Darkest Before Dawn (A Guardian's Diary Book 1) (15 page)

“She deals with me just fine, Jaeden, and several times a day. She’s breaking away from her group, as if she’s protecting them from herself. Ye changed her, even if ye didnae turn her. She’s not the same as she was when I first got tae town.” His eyes bored accusingly into mine.

“I’ll go to her,” I whispered as I moved through them and headed to where I knew she would be. The change may not have occurred, but I could feel her presence inside of me as if it had. I could feel her in me, as if I’d sired her; the bond was minimal and limited, but there. She’d gone back to the cliff, where this had all begun.

I watched her from the trees as she kicked the ground where she’d gone over, and then teetered on the edge. My heart pounded faster as she held one foot over the edge as if she was considering jumping. She moved back and swiped angrily at her tears.

I could feel her walls closing down as her mind tried to grasp what she’d done. I stepped out from behind the trees and headed to her. I could tell that she felt me as I moved closer, and I felt the bond as it reached for her, but she was stronger than most. She was resisting it. She somehow managed to hold it at bay, but barely.

“Emma, come away from the cliff,” I whispered and flinched as she leveled me with a nasty glare.

“Go to hell, and take your fucked up shit with you!”

“I deserve that,” I replied.

“You’re damn right you do! You held me up as if I was yours to give away! I came to you for help and you threw me to the wolves!” she blinked as if her choice of words were sour.

“What do you think is happening between us, Emma? Did I make any promises to you?” I snapped, and watched as her eyes narrowed and leveled me with a cold look. “You asked me once if Lachlan and I were friends; we aren’t. He used something of mine that I cared for; he was just one of a long line of betrayals that stemmed from the same poor decision. I made a vow to never allow myself to be in the same situation for it to happen again.”

“Something?”
she spat out. “I’m not a fucking something! I’m a friggin’ human being! How dare you treat me like that just because you have some fucked up shit going on in your head. News flash, Jaeden! I’m not yours to give away! I’m not fucking anyone! Not now, not tomorrow, and not ever! That also includes you!”

“You’ve not fucked anyone?” I asked carefully.

“It doesn’t matter! There’s so much more happening right now! You need to get your friggin’ priorities straight.  I killed a wolf who was a man! In what friggin’ world is that right? I’m going crazy!” she swiped angrily at tears.  “I’m afraid to be around my friends and my brother because I’m seeing shit! I have dreams that scare the shit out of me, as if I’m actually in them. I don’t know what you did to me, but you should have let me die!”

My heart clenched at her words. I watched her face carefully and took a shot at the truth. She deserved this; the only question was how she would react to it. “Werewolves,” I said simply and watched as her eyes flew to mine.

“Okay, no wonder why I liked you so much, you’re crazy too!” She sniffed as she wiped at the tears again. “You’re so full of shit, Jaeden. But thanks for playing along with my crazy mindfuck of a day.”

I laughed, but was empty. I flashed my fangs and, startled, she stepped back towards the cliff. I reached out and pulled her to me. She fought against my hold, and it took everything I had to pin her. This small woman was now a match for me or any of my men. She went still suddenly, as something else caught her attention. She looked at me, then to where Lachlan stood in wolf form. His green eyes gave him away.

“Holy shit,” she said. “I went to sleep and woke up in Twilight!” she laughed, and continued. “Oh! I get to be Bella!” she giggled more. “Oh, wait, Twilight was like, PG, can we kick it up to an adult version and so help me God, Jaeden if you sparkle, I want to see that penis pulling off a disco ball in the sunlight!”

Yeah, it was very possible she’d been damaged in the fall. I shook my head at her strange hysteria, and I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. I think she was making fun of me, which stung. I finally spelled it out for her and I’m not sure what I expected, but it certainly wasn’t this.

The wolf nodded and left her to me. Everything in his bearing told me that it was only for now. Her shoulders shook, and I felt her pain. The confusion of everything I’d just thrown at her. The shock at everything she had experienced tonight.  Her soul pulled at mine, shredding my resolve and my legs moved towards her against my will. I walked up and stood beside her, slipping my hand through hers, threading my long fingers through her delicate ones.

