Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1) (11 page)

“You can’t admit what you want,” he said as he continued to watch me as he sucked at his long tapered fingers one by one.

“I can,” I lied.

“Is that so? Then tell me why you are soaking wet from my touch, and yet unsatisfied. Tell me why you allowed me to fuck you with my mouth and fingers, and yet nothing else, and answer me this; why the fuck didn’t you stop me sooner? You’re either a fucking cock tease, or a selfish bitch.”

“Who keeps starting it?” I demanded, ready to punch him in the nose. Okay that was fair enough, but why was he being such an asshole? I felt a mixture of raw emotions boiling up. “We don’t belong together,” I said on a whisper. “You’d fuck me, and then you’d walk away without looking back, it’s what people like you do.”

His eyes narrowed on me. I was pathetic. I felt it all the way to my toes. I had leaves in my hair from rolling on the ground with this man, and the things he made me feel were crazy.

I made it back to my feet and glared at him. “Don’t ever touch me again, Jaeden,” I snapped when he didn’t argue with what I’d pointed out. “It’ll solve everything.”

It was stupid. That snippy comment may as well have been a red flag waving at a bull. He moved so fast that I didn’t have time to turn and run away. I didn’t have time to think before I was pressed against a tree and his mouth was on mine, ravishing it. He pulled away and looked down his nose at me.

“How can I stop when you respond to my kiss like this, every fucking time? Some days I smolder with the images of you in my bed, other days I
hate
you. I hate that you occupy my mind when I lie down to sleep, or that you are inside my mind at all. Then it hits me, Emma, I want to fucking
destroy
you. I want to take you to my bed and destroy you for every other man alive. I want to watch you come undone for me. I want to watch as you come, for me. I don’t like fucking games, not ones that don’t end with you filled full of me, sweet girl. I should bend you over and take what I want; you’d let me. Wouldn’t you?”

“Please,” I begged unsure of what I was asking for. I wanted him. That little voice inside my head told me to run, while my body screamed how stupid I was for leaving
this
. They didn’t make men like him anymore, and I wanted him. Like some spoiled little child wanted a toy.

“Tell me what’s stopping you from saying yes right this second, Emma,” he demanded.

“I can’t do this, Jaeden.” Common sense said run, and that I’d never met anyone like him before. I wasn’t prepared for what he could do to me. He scared the crap out of me, and I wasn’t into taking chances. I had too many responsibilities to consider that were so much more important than having sex. He wasn’t asking for a relationship, he wanted to fuck and it was as simple as that to him. Meaningless sex, that’s all it would be. Addy wouldn’t have to think twice about jumping him. Me, I was a different story. I just wasn’t made that way and I wasn’t sure I could ever be all right with just scratching an itch.

I wasn’t sure if the pros were outweighing the cons. On one side, I knew virtually nothing about him and his men and where the heck they’d come from, not to mention, something was seriously off about all of them. Then there was the chemical reaction he and I had together. I remembered the speech my father had given me when Bradly Allen had stood me up. Bradly had invited me out to one of the school dances, and I’d stood there decked out in my dress waiting for him until well after the dance had ended. I had really liked him and was devastated.

My father had pulled me into the house, and explained to me that love couldn’t be forced. He’d told me
“You can’t force chemistry to be there if it isn’t there. You can’t make someone love you; it’s just not how it works. It’s the same for when you find it; you can deny it. You can even lie to yourself, and pretend it isn’t there, but it is. Someday my, Emma, someone is going to make you feel as if you’ve been sleeping for your entire life, waiting just for them to find you.”
I missed my dad, and his wisdom.

Jaeden just watched me as I got lost in my own head. I closed my eyes as he expelled what sounded like a rapid fire spattering of cussing. “Why are you out here?” he asked as he adjusted his pants and stepped away from me.

“I’m hunting the wolves.”

“What if I could show you where they are? What would you be willing to give me?” he asked with his eyes on my mouth.

“What would you want?”

“I want to ride you for hours, to fuck you until you can’t scream anymore because your voice is gone from screaming my name; until your throat is fucking raw. I want to shove my hard cock inside your soft wet pussy until it’s ruined you for every other man’s touch.”

