Cowboy Truth: Cowboy Justice Association #3 (31 page)

Sitting down on a large rock, he let one overriding fact finally sink into his consciousness.

His mother hadn’t left him.

He could go over and over the evil things Bill Bryson had done but the fact was Logan had seen worse in the Middle East. What had happened to Margaret Bryson and his mother was far more personal but bad people were what Logan dealt with for a living. He’d ceased to be shocked by acts of depraved violence years ago.

His mother hadn’t left him.

The words were burned into his brain and the familiar but wieldy albatross of being unlovable, unwanted, slowly fell away. He’d been dragging it around for a long time and now that it was gone it felt strange not to carry its weight. He felt lighter but a part of his heart still beat for revenge. If Bill Bryson were still alive Logan would have taken great pleasure in arresting him. Seeing him prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Cold cases were notoriously hard to prove but Logan would see justice done for his mother. Somehow he would prove Bill Bryson had been responsible.

Bill Bryson had met a nasty and bloody end but he’d lived his life the same way. Once again Logan couldn’t help but wonder how the vigilante chose his victims. How had he known when Logan himself had been ignorant of the facts? And why now?

More and more Logan was moving away from the theory that George had killed his brother. Unless something they didn’t know about had been the catalyst, there seemed little motivation for George to do the deed. It also left little reason for anyone else. Unless one of his victims had risen from the grave, and Logan didn’t believe in ghosts.

His mother hadn’t left him.

He kept coming back to that. It was the one bright thing that had come from all this fucking mess. And it was a mess. A lot of people were going to be hurt before Logan was done here. He couldn’t feel guilty about it. He’d carried the stigma of his mother’s defection for too long to feel badly about others having some heartache when they had to face the truth about their loved ones. Bill Bryson hadn’t been anyone to look up to and Logan would take great pleasure in making sure everyone in Corville and beyond knew that.

His mother hadn’t left him.

She’d loved him, and hadn’t he lost track of that all these years? She’d said it every day even when he’d grown too old for her hugs and kisses as he went off to school. She’d looked at him with love and adoration in her blue eyes that exactly matched his. He could recognize the emotion now that he’d seen the same in Ava’s eyes.

Ava.

He couldn’t deny the love he felt for her any longer. He’d wanted to believe she hadn’t gotten to him, but here he was. Aching with love for a woman who didn’t even live in Corville. He wanted to reach out for a future with her but he’d avoided thinking about building a life with someone for so long, he wasn’t even sure how to begin. Always before he’d thought love would be snatched out of his greedy fingers. It would take courage to go after what he wanted.

Deep down he’d always felt there was something seriously wrong with him if his own mother left him. He’d believed this defect would keep a woman, the right woman, from staying with him. Eventually she’d see all his faults and leave. Everyone left, after all.

His father. His mother. Even Helen had left.

But there wasn’t anything wrong with him. At least nothing fatal. He wasn’t so much Bill Bryson’s son as he was his mother’s. She’d been the guiding hand in his childhood. Logan would hold onto her and reject the Bryson name and money. From the looks of things, it hadn’t brought anyone happiness or peace.

Ava was right. There was nothing more pathetic than an aging playboy trying to hold onto the past. A past that wasn’t even that good. It had been pleasurable but with each passing day it had made him emptier inside. Isn’t that why he’d let Ava help him with this case? His heart and soul had been crying out for someone real. Ava was as real as it came.

He sat there for a long time working through the facts and innuendo. One thing shone clear. He wouldn’t let his slim chance of happiness slip through his fingers. He could see the truth now for what is was. It was his job to accept it and move on. If he didn’t it was his own damn fault.

Levering up from the rock, he headed straight back to the cabin. He had a lot to say to Ava if she was ready to hear it.

*   *   *   *

Ava had just about worn a hole in the kitchen linoleum pacing back and forth. She’d attempted to read a book and then had sat outside with a cup of coffee but Logan still wasn’t back. She understood he needed time to process everything but as the sun started to set Ava’s concern was growing. He wasn’t the type to do anything desperate but his expression when he’d walked out of the house had scared her. Pale, his mouth in a grim line, he’d looked as if he’d never smile again. Her heart ached for this amazing man who had experienced so much pain in his life. It was no wonder he kept everyone at arm’s length.