“Lachlan, and his men,” she started hesitantly. “I didn’t kill any of his men tonight, did I?” she asked and then her shoulders released the tension they’d held in them.

“No; his people and my people are fighting against those packs. It is a long story, but know that we will protect you and your people, Emma.”

“Did you ever find the wolves that killed Bonnie and Jillian?” she asked with a guarded look in her eyes.

“We found the squad that killed them about two weeks after their deaths. I put them down, personally. They hurt you, maybe not physically, but like most things rabid, they needed to be put down.”

“This can’t be real, right? I’m dreaming,” she whispered brokenly.

I pulled her to me, and tilted her chin. “Does this feel like a dream?” I asked, before lowering my hungry lips to hers. She was silk to my leather, innocence to my brutality. My tongue pushed past her teeth, and the noise she made started a maelstrom in my balls, and tightness coiled in my stomach. I groaned as I deepened the kiss, while her arms wrapped around my waist.

I wanted nothing more than to lay her on the ground and ravish her body. I picked her up and approved of how her legs wrapped around my waist. Her hands gripped my hair, as if she was afraid I would remove my mouth from hers. Not a fucking chance. I kissed her harder, my nostrils flaring with the scent of her sweet nectar as it dampened her pussy.

I pulled away, my eyes searched hers for the one answer I needed. She didn’t give it. She unwrapped her legs and pulled away instead. “You can’t be real, because that would mean you really did feed me your blood to save my life. That I wasn’t hallucinating…”

“I did, and would do it again in a heartbeat, Emma,” I whispered through fangs that slid further from my gums with anticipation. Her eyes focused on my mouth, and I watched as her small hand lifted to my mouth and stopped.

“Can I see them?” she questioned, and I nodded. “Do they hurt?”

“Only when I deny them the sweet taste of you,” I replied with a crooked smile breaking across my lips.

“Do you want to taste me?”

“Yes,” I replied with my heart racing at the mere idea of tasting her sweet, intoxicating blood again.

“How does it work?” she asked with a shyness that I hadn’t seen with her before.

“I’d kiss your flesh, and caress it with my tongue. My saliva would release a numbing agent, to prevent you from feeling pain from my bite. I would pierce your skin, and I’d feed from your blood.”

“Does sex and feeding really go together?”

“Yes,” I replied hoarsely, as I wondered where she’s taking me with her questions.

“So if I allowed you to feed from me, I’d have to allow you more?”

“No, but I’d want more. I’d want you at my mercy.”

“What does that even mean?” she asked innocently.

“I’d want to control you. I’d want to dominate you, to have your full submission in the bedroom, Emma. For a woman to submit to a man in the bedroom is one of the ultimate gifts she can ever give him. To give her body and mind to him, and trust him enough to satisfy her needs.”

“It sounds kinky,” she whispered with wide eyes. “Way more than I think I could commit to,” was her sultry reply as I clasped her chin between my finger and thumb.

She gasped, and I smiled at the sweet sound of it. “You’ve already had a taste of what I can offer you. The spanking, when your pussy filled with the proof of what it made you feel? You were soaked for more abuse, and then when you came in my mouth…That Emma, is what I need from you. I could teach you everything, if you’d just let me.”

She nodded as though she was considering it. “Maybe one day,” she swallowed. My insides clenched at her soft words. I’m not a nice guy, not since the day Astrid betrayed me, and then fed me to the wolves, literally. I had made a vow to never let myself get that involved with a woman again. Not even Emma with her supple curves, and her wide eyed stares.

Even now she pulled at me, her soul knowing me as though she was fated to become mine, and it was fucking strong. I hated that I wanted her, that I was trying to tempt her, even knowing she could rip me apart. I’d been there, and hated the idea of it happening again.

Shamus wanted her. He’d said it as soon as he heard about her. She was a cock magnet, and a fucking hot one at that. Raphael hadn’t even made it this far north yet, but I was sure he’d want in on her as well. He was my best friend, but also had a fondness for fiery redheads.

