Daughter of the Disgraced King (22 page)

Jathan gently took the braid from her hand. “I’m sorry. I
shouldn’t have pushed you. I can see how confused you are right now.” He smiled.
“To tell you the truth, so am I. I expected to have more time. I never wanted
to rush you. I just want you to know I love you, too.”

Ailsa’s throat tightened too much to allow speech. She
squeezed Jathan’s hand.

Jathan winked at her and brushed her lips with the briefest
of kisses. “See you at dinner.”

Ailsa nodded and watched him as he walked off in the
direction of the palace. She closed her eyes. How had she gotten into this
mess? The girl who just months ago had never expected to have any man love her.
And what in the green world was she going to do about it?

Grandmama put a hand on her back. “How are you doing?”

“I feel torn in two.”

Grandmama guided Ailsa to start walking back home. “What are
you going to do?”

“I don’t know.” Ailsa took several steps in silence. “What I
want is to be by myself for a while so I can
think
. But . . . we have to
go to dinner at the palace tonight. And they’ll both be there.”

Grandmama shook her head. “I doubt this is a problem you can
think your way out of. And it’s not something you can put off for long, either.
That’s not fair to them—or you.”

Ailsa sighed. “Probably not.” She bit her lip. “Probably . .
. probably the first thing I should do is talk to Sav. I wrote him about my
magic and . . . something about your ideas when I was in the mountains. That
was before things got complicated with Jathan, but still . . . I guess I need
to know what he thinks.”

“Or are you just hoping that he’ll make your decision
easier?”

Ailsa drew in a deep breath and let it out. “Maybe. Still,
if he can’t or won’t accept that I am and always will be a green mage, then
that’s that.”

“And if he does accept that?”

“Then I really need to get off by myself for a while.
Somewhere they can’t confuse me.”

Grandmama stroked her back. “We’ll see what we can do about
that, if it comes to it.”

Ailsa’s steps faltered as they came in sight of the house.

Sav was there, pacing up and down the front walk. Up, at
that precise moment, so his back was to them. Everything about his erect posture
and his hands, clasped behind his back, was so familiar that it brought a wash
of warm memories over Ailsa. Then he turned and his eyes lit when he saw her.

Ailsa drew a deep breath and started forward again. Sav
hurried forward to meet her.

“I . . .” Sav paused to clear his throat. “I wanted to see
some of the city and I thought . . . maybe I could walk with you back to the
palace.”

Ailsa swallowed and gestured down at her grass green student
robes, stained from her recent work. “I have to clean up and change first.”

“I’ll wait.”

Ailsa smiled over the sudden fluttering in her stomach. “I’ll
hurry.”

Ailsa allowed Sav to guide her down the path from her grandmother’s
door, but then she turned in the opposite direction from the corner that led to
the avenue up to the palace. The gardens of the Institute would be much more
private than the open street. There were plenty of places to stop and sit. She
didn’t discount the fact that she’d feel more comfortable with green and growing
things around her, too. “It’s a little farther if we cut across the Institute
grounds, but there’ll be less traffic at this time of day. It’ll be easier to
talk. Besides, I like this way better.”

Sav nodded and followed her lead. They walked in silence for
a few steps, while Ailsa tried to think of a way to start this conversation.

Sav spoke first. “So . . . were you with Prince What’s-His-Name
this afternoon?”

Ailsa bit her lip. This wasn’t how she wanted to start this
conversation. “Jathan? Of course. We’re the only two green mages in training.
We work together a lot.”

Sav removed his hand from her arm and clasped his hands
behind his back. “Prince Rishiart said you were being trained as a team.”

Ailsa nodded. “Yes. At least part of the time. Jathan and I
are very well-matched. There are some things that could be done by a single
mage that can be accomplished more than twice as fast working as a team or in a
circle. And there are things, like what we did today, that must be done more
quickly than a single mage can work. And things that are just too big for one
mage. We worked together with Grandmama on some oak root fungus not long ago.”
They’d reached the very rose garden where she and Jathan had worked. Maybe it
wouldn’t be a good idea to draw that to Sav’s attention, though.

“Well-matched. Rishiart said that, too. What exactly does
that mean?”

Ailsa halted, forcing Sav to stop and turn to face her. “It
means that the level of our abilities is similar enough that either of us can
take the lead—can hold the amount of magic the other can produce without
hurting ourselves. I led today, but we trade off. It means that we’re in about
the same place in our training, so neither of us has to hold back for the other.
It means that we work together better than we work with anybody else, even
Grandmama. And yes, it means that we are . . . very fond of each other.”

Sav’s eyes blazed. “Fond of each other? Is that all?” he
asked through clenched teeth.

