Culture War (16 page)

“
No, of course not,” said
Sergeant Williams, putting an arm around Sissy as they solemnly
walked past the markers. “There are plenty of other more prolific
sites.”

“
Tell me about him,” said
Sissy, pointing at the spider pilot. “He has not said a word the
whole time I’ve been here. Does he talk?”

“
Usually I can’t shut him
up,” said Sergeant Williams. “He is that Air Wing defector that
flew his new star fighter to a Legion base. In gratitude, the
Legion is relocating him to Montana as part of their agreement. I
don’t know why he is so silent now. I think he’s spooked by the
battlefield.”

“
It’s the spirits of the
fallen,” replied Sissy, clearly upset. “Can’t you feel it? They’re
screaming at us. Can we leave?”

“
I want to leave too,” said
Dawn, giving her sister a hug. They ran back to the van. “We will
leave now!” The men followed.

“
Are you alright?” asked
Private Krueger. Dawn was crying. “What’s the matter?”

“
The war may be over at the
Little Bighorn,” answered Dawn. “But there is no peace here. Their
spirits still fight.”

“
There is no such thing as
ghosts,” said Sergeant Williams. “That is crazy talk.”

“
If you believe we are
crazy, then you are not for me,” said Sissy, now sitting in the van
next to the spider pilot. She put a claw on his knee. “You, on the
other claw, interest me a lot. Speak to me, big silent
warrior.”

“
I do not like pushy
females,” replied the spider pilot. “But, you interest me, too.
Will you join me under the big Montana sky?”

“
Did you just proposition
me?” asked Sissy, now giving the spider pilot’s knee a firm
squeeze. “You are so romantic. Of course I will join you. Who would
have thought I would find true love way across the galaxy, on Old
Earth, with an Arthropodan Air Wing pilot?”

“
That’s ex-Air Wing pilot,”
he commented.

“
What about me?” asked
Sergeant Williams, very upset. “You came here to meet
me
!”

“
Get lost, human pestilence
hairball,” answered Sissy. “Get someone else to search for gold
crumbs from all this sage brush. Who do you think you are, luring
me out here on false pretenses? You’re lucky I don’t stick my claw
somewhere painful where the sun does not shine. Only out of respect
for the spirits already residing here, do I not kill you now. They
would not want your shallow soul sharing this hallowed ground with
them!”

* * * * *

They drove away in silence. After some time
admiring the scenery, Dawn suddenly screamed and pointed. “What is
that creature?”

“
It is a buffalo,” answered
Private Krueger.

“
Is it edible?” asked the
spider pilot. “Can they be raised domestically?”

“
You can, but most people
prefer beef,” explained Private Krueger. “The Park Service
maintains buffalo herds for historical reasons, and to make sure
they don’t go extinct or fall ill to disease. Buffalo are uniquely
American and an important part of our history.”

Passing a ‘For Sale’ sign out in a field, the
spider pilot announced, “This is where I will settle. I will buy
this land and raise buffalo. Buffalo are a worthwhile American
tradition I will help keep alive to show my appreciation for my new
country.”

“
Is there gold here?” asked
Sergeant Williams, already looking at the ground. “It doesn’t look
rocky enough. Sissy, do you see any gold?”

Sissy and the spider pilot looked at each
other and laughed. “There’s lots of gold in them there hills,” said
Sissy. “When you get back to New Colorado, I’ll send you a post
card telling you all about it.”

“
I appreciate all your
help, Sergeant,” said the spider pilot. “This is where we part
ways. After I get established, I will send you a gift of
buffalo.”

“
What would I do with these
beasts on New Colorado?” asked Sergeant Williams. “Be a cowboy? I’m
in the Legion. I want gold!”

“
You will be the first on
New Colorado to have buffalo,” said the spider pilot. “They will be
worth a lot of money, and you will be bringing a part of America
across the stars.”

“
Maybe,” said Sergeant
Williams, now seriously thinking about raising buffalo in the New
Gobi. “I hope you two are able to make a good life here. I envy
you. It’s not Tennessee, and there aren’t fireflies in the woods,
but Montana is still God’s country.”