Is that all? Sign me up and pin a tail on my ass! No, Emma, bad Emma.

I wasn’t aware that my mouth had dropped open until he raised his hand and closed it. “That’s what I thought. That’s my price, Emma. You, for one entire night, doing anything I command you to,” he replied hoarsely.

“Name something else,” I whispered not recognizing my own voice.

“Get on your knees, and suck my cock.”

“Why are you being such an asshole, Jaeden?” I shouted in frustration. I was soaking wet from his touch, from his fingers being inside of me. My nipples were as hard as pebbles and throbbing, which was new since I’d never once felt them do that before I met him.

“Why are you telling me no when your body wants it?” he shrugged as he took a step toward me, and I took a giant step backwards.

“I’m not that kinda girl,” I growled. Or at least I hadn’t been until I’d met him. When I was with him I lost my grasp on reality, and did things I’d never have done otherwise. I wasn’t the kinda girl who spread her legs in the dirt and really wasn’t sure I wanted to.

“Oh but you’re the kinda girl who watches as a couple fucks? Tell me, Emma, when you watched them, did you pretend it was us? Did you want me to press you against a giant oak tree and ride your soft flesh until you exploded on my shaft?”

“No,” I whispered hollowly.

“Little liar. I can see you struggling to ignore what is happening between us, but sooner or later you will give in to me. Call it intuition, or whatever you want to call it. It’s going to happen, and you’ll scream for me. And it won’t be a
no
coming out of those beautiful lips, it’s going to be
more
, and
harder
,” he continued relentlessly.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked with a thickness in my throat from the hurt I felt at his words.

“You know what your problem is, Emma? You still expect people to be nice. You expect them to behave as they did before the world went to hell. Problem is, they were always this way, now there’s just no one to stop them. I’m used to getting what I want. Maybe that makes me shallow in your book, but I’m not taking you by force as others will do. I’m trying to be understanding, but it’s against my nature. I was never a good guy, so don’t expect me to be one now.” I flinched at the anger burning in his voice.

“You’re an asshole!” I shouted as I fought against my eyes tearing up.

“I’m an asshole? I’m the one who keeps saving your pretty little ass. Grow up, Emma. Go back to the safety of your shelter and shove that pretty little nose back into the romance novels you read. That’s the kind of man you’re looking for, right? You’re looking for someone to wipe away the tears and become your knight in shining armor?”

“I never said I wanted anything from you! I asked about the god damn wolves so they don’t kill anyone else. I didn’t look for you because I wanted a friggin’ hero! Fuck you! You’re nothing but a bully,” I cried as I turned to march off. Something was off about him, and I didn’t like this Jaeden at all.

He was an arrogant prick!

“Walk away, Emma!” he shouted.

“I am!”

“Watch your back little girl, there’s monsters moving in!” His parting words sent a chill down my back.

Chapter 12

I’d given Jaeden and his men a wide berth. Almost a month had passed with several more attacks by wolves. I no longer needed to head into town, because the Towner’s in hiding who hadn’t been killed had come to the shelter. Even those who had been hiding in the woods trickled into the shelter just to be on the safe side. It just wasn’t an option to live outside anymore. Jaeden had been right, there were monsters here. After that encounter in the forest, I’d decided to include him on that list as well.

No one went out alone or unarmed anymore. It was a safeguard that helped eliminate a lot of problems for me, especially with the possibility of running into Jaeden and turning into a mindless slut. Today, Addy was out with me to forage some of the remote locations for wild fruits and vegetables while most of the able bodied from the shelter were out hunting game or looking for cattle that had been left in the pastures and chickens that had gone a little wild in abandoned farms. With more people showing up, the food was slowly trickling to the basics and the MREs. Winter in the Pacific Northwest—specifically in our little corner of the world, could begin as early as October and were notoriously harsh, so everyone was scrambling to collect what they could.

“My nails are never going to be the same again,’ she grumbled as she dug up a wild patch of strawberries from the roots.

“Use soap,” I said offhandedly.

“Ha-ha,” she snarked. “What was that?” she asked, and I lifted my eyes from my own patch of berries.