Ailsa raised her eyes to meet his. This wasn’t how she
wanted to start, but if Sav did . . . maybe it was just better to lay
everything on the table. “To tell you the truth, Sav, I don’t know if that’s
all or not. We’ve been very careful about that. Joining our magic when we work
together has an . . . intoxicating effect. That can be . . . confusing.”

Sav made a growling noise deep in his throat. “Intoxicating?
Confusing? I don’t like the sound of that. I wish you wouldn’t work with him
anymore.”

Ailsa tilted her chin up and narrowed her eyes, wishing she
was taller so she didn’t have to look up to meet his eyes. She was
not
going to give up her magic or control over what she did with it. It was best to
get that straight right now. “Well, that’s not your decision to make. The only
two people who have a right to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do with my
magic are Grandmama, who is our mentor in green magic, and the master of the
Institute. Once I complete my training—and I
will
complete my training—even
they will only be able to make suggestions. Not you. Not my father. Not King
Ewart. Not even the emperor.” She took a deep breath. “Besides, Jathan has
actually talked about working with me in Far Terra, at least some of the time.
What we could do together . . . You wouldn’t want to lose that resource for Far
Terra. Not if you were thinking clearly.”

Ailsa turned on her heel and walked on, forcing Sav to catch
up to her. She kept the pace brisk enough to discourage conversation while she
got her temper under control. She tossed her braid behind her. This was not how
she’d wanted to start this conversation. She slowed her steps just a little. “Speaking
of Far Terra, I wrote to you about what Grandmama said about the way to change
things in Far Terra. What did you . . . think about that?”

Sav made a chopping motion with his hand. “Your grandmother
is a mage, not a ruler. It’d be nice to think that things would work that way,
but she has no idea what’s really possible in Far Terra.”

“
I
do. You can’t claim
I
don’t understand how
things are in Far Terra. I know it wouldn’t be easy, but I think some of what
she says
could
work. Especially since I’m a powerful green mage. Far
Terra needs me. That is power that could be used to create change.”

“Even you don’t know what’s been going on back home.” Sav
proceeded to tell her about finding her aunt, Lady Izbel, held prisoner by
Baron Mikel. “No mage is going to change things in Far Terra. It has to come
from above. And it’s not going to come from my father. It’ll have to be the
emperor. And that will only make the barons more stubborn—and more dangerous.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. Your grandmother’s ideas might have worked a
generation ago, if your mother had been a green mage or a water mage instead of
a heat mage. Not now.”

Ailsa’s lips thinned. “That’s precisely why the change
should come from within. Offer the barons something they need desperately, but
can only have if they accept change. The ones who are too stubborn to change
will doom themselves. Sav, it could be done.”

They’d reached a walk between trimmed hedges and shaded by
overhanging maple trees. A part of the campus Ailsa loved almost as much as the
rose garden.

Sav stopped. “You’re asking me to make your father’s choice.
To abdicate my position for you.”

Ailsa stopped and turned to face him. “No. I’m asking you to
make a much harder choice. Take the risk and fight with me to be the agent of
change Far Terra needs.”

Sav paced across the width of the path and back. “It’s the
same thing. Even if Father didn’t disinherit me, the barons would force me out,
just like they did your father.”

Ailsa watched him, grinding her teeth at his stubbornness. “I
don’t think so. Not once they see what I can do. Anyway, the emperor wants to
see this change, too. He’d back us. He would have backed my father.”

Sav stopped his pacing and turned back to her. “You want me
to gamble everything on that. I can’t.”

Ailsa crossed her arms, one foot beginning to tap furiously.
“What are you afraid of? Surely you don’t think Cergio’s a threat. He’s never
been serious enough about anything to keep his mind on it for more than a day. And
Perion would run rather than be king even if he wasn’t descended through the
female line—and a female
mage
, at that. Who else is there?”

Sav held his hands out in a pleading gesture. “That’s just
it, Ailsa. I’ve been thinking about this a lot since the emperor’s summons came—since
he sent for
all
of the potential heirs. I’d always assumed it would be
me, but that made me think. You’re right about Perion. Besides, as you say, the
barons would never accept the son of a mage. But those same barons would prefer
Cergio to me. They’d welcome his flightiness, because they think it’d make him
easier to manipulate for their own ends. Even if I were already king, I couldn’t
just overrule the barons completely. It’s not something you can ask of me.” He
reached out a hand to take one of hers.

Ailsa stamped her foot and knocked Sav’s hand away. “Well,
giving up my magic isn’t something you can ask of me.”

Sav’s hands clenched briefly and then opened again. “Ailsa,
I
have
to be the heir the emperor chooses. And then I have to find a way
to work with the barons. It’s the only way to make things better in Far Terra.
Maybe then . . .”

