Culture War (15 page)

I spoke into the microphone. “Break off your
attack. We are not able to help you yet. Fight a defensive battle
until I can get you evacuated.”

“
May you burn in hell!”
responded Major Lopez. “The plan was for us to attack at the same
time. I will be overrun if you just sit on your hands. At least get
us air support so we can retreat safely into the forest. Maybe the
spiders won’t follow us. They’re still afraid of Old Earth wild
animals lurking in the forest!”

“
I’ll try,” I promised. I
called the spider general on the phone again. “I agree to withdraw
completely from New Memphis if you will pull back and allow our
shuttles to evacuate legionnaires. Otherwise, I set off nukes
now.”

“
You will unconditionally
surrender or face annihilation,” responded the spider general.
“It’s your choice. We have nothing more to discuss.”

“
I will never surrender,” I
said, disconnecting.

Spider tanks pushed Major Lopez deeper into
the forest. With no hope of help coming, Major Lopez set off a
small tactical nuke just outside of town, causing a forest fire.
Then he called the spider general on the phone to negotiate.

“
Does every human
pestilence have my private phone number?” griped the spider
general. “You are surrounded and have no chance of escape.
Surrender, and you will be treated honorably. Otherwise, you will
surely be wiped out.”

“
Wiped out?” asked Major
Lopez. “You mean like Custer? The problem with that scenario is
Custer didn’t have nukes. I do. That last explosion was just a
small warning of more to come.”

“
You humans are so
apoplectic,” commented the spider general. “You just don’t care
what you destroy!”

“
Allow us to evacuate, or
I’ll launch a nuke at your Capital City Spaceport,” threatened
Major Lopez. “I’ll launch enough nukes to ruin this whole sector
and the surrounding sectors.”

“
You might use nukes even
if I let you go,” said the spider general. “Why should I trust
anything you say?”

“
Call a truce,” said Major
Lopez. “I give my word as an officer and a gentleman and a
conquistador to honor that truce.”

“
You have no sense of honor
or responsibility,” said the spider general. “Already that forest
fire you started is out of control. The ecological damage you have
wreaked is immeasurable.”

“
The next nuke I launch
will land over your head,” threatened Major Lopez.

“
I doubt that,” said the
spider general. “I know you do not want to destroy New Memphis.
But, I will call another truce for the sake of saving innocent
civilian lives. I guarantee that any more truce violations will be
dealt with harshly. I have no problem using strategic weapons from
space to destroy you.”

“
The truce will hold,”
promised Major Lopez. “Unlike Colonel Czerinski, my word of honor
means something.”

“
You’ve had a falling out
with Czerinski?” asked the spider general. “That is very
interesting.”

“
I intend to place Colonel
Czerinski under arrest for dereliction of duty.”

“
I have a better idea,”
suggested the spider general. “I will pay you one million dollars
to plant a bomb in Colonel Czerinski’s office desk. I will even
provide the bomb.”

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Chapter 15

“
Is this a national park?”
asked the spider pilot. He was greatly admiring the scenery as they
drove through Montana. “It’s so beautiful.”

“
Probably,” answered
Sergeant Williams. “People are not allowed to build houses here or
molest the countryside.”

“
Ah, that explains it,”
said the spider pilot. “And I know it is illegal to take rocks and
minerals from any national park. I saw that warning on a sign.
Smokey the Bear will arrest anyone who does. Even so, it must take
great restraint on the public’s part to avoid such
temptation.”

“
What temptation?” asked
Sergeant Williams. “What’s a few rocks? Take one if you
want.”

“
I am referring to all the
gold nuggets you just leave lying about,” explained the spider
pilot. “It must take either great restraint or very harsh penalties
to resist stealing such wealth.”

“
You can see gold nuggets?”
asked Sergeant Williams, looking out the window. “Where? I see
nothing.”

“
Gold nuggets are
everywhere,” commented Dawn. “The streets of America really are
paved with gold. It’s very pretty. I thought it was just a
myth.”

