn’t sound like your mother. I mean, did you do or say something to tick her off?” Jenny was trying to validate my story in her mind.

“
No…she asked me why I was all bruised and stuff and when I told her why, she jumped on me. She blamed Danny. Jenny, he would never hurt me on purpose. I don’t know what got into her,” I said as cool as a cucumber.

“
Why are you all bruised up? You haven’t told me yet,” Jenny inquired glaring at me wide eyed waiting for an explanation.

“
Well, you were there the other night when Tina and I got into the fight. I got a couple of wallops that night and yesterday, White Bullet tossed me. Danny had nothing to do with either,” I said matter-of-factly and was up and pacing again.

Jenny’s facial expression changed and I knew that a lecture was coming. “Danny had nothing to do with the fight in the bar the other night? Marilyn, are you going insane or are you just nuts? The other night at the bar, Tina was all but giving a lap dance to your so-called boyfriend who, I might remind you, was enjoying her attention very much. Danny was undressing Tina with his eyes way before you and she got into it. Also, if I may remind you, last week he demanded, no, he commanded that he drive Tina home from Mike’s party. Do you remember that much?”

“
Tina lives on his way home. That’s all. Nothings going on, he said so himself, and I believe him. Tina’s just a pig and was just trying to get his attention. He doesn’t have any feelings for her. Trust me, I know. She must have been angry with me about something and she was trying to get back at me. That’s all.” The memory of his disappearing with the waitress last week popped right up into my mind. But I knew better than to tell Jenny about that incident. Believe me, that story would go with me to my grave. I am so glad that I had decided not to tell her, because she would never have understood and it would have just given her more ammunition against Danny. I sat down again on the couch.

“
Marilyn, you’ve got to wake up. There’s something about this guy, he’s not on the level. Dear, you have your whole life ahead of you. Why don’t you just slow it down a little?” Jenny pleaded with heartfelt eyes.

I couldn’t help but love her. I knew that she meant well, but I was going to defend my feelings for Danny no matter what. So in my defense I said, “Look who’s talking. You and Paul are pretty serious and you guys have your whole lives ahead of you. Why don’t you guys slow your relationship down? Besides what’s the big deal, I’m just having a little fling before going to medical school. It’s not like Danny and I are getting married or something.” I just hope that someday the little fling will turn into forever.

“
First of all, Paul and I have been going out for a long time. And I know that you and Danny aren’t getting married, but Marilyn you’ve changed over the last few weeks. You’re moody all the time and you’re always on the defensive, especially when it comes to him. You have to admit that you really don’t know anything about him,” Jenny said sitting down next to me. “Look, I’m just worried about you. Ever since you and he met, bad things have been happening to you and you’re just not thinking clearly.”

“
And it’s all Danny’s fault, right? When he came into my life, all of a sudden I was cursed with bad karma. Could it be that maybe, just maybe, I’ve been a little careless?” I retorted sarcastically. “You know, I have a lot of things on my mind. For one, I’m a little nervous about school and stuff. In a few weeks I begin embarking on the biggest adventure in my life. Medical school…and I’m just a little stressed out about it. I just wanted to enjoy my summer and have a little fun. That’s all.”

“
I know that you’re under a lot of pressure with medical school coming up, but all I’m saying is that you should just slow your relationship with Danny down a little. Just slow it down a notch,” Jenny said sincerely. “Don’t invest your heart. That’s all.”

“
Too late,” I mumbled under my breath.

“
Marilyn,” Jenny said shaking her head, “don’t tell me you’re in love with him…are you?”

All these weeks, I hid my feelings about Danny from all my friends. I felt guilty that I hadn’t even shared the basics of my relationship with Jenny. Suddenly, I was shaken to my foundation, but it was time to be honest and to tell Jenny all. I began with, “Jen, I love him so much. When he’s not around, I can see him, smell him, taste him, feel him. I’ve never felt this way about anyone ever before. I’ve tried so hard to put him out of my mind, but I can’t help it. I think about him every minute of every day. I feel like a helpless fool.” Jenny hugged me and immediately the tears started pouring. “Jen, I’m so sorry that I haven’t told you about any of this. It’s just that everyone’s been on my back about him. It seems like no one likes him, so I thought it was better to stay quiet.” Pour it on thick, Marilyn, and win that sympathy plea.

“
It’s okay, Marilyn,” Jenny replied. “We’ve been friends for so long, I should have known that you were falling for him. All the clues were there, but I didn’t pick up on them.” Jenny got up and handed me a box of tissues. “I’m sorry that I gave you such a hard time about him. I just have this bad feeling…but if you love him, I guess I could try to get to know him better. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“
Thanks. You know, Jenny, you’re the only person I can really talk to. I’m going to try and reach my father or Danny tomorrow morning. I’m sure that one of them will come up with a plan. Until I talk to them, can I stay here with you?” I asked.