I can’t afford any distractions right now, not with the rogue wolf packs moving in to test our defenses. Testing us, as they convert her kind into theirs. She could die tomorrow, and I couldn’t take the chance of her becoming a weakness. I had to get her back to her people and I needed to circle back to mine. The thought of the mutt being so close to her was like choking on my own sword, but unless she was prepared to take only what I can give, he was her best protection.

Chapter 17

A week had gone by since my little world was rearranged, and I’d stayed away from men in general. My head was a cluster fuck of things which I’d never imagined I needed to be worrying over. Like the fact that I was in some major lust with a vampire, who didn’t seem to have a sunlight allergy, and I was currently living with a werewolf.

There were times I noticed the reality of what they were and I also noticed that I typically would have one of them tailing me. Like Landon, the youngest of the wolves and the one who always thought the floor was more interesting than whatever it was that I had to say. Oh, I probably wouldn’t have noticed them before, but since my cliff-diving resurrection, I felt like I noticed everything.

So many questions I had for them… However, they were a tight lipped bunch, and Lachlan wasn’t quite like Jaeden and the men who followed him, that much I could sense. However, I had clearly been changed after I had fallen. The unknown of what I had changed to was bugging the shit out of me.

We’d begun the first steps of gathering supplies that we would need to winterize the shelter and this allowed me multiple opportunities to slip away from the main group. I told Addy that I needed to go out alone today because I wanted time to think, but I’d ended up at my old house, going through my dad’s office. There were pictures that had been left behind and now had a thick layer of dust on them. I ran my finger over one absently and then wiped it on my pants.

I scoured through the filing cabinets, but found nothing. I was putting things back when I heard the front door open and close. Addy was in the front room, looking up at a picture of me standing in a meadow that was hung above the mantel.

“I remember taking that; you looked so happy,” she said as she wiped at tears. “You were just standing there in the meadow, and the flowers were in full bloom. The baby doll dress looked perfect on you,” she continued. “Your father asked that I give him a copy. He said you looked just like your mother.”

“I remember,” I said as I stepped closer to her. “What’s wrong?” I asked. She hardly ever cried. I could sense her sadness as surely as I could sense Jaeden’s moods.

“I miss my parents,” she whispered brokenly.

“I miss my dad,” I admitted. “He’s dead,” I said and realized it was the first time I’d admitted it out loud.

“He might be okay, Emma,” she lied to keep the pain at bay. It was weird; I just
knew
stuff like this now.

“You don’t have to protect me. I know he’s dead. He wouldn’t have left us alone for this long if he was still alive,” I replied. Deep down I’d known when he’d left the shelter that he wasn’t coming back. I’d felt it in my soul, and as he’d left, I’d said my goodbye and made my peace with him. “What’s really wrong?” I asked, knowing my best friend enough to know this wasn’t just melancholy.

“Liam broke it off, said he wanted to spend time with Kyra. How am I supposed to live in the shelter knowing he’s with her?”

“You want me to kick them out?” I offered, and I would. I’d kick them all out without a second thought for her. I was the person who’d help her hide the body if she needed it, because that was what best friends did for one another.

“No,” she said as she wiped her tears away.

“Okay, well then suck it up buttercup,” I said as I punched her arm. “I’m pretty sure those guys love trying to hump every girl they can in the shelter. Did he make any promises or lead you on? I will so neuter him if he did.” She shook her head and giggled at me. “C’mon Addy, you weren’t ready to get married and have puppies yet,” I chided.

“Puppies?” she snorted.

“Never mind,” I said as I looked away and paid a little too much attention to the little mementos on the mantle.

“Did you get the rest of your stuff? Oh, and the jewelry box I think you hid when we were twelve?” she asked.

I smiled; I’d forgotten all about it. I’d hidden it under the floorboard with my other personal items to keep them away from Grayson and Dad’s prying eyes. In the small wooden box was a pendant my mother had given me. She’d made me promise to never take it off. I broke that promise within a week of her death; wearing it was just too painful. I knew it was still there, without even entering my room.

I walked into my room and noticed that someone else had been in my room, judging from the streaks in the dust. I looked around and found other signs that someone had been there, such as my underwear drawer was open and empty. Someone had stolen my panties? And my perfume? They’d also taken the senior portrait that had been on my dresser.