“What was what?” I asked pushing my mind away from what had happened with Jaeden. I looked around at the edge of the woods but saw nothing. There was a fifty foot cliff behind us, so there wouldn’t be any surprises coming from that direction. Below the cliff was a fast running river.

“You didn’t hear that?” she asked as she wiped her dirt-covered hands on her jeans and stood up. I hated heights, but she loved them. She looked over, which made my stomach roll. “Wow, is that him?”

“Is that who?” I asked stepping closer. I felt my heart skip a beat as the sight of Jaeden and his men, along with some women playing in the shallow water of the riverbank came into view. “Asshole,” I whispered.

“Which one is he?”

“The one without the shirt on, with the bimbo splashing him,” I sighed as I pointed him out to her.

“Are you serious? You turned
that
down!? Do you by chance have brain damage?” she asked with wide eyes.

“Obviously—”

I didn’t get to finish as something smashed against the side of my head. I closed my eyes and touched my hand to where I could feel warm blood trickling from. I could just make out Addy screaming, but couldn’t tell if she was a mile away, or further.

Rough hands groped me, and I knew I was being searched for weapons. It was obvious from the hoots of men as they found my three guns and four knives. Addy was behind me, as my hearing came rushing back I knew she was fighting off an assailant. We knew better than to take our eyes off our surroundings even for a second, and now we were going to pay for that lapse.

I turned my head to see her, and tears leaked from my eyes, or maybe it was blood. I struggled to my feet as hands groped and prodded me. I faced Addy and her attacker, and made a choice. He was ripping her clothes off, as if he couldn’t get her naked fast enough so he could rape her. Thoughts of Bonnie skated across my mind. Were these the men who raped her? Dazedly, I wondered where the wolves were. I struggled and broke free from the hands that had tried to hold me down. I launched myself at Addy and her attacker, shoving them both, and watched as my best friend in the world fell to the bottom of the cliff. It was better than what they would do to her. She at least had a chance of escape since she was the best swimmer I knew.

“Fucking whore!” A man from behind me screamed, seconds before I was hit in the back of the head again. I fell to my knees as the world went black and white, and crawled in the direction of the cliff. I wasn’t a strong swimmer, and heights scared the crap out of me, but again, it was better than what they were planning.

My fingers found the edge, and I peered down to see Addy swimming towards Jaeden’s group and smiled knowing she’d be okay now, she was safe. I looked to where he stood, and knew the moment he saw what was happening. He shouted my name, and I smiled with regret. I should have screwed his brains out. I was now going to die a virgin….which sucked.

I was flipped over, and punched in the face. “Fucking bitch killed Jason!”

I grabbed his arms with what I thought was strength, but it wasn’t. He didn’t wince, didn’t blink. I could barely make out his features. He was missing teeth, the rest that remained were rotten. He smelled putrid, as if he hadn’t noticed all the water in Washington State which was readily available to bathe in. He ripped at my pants and I shook my head.

“Fucking whore, I’m gonna have fun with you and then you’ll join Jason on the rocks below.”

I kicked out, and got to my feet unsteadily. I felt his hands latch on to me at the same moment I jumped backwards—off of the cliff.

They say you see all sorts of shit when you are about to die. Like your entire life flashing before your eyes. Not me, I saw the toothless asshole and the fear in his eyes. I pulled him close, laughing briefly before I rolled, turning him below me in the air—and we hit the rocks…hard.

I smashed my head against his, and went blind with pain as something cracked in my arms and stomach. Landing on top of toothless only lessened some of the impact. I could hear Jaeden shouting and Addy’s screams, and knew I was dying. Or I thought I was. Bullets rained down from the cliff the moment I raised my head. I pushed myself from the bloody corpse and felt the cool water as I slid into it, and sank quickly.

I didn’t want to die, but my chances of living were getting slimmer with every passing moment. Every inch of my body seemed to scream with pain. I pushed off the bottom knowing I had to get air, but I had nothing left. I felt arms as they wrapped around my waist and took me to the surface.

I leaned my head against the last person I’d expected to save me. I couldn’t speak, and my lungs felt as if they were on fire. I pulled in huge gulps of air, as he laid me down on the riverbank and spoke. “Damn, lass, ye look like hell.”

