Daddy's Little Girl (A Homespun Romance) (15 page)

She wanted Jason to have a little time alone with Kelsey.  After all, this was the moment every father waited for.  Jason placed a hand on her shoulder and stopped her as she passed him, though he addressed his daughter.  "Well, you finally decided to say Dada, did you punkin'?.  I'm glad there are only three words ahead of Dada...`mine', `eat' and `no-no'.  For a minute there, I thought I was going to come after shoes and potty.  Now, how about saying Sara?  C'mon, you can do it."

But Kelsey had lost interest in expanding her vocabulary.  Mrs. Binty entered the kitchen and the little girl held her arms out to her.  She was ready to go to the Park.

Mrs. Binty took her from Jason and put her back in her chair.  "Yes, we'll go feed the duckies, but you've got to eat your porridge first darlin'.  You need your strength to walk in the Park."

Over Kelsey's head, Sara looked at Jason.  He couldn't take his eyes off his daughter's face, and she was glad for his sake.  Dee Dee didn't have an argument for her case now.  Sara's hardest challenge lay ahead.  She had to let go of all this with as much grace and dignity as she could muster.

CHAPTER TEN

At the last minute, something came up that changed Jason's plans of returning to the States with them.  A phone call from Rome opened up the possibilities of a new business deal.  A representative was flying out to talk to him about it, but it meant staying on for a day or more.

"It wouldn't make sense to change all our plans," he told Sara.  "Why don't you, Kelsey and the Bintys go on ahead, and I'll be there Sunday or Monday?"

"That's no problem."

Jason frowned.  Sara seemed very quiet.  He'd thought she'd be happy about returning to the States.

"Did you call the editor?"

"Yes."  She'd finally picked up enough courage to do so, telling herself that she needed something to look forward to.  "He wants to publish the article in the next issue of his magazine and is interested in any more articles I might have."

"That's great then.  You must be looking forward to being able to give more time to your writing.  Rowena's lined up someone to help in the house, so Mrs. Binty can devote all her time to Kelsey.  We'll try to arrange it so you can leave as quickly as possible."

Sara didn't say anything, though words welled up in her like the rising tide. 

Jason looked at Sara's head.  Was she feeling bad about leaving Kelsey?  He knew how kind Sara was, how much she worried about Kelsey.

"You're welcome to visit Kelsey whenever you feel like it."

"Thank you." 

He couldn't have made things clearer.  She was already on the outside.  A visitor, not a member of the household.  "I'll start looking for an apartment as soon as I get back.  Claire said her building might have a vacancy."

They'd driven Claire back one night when her car had refused to start.  Jason hadn't like the area she lived in.  He didn't like the thought of Sara living there.  He wanted to tell her that she could stay with them, that he would see she got all the freedom she wanted.  Controlling the impulse, Jason folded the paper he'd opened.  Putting her in a cage, however large and pretty, would be denying Sara what she wanted most.

He paused by the door.  "You have a good day."

"You too."

Sara stared at her oatmeal after Jason left.  The look of the hot cereal matched the future exactly.  Dull, boring, insipid.

"Have a g'day.  Have a g'day."  Kelsey said over and over.

Sara reached over and used her napkin to wipe the little girl's mouth.  "That's clever, Kelsey," she said with a catch in her voice, realizing she wouldn't be around too much longer to see all the changes in the little girl.  Maybe Mrs. Binty would give her daily accounts over the phone.

"Something's wrong, I tell you," Mrs. Binty said to her husband over their own breakfast.  "Himself's working like the devil's after him, and our Sara's looking as if the bottom's dropped out of her world."

"Now Mother.  He's just busy with work and maybe she's a little sad about going back.  We might leave them to arrange their own lives."

"Phooey," his wife said.  "You heard Sara say more than once we're family.  We've got a right to be interested in them.  She's the only one I've worked for who hasn't treated us like servants.  I care about her and I want her to be happy."

"So do I, but they may have changed their minds about getting married."

"If they break their engagement I'm leaving.  I'll go live with Sara and take care of her, that I will, and I'm going to give Himself a piece of his mind before I do that.  I thought he was slow, not daft.  He'll never find someone like our Sara.  Never."