I ignored the nagging feeling of being watched and lowered myself to the floor, then popped up the floorboard to retrieve the wooden box.  Inside the box was a cut lock of my hair and my mother’s, which had been braided together. A beautiful sterling silver necklace, which my mother had given me when I’d turned ten. I’d taken it off the day of her funeral and placed it in the box. I opened it and allowed my fingers to caress the silver pendant. The etched 3-D detail was the image of a spreading tree, which I’d always loved. The detail was incredible, but I couldn’t really tell what type of tree it was.

There were words scribbled on the back, but they were in another language, which I couldn’t read. I smiled and pulled it out of the box and placed it around my neck. The moment I did, I felt something inside of me open and a weight lift off of my chest. I gently ran my hand over the locket, and dug further in to find my diary, and photo albums.

“It’s beautiful,” Addy said.

“My mother gave it to me.”

“I’m going over to head over to my house, so I can grab a few things. Meet you out front in an hour?” she asked.

“Sure,” I said as I as I placed the few things into my bag. I rifled through my closet next, stuffing only a single dress and leather jacket inside. I made my way out of my room and went to the very back of the house to the room that had been closed since the day we’d learned of my mother’s death.

It was my mother’s home office and it hadn’t been locked, or sealed shut…it just hurt too much for us to go in there and eventually it had just been forgotten. I knew I had to hurry; an hour wasn’t very much time before Addy was going to be back. 

I opened up one of the curtains and watched as dust met the light and created a cascade of motes through the air of the room. There was a fine layer of dust that covered the papers piled on the desk as well, a good sign that no one else had disturbed this place in a while.

I sat in the old leather chair and picked up one of the many pictures that had been forgotten on the dusty desk. My finger swiped across it, and a single tear slid down my cheek as I looked at the four of us. Me, Grayson, Mom and Dad before our world had been ripped apart. If they were here, they’d know what to do to keep us all safe.

I tried the desk drawer, and found it locked. Strange; what reason would they have had to lock it? I scooted the chair away from the desk and looked beneath the drawer for the key. My mad normally used magnetic locks that stuck to drawers in the other office, so there was a good chance one would be in here as well.

My eyes landed on the little key box but as I went to stand, I caught sight of the floorboard. Just like the one in my room, it looked hollowed out. I kneeled back down and knocked on it before I pulled it up and stuck my hand inside and felt carefully around. 

I swallowed as my hand hit something hard. I pulled the large metal box out of the floor and eyed it warily. What could be so important that they’d hide it in the floor? It too needed a key, which when I stuck my hand back inside, I felt around the corners of the hole and found a small desk key hiding against the far recess of it. No key for the box though.

I lifted the box to the desk and looked at the tree symbol with an uneasiness that made my skin crawl; it was the same tree that was on the pendent I now wore around my neck. My finger absently trailed over the raised symbol. “Beautiful,” I whispered. I set the box away from me and placed one of the many pictures over the top of it. I made quick work of the drawers, unlocking them all.

Documents had been filed alphabetically in the drawer, and as I looked through the drawer, a recorder caught my eye. I clicked it on, and sat it on the desk while I continued to look through the drawers. It wasn’t until my mother’s voice filled the room that I choked on tears.

Emma shows restraint, but she’s still young. The Elders have asked that she be brought in to be tested. Her blood showed promise, and yet she’s not like us. As if her father’s DNA has tainted the strain. Dagan wishes to see if she worth saving.

I’ve already taken steps to prevent them from becoming infected in the event the virus reaches here. I’ve begun preparations to leave; Dagan has suggested that it’s time. I do hate leaving them, but Emma is only a child in her mind, her father has refused to acknowledge what she is and spoils her as if she’s a regular kid.

Grayson shows no signs of being one of us; he’s slow and even at his tender age, he should show the signs. It is my hope that Emma will become what is needed by the time I return. The virus should harden her. It should force her to adjust and defend her brother. If not, it will be a sign that I have failed us and my directive.

I stopped the recording with trembling hands. How had my mom known about the virus? She’d been buried over ten years before it had even surfaced. Or had she? My heart was about to burst from my chest as I pushed the recorder into my pocket and pulled open the second drawer and pushed the files out of the way, I found more tapes. I opened my bag and dropped several of them into it, before opening the last drawer.