Out of the corner of her eye, Ailsa saw the closely pruned
branches of the hedge thrashing as if in a high wind. The only gale was the
rising anger inside her. How dare Sav even suggest this? What right did he
think he had? Her voice rose in pitch as she shouted back at him. “What do you
expect me to do? Just wait around until either your father dies or the emperor
removes him and until you’ve won the barons over? And just what are
you
willing to give up? Or am I the only one expected to make sacrifices? What are
you
willing to risk? Because, if you’re not willing to take any kind of chance, why
should I?”

Sav took a step back in the face of her rage. “I know what I’m
asking is unfair. You could . . . you could marry me and just not
use
your magic for a while. Just until I have time to establish myself.”

The hedges and the trees were whipping now. Ailsa could hear
her own blood pounding in her ears. She was sick and tired of looking up at
Sav. It made her feel like a child throwing a tantrum. Right now she needed to
make sure that he saw her as an equal. She remembered the odd game Jathan
sometimes played with the other students, pitting their magic against each
other. She’d never joined in, but right now she was too angry to worry about
drawing attention to herself. Ailsa held out her arms and let her magic flow.
At a gesture, the truncated branches of the hedges extended and made a stair
for her to climb up to Sav’s eye-level. “That could be years, Sav. Decades. You
want me to give up my magic on the chance that you’ll feel secure enough to let
me have it back, to be myself, when
you
feel stronger? How dare you?” She
stepped back down from the impromptu stairs just as a half dozen armed men ran
up to them, placing themselves between her and Sav.

Sav backed up a step. “Who are—?”

Ailsa jerked her chin up. “My bodyguard. She looked to the
one with the most braid on his shoulder. “It’s all right. He won’t hurt me—physically
anyway.” She smiled grimly. “Just give me a head start.” With that, she turned
her back firmly on Sav and the bodyguard and marched off toward the palace.

“Ailsa!” Sav called after her.

“I’m not going back into that box,” Ailsa cast over her
shoulder, without pausing.

“Ailsa, I . . .”

She whirled and pinned him with her gaze. “I can’t love you
if I can’t be myself. And I don’t even know what your love means if you can’t
love who I am. I think we’ve said quite enough.”

~

Jathan leaned against the gate, waiting to escort Ailsa into
the imperial dining room. He knew from Rishiart that it would likely be Ailsa
and Prince Savyon, arriving together. He gritted his teeth a little at that
thought, but schooled his face to nonchalance.

Jathan straightened when he saw Ailsa crossing the avenue
from the campus of the Institute. Even before he could see her face, he knew
something was wrong. Everything about her posture and her gait reeked of anger.
As Ailsa stomped up the walk, Prince Savyon came into view behind her. Hmm.
Whatever his rival had said or done had backfired—badly. Jathan suppressed a grin.
It wouldn’t do to appear to be gloating. In fact, it was probably better to say
nothing at all at this point—or at least nothing about Prince Savyon.

Ailsa stopped in front of him with a huff.

Jathan offered her a slight bow. “Welcome. I came out to
show you to the imperial dining room. Your parents are eager to see you again.”
He picked a leaf off her sleeve without making any comment at all.

Ailsa looked at the leaf and then at Jathan’s face. He smiled
at her and offered his arm. After a moment’s hesitation, she took it.

The delay had allowed Prince Savyon to catch up to them, but
Jathan’s presence prevented him from doing more than just following them into
the dining room. Jathan led Ailsa directly to her father’s side and withdrew.

Rishiart came to stand beside him. “Get over there. Now’s
your chance.”

Jathan shook his head. He continued to watch Ailsa, discreetly,
but made no move towards her. “No.”

“Look, she’s obviously mad at Savyon for some reason. Now—”

Jathan drew a deep breath. “Rish, do you remember when we
were in the mountains?”

Rishiart turned to stare at his brother. “Jathan, it was
only a few weeks ago.”

Jathan smiled thinly. “Yes. Now, after Arrigo’s . . .
mistake, did Ailsa ever go into the water again?”

Rishiart’s eyes lost their focus as he tried to recall. “She
waded a little, never deeper than her knees, though. She said the lake up at
the lodge was scarier because there weren’t reeds and lilies in it.”

“Yeah, that’s what she
said
. There’s probably even
some truth in it. What
I
noticed, though, was that she’d walk into the
water, at first, like she was at least thinking about it. Then you, and Artair,
and Mayra, and even Arrigo all tried to persuade her to go deeper. And every
time you did, her jaw set even harder and she stayed closer to the shore the
next time, until she’d barely even get her toes wet. She doesn’t like being
pushed.”