“
You must have really good
vision,” replied Sergeant Williams. “I don’t see gold anywhere. I
don’t believe you.”

“
I can see why Colonel
Custer and the Indians fought so many bitter battles,” said the
spider pilot. “Sure, most of the gold is nothing but fine dust. But
there are many fine nuggets lying about that could be just picked
up. Is it out of respect for the fallen soldiers and braves that
you just leave the gold there?”

“
Stop the car!” ordered
Sergeant Williams. “Prove you can see gold nuggets lying about. I
don’t believe it. You didn’t have this mighty power of observation
on New Colorado. How is it that now you are the greatest prospector
on Earth?”

“
Old Earth has much more
gold than New Colorado,” explained the spider pilot as he stood by
the van, looking about. “On New Colorado, the gold is mostly hidden
underground or is obscured by rivers. Here on Old Earth, it is just
lying everywhere.”

“
Where?” demanded Sergeant
Williams. “Prospectors have combed these Badlands for centuries.
There is no gold left.”

“
How curious you cannot see
it,” commented the spider pilot. “Perhaps my eight eyes see better
than yours. I can manipulate the light spectrum better too,
accenting certain colors at will. You really can’t see all this
gold?”

“
I’m still waiting,” said
Sergeant Williams. “Prove you can see and find gold nuggets so
easily.”

“
I do not want to violate
the laws of my new country. I love America. It really is the land
of opportunity.”

“
You’re stalling. I knew
it! You can’t see anything.”

“
Quit your constant
bickering,” interrupted Dawn. She walked out into the sagebrush
about two hundred yards and picked up a thumbnail-sized piece of
quartz containing a gold nugget. Dawn handed the rock to Sergeant
Williams. “See? There is gold everywhere here. Now, can we get on
with our trip? I want to see the rest of Montana.”

“
Can you find me another
gold nugget?” asked Sergeant Williams. “Just so I know for sure
that wasn’t a trick or a fluke.”

Dawn looked past Sergeant Williams and up the
hillside behind him. She scampered up a ravine about fifty yards
and plucked more gold from the rocky ground. She held it up for all
to see.

“
That one is mine,” said
Private Krueger, snatching the nugget. “Sweetie, how about we stay
here awhile?”

“
Boring,” replied Dawn,
tapping several feet impatiently and folding all four arms across
her chest. “It’s dry and dusty and hot out here. Don’t get me
started about what all this sagebrush is doing to my allergies.
There aren’t even any clubs out here. The radio only plays
country-western music. And besides, I thought you said it is
illegal to steal rocks from a national forest anyway. Smokey the
Bear is probably spying on us from a satellite in space this very
moment, and I don’t want my parole violated.”

“
I think we might be on an
Indian reservation,” said Sergeant Williams. “That means there is
no federal park ban on rock collecting.”

“
Really?” asked the spider
pilot. “Are you saying the Native Americans don’t mind you stealing
their gold? Isn’t that what the ancient battle fought here was all
about?”

“
No,” replied Sergeant
Williams. “It was hunting the buffalo to near extinction that
started the wars.”

“
It says on the database
that there was a gold rush in the Badlands,” said the spider pilot,
still reading. “You lied. White human pestilence speak with forked
tongue. Long Knives break promises again!”

“
What are you reading?”
asked Sergeant Williams, snatching the spider pilot’s data pad. “If
you had read closer you would have discovered that we have been at
peace with the Native Americans for centuries. They even fight in
the Legion.”

“
And you would risk that
peace by stealing their gold?” asked the spider pilot. “That is
very irresponsible of you.”

“
There is no law against
picking up a nugget or two or five off the ground,” insisted
Sergeant Williams. “The Indians don’t mind if we steal a little
gold. They’re used to it by now. Besides, today’s modern tribes
cater to tourists, and run the best damn casinos outside of Nevada.
We are tourists. They want us out here looking for
gold.”