She poured herself another cup of coffee and leaned back against the kitchen counter. The fact was she didn’t know which Logan would return to the cabin. Would it be the laidback, devil may care ladies’ man or the softer, loving and open man she’d spent time with these last few weeks? She feared the former and could only hope for the latter.

The sound of his boots on the front porch made her heart accelerate in her chest. The moment of reckoning was upon her. Logan would either be on the way to putting the past behind him or he would be destroyed.

The door swung open and one look at his slumped shoulders and grave countenance made any hope she’d had dissolve. Even a strong man like Logan couldn’t be expected to weather something like this. It was asking too much. She was always doing that, always hoping people could be something they really weren’t. She wouldn’t do that with him. Accepting who and what he was? It was the only gift she could give him now.

“Is there enough coffee for me?”

Ava nodded and hurried to fill a mug. He sounded normal enough but instead of coming to put his arms around her he simply sat heavily at the table. She slid the cup in front of him and he sipped at it, not speaking or looking at her. Finally when she didn’t think she could stand the silence any longer, he spoke.

“I did a lot of thinking out there.”

Her fingers tightened around the edge of the counter but she forced herself to let go and sit in the chair opposite him.

“Did you come to any conclusions?” Ava could hear the fear in her tone but she had no way to cover it up. All her defenses had been stripped away today.

Logan nodded, leaning forward on his elbows, the mug cupped between his hands. “I did, actually. When I went out there my mind was all confused. I couldn’t think straight. But one thing was crystal clear.” He looked her right in the eye. “My mother didn’t leave me. She loved me. Somewhere during all these years I lost that fact. Looking back I don’t see how I could have ever believed she didn’t love me. She said it every day and with every action. Every decision she made was about me. I remember that now.”

A tidal wave of relief shook Ava to the core. He’d seen some good in all this. He’d taken all that life had thrown at him and found the kernel of truth and happiness he could cling on to. “I’m glad, Logan.” She smiled, trying to hold back her own tears. “You’re easy to love.”

A corner of his mouth tipped up. “I’m glad you think that, but I haven’t always believed it. The fact is I’d forgotten so many things about my childhood and my mother. When we talked to Helen today it all came rushing back. And I knew one thing. I was loved.”

A sob caught in her throat. “Of course she loved you.”

“It’s not a given, you know. In my line of work I’ve seen some parents do some awful things to their kids. But Mom wasn’t one of them.”

Wiping a tear away, Ava fought the urge to tell him how much she loved him. It wasn’t the time or place to think about what she wanted. This was about Logan and he didn’t need the added burden of her emotions along with all of his own.

“What happens now?” Terrified to ask the question, she still couldn’t stop the words from leaving her mouth.

Logan took a deep breath and set his coffee on the table. “As I said, I made some decisions out there. The first is that I have no desire to be a Bryson. I’m my mother’s son and I’m happy with that. So I plan to sell anything I’ve inherited from Bill Bryson back to Lyle, Wade, and Aaron. I want no part of it.”

“I think that’s a good plan.” Ava had to swallow the lump of emotion threatening to close her throat.

“The second thing is that I’m going to sell the ranch that Frank left me. I don’t want a daily reminder of what he did to this town or to me personally. An adjoining ranch once made an offer to buy it so I’ll see if they’re still interested.”

Logan seemed to be divesting himself of his life in Corville one step at a time.

“And then?” Would he tell her he was leaving town? Starting all over?

“Then I start the search for my mother. I need the closure of giving her a proper burial, Ava. She’s been disrespected enough.” Suddenly Logan the lawman was back, his shoulders straight, his expression dark. “I want to settle the cases on Mom’s and Margaret Bryson’s deaths officially by re-opening them and including all the statements that were hidden. I can’t prove it with forensics but I can close the files with an official conclusion that Bill Bryson was the murderer.”

