Dating A Saint (21 page)

Even though Alexa was still away on her honeymoon, Regina had been concerned enough about Lauren’s well-being to insist they get together for dinner anyway. She checked her watch for probably the twentieth time. It just wasn’t like Lauren to be so late.

Regina pulled her bag into her lap and started looking for her cell phone. Before she’d had a chance to check it for messages, Lauren walked up wearing jeans, a tee shirt, and long earrings. She looked lovely and very young, Regina thought, admiring the softness in her friend’s expression. She also looked like a woman in love.

“There you are,” Regina said, relieved. “I was starting to worry. You look as young as Jenna in those clothes, by the way.”

“That’s ironic,” Lauren said with a small laugh. “It’s been one of those days that make you feel very old and mature. Conflict, conflict, and more conflict—if I look good, it’s a miracle.”

“Sit. Tell me all about it. Oh, here’s the waiter back,” Regina said, gracing the young man with a smile.

“Double cognac on the rocks and a glass of water,” Lauren said before Regina could order.

Regina’s alarm system went off at the mention of hard liquor, wondering what was driving Lauren to lose herself in booze again.

“Ah—just mineral water with lemon for me,” Regina told him, as naturally as possible so Lauren wouldn’t notice. The waiter looked at her with a question in his gaze. “It’s okay, Roger. I’m—abstaining tonight.”

“Since when?” Lauren asked with a laugh as the waiter walked away.

Regina searched Lauren’s gaze and found what she was looking for, what she had suspected. “I want to be completely sober when you tell me about what happened between you and Jim today. And no, it’s not obvious. I’m a trained observer.”

“That’s really annoying, Regina. Are you ever wrong?” Lauren asked sharply, but she didn’t have enough emotional energy to maintain her irritation. She truly just wondered how the woman could always tell.

“Oh, I’m wrong all the time,” Regina said, dismissing Lauren’s condemning praise with a wave of her hand. “I make people mad. I hurt people’s feelings. I poke at my friends and make them do things they don’t want. And occasionally, I’m even wrong about couples working things out—like with Jenna and Seth, for instance. I know I told Jenna to date other men, but inside I secretly still believe they’re right for each other. I’m a hopeless romantic.”

“I think Jenna and Seth are right for each other too,” Lauren agreed, unrolling her silverware, and placing the white napkin across her denim-clad legs. “Jim told my mother he belonged to me today. I seconded his declaration because she was telling him he was wrong like I wasn’t in the room. After the third time Jim defended me, I had to stick up for myself instead of just ignoring her. Eventually, she got mad at both of us and left.”

Regina blinked. Lauren stood up to her mother—because of Jim. It was more than she could have ever hoped to happen.

Regina paused her reply while the waiter set glasses of water on the table then left to retrieve Lauren’s cognac.

“I’m suddenly wishing I had something stronger than fizzy water. Are you—well, what did you think about what Jim said?”

Lauren closed her eyes, remembering the fight in the foyer and what happened in the kitchen.

“Jim said and did a lot of things today,” she said softly. “We had a fight, made up, and I fell asleep in his lap only to wake up in my guestroom alone. He must have carried me to bed before he left. Now I feel so—vulnerable, I guess. I don’t remember Jared ever making me feel this way. I liked being independent and not needing a man.”

“I hear you, honey. I felt very vulnerable with Ben after the first time we were intimate together,” Regina said, sipping her water. “He was so much more than I was expecting, and much more than I had ever had. I couldn’t figure out how or why he was risking so much for me. His devotion scared me to death.”

“Really?” Lauren asked, thinking Regina was just saying this to make her feel better.

“Yes,” Regina said. “Ben was amazing in bed and the perfect gentleman afterward. Knowing how crazy my life was, I felt very
unworthy
of the loyalty and sexual fidelity he gave me without being asked. I’ve never been so conflicted in my entire life. It took me weeks to be able to enjoy him fully. If he hadn’t pursued me and insisted we find ways to be together, I would probably have let things end between us—that’s how unworthy of him I felt.”

“Alexa told me she had doubts about Casey too. I guess even the best of relationships have challenges,” Lauren said sadly.

Regina nodded. “True. So what are your challenges with Jim?”

