Death Wish (10 page)

Wish 13

“Do you ever think about the Old World?”
I’m lying on Harrison’s sofa, my head in his lap while he braids and unbraids strands of my hair. Thoughts of flowers, fire, and Godparents have been swirling in my head for hours, and I feel ready to burst.
“All the time,” Harrison laughs, bending down to kiss my forehead. “You haven’t noticed? I was sure all of my Old World trivia had reached obnoxious levels by now.”
I smile, but it drops after a moment. “No, I mean... Do you
think
about it? Do you ever imagine yourself living there? Where there aren’t Godparents, there aren’t Life Chips... I mean, yeah, there’s death, but there’s also flowers.”
“Flowers?”
I nod, and hold up my phone to show him. A picture of a poppy that Kelly gave me graces the screen, the bright red petals beckoning us to the world that has been lost. Harrison take my phone and cradles it in both hands, my hair momentarily forgotten.
“Wow,” he whispers, as taken with the picture as I am. “Where did you get this?”
“Kelly the barista gave it to me,” I reply, sitting up. I groan slightly, blood rushing to my head.
“I’ve never actually seen one. I didn’t think there were any pictures left.”
I’m shocked by how sad Harrison looks. I try to take the phone back but he pulls it out of my reach, hungry for the long-lost plant. I place my hand on his shoulder and rub gentle circles across the tense muscles. After a few more moments, he hands back my phone with a sad smile and the request that I send him the picture as well.
“So... Do you think about it?” I repeat the question hesitantly.
He nods.
“Yeah, but I think about the good parts. You know? Like all of the history, the different cultures, the completely different way of life. Those are the things I think about when I think about the Old World.”
“But—” I start to ask my next question but stop, afraid to give voice to my thoughts. But then Harrison looks at me with his dark brown eyes, and the anxiety I feel washes away.
“Do... Do you ever think about the way it was? The way
death
was?”
Harrison looks away at that, traces of doubt across his brow. I continue, looking down at my hands that lie folded in my lap.
“I’ve been thinking about it lately, but especially after I’ve taken Robin under my wing. Seeing how hard completing Wishes is on her... It makes a small part of me wish that we didn’t have to do it. That death wasn’t up to us—that it just
happened.
”
When I look back up, Harrison is staring at me.
“Does that sound completely crazy?” I whisper. He stares at me a moment longer, then shakes his head.
“No, Elly, it doesn’t sound crazy... But it does sound terrifying. Do you really want to live in a world where death could be coming any second? Where any corner you turn could have a murderer waiting on the other side?” He reaches forward and takes my hands into his, squeezing them tightly. “Please, don’t think about things like that, sweetie. Don’t romanticize the bad parts of the past. Flowers are beautiful, but they aren’t worth the price of constant death.”
There is fear in his eyes: fear of death, and fear of loss. An immediate need to comfort him swells up in me, and I find myself nodding. He looks relieved.
But a small part of me still lies deep inside, wondering for the first time in my twenty-four years of life if the return of natural death wouldn’t be so bad.

*

I’m shocked to see Robin walk into my office the next day. She sits down in the chair in front of my desk, and when I look up from my paperwork she’s staring at me with a neutral expression. But before I have a chance to say anything, she raises a hand to speak.
“So what Wish submissions do we have today?”
I was just looking over a folder that was delivered to me a few minutes before she showed up, but I’m wary of letting Robin go out on assignment again.
“Robin... Are you sure? I mean, after last time—”
She holds up her hand again, this time to stop my protests.
“I’m sure. I had a lot of time to think after you and my brother came to talk to me, and I realized something. I can’t leave the Godparents. That was made very clear when I signed up. And I don’t have any desire to die right now. So I have two options. One, I can keep spiraling downward, which will cause me to either tell someone Godparent secrets and get me killed, or to crack so badly under the pressure that I’ll submit my own Wish.
Or
, I can take your advice. I can make the most of a tough situation and try to find the good parts of being a Godmother. I can keep reminding myself that I’m helping the people who are in pain finally find peace.”
She’s staring at me pointedly, almost like she’s daring me to contradict her.
Contradicting her is the last thing on my mind. I am so relieved and happy to see her sitting across from me that all I want to do I give her a giant bear-hug. But this is a serious moment, so instead I keep my features blank and respond.
“Since you’re here, can I assume that you chose the second option?”
She nods, and I sigh with relief. But I still worry about how she will do during the next Wish, so I’m glad the submission I got this morning isn’t violent. I push the folder to her, and she picks it up.
“Well, your timing is perfect, because I just got this Wish request before you came in. And since it’s a sleeping death, I think you’ll be able to handle it by yourself.”
She snaps her head up.
“B-by myself?” She repeats my orders in disbelief.
Is it too early to send her on another mission? I’m so scared that something bad will happen again, that she says she’s ready when she really isn’t. But I need to seize this chance and show her that the majority of Wish assignments
aren’t
horrible. That, with the right attitude and amount of confidence, she can handle any Wish she’s given. I nod.
“Yep. Don’t worry, I’ll be waiting outside if you need anything. But since we’ve already done a sleeping Wish before, I think you should give it a try by yourself. And besides, sleeping Wishes are the most common types of death requests you’ll receive as a Godmother, so you have to become an expert at them.”
She still looks nervous at the prospect of a solo mission, but she nods and looks back down to finish reading the folder.