Inside of it was info on the bunker and a manila envelope with my name on it in my father’s sloppy handwriting. I looked from the envelope to the bag now full of tapes. I decided to read the letter or whatever was in the thing later. Right now I needed to find the damn layout and everything Dad had done to the shelter.

I had finished packing my bag when I walked out of the office and into the front room. Jaeden was sitting in a darkened corner; I felt him before I actually saw him. I stopped and looked at him silently. Had he heard the recording? Did he know?

“Emma,” he whispered as he leaned his long frame into the light. His eyes took me in and narrowed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said but even I could hear how troubled I sounded.

“Want to talk about it?” he asked as he stood up and moved towards me.

“No,” I replied, feeling my heart race at his nearness. I hated that he had this effect on my body. “Ever find something that makes you question everything you’ve ever known?” I blurted it out and felt the tears pooling in my eyes.

“No,” he said smoothly. He watched me as I felt my world crumbling beneath my feet. Just the small bit I’d listened to was disturbing, and I wasn’t sure how to process it. I felt as if my entire life had been turned upside down and torn apart.

What had she meant by what she’d said about me becoming what is needed? What the hell was needed? Had she known about Rh Viridae or was she referring to a different virus? Worse yet, her words hinted that there was a vaccine to the virus she was talking about. I felt sickened by her words. I wanted to stop thinking about it, but her words seemed to be playing on repeat inside of my head.

I turned to Jaeden and fought the urge to claim his lips. One kiss, one single kiss from him could end the turmoil playing in my mind. “Kiss me,” I whispered and watched as he stepped closer, but didn’t make a move to kiss me.

“Emma, are you trying to use me to forget about whatever happened?” he asked and for a brief moment, I thought I caught a flash of pain in his eyes. It was brief, so brief, that I had to have imagined it.

“And if I was?” I asked, feeling bolder now because the need to empty my mind was immense.

“You’d regret it, later. I want you, Emma, but not this way. Not to be used because you wish to forget something.”

I glared at him, and closed the gap between us. His mouth was ready the moment mine touched it. His hands wrapped around me and lifted me up and against him. He pushed me against the wall, and I moaned against his hot, demanding mouth.

I moved my hips like a slut in a whorehouse who wanted to get paid. His hands held the back of my head as he deepened the kiss. We were so lost in the kiss that we failed to notice when Addy walked in on us, or even when she cleared her throat.

Jaeden was the first to break the kiss, which pulled a regretful moan from my lips. “Get out, Addy,” I growled, fully intending to finish what I’d started.

I’d decimate this house. I’d do it in every room, except Grayson’s. I wanted to stop being the responsible one, and just forget what I’d heard, and what my parents may or may not have been involved in or known about.

“Emma,” she growled right back. “I get the whole
want-to-fuck-the-Adonis-looking-male
, but there’s sorta a pile of dead bodies in my house!” I turned and took in her wide eyed look of shock.

I closed my eyes. “There are dead bodies everywhere,” I sighed.

“These ones are moving!” she snapped. “Get the fuck out of Hussyland and get over whatever the hell is going on with you. You need to come see this shit!”

“If they’re dead, they can’t move.” Unless they were vampires, like the man I still had my legs wrapped around, with a protruding cock pressed against my happy place.

“Yeah, I thought the same thing…right up until one asked me to end his pain,” she said.

Jaeden’s turbulent blue and green eyes smiled at me. As if he wasn’t bothered at all by being interrupted. I could have screamed, but the knowledge of undead bodies was feeding my curiosity bug.

“Lead the way, Addy,” I said as I dropped my legs from around Jaeden’s waist. Once she was out of earshot, he growled and pulled me against his tall, hard frame. 

“This isn’t over, Emma; you’ve awoken a beast, and he’s fucking hungry…” He slapped my ass and I barely managed to keep from yelping. “I’m going to fuck you soon, hard, and for hours. By the time you leave my bed, you’ll know who you belong to. You’ll never question it again.” I glanced up in confusion at his curious choice of words.

“Are you back to that kinky shit again?”

“Absolutely,” he smirked.