“
They may tolerate us
looking for gold, but they would not approve of us finding any,”
argued the spider pilot. “I still say you could cause an incident
by removing gold nuggets from their land.”

“
American Indians aren’t
hostile anymore,” concluded Sergeant Williams. “You have seen too
many movies.”

“
I saw a bumper sticker on
the back of an old pickup truck that said, ‘CUSTER HAD IT COMING,’”
commented Dawn. “That sounds hostile to me.”

“
That’s just a joke,”
replied Sergeant Williams. “Have you no sense of humor? Ha! I think
that’s hilarious. Now find some more gold nuggets before someone
sees us out here.”

“
What is the magic word?”
asked Dawn. “Say it with feeling.”

“
Please!” said Sergeant
Williams. “Pretty please with sugar on top, find me some more gold
nuggets. You can be replaced! Maybe I should find my own spider
biker babe. You spiders could be worth your weight in gold, and
you’re big.”

“
Willie, he called me fat!”
cried Dawn, as she reached down to pick up a speck of gold. “You
don’t think I’m fat do you?”

“
Of course not,” said
Private Krueger. “He just means your have a large
exoskeleton.”

“
You should kill him for
insulting me,” suggested Dawn. “You should defend my
honor.”

“
I can’t, sweetie,”
explained Private Krueger. “He’s a sergeant. It’s against the law
to kill sergeants.”

“
Humph!” puffed Dawn,
finding another nugget and giving it to Willie. “Now can we get a
hotel room? This is our honeymoon, you know! This hot sun is
bleaching my makeup and drying out my pores.”

“
Does anyone realize how
eco-friendly this method of mining gold is?” asked Sergeant
Williams. “No strip-mining or tunneling is needed when you can just
spot gold on the surface with those eight spider eyes of
yours.”

“
Whatever,” replied
Dawn.

“
You once told me you have
a good-looking sister who is single,” commented Sergeant Williams.
“Can you introduce her to me sometime?”

“
So you can use her to hunt
for gold?” asked Dawn. “How mercenary of you.”

“
Nonsense,” said Sergeant
Williams. “I don’t have a girl friend. It might work out for
us.”

“
You’re a wimp,” replied
Dawn. “You wouldn’t survive the honeymoon. Sissy would kill you for
sure.”

“
I am a decorated war
hero,” said Sergeant Williams. “I can handle anything Sissy can
throw at me.”

“
We’ll see,” said Dawn,
showing Sergeant Williams a photo of Sissy. “Do you still think you
can handle her?”

“
I think Sissy is
beautiful,” insisted Sergeant Williams, gulping. “Keep this a
secret. If word gets out you spiders can spot gold at three hundred
yards, it will start a new gold rush before we can get rich
ourselves.”

“
You are afraid of a gold
rush led by spider immigrants to Old Earth,” said the spider pilot.
“How ironic.”

Even though she knew it would be a waste of
time, Dawn emailed her sister a picture of Sergeant Williams,
saying that the war hero thought Sissy was beautiful and wanted to
hook up. Sissy immediately answered that she had seen Williams on
TV, and at the Angry Onion Tavern, and thought he was one hot
hairball human pestilence, and that she wanted to meet him, too.
Sissy promised to call General Daly and get special permission to
beam to Old Earth at Legion expense and join them in Big Sky
Country. Sergeant Williams was ecstatic about the news.

“
I’m in love, and I’m going
to get married,” said Sergeant Williams, letting out a rebel yell.
“We will meet up at Little Bighorn after we collect some more
gold.”

“
Careful what you wish
for,” warned Dawn. “Sissy is kind of wild.”

* * * * *

Sissy joined them at the Little Bighorn
Battlefield, brought by a special Legion shuttle. They silently
walked about the markers for the fallen Seventh Calvary. Sissy
could see the little specks of gold she had been told about, but
ignored the gold.

“
Even though the dead have
been long since removed, I can tell this is sacred ground,”
commented Sissy. “I hope no one is considering prospecting for gold
here.”