*

“Here you go.”
I hand Robin a silver Life Chip Extractor, a small plastic bag, and a syringe filled with purple-tinted anesthesia. We’re standing outside of a run-down apartment building downtown, and two Monitors have sectioned off the area to ensure that we aren’t disturbed. Robin and I have reviewed the plan enough times that I’m sure she could recite it in her sleep. But she still looks nervous, so I give her an encouraging smile.
“Don’t worry, Robin. You’re going to do just fine. And remember,” I say, pointing to the transmitter tucked safely in my ear, “I’m right here if you need anything. I’ll be ready to rush in if anything goes wrong.”
“It—it won’t, though, right?”
I nod. She looks at the door and steely determination slides into her gaze. She takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders, and slips inside the building to her client.
I don’t know how long it will take her to complete the Wish, so I move over to the side of the doorway and lean against the wall. The cool surface of the brick seeps through my cream sweater and into my skin. The chill of autumn is finally on us in full force.
I shiver slightly and bend down to retrieve my lighter and cigarettes from the bag at my feet. I place a cigarette in my mouth and light it, the sharp taste of the smoke rolling over my tongue as I inhale. I wave the pack at the two Monitors, asking if they want one. One shakes his head, but the other nods. I toss him the pack and lighter. After he lights his own smoke he throws them back to me and I put them back in my purse. I lean against the wall and slowly slide down until I’m sitting on the concrete. I look skyward, but this part of the city is so densely packed and shining with lights that I can’t see any of the stars overhead.
I don’t know what to think. The past few days, I haven’t been able to get thoughts of the Old World and natural death out of my head. I’m sure that the difficult transition Robin’s been having with becoming a Godmother is a main cause of my doubts. My parents always told me that I have a gentle heart, and seeing someone I care about in so much pain is what started my concern about our immortality. After all, Harrison’s transition to Godparent life was relatively smooth, so personally overseeing Robin’s training is the first time I’ve watched someone who felt agonized over the changes the job brings.
But I know her difficulties aren’t the only cause for my misgivings. There was also my run-in with Trixie and Theodore the other day. I’ve been in the Organization long enough that I’ve seen a few of those Godparent types
—
people who seem to enjoy completing the Death Wishes a little
too
much. To them, sending people to the grave isn’t just a part of their job description, but it’s something they find pleasurable. For most Godparents, the painful Wishes are extremely difficult to bear, but for people like Trixie and Theo those Wishes bring out an almost maniacal joy in them. They probably would have become serial killers in the Old World, and I wonder if it’s a good idea for us to train them in the art of death instead of getting them the help they need.
But, even though it seems silly and trivial, it was Kelly’s pictures of flowers that made me fully begin to question our way of life. Yes, the Old World was terrifying in many ways, with the threats of murder, starvation, and disease lurking everywhere. But there was also beauty. The lower rates of population and pollution allowed the glory of nature to shine through all over. And, as I watch a plume of smoke curl from my lips into the air above me, I wonder about the mindsets of people in the Old World. Did they live in terror, knowing that death could find them at any moment? Or did the knowledge that death was always near make them treasure the life they had all the more?
The door to the apartment building creaks open and Robin walks back outside. I push myself off the ground, grinding the butt of my cigarette under my boot heel while Robin walks over to me. She lifts up a small plastic bag, showcasing the blood-stained Life Chip inside. She tries to hand me the Chip Extractor, but I shake my head.
“Nope, that’s yours now.” I give her an approving nod. “Congratulations, Initiate Sun. With this solo Wish completion, you are officially a Fairy Godmother.”
She gives me a small smile, but I notice that the glint that’s normally in her eye is gone. A shard of guilt shoots through my chest. Becoming a Godmother has killed part of the light inside of her.

