Culture War (4 page)

#82 was directed to a side runway and taken
into protective custody. Military Intelligence Officer Major Lopez
was brought in to interrogate #82.

“
I have the authority to
grant you political asylum if you answer all questions truthfully,”
promised Major Lopez.

“
Yes, of course,” said #82.
“You will find my Air Wing star fighter to be an engineering marvel
far more advanced than anything the Legion flies.”

“
Technical experts will
question you about the details of your plane later,” said Major
Lopez. “What can you tell us about Air Wing operations?”

“
That helicopter you
recently shot down was a setup,” said #82. “Our commander wanted
you to shoot it down to provoke an incident.”

“
Why would he put your
pilot in such risk?” asked Major Lopez. “That seems
reckless.”

“
We needed a pretext to
close the border and rally public opinion,” said #82. “In every
defeat comes new strength. Our military is more determined now than
ever to rebuff Americanism.”

“
Oh?” asked Major Lopez. “I
have yet to see any changes in deployment of your
troops.”

“
A no-fraternization order
is now in effect,” said #82. “Satellite TV is banned. The border
was briefly closed, and you can expect more border-crossing
restrictions.”

“
That is nothing,”
commented Major Lopez. “What do I care of such
nuisances?”

“
Closing the border has
cost millions,” said #82. “But, that’s just the first shots of the
war. You aren’t even shooting back yet, because the changes have
come in such small increments. The Emperor wants to fight a
cultural war for the minds of our citizens. The Emperor says he
fears the contamination of Americanism. But what he is really
afraid of is freedom. I am not afraid. I want to go to Big Sky
Country. I want to live in Montana. I want to see Yellowstone
National Park and Old Faithful Geyser. I want to talk to Smokey the
Bear.”

“
Yellowstone is in
Wyoming,” said Major Lopez. “It’s the next state over.”

“
No problem,” said #82. “I
will drive to Yellowstone in my Chevy pickup truck. I want to be a
cowboy. I want a red neck and a big hat. I want to chase little
doggies on a cattle drive. I want the five million dollars cash
promised for landing my new Air Wing star fighter
safely.”

“
What makes you think
you’re tough enough to be a
vaquero
?” asked Major Lopez.
“Have you ever even been on a horse? No. You can’t ride. You would
probably fall off and break your neck.”

“
I will not fall,” said
#82. “I have true grit. God bless America and Smokey the
Bear!”

* * * * *

The spider commando drifted across the MDL.
At night, his black parachute and fatigues made him invisible
against the dark sky. The commando guided his parachute south,
using the flashing red light of a beacon mounted atop a commercial
radio tower. Radio Free New Colorado broadcast subversive music and
news to the North. Attempts at jamming the powerful signal had
failed. Negotiations to shut down the station or alter content had
also failed. Now the Arthropodan special forces were tasked with
taking care of the problem permanently.

After landing, the commando cut through a
fence and planted explosive charges at the base of the radio tower.
Then he changed into civilian clothes, buried his chute and
uniform, and hiked to the highway. There he met Carlos O’Neil, who
gave him a ride in his eighteen-wheeler to New Phoenix. The
commando gave O’Neil a backpack half filled with explosives, to be
delivered to an airbase maintenance worker. They then separated.
The commando went to a safe house in New Phoenix.

Carlos O’Neil drove to the Legion airbase
where he was scheduled to deliver food products. A legionnaire gave
the truck a cursory check, and was about to wave O’Neil through,
when the guard’s German Shepherd dog alerted on the explosives in
the truck. O’Neil was taken into custody, pending a search.
Legionnaires poured over the truck, suspecting drugs. Eventually
they found a secret compartment holding the backpack of
explosives.

* * * * *

Major Lopez, disguised as a long haul
trucker, easily crossed the MDL, driving north. He parked his big
rig at the Marriott Hotel in North New Gobi City. He waited in the
hotel lounge. At about 1900 hours, the spider Air Wing commander
who had sprayed the poppy fields came in for his usual drink. Major
Lopez joined him at the bar.