“
I intend to raise a large
family,” said the spider pilot, smiling at Sissy. “I will ride
horses all day and herd cattle and buffalo. God bless you and
America.”

“
If I find a spider bride,
I might be back,” commented Sergeant Williams, still suffering from
gold fever. “We may still become neighbors. There’s one more thing
that needs to be done. You need to get a name. Have you given that
any thought?”

“
Recent custom is for a
human to pick an Old Earth name for new citizens,” said Sissy. “You
should choose an American name for my brave fighter
pilot.”

“
I want something with a
western cowboy flavor,” insisted the spider pilot. “I trust you to
suggest something appropriate, and to not play a joke on me like
sometimes happens to others.”

“
Texas Red,” said Sergeant
Williams. “It’s an outlaw name, but it fits your
toughness.”

“
Texas Red it is,” said the
spider pilot, extending his claw to shake Sergeant Williams’ hand.
“Until we meet again.”

* * * * *

Stealth Legion troop transport shuttles came
in low over the eastern edge of the New Gobi Desert. They landed on
a remote plateau of thick grass and occasional springs. The area
was, as yet, off limits to colonization, although a few prospectors
squatted in the severe canyons.

Heavily armed legionnaires quickly exited the
shuttles to secure a perimeter. They were followed by cowboys
driving six-wheeled Gators packed with supplies. Then came the
snorting and stomping buffalo, courtesy of some eccentric
millionaire on Old Earth. He wanted far-flung humanity on New
Colorado to have a piece of Americana to prevent homesickness, and
to preserve American culture and history.

The patriotic gesture, now a top-secret
Legion operation, was also meant to put an indelible American stamp
on New Colorado. Legion paratroopers were followed by park rangers,
who would monitor and care for the buffalo herd until they became
self-sustainable.

Sergeant Williams gave the thumbs-up for the
shuttles to lift off. He would be staying behind to supervise.
Sergeant Williams sat in the shade, watching legionnaires carrying
crates for a second project. He read his orders again before
releasing this additional special species from Old Earth. These
small critters, rare and protected on Old Earth, would trump the
Buffalo in establishing American dominance on New Colorado. Doors
on the crates were lifted, and the odd, noisy creatures scampered
out into the grass.

“
An invasion of prairie
dogs?” said Sergeant Williams. “Who ever heard of such a thing?
Let’s see the spiders top this. Tourists will travel thousands of
light years to see this!”

Sergeant Williams read the personal note that
came with the animals. ‘I hope you enjoy the buffalo. I sent the
prairie dogs to test the Emperor’s sense of humor. They constantly
chatter and give warning when approached. Sissy loves them. I hope
New Colorado loves them, too. Sincerely, Texas Red.’

As the sun set, Sergeant Williams was happy
to see a third Old Earth species was already doing nicely. The
bushes were alight with the flashes of fireflies. This third
project was Sergeant Williams’ idea. It gave him special
satisfaction to bring this special gift from Tennessee to New
Colorado.

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Chapter 16

According to the terms of the truce, the New
Memphis Sheriff’s Office was to guarantee the physical well-being
of all property on Casino Row, with the exception of the Riverfront
Casino. That establishment was to be seized by Arthropodan marines
as part of the forfeiture of all Saviano Juardo’s underworld
assets.

Before evacuating my headquarters at the
Riverfront, I emptied its vault of all cash and valuables. I
personally supervised stashing the cash into my armored car, and
drove it to the docks where the rest of the Legion armor was being
evacuated onto barges. A trusted aide, Lieutenant Valerie Smith,
escorted the loot downriver to New Phoenix. I had to stay on Casino
Row with Legion light infantry and military police as part of a
joint Legion and spider peacekeeping force.

Shuttles evacuated Major Lopez to New Gobi.
He was still upset and not speaking to me, so it was just as well
to keep him busy elsewhere. Maybe time would smooth things out
between us. The spider general soon visited me, and I joined him
for dinner to work out the final details of the truce.