*

Robin is silent the entire walk back to the complex. This was her first solo Wish completion, and it can be a very private thing for each Godparent. Only Harrison and my old mentor know about my first solo Wish—the source of my shoulder blade scars—and I can’t imagine telling anyone else. So I stay quiet and don’t press her for details. If I won’t talk about mine, I certainly don’t expect her to talk about hers. Instead I place a hand on her shoulder to let her know I’m here. She doesn’t shrug it off. We walk like this down the busy streets, two bringers of death alone in a sea of life.
Like Harrison, Robin isn’t yet used to the hateful looks of the general populace, so I do my best to shield her from the glares and whispered words of venom. But I can’t protect her from everything, and she curls her shoulders forward as if she can physically shield herself from the onslaught of abuse that we face every time we leave the complex. When I see her trying to protect herself, I think about natural death again. There
has
to be something wrong with our world if we are immediately hated by strangers for providing a necessary service. After all, it’s not like we can get rid of death all together, right?
The looming edifice of the Godparent complex comes in to view, and here the herd of people noticeably thins. No one goes near the complex unless they’re submitting a Wish. It’s like they think simply being near us can cause death to come.
Since there are no more people around us, I immediately notice a lone figure standing near the Godparent entrance. I don’t recognize him, and for a moment I wonder if he is a new recruit. But when we draw closer he begins to look familiar, and with a jolt of fear I finally recognize him as the man suspected of killing the Smiths. I stop and tighten my grip on Robin’s shoulder, causing her to stop as well. She turns.
“‘Liza? What is it?”
“Take the front entrance, Robin,” I say, pushing her towards the main doors of the complex and away from the man. “I’ll be with you in a second.”
She looks confused and tries to continue toward the Godparent entrance, but I push her away with a hiss of
Go, now
. Now her confusion is replaced with fear, and she nods before darting away.
Once she’s out of sight I turn back around, relieved to see that the white-haired man is still outside of our entrance. He can’t get in, since the fingerprint scanner ensures only Godparents are allowed through that gate, so he just stands outside, muttering and trying to find a way inside. He is so distracted by his task that he doesn’t see me. I run towards him. The sound of my boot heels against the pavement finally break his concentration, but by that time it’s too late for him to run. I slam him into the brick, pressing my arm into his windpipe and pinning him to the wall. He struggles for air, and I let up only enough so that he can breath, not enough so that he can escape.
“Who are you?” I hiss through gritted teeth. “Why have you been hanging around the Fairy Godparent Organization? Citizens aren’t allowed on this side of the building.”
The man’s eyes dart from side to side. A small trail of spittle slips from the corner of his mouth and into the fabric of my sleeve. He alternates between whimpering and wheezing, and while he seems panicked his eyes never actually focus on me.
“Where’s Emily?” He sobs the question, twin streams of tears leaking from his eyes. He snaps his head back and forth , and when I look down I notice his fingers twitching. Spasms rock the man’s body, and cautiously I remove my forearm from his neck. He remains against the wall but his arms shoot forward. Before I can react, his hands grip my shoulders. I wince slightly as his nails dig through the fabric of my sweater and into my skin, and at that motion his eyes lock onto mine, full of a sudden clarity that wasn’t there a moment ago.
“Where is my daughter, miss?” His voice is steadier than it was earlier, despite the continued tremors across his skin. “What have you done with my Emily? She said she was submitting a Death Wish, but you wouldn’t let her do that, right? She was only fifteen, she can’t put in a Wish.”
His eyes lose their focus, and he begins shaking his head back and forth in stilted jolts. “W-where’s my Emily? You’ve hidden her somewhere, right?”
He lets go of my shoulders, and with a crazed smile he looks behind me. “But we shouldn’t be playing hide and seek right now. Dinner will be ready soon, and we have to go home.” He looks back at me. “You’ll help me find Emily, won’t you? Her papa can’t do it by himself.”
He looks so hopeful. My heart breaks for this man whose sanity was lost when his daughter died. I give him a smile, knowing he’s so far gone that he won’t notice how fake it is.
“Of course, sir, we’ll find your daughter together. Let’s look over here, shall we?”
I guide him to the front entrance of the building, and when he’s not looking I press a finger to my earpiece.
“This is Godmother Hayworth. Please send a Counselor to the lobby. I’m bringing a family member inside.”
A voice confirms on the other line, and I wrap one of my hands around the wrist of the man while pressing against his back with the other.
“Let’s look over here, sir,” I say quietly, and he nods happily. He truly believes that he’s playing a game of hide-and-seek with his long-dead daughter.
When the white-haired man and I walk inside, a member of the counseling team is there to greet us. I hand off the man to the Counselor, and watch him being gently led away from the lobby and into the reality of his daughter’s death.
As sad as the situation is, I am relieved to find that there isn’t a mysterious stranger lurking around the Godparent building and killing citizens without warning. But when I turn to leave, worry closes around my chest.
Because if that man wasn’t the one who killed those two people, who did?