“
You are the last human
pestilence I ever expected to see again,” said the Air Wing
commander. “Should I arrest you for spying, or buy you a
drink?”

“
All I want is five minutes
of your time,” said Major Lopez, sliding an envelope stuffed with
cash to the pilot. “Did you know the Legion was tipped off about
your mission?”

“
I was wondering how you
were able to detect my small low-flying craft so quickly,” said the
Air Wing commander. “Now I know. Please explain.”

“
Your own commander gave
you up,” said Major Lopez. “I guess that means you are
expendable.”

“
We are all expendable,”
said the Air Wing commander. “Although I am a bit disappointed I am
more so than I realized.”

“
We can all be replaced.
The Legion would not betray you so,” said Major Lopez. “We would
treat you with the respect you deserve as a fellow officer. We
would treat you much better.”

“
I can see that,” said the
Air Wing commander, counting the hundred-dollar bills in the
envelope. “What do you want?”

“
Maybe I can give you a
chance for payback on your commander,” said Major Lopez. “Or maybe
you can just do me a favor someday. Send me an email if something
interesting comes to your attention.”

“
Maybe I will, maybe I
won’t.”

* * * * *

When Major Lopez tried to cross back over the
MDL there was a long line of trucks being inspected. Security
seemed tighter than usual. Squads of guards approached both sides
of his truck. He could see Guido and Spot pacing back and forth on
their side of the MDL. Major Lopez gave Guido a nod.

A spider border guard held a photo up to the
truck window, comparing it to Major Lopez’s face. “You human
pestilence all look alike,” said the spider guard. “Are you Major
Lopez?”

“
No,” said Major Lopez. “I
am Arthur Bodoya.”

The border guard radioed for assistance. A
team leader came over to eyeball Major Lopez. “You are under arrest
for espionage and blue powder drug smuggling,” said the team
leader, pointing his rifle. “I am sure there will be additional
charges, Major Lopez.”

“
Blue powder?” asked Major
Lopez. “I know nothing about blue powder. I am not smuggling drugs.
You haven’t even searched my truck yet. It’s just loaded with
fruit.”

“
Espionage is a capital
offense,” said the team leader. “What do you care if we add a few
more capital charges to the list? We can only hang you
once.”

Guido fired warning shots into the air. “Let
him go, or my aim will get better!”

The spider guards bundled Major Lopez up in
web restraints and whisked him away. Guido had to back off because
he was outnumbered. He retreated to his guard shack to report to
Headquarters.

* * * * *

I scheduled a meeting with the spider
commander to protest the destruction of the Free New Colorado radio
station. We met in the conference room at Walmart because the
superstore was built right on the MDL for easy-access shopping by
both North and South. The MDL was painted on the floor, dividing
the conference room. A smaller MDL was painted across the long
conference table. The ashtray sitting in the middle of the
conference table had an even smaller MDL line painted across it. I
pushed the ashtray forward about a centimeter.

“
Attacks on radio stations
will not be tolerated,” I said. “Are you trying to start a
war?”

“
I had nothing to do with
that,” said the spider commander, moving the ashtray back. “It is
not my fault you cannot control an insurgency resisting human
oppression.”

“
Don’t play dumb,” I said.
“We found where your commando buried his parachute. And, we
arrested Carlos O’Neil with a backpack of explosives. Carlos has
told us everything. You planned an attack on our
airbase.”

“
Carlos O’Neil, the
Teamsters’ business agent?” asked the spider commander. “Whatever
story he has made up is a lie. He has no credibility.”

“
Carlos has a lot to tell,”
I said. “But I’ll be reasonable. I will trade you Carlos for Major
Lopez.”

“
You can keep the Teamsters
thug,” said the spider commander. “I don’t want him.”

“
You can avoid a scandal by
making the trade,” I suggested. “Carlos says you have a taste for
Pizza.”