Ava reached across the table and tentatively placed her hand on Logan’s. She needed the connection to him, wanted to draw the pain from his body and take it into her own.

“Sounds like you did a whole lot of thinking out there. What about the vigilante?” Ava’s voice was still thick with tears.

Logan shook his head and stood, her hand falling away from his. “My gut is telling me that George didn’t do it.”

“Then who did? Someone who knew the Bryson family and wanted to avenge something they’d done?”

“I’m looking at every angle. Including the family. Jared should call soon with their credit card information.”

“What if you don’t find anything?”

“Then it’s back to square one,” he said crisply.

“Not really square one. We have motive now,” she observed.

“Square two then. Bill, and maybe George, get added to a long list of murders where the motivation is clear but the opportunity is not.”

“We’ll have to go back to the beginning. See who had opportunity at the wedding and cross-check for opportunity for the other murders.”

“I’ve had Drake working on that since we found out Bill was killed by the vigilante. He’s been through more than half of the guest list.”

Ava knew it would be tedious, time-consuming police work. The kind they didn’t show on television.

“So do we head back to Corville tonight?” The sun was low on the horizon and it was a long drive.

Logan gave her a lopsided grin. “We aren’t done with our talk yet, good girl. No, we’ll head back in the morning.”

“What else is there to talk about?” Ava asked tremulously.

“Us.”

“Us?” She didn’t know whether to run and hide or stay put exactly where she was.

“Us,” he replied his face relaxing into a smile. “We need to talk about the future.”

“Do we have a future?” she asked carefully. “I mean after this case is solved.”

“I think we do. You love me, good girl. I recognize the look in your eyes. My mother had the same look. Minus the lust, of course.”

She didn’t like the way she felt exposed. It was like she was sitting butt-naked in front of him. And not in a good way.

She chewed on her lip. “So what if I do? It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It sure as shit means something,” he said incredulously. “No one has ever loved me since Mom died.”

“I’m sure someone has,” she argued. “Christina loves you. There are probably dozens more.”

“Christina loves what she thinks I am.” Logan shook his head. “You love the real me. You even sing with me in the shower.”

He’d promised to never bring up that day they’d sung “You’re The One That I Want” under the steamy spray. She couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

“I can’t believe you brought that up,” she said crossly. “You promised.”

“You sing pretty good. I also promised I’d never fall in love and I broke that one. I guess I can’t be trusted.”

He was the most trustworthy person she’d ever met. Wait…what did he just say?

“Say that again,” she demanded.

“I love you, good girl.” His expression had gone all soft and gooey and there was tenderness in his eyes she wanted desperately to believe in. If he thought she could sing, he must be in love.

“When? How long?” She practically choked on the words.

“It wasn’t a moment. It just kind of snuck up on me gradually. Under the radar, so to speak. I’m not sure I can make you happy, but I damn sure know no one else is going to get to try. Besides, I know you love me back. I can see it. I’m greedy for it. I can’t tell you how much I want it.”

“How long have you known I love you?” She was deliberately stalling and he seemed to recognize the fact. His lips twisted into a knowing look.

“I just realized it today when I remembered my mother. I guess I’d blocked the memories that didn’t jive with my reality. I see everything so clearly now.”

She placed her hands flat on the table as if to steady herself. “I won’t ask you for any commitments. I won’t tie you down with a lot of promises about the future. When you want to walk out the door I won’t stop you or anything.”

He walked over and pulled her out of the chair, tipping her chin up so she had to look at him.

“Stop offering me things I don’t want. I’m in this for the long haul. I didn’t think I was capable of it, but I know different now. I’m in love with you, good girl. The real forever kind. You’ve got me twisted into knots. I love your brains and your heart. I love your passion and your gentleness. I just love everything about you.” He pressed his lips to hers lightly and her heart started to pound, as her head started to believe. “I know you like getting tied up. Is it so hard to believe I like being tied down?”

She slapped at his arm but a smile curved her lips. “Stop teasing. It’s not nice.” She sighed, blissful as she basked in his admiration and love. “Say it again. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing it.”