Lauren sighed with relief when her cognac was placed on the table. She needed not to think in the same loop over and over. When the waiter walked away, she lifted the glass and took a bracing sip. The heat hitting her stomach at least disrupted the dread.

“Regardless of what Jim told my mother, the reality is he will never belong to me completely. Even if he gets a divorce tomorrow, and I keep him in my life, I will always have to share him with the woman he married. She can’t care for herself and Jim will always want to take care of her. He’s one of the most faithful men I have ever met. Everything he does, all the money he makes—I mean everything seems to be about taking care of the people in his life. I don’t know what the man does for himself.”

She lifted her glass and drank the rest of her cognac. Regina watched the glass lower slowly back to the table. “Jim went out of his way to take care of my needs today, but he wouldn’t let me reciprocate. I feel like he’s doing penance for some perceived sin, rather than just embracing what we have to bring to each other. I can’t begin to tell you how much I want to take care of his needs. The depth of my desire to please him scares me. I certainly never felt this way about the man I married, even before I found out about the other women.”

Regina reached across the table and laid a hand on Lauren’s. “I’ve seen too many unhappy marriages to take any committed relationship at face value. I don’t have any answers for you about how to reach an agreement with Jim or how to set the ground rules for your relationship. I can tell you other people face the same dilemma. Jim’s case is not unique. I wish it was, but I’ve actually had several other clients with situations like his.”

Lauren’s eyes widened at that. “You’re kidding.” It had never occurred to her that anyone other than Jim was facing his particular issues. “Are just saying that to make me feel better?”

“No. Having a non-reciprocating legal spouse is actually fairly common,” Regina said softly. “It happens more often when couples are in their seventies and eighties. One of them goes into a nursing home, becomes senile or worse, and basically starts a new life without their long time legal mate. The healthy spouse often struggles with what to do with the rest of their life, including their remaining sexuality. I can tell you one of the worst things a healthy spouse ever does is believe they don’t deserve to have love and happiness. Yet they allow, forgive, and often condone their ill spouse’s relationship with someone new. The situations are simply heart wrenching. I have a hell of time helping the healthy spouse find a sexual lifestyle they can live with peacefully.”

“How awful for everyone. Is there ever a happy ending for the healthy spouse?” Lauren asked.

Regina squeezed her hand and smiled. “Well, it takes a lot to let your heart be the barometer of love and faithfulness, rather than judging it by the letter of the law. Each person has their own ending to their story.”

Regina grinned at Lauren. “My
personal opinion
is that James Gallagher is totally worth the work you’re putting into him, Lauren. Not only is Jim very honorable, he’s also totally a hunk, as Alexa would say. I really would have dated him if I could have ethically. My instincts were telling me Jim was just into a habit of keeping his
stay-off-the-grass
sign out long after the fertilizer had already dried on the lawn. You’re the first woman who dared walk on his grass, and with your bare feet from what I hear.”

“Oh damn you and your analogies, Regina,” Lauren said, laughing and sniffling into her napkin. “Between you and Alexa, I can’t date a single man in this town without you two having dated, kissed, or fantasized about him first. I guess that’s what I get for having notorious women for friends.”

“Well, it’s not like I slept with Jim,” Regina said, laughing and shaking Lauren’s hand as she squeezed. “Alexa was the one who kissed him. I just thought about sleeping with Jim—okay, maybe I thought about it a lot back when he finally finished his therapy. Seriously though, after even one bad woman, Jim wasn’t going to risk getting involved again unless the stakes were critical. He’s too noble for his own good. ”

“I wasn’t playing the temptress with him on purpose. It just worked out that way,” Lauren said quietly, defending her pursuit of him. “Though I won’t pretend I haven’t spent a lot of time planning how and what to do with him. He’s very—addictive.”

Regina just laughed. “Whatever your motivation, you’re doing Jim a huge favor luring him into taking a risk again. Now—since the deed is already done—you have to tell me, is Jim as good as he looks? You never said anything other than he gave you multiple orgasms the first time. I want details.”

Lauren shook her head, smiling at the twinkle in Regina’s eyes. There was no getting around telling the woman. She would just use her Dr. Logan voo doo and find out the truth anyway.

