Cover Up (29 page)

Strangely, his CPAP machine had survived. “Dishes. I need dishes.”

“Go wash your face, and we’ll pop over to Honest Ed’s. They ought to have something inexpensive.”

Another ray of sunshine broke through into the bleakness of his existence. Somehow, he’d survive.

Chapter 12

I
VAN
stared at the door, heart hammering in his chest. He’d made a point of never passing by Parker’s house until now. He knew he wouldn’t have the willpower to not go inside and beg for Parker to forgive him. It had been the right move. A clean break was the only way he’d be able to give Parker up at all.

He hadn’t gone back to work yet. His one month agreement with Nadar was rapidly approaching. With proper therapy and not worrying about every word he said, he’d made a lot of progress with his PTSD. The unauthorized operation had set him back, but he was at a point where he was almost ready to go back to work, ready to transfer into Homicide.

A car horn in the street made him flinch, but at least he wasn’t ducking shots for every unexpected sound. Kurt was right; this unfinished business would nag at him until he saw Parker one last time. One last time to kill the lingering hope logic hadn’t been able to squelch.

He still had a key to Parker’s house—kept it safe in his bedside drawer in his half-lived-in apartment—but it wouldn’t be right to use it. The stuff he’d moved into Parker’s house had been boxed up and delivered to Kurt’s house a few days after all that shit had gone down, an unexpected consideration from Parker; sending it to his work would have broadcast to everyone what a fuckup Ivan was.

One deep breath and he knocked on the door. Footsteps pounded down the stairs, and he scarcely had a second to wonder what he’d do if Parker had a boyfriend before the door swung open.

Parker stood there, tall and gorgeous and stunned. But his shock quickly passed, and he frowned.

“Ivan. What are you doing here?”

“Hi. Parker.” He should have fucking rehearsed what he was going to say, but damn it, he hadn’t even been sure he’d have the balls to actually knock.

“I sent your stuff to Kurt’s. I didn’t have your address.” The censure in those measured words almost brought him to his knees.

“I know. Thank you.” No point in saying he hadn’t opened the boxes, just shoved them in a closet where he wouldn’t be reminded of Parker.

Parker crossed his arms and stared at him, waiting.

He cleared his throat. “Can I come in?”

Stepping aside, Parker waved him in. What would it take to make him smile? Did Ivan still have the ability to make him smile? It was the only ability he wanted. He walked into the living room and stopped short.

“You redecorated.”

“I had to. The place was destroyed.”

Ivan closed his eyes. God. He hadn’t even thought of that. “I’m so sorry, Parker. So sorry.” He should have been here to help.

“Why are you here, Ivan?”

Opening his eyes, the interior was similar enough to create warmth in his belly. Despite it all, he’d been happy here, happy with Parker.

He turned back to Parker. His eyes weren’t cold—Parker wasn’t capable of being cold—but he was distant. Remote. As much as he wanted to pull Parker into his arms and kiss him, he didn’t have that right. Not anymore and maybe never again.

“There’s been a development in the case. Neil pleaded guilty to a lesser charge and is going to testify against Leo. Not sure if we’ll be able to get Razhin, but this way we don’t have to go to trial.” Could he salvage what they had?

“Is that the only reason you’re here?”

“No.” He stepped up into Parker’s personal space and gripped him by the shoulders. It was all he could do to keep from kissing the man, but it was too soon. “I’m here because I’ve missed you. I was a complete and total shit, but the only thing I lied about was my job. I swear. I think… I think we could make something work. I lo….”

Parker’s eyes widened, but Ivan couldn’t tell if it was because he’d almost admitted to being in love or if it was something else. He’d never felt like this before, not even with Colin. It had been a struggle to get through every day without seeing Parker. He loved Parker, and Parker might hate him; he’d have to save his confession of love until later.

“What about, uh… are you back at work?”

Ivan’s hands fell away. He should be glad Parker wasn’t kicking him out, even if he hoped Parker would just fall into his arms.

He walked into the living room and stood, unsure if he should sit or not.