"Let's not cross our bridges before we come to them," said Mr. Binty in the resigned tone of a man trying to soothe the ruffled feathers of his mate.

Sara couldn't understand why she felt so restless.  They had been back in Rainbow Valley four days.  Jason had been here for two, but she hadn't seen him yet.  She heard Kelsey talking and laughing with him before he left in the morning, but she'd stayed in her room till she heard his car leaving.

On the domestic front, things were going well.  The new maid, Carmenita Sanchez, a young married woman, got on well with the Bintys and Kelsey.  Dee Dee called every day to talk to a delighted Kelsey.  Listening to the little girl talk nineteen words  filled everyone's heart with joy. 

Sara had made her own plans.  Claire's building did have a vacancy and she'd put a deposit on her flat.  She'd tell Jason today that she was moving out tomorrow...there was no point in staying on now.

She'd called her editor again and he'd mentioned the magazine might offer her a permanent column.  Encouraged by her writing success, but knowing it would be quite a while before she could support herself with it, Sara had filled out an application at an employment agency, stating she would like a job where her writing skills could be used.

She was working on a puzzle with Kelsey when the phone rang Wednesday evening.  To her surprise it was a call from Margo Evans, the owner of the employment agency.  An advertising firm in Sherman Oaks had an opening.  Was she interested?

Sara did some quick thinking.  Sherman Oaks was seventy five miles away from Rainbow Valley.  If she moved there to be close to work, it would be hard to see Kelsey as often as she wanted to.

"That's too far away.  I want to stay in the area."

Margo said she'd keep looking and hung up.

Sara stared into space.  What if that was the only job she could get?  What if her money ran out and she hadn't found another one?

"What's too far away?"

Sara spun around.  Jason looked thinner, more tired.  Mrs. Binty had mentioned he came in late and left early.  He was working much too hard.

"Hello Jason."  Her heart pounded, her mouth went dry, and her breath was stuck somewhere in the middle of her chest.

"How are you Sara.  What's too far away?"  He picked up his daughter and kissed her.  Kelsey wiggled to be put down, her attention on the puzzle she was working on.

"A job in Sherman Oaks."

"Far away from what?"

‘From you, you blind fool’, Sara wanted to yell, angry with herself for reacting like this to his presence, angry that she couldn't control the way she felt.

She wet her lips.  "I want to be close enough to see Kelsey once in a while."

There.  She'd managed to keep her voice nice and light, as if it was just a friendly interest she had in his daughter.

He frowned.  "Jobs aren't easy to find, Sara."

It hurt that he should keep pushing that point.  Did he think he was stuck with her till she did find one?  He turned away as if about to leave when she said, "I've found a place to stay.  I'm moving out tomorrow."

He stopped and turned towards her.  Sara moved a step back.

The only reason she could think of for the anger in his eyes was her tone.

A tight look had come over his face as he scanned her features and then he'd said, "Do you need help moving?"

"No thank you Jason.  Claire and I can manage between us."  She wasn't going to tell him she wasn't taking any of the fancy clothes he'd bought her.  They belonged to this time of her life...a period she had to seal away and try to forget.

Jason's eyes rested on his daughter's head.  He thought of the day he'd gone to pick Sara up.  She'd stood in her uncle's house, holding her cardboard box tied with string and he'd wondered if he was doing the right thing hiring her.  Now he didn't know what he would do without her. 

"I've told Kelsey I have to go away," Sara said softly.  "Mrs. Bintys been doing everything for her since we got back from London, so the transition won't upset Kelsey's routine.  I'll call her every day in the beginning, then gradually taper it off."

"Thank you, Sara."  A slow burn had started in his chest at the deep sadness in Sara's voice.  It made his voice harsher than he intended.  "I'll have your last check ready for you in the morning."

Something inside Sara shriveled, as Jason looked at her as if she were a stranger.  All she could say was, "Thank you."

Jason carried the memory of her face around all evening.  Dammit, she was getting exactly what she wanted, so why had she looked hurt when he'd mentioned having her check ready?  He didn't understand her.  She needed the security of a job and yet she turned down the chance of getting one saying she wanted to be near Kelsey.