I looked into Lachlan’s eyes and tried for a laugh, which only came out as a sob.

“Och nae, lass, none of that now,” his voice was a gentle croon as he began to look over my many injuries.

“Emma!” Jaeden shouted as he rounded the bend, with Addy close behind him.

Addy fell to the ground beside me bawling. “Emma, get up!” she cried as she fisted her hair in her hands as she stared in despair at me. She was about to lose it, and I couldn’t fix it. I didn’t have enough in me to reassure her that it would be okay because it wasn’t.

“No,” I whispered even though it hurt like hell to say it. “Something’s not right,” I whispered.

I felt broken, as in everything was on fire. I was pretty sure I was knocking on heaven’s door, and there wasn’t going to be any do-over’s. “You know what to do if it happens,” I rasped to Addy as I started to cough up blood.

“No, get the fuck up bitch! You don’t get to leave me! I can’t do what you can, I can’t, Emma. I need you! Grayson needs you! Get up! You don’t get to die! We have to grow old together, you promised. I’m not as strong as you are.” She was sobbing, and pulling on my useless arm. “You’re all I have left, you can’t leave me here alone, Emma, please get up!” she wailed.

“That hurts,” I whimpered.

“Lachlan, take her friend,” Jaeden ordered and I lifted my eyes to him.

“No,” I answered for Lachlan. “Home,” I said sternly. “They need me,” I said before trying to move my useless limbs.

“Emma, don’t do this to me, you have to get up. Let them help you, you don’t look good. Grayson can’t see you like this. They’re right. You look really bad,” Addy sobbed the words out.

“Not…dying, just—a scratch. Walk…it…off,” I struggled to continue. Addy’s eyes were wide with horror as she looked at me. It wasn’t a scratch; even I could hear the death rattle in my chest.

*~*Jaeden*~*

She’d been lucky to survive the fall; her body was a mass of broken bones and damaged flesh. I picked her up, listening to the faint beating of her heart as she lost the fight to stay conscious. I watched her eyes grow slack, as her life threatened to leave her. “Take her,” I snapped at Lachlan who was allowing the thin wisp of a woman struggling in his arms to win against him.

“Ye cannae do what I ken yer aboot tae do without her consent….dinnae do it. She doesna deserve tae become what ye are, Jaeden,” Lachlan’s voice was an angry demand.

“You owe me this much,” I spat out.

“Jaeden, that was long ago and I dinnae know. Ye ken I didnae plan on what happened.” He sounded reasonable, maybe he didn’t plan on it, but it changes nothing. I already had Shamus riding my ass to let it go. He isn’t exactly free of betrayal either. It still burns and festers to think of it even after all this time.

He waited for me to respond for a few moments and when it became clear I had nothing further to say, he bit out a curse, and picked up the small struggling woman and carried her away. Her grief stricken wails faded with Lachlan’s departure and the noise of the river.

I kneeled to the cold ground and ripped my wrist open with a sharp fang. I placed my wrist over her lips and pulled her mouth open, forcing her to drink my blood. “Drink, Emma,” I begged her, I couldn’t allow someone with so much fucking life to give up. Bringing her back as something like I am, well, it beat watching her die in my arms.

“Are you sure you wish to sire her? We are at war, and a neophyte is something we don’t have time for,” Bjorn grumbled as he kneeled beside us. “She’s losing this battle, old friend. Maybe it’s best to let her go.”

“That’s what they said about you, Bjorn, and I refused to leave you bleeding out on the battle field. I’ve never regretted bringing you over, yet,” I responded grimly.

I massaged her throat, working my tainted blood into her system. Her organs were damaged, her heartbeat was faint, and fading faster than my blood could repair it. I knew the moment it reached her organs, because she jerked in my arms. I remembered the fire, the burning of every cell as it was reborn. Her eyes grew wide with the pain. Her body convulsed, as she tried to push my wrist away. Her arms were shattered in the fall, and unable to do much of anything.

“You broke your new toy?” Sven’s bright blue eyes narrowed at the sight of her broken body as he moved closer. “Shit,” he whispered as he looked over the extensive damage.