“
Where is all my money from
the Riverfront Casino vault?” asked the spider general, as we ate
dinner at the Music City High-Stake House. We both brought along
heavily armed bodyguards. “You looted the casino!”

“
Nonsense,” I replied.
“Bandits must have struck during the fighting. I can’t be held
responsible for everything that gets lost or stolen during the fog
of war.”

“
I want that money
returned,” insisted the spider general. “I have satellite images of
you and your legionnaires loading the cash onto Legion vehicles. I
have a court order authorizing me to seize all of the assets from
the Riverfront Casino as part of Jurardo’s forfeiture. If you have
any respect for the rule of law, you will return the casino’s money
immediately.”

“
Have a Lifesaver,” I
answered, handing the spider general a pack of the multi-colored
candy. “It will make you feel better. I’ll even pay for dinner,
since I’m feeling especially magnanimous tonight. I’m not returning
any assets the Legion has safeguarded.”

“
The Intelligentsia will
seek your indictment,” threatened the spider general. “You cannot
get away with this.”

“
You should try some A-1
Steak Sauce on your meat,” I suggested. “It’s great. It really
brings out the taste of grilled steak.”

“
You’re right,” commented
the spider general. “This is one of the finest meals I have ever
had. But, don’t think for one second that this fine meal will
soften my resolve to recover all of Juardo’s assets for the
Empire.”

“
Juardo and his cohorts are
under Legion arrest in New Gobi City,” I said. “Will my
facilitating their timely extradition bring closure to these
unfounded and unsubstantiated accusations? Quick extradition is
only a phone call away. If you wait for lawyers and politicians to
get involved, it could take years.”

“
You have a deal,” said the
spider general. “You are right, and I don’t want to lose this war
to blood-sucking lowlife lawyers.”

“
Anyway, you can’t win, no
matter what you do,” I commented. “You think you can beat America
by putting binders on your citizens so they can’t see the United
States? You think shutting down casinos and banning satellite TV
and boycotting Walmart will stamp out American influence on your
culture? Ha! Go ahead and try. America has the ace in the hole that
you cannot ever beat. We have freedom. And here is the funny part.
Here is the best-kept secret in the galaxy. I want you to succeed,
because if the Arthropodan Empire ever frees its citizens to
achieve their great potential, you will be stronger than ever.
Until then, your best and brightest citizens will immigrate and
join us!”

* * * * *

Guido escorted a handcuffed and chained
Saviano Juardo and Eight Legs Roman across the MDL to waiting
spider marines. The spider commander signed the extradition
paperwork, thanked Guido for his promptness, and personally took
the two fugitives back across the MDL. After a clerk made positive
fingerprint and retina scan identification, the spider commander
drew his pistol and shot both Juardo and Eight Legs in the head.
Their bodies crumpled to the sidewalk. Juardo’s body was dragged to
the American side and left bleeding on the sidewalk.

“
You can have him back
now,” said the spider commander. “Do whatever burial ceremonies
your species conduct for the dead.”

“
That paperwork you signed
earlier guaranteed both fugitives a fair judicial review of their
case and due process,” commented Guido. “You should not have shot
them like that.”

“
They were both tried in
absentia, found guilty of murder, and sentenced to death,” replied
the spider commander. “I just did my duty. What more is there to
review?”

“
Any kind of flimsy
appearance of independent review would have looked better than
this,” said Guido, motioning at Juardo’s blood pooling up beside
the guard shack door. “Colonel Czerinski cut a lot of red tape to
push this extradition through so quickly. This is not going to go
over well in the court of public opinion.”

“
What does the public have
to do with my carrying out my duties and imposing justice?” asked
the spider commander. “This is not a complicated
matter.”

“
For one thing, you will be
on TV and database news,” said Guido, pointing to border crossing
cameras at the checkpoint. “Phil Coen of Channel Five World News
Tonight will be calling you soon for an explanation. It could get
ugly.”