Did she think he was blind?  That he couldn't see how much she loved Kelsey?  Sara didn't hold back when she made a commitment, and a part of him was glad she'd made one to Kelsey.  His daughter's life would be richer for having someone like Sara in it.  His own pain he'd have to learn to handle.

He was so distracted all evening that the business acquaintance he was having dinner with asked him if something was wrong.  Jason told Jake Ramsey that he was feeling under the weather.

It wasn't a lie.  The emptiness inside was growing with each hour that passed at the thought that Sara would soon be gone.  He wondered how the little gosling that had gone to London was going to take the news of Sara's departure?  Knowing Sara, preparing Kelsey for it wasn't a responsibility she would have shirked.

"Why don't we get together some time next week when you're feeling better?"

The thought of Sara on her own, having to find work, struggling to make ends meet, bothered him.

"Jason."  The touch on his arm startled him.  He looked at Jake Ramsey's concerned face.

"I'm sorry."  He rubbed his forehead.  "What were you saying?"

"I said let's get together next week when you're feeling better.  In the meantime, take care of whatever it is you have."

Whatever it was he had. 

As he drove home, Jason realized this was the one thing he couldn't take care of.  There was no anti-locking braking device for love that he could invent.

For a moment he felt very strongly that he had to go home and tell Sara how he felt.  His foot pressed the accelerator to the floor.  Maybe she would still be up.

He was a desperate man, standing on the lip of a dark and lonely chasm that he would fall into when Sara left.  He had to try to keep her with him.  When Diana had died, all he'd felt was pity for her and regret that they hadn't had a better life together. 

The thought of Di shocked Jason into facing reality.  What would happen if he persuaded Sara to marry him?  Maybe she wouldn't mind being his wife, being Kelsey's mother for a while, but later, when she found his daughter's demands too great, or she got pregnant...what would happen then?

Jason's hands tightened on the wheel as he thought of Diana's face, contorted with anger telling him he had tricked her into becoming pregnant, just so he could tie her down.

He could never run the risk of that happening with Sara.  He had to let her go, take his chances, and wait.  He would make sure he saw her often, remind her that he was around.

Taking his foot off the accelerator, Jason checked the side view mirror and changed lanes.  He would take the long way home.  Driving around would give him time to calm down.

Sara woke at five, Thursday morning.  Tomorrow would make six weeks since she'd first met Jason.  She was glad now that she'd moved in here right away, had more time to spend with him and Kelsey.  She wished they could have stayed in London longer, been together for a little more time, but that couldn't be.

It was no use trying to go back to sleep.  Thoughts of Jason had kept her awake till she'd heard his car pull into the four car garage at one this morning. 

Sara looked around.  The single suitcase she'd bought herself was already packed, so there was nothing to do.  She didn't want to work on her writing.  The only thing that might help her calm down was physical work.  She decided to take her whole room apart, take all the books down and wipe the shelves and dust them, so Carmenita would have one less thing to do after she left.

Fetching some rags from the kitchen, Sara looked through the window.  Her heart jumped into her throat.  Jason was on the deck in the back, staring at the mountains, a mug of coffee in his hand.  Her eyes widened as she took in the dress pants and the white silk shirt he'd worn to his dinner meeting.  Hadn't he gone to bed at all?

That must have been some meeting.  The thought that he might have been with a woman aroused such a storm of jealousy in Sara that she wanted to march out there and confront him.  But she didn't.  Jason had made it very clear it wasn't her he wanted anyway, and his personal life wasn't any of her business.

As Sara removed the books and wiped the shelves down with furniture polish, she tried to figure out why life was so strange.  Why had Jason just wanted her, not loved her?  Was it because in spite of the fact he'd bought her expensive clothes and tried to introduce her to his kind of life, she had failed in some way?

Sara swept the books of the next shelf.  She couldn't be anything else than what she was...ordinary, plain, homely.  As she picked up another pile of books, Sara realized Kelsey had carried one of Jason's automotive magazines in and left it in the room.  It slipped off the top of the pile of books and slid down to the carpet.  Sara picked it up and a sheet of paper slipped out.