“
It is you who should be
afraid of scandal,” said the spider commander. “Major Lopez was
caught with a truck containing blue powder residue in its trailer.
Our investigation shows he had just made a delivery of drugs at the
Marriott Hotel. Major Lopez has given us a full
confession.”

“
Nonsense,” I countered.
“Those charges are trumped up. Major Lopez has a financial interest
in orange groves on both sides of the MDL. He was only delivering
fruit.”

“
Under an assumed name and
with forged documentation?” asked the spider commander. “It does
not look good for Major Lopez. I suspect we will find Legion
involvement in drug smuggling that will go all the way to the top
of your disreputable corrupt amateur paramilitary organization. I
guarantee more indictments will follow. Perhaps even your name will
come up.”

“
Do you know who you are
messing with?” I asked. “This outrage will not stand!”

“
Yes,” said the spider
commander. “You are the Butcher of New Colorado. I always expect
the worst of your ilk.”

“
I want to speak to Major
Lopez in person,” I said.

“
Denied,” said the spider
commander. “Only his appointed lawyer may visit. Major Lopez will
be given a fair military trial, after which he will be convicted
and sentenced to death. In deference to human sensibilities, Major
Lopez will be given a choice of execution methods, to include
firing squad, hanging, or the electric table.”

“
You will release Major
Lopez, or there will be serious consequences,” I threatened. “I
will hold you personally responsible for his welfare.”

“
I have tried to be
reasonable with you in the past,” said the spider commander. “But
you have refused to destroy the poppy fields, blamed the drug
problem on our consumption, and failed to negotiate in good faith.
You have brought these trying times on yourself. Are you ready to
be reasonable now?”

“
I am always willing to be
reasonable,” I said. “But you have kidnapped Major Lopez on
trumped-up charges. You are insincere. I believe you are trying to
provoke a war, and I am going to give it to you.”

“
Don’t try it,” said the
spider commander. “You will lose. Besides, you don’t have the
authority to start a war, and neither do I. All I want is
cooperation.”

“
Fine,” I said. “I’ll meet
you tomorrow, same place, same time. I’ll bring some
cards.”

* * * * *

Under the cover of darkness, three Legion
helicopters full of paratroopers darted across the MDL to attack
the spider detention facility and free Major Lopez. A gust of wind
blew up a New Gobi Desert dust devil, obscuring pilot vision and
causing two of the helicopters to collide. The third helicopter
circled back and landed at the crash site to recover as many dead
and wounded as it could. It then raced back across the MDL to
safety.

* * * * *

The spider commander sat back in his chair
reviewing photos of the helicopter crash site. “Stupid human
pestilence,” he mused out loud to himself. “What were they
thinking? That they could just break Major Lopez out of jail at
will? That we could not stop them? That we are just sitting here
twiddling our claws?”

A knock at the door interrupted him. It was
the pizza and salad he had ordered from Pizza Hut for lunch. As the
office door swung open, the spider commander reached for his
pistol, but was not quick enough. The spider Teamster thug Mr.
Kennworth stuck a large knife under the spider commander’s chin.
The slight prick on the soft tissue of the throat drew a couple
droplets of blood.

“
I want Carlos O’Neil
released,” demanded Mr. Kennworth, as he took the commander’s
pistol.

“
O’Neil is being held by
the Legion,” said the spider commander. “I cannot help
you.”

“
Carlos was on a mission
for you,” said Mr. Kennworth., applying more knife pressure under
the chin to get the commander’s attention. “That makes you
responsible for his welfare and getting him back.”

“
Still, you need to talk to
the Legion,” said the spider commander. “What can I do?”

“
I did talk to the Legion,”
said Mr. Kennworth. “Colonel Czerinski promised Carlos would suffer
a slow and painful death. He also said you had been offered a trade
for Major Lopez, but had refused. You need to reconsider
Czerinski’s offer.”