“Soon. I think. Nadar offered me a transfer to Homicide. Right now, I’m working on my PTSD.”

“You are? Oh, I’m so glad.” The touch of Parker’s hand on his back was light, like a feather, but it made goose bumps rise on his nape. “Are you doing better?”

Ivan turned suddenly, Parker so close, breath warmed his cheek.

“Better, yes, but I still miss you. Can we… go out? Start dating maybe?”

“Dating?” Parker’s voice was unflatteringly incredulous. “No.”

Two little letters, one syllable, gutted him, left him unable to breathe.

“I want you to move back in here.”

Had lack of air made him hallucinate? “Move back in?”

Parker licked his lips, and Ivan forced himself not to be distracted from Parker’s words.

“I think we’ve moved beyond dating, don’t you?”

“We’ve only known each other less than two months, and I was a shit. Why do you want me to move in? Don’t do it because you’re lonely.”

Those words were a mistake. Parker’s eyes flashed, and he stepped back. “I’m younger than you, and I don’t have the same experience as you, but I’m not desperate for company. Alicia moved in with me right after. I love having her here, but I miss you. I miss what we had. And if that wasn’t a lie, I want that back. Once Kurt opened my eyes, I should have known you were having PTSD. If you’re getting help, I think we can… start again, yes, but start as a couple.”

He wanted to believe. He wanted this not to be some cruel joke, but how could Parker be so certain?

“How… why?” He took a step back; Parker’s proximity affected his logical thought.

“I had a month to decide what I wanted if you ever showed up, or if Kurt ever told me where you lived.”

“You… kept in touch with Kurt?”

Parker lifted a shoulder in a negligent shrug. “I wanted to know how you were doing.”

It couldn’t be this easy, could it? He clenched his hands into fists to control the trembling. “What if we had to go to trial? It could have been years.”

“I would have waited. When it’s right, you just know.” Parker took a step forward. “What do you say? We can wait until your lease is up, if you want.”

Ivan took in a deep gulp of air. Could he do this? Could he gamble on his feelings, on them? But then he looked deep into Parker’s eyes. He wanted every opportunity to see those eyes, to wake up next to Parker. Dating would be ludicrous, because he wanted to come home.

His eyes burned, and his mouth was dry, but he nodded. “I can afford to break my lease.”

Parker stared at him for a moment, head tilted to the side, assessing him. Then he leapt at Ivan, lips finding Ivan’s like they belonged there. Which they did.

Someone moaned—it might have been him—as their tongues dueled, frantic and desperate. Ivan slid his hands up under Parker’s shirt, clutching him closer. Parker held him just as tightly, pressing their immediately aroused bodies together.

“Oh, my. Um.” A woman’s voice broke through their passion. If she’d waited any longer to speak, one or both of them would have been naked.

Ivan pulled his head back, Parker’s dilated river stone eyes tempting him to not care if they had an audience. Almost drugged-looking, Parker turned toward their interruption. “Hey, Alicia. Ivan’s home.”

Home. He gave Parker a little squeeze.

“So I see.”

“Hi, Alicia.” He smiled tentatively, checking her expression for censure. Even if Parker forgave him, his friends might not.

“Hi, Ivan. Are you moving back in?”

He nodded. “Is that okay?”

“If it’s okay with Parker.”

“Oh, it’s okay with me.” The lustful huskiness in Parker’s words heated Ivan’s cheeks. Made him want to run right up to their room.

“It won’t be odd living here with us?” It had been a long time since he’d had roommates. At least, ones that he wasn’t sleeping with.

“Oh, I’m only here temporarily. My lease was up before Chris’s was, so I moved in here until we can get a place together.”

Ivan relaxed. He’d rather not put Alicia out, but he wanted to make a home with Parker more than anything.

“So… go get your stuff. Now.” Parker poked him in the side. Ivan laughed. The last time he’d laughed he’d been in this house, with this man. He wasn’t going to forget how that felt.

Alicia smiled at them, approval written all over her face. Good.

“Well?” Parker poked him again.

“It’ll take me some time to get my stuff packed up. Are you sure?”