Her skull was cracked and blood oozed from her scalp and dribbled from her nose. There were deep cuts and scratches all over her face; one showed the damage to her facial bones. Her heart had taken too much damage from the impact of the rock’s unforgiving surface, and the sound of it trying to push the blood was sickening. Her insides were a fucking mess.

“She took a leap off a cliff to escape being raped,” I replied as I felt her lips finally latch on. Good girl. I closed my eyes as the sensation of her feeding from my wrist made my cock stand up at attention. Feeding led to fucking, and she was a fucking mess. I moaned, uncaring of the men standing close to me. They knew what it was like, because they’d each made their own fair share of toys, as they called them.

My balls stretched taut as blood pulsed in my erection. Easy boy, she’s not available for you yet. She would be a hard turn, normally they weren’t this close to death. She was barely breathing, and even as I fed her, everything in her body was either bleeding out or shutting down.

“Get the truck; she needs more blood than this and we’re too exposed out here.”

“You got it,” Sven said as he turned and walked back through the thick brush to where the SUVs awaited us.

I continued to force the blood down her throat, even as she thrashed against my efforts. “Come on, sweet girl, you can do it.”

The sound of the engine as it turned over and headed this direction was a relief. She needed more blood than I alone could give her, and she needed sleep. Tonight she would sleep with me, and when her body turned cold, I would place her in the ground for the change.

“Shamus should be here tonight; you think he’s going to approve of your new toy?” Bjorn asked as he helped me secure her in the backseat.

“You think I give a fuck? He may be in charge of the Northwest, but he isn’t my maker. I’ve lived by the rules, Bjorn. It’s been over a thousand years since I’ve changed a female over to our world. He’s made several, including Cayla. I have only brought one female over, and she’s currently stuck on his dick.”

“Astrid was your wife,” Bjorn said calmly. “What she did to you was unforgivable.”

Unforgivable? I’d married her while I’d been human still. She’d been the pampered daughter of nobility, and my obsession. I’d earned the right to claim her in marriage, and I had to leave her with my seed just barely swelling in her body to serve my king. Not to go Viking like my father—and his before him—but to hold and defend a God-forsaken shit hole an ocean away. I had plenty of land and wealth from my family, but serving my king was paramount, so with promises to her of chastity and abstinence that would have made me a laughingstock to my forefathers, I left her to do my duty.

When I had been left for dead after the battle for control of York in Northumbria, and changed, I’d gone back for her. It was only after I had changed her that I discovered that while I had been serving king and country, she had been seeking the favors of every male with titles, land, or both that would pay her attention. My child wasn’t lost to miscarriage as I’d been led to believe, but deliberately killed in her womb as no man would look at her with my seed growing there.

She’d taken many men to our bed, fucked them, and took great delight in telling me after. It wasn’t enough for her to attempt to seduce any man I called friend; she would try and kill any female I showed affection to. She wanted my attention and she wanted my jealousy and would do anything to obtain it. The bitch was psychotic, spoiled, and unstoppable, and yet she’d found protection with Shamus. Wisely, he tried whenever possible to keep her away from me.

“Help me secure her, and open your vein,” I told Bjorn before climbing in the back with them. “Anything from Lucas?”

“They captured the four men that were with the one she cliff dived with. They have been taken care of.” He reported quietly as he helped me situate her over my lap. Sven began the drive back to the estate, the rest of our convoy following behind us.

“Good,” I whispered as I cradled her head to his open wrist. The sight of his eyes as they grew round with lust from her lips touching his skin made anger radiate through me. I knew the moment his cock grew hard, because he shifted in the seat. His hand moved to grope her breasts, but the inhuman growl that tore from my throat stopped him.

“Habit,” he said as he reached in his pants to fix his own growing erection. Mine was hard as a rock, pulsing with the need to pillage her sweet, pink flesh.

Knowing a woman was coming over, and drinking of blood was an aphrodisiac to our kind. The sound of sucking mixed with blood, rich in the air, had every male in the car hard and ready to fuck. Her heartbeat was sputtering, and her temperature was already dropping. I pulled her away from Bjorn’s wrist as he moaned at the sensation of her mouth against his flesh.