“
Yeah, you can crash here, but please, Marilyn, try to contact your dad before you call Danny. Your dad will give you the best advice. Danny’s judgment will be clouded, he’s a guy and he will have only one thing on his mind,” Jenny admonished.

Now why did she have to go there? I could feel every hair stand up on the back of my neck. “Man, what is up with you and my mother? You guys must really think that I’m stupid.”

“
No, that’s not true, I don’t think that you’re stupid. It’s just that your father will have your best interests at heart and Danny will be thinking like a guy. That’s all I meant.”

“
Why does everyone think that Danny is only out to get me in the sack? Besides, why is my having sex with him such a bad thing?” I could feel my ears burning, I was getting so angry. “He’s never tried to do anything more with me than I wanted him to do and he stops every time I tell him to. You and Paul have gone all the way, so you have no right to be lecturing me about this stuff.”

“
I’m sorry. I’m not trying to lecture you, but you have to understand that it took Paul and me a long time before we had sex. We wanted to wait for the right opportunity. It was a big step for both of us, and, believe it or not, we waited almost two years before we did it the first time. You and Danny just met and he’s a guy. Just wait a while before you do it. That’s all. Make sure he’s the right guy.”

“
No kidding…first of all, I plan on waiting until I’m married before I give it up. And secondly, Danny and I haven’t done anything remotely close to it yet.” At least I don’t think we have.

“
Good, because you may think that you’re in love and all, but it takes a long time before you’ll know if he’s the right one. And besides, you have medical school,” Jenny said heading for the linen closet.

“
What do you mean? I might think I’m in love. I know I’m in love. I feel the heat and passion every time he kisses me. I know he’s the real thing.” I said defensively. “And what makes you think I’m giving up medical school?”

Jenny came over with some clean linen and motioned for me to follow her. She took me to her brothers’ room. He’s been married for a few years. “You can crash here in Jimmy’s room for as long as you need to. I talked to my mother about it earlier and she said that it was fine. You’re more than welcome to use that phone over there to call your father. You know where the bathroom is if you need to shower or something,” Jenny paused. “I’m glad you’re here. Well, I have a date with my pillow and I’m really tired, so I’m going to bed now. I’ll see you in the morning. Marilyn, try to relax and get a good night’s sleep,” Jenny said leaving the room.

As soon as Jenny closed the door, I ran to the telephone and dialed Danny’s number. I explained to him all that had happened and when I told him that I was going to stay with Jenny until I got on my feet, he protested. He explained that his girl was not going to stay with strangers. He knew that Jenny wasn’t a stranger, but, truthfully, I really wanted to be with him. So I quickly wrote Jenny a note and left it on the night table. Then I quietly snuck out.

While I was outside waiting for Danny, I contemplated reasons behind possibly calling my father. What can I tell you about my father? He is the total opposite of my mother. He’s never given me anything unless I asked for it. He is what you would call a deadbeat dad. It’s not that my father doesn’t work, he works and he makes very good money. He just doesn’t believe in paying child support. I guess he figures that since my mother refused to marry his sorry behind, he didn’t have to take care of me. Granted, when I really needed something, he always bought it for me. Whatever it was, he bought it. He never said no. But money for food and shelter would have been nice too. If he’d paid child support, then my mother wouldn’t have had to work so hard and could have spent more time with me. Don’t get me wrong, he also was always there when I needed him. That’s the only good thing I could say about Mr. Eric Edwards is that once in a while he was there. But that’s about it. I resented him so much while I was growing up that I just couldn’t give him any kudos for being any kind of father figure. I mean, he’s a nice guy and all, but he’s just not what I would call a real ‘Dad’. When he’s in the mood and doesn’t have a love interest, we might spend an entire weekend or holiday together, but beyond that, nothing. He really isn’t interested in me. Really talking to me once in a while just isn’t his thing. As a matter of fact, this whole mess that I’m in right now is his fault, so, no, I will not call him.

I was only waiting around for about fifteen minutes before Danny arrived. Immediately my heart began racing when he pulled up. I hopped in and off we went. When we arrived at Danny’s, he asked me if I was tired and I said no. I was too excited to be tired. I was surprised to find out that he had an entire separate apartment in his parents’ home. It was a pretty big duplex. It had two bedrooms, one and a half bathrooms, a full kitchen, an office and a living room. I was very impressed. He told me to make myself at home. I asked if I could take a shower and Danny showed me to the linen closet and the master bathroom.

After Danny excused himself, I turned the water on so that it was scolding hot. When I stepped into the shower, I could instantly feel my body relaxing from the heat of the water. It had been a long day filled with lots of emotional ups and downs. I stood under the shower with my eyes closed. The hot water pouring over my head and coming down over my chest and back felt so good. I stood there absorbing the heat and warmth of the water.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn’t realize that Danny had stripped and joined me. In fact, when I noticed him, I jumped because he startled me. He was just standing there watching me. For the first time in my life, I felt very self-conscience and immediately began to cover my body with my hands. I have never been naked in front of a man nor have I ever even seen a man entirely naked. Not a real live tangible man.