Parker stiffened in his arms. “Aren’t you?”

Fast. So fast. But he couldn’t care. He wanted every moment he could get with Parker. Life was fragile and fleeting, and he wasn’t going to fuck up this relationship. Parker meant too much to him.

“I’m sure.” Ivan flicked a glance toward Alicia.

“No,” she said emphatically.

“What?” Parker was confused, but Ivan knew damn well what she was vetoing.

“No celebratory make-up sex until I’m far, far away. Got it?”

Blood suffused Parker’s face, and Ivan had to laugh again. His boyfriend was still so innocent.

“Better buy earplugs for tonight.” Ivan pinched Parker’s ass and, unbelievably, his face flamed hotter.

“Well, if we’re not having sex, you’d better go pack your apartment.” Parker glared at both of them.

“I’m going to study upstairs. No funny business. None. Especially on the couch, because I have to sit there too sometimes.”

Ivan tugged his boyfriend—be a long time before he got tired of that phrase—down onto the new couch. As soon as Alicia moved out, he was fucking Parker every which way on it. But there were a few things he needed to clear up before he dashed off to pack.

“Don’t you have any more questions about Neil or what’s happening with him?” Ivan had given him only the briefest of explanations.

“No. Kurt told me all about it already.”

Oh, that sneaky bastard. Playing both sides, making sure Parker knew what was going on and goading Ivan into coming back.

“That’s good.”

Parker curled himself around Ivan and nuzzled his neck, making Ivan squirm. “Apparently there was a lot of damage to the cottage as well. As soon as they’ve finished dismantling and removing all the plants and the drug processing equipment, we’ll have to go out there and assess the damage, figure out how much we need to fix it.”

“I’m so sorry. I should have realized there’d be a lot of fallout. I’ve got some money in the bank.” It had been earmarked to buy a condo, but he didn’t need that now. He already had the car he wanted waiting in the condo parking structure.

“No. You don’t have to do that. I can’t take out any bank loans or anything until everything’s been cleared up on my credit report, but I can take out a loan against my trust fund. I had to do that to fix things up here, and I should be able to do that to fix up the cottage.”

Ivan slid over to put a couple inches between them and cupped Parker’s face in his hands. “Did you mean it, that we’re in this together? We’re a couple, sharing a house?”

Parker nodded as much as he was able with Ivan’s hands in the way. “I want to share everything with you. I want this to be ours.”

“Then let me invest in our cottage. Let me pay for the repairs.”

A tiny, pleased smiled turned up the corners of Parker’s mouth. Just right for kissing. “Thanks.”

Those lips were irresistible, and Ivan took a quick kiss before speaking. “So was that the only time you spoke to Kurt?”

A hint of pink shaded Parker’s cheekbones. “No. He’s been kind enough to keep me updated. About the case and…. uh… you.”

“Me? He really is a sneaky bastard.” But he couldn’t stop grinning. The fact that Parker had cared enough to ask after him warmed him.

“You don’t mind?”

Ivan let another thorough kiss answer for him.

“So if you’ve been in touch with Kurt, did he invite you to his housewarming tomorrow?”

“Yes. But I wasn’t going to go. Mostly because my lawyer told me you were right about staying out of contact.”

“If you don’t have plans, did you want to go? Together?” He hadn’t made it to Kurt’s painting party, mostly because he hadn’t been in any mood for socializing two weeks ago. Until this very moment, he hadn’t been sure he wanted to go the housewarming either and pretend to be happy. Now that he was happy in truth, he wanted to show Parker off.

“Yes, I do.” Parker pressed his body next to Ivan’s, almost squirming in his need to get closer. The touch of Parker’s lips on the underside of his jaw had him doing a bit of squirming himself.

Ivan turned his head to do a bit of nuzzling of his own. “If we go upstairs, think you can be quiet?”

“Maybe.” Parker grinned.

Grabbing Parker’s hand, Ivan hoisted him off the couch. “She didn’t really expect us to reconcile
without
heading to the bedroom, right? She’s lucky we’re not stripping right here.”