“Jim has a temper to match his passionate nature, so we tend to fight more often than we play nice with each other. He ends up putting marks on me almost every time. Today was the first time he ever kissed me that he didn’t leave a brand,” Lauren said, drying her eyes. “In fact, today he was gentle and kind, and all I could do today was bawl all over him. I know he won’t necessarily be like that next time. In fact, I’ll probably make sure he isn’t. I can’t decide which side of him I like better. His temper appeals to some bitchy part of me, and I tend to show him my worst side every chance I get.”

“Moody men make interesting lovers. I knew he’d be good. I’ve always had exceptional taste,” Regina said happily, delighted when Lauren laughed. “And I happen to like your inner bitch. She’s a lot of fun. I also like Jim even more for what he’s done for you. You’re glowing for heaven’s sake.”

“That’s just redness from crying all day,” Lauren teased.

“I don’t think so,” Regina said slowly, laughing more as she released Lauren’s hand. “If you were Jenna, I’d suggest you get a pregnancy test. Luckily, at your age you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant as much anymore. It’s probably just post-coital bliss.”

Lauren paled, then started doing math in her head. It had only been two weeks—not quite two weeks. It was too early to worry, she told herself. Too soon to be concerned.

Regina noticed Lauren had no reply to the last statement. “Lauren? You were on the pill when you let Jim have his drunken way with you, weren’t you?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I—it’s too soon to worry,” Lauren said, shaking her head.

Regina laughed and ran a hand over her face. “Oh, boy—listen, if you miss your cycle, you need to be checked. Don’t take any medication until you know for sure. Did you tell Jim about—the first time?”

“No,” Lauren said. “I—there hasn’t been time or opportunity. I’ve been too mad at him to confront him with the truth.”

“I think at this point, all we can do then is cross our fingers anyway,” Regina said, looking at her friend with sympathy. “Have you noticed any body changes?”

“No,” Lauren said. “I don’t think so.”

“Then we’re not going to worry for a couple more weeks,” Regina said wisely.

“I forgot about—I was so upset he didn’t remember being with me I forgot about not using protection. I should have stopped him—I could have, but I didn’t,” Lauren said regretfully.

Regina snorted. “Sometimes there is no stopping, especially when you’ve been holding back. You and Jim both were years overdue. Go back to forgetting it for a couple more weeks. Buy condoms on the way home today and use them if he shows up again. Tell him you can’t go on the pill yet—doctor’s orders. He’ll go along. He might not like it, but he’ll go along.”

“You covering for me, Dr. Logan?” Lauren asked on a sigh.

“Every time I can, honey,” Regina said, lifting her hand to the waiter. “Roger, be a sweetie and bring me a pomegranate martini. Oh, and bring Ms. McCarthy a mineral water.”

“You know—Alexa warned me it wasn’t going to be pretty or nice, but as usual I didn’t listen. She’s going to kill me if I end up pregnant,” Lauren said on a giggle, letting the double cognac numb her to reality. “Lord, I’m not ready to be anyone’s mother. What am I going to do?”

“Avoid all future alcohol for starters. Then practice safe sex until you know for sure. Oh, and tell the father of your potential child as soon as possible,” Regina said wisely. “And to think I was regretting my early menopause. Right now, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.”

“Well, there’s one bright side. If I end up pregnant with a married man’s baby, no one will ever call me a saint again. My mother will insist I wear a scarlet letter on my chest instead,” Lauren said on disparaging laugh.

“Nonsense,” Regina said easily. “Remember what happened to Alexa when she became a single mother. Her allure grew. If Jim decides he can’t handle it, you’ll have a line of men waiting to take a turn in your bed.”

Lauren closed her eyes. The old Lauren would have blushed, would have cringed from the thought of being pregnant and unmarried. Now she knew the only sane alternative was to laugh. There was no changing what she had done. She might as well laugh now and worry about it later.

“You know, Alexa offered to make me a list of the best lovers in town the day of her wedding. Maybe I’ll have to take her up on it,” Lauren said, meeting Regina’s laughing gaze with one of her own.

“That’s a very balanced attitude,” Regina said, smiling. “I’m so proud of you, honey. But if you are pregnant, at least you won’t be alone in raising the child. You have us.”