Deep Down True (37 page)

“Teeth,” said Dana.

“Already brushed.”

“Really?”

“I’m not five,” grumbled Morgan. “I understand the importance of dental hygiene. Otherwise your teeth get all yellow and nasty-looking.”

It’s all about how it looks,
thought Dana, straightening the silky edge of the blanket.

“Um,” said Morgan, squinting in indecision. She pulled her Hershey pillow close.

“Yeah?”

“Um, I think Tina . . . I think Tina might be . . . you know, doing it.”

With the pall of the Disney trip hanging over her, the mention of Tina’s name made Dana flinch. “Doing what?”

Morgan stuck her tongue out and motioned toward it with her finger. The horror on Dana’s face made the girl recoil. “I could be wrong,” she said quickly. “I only heard her once!”

“Was she sick?” asked Dana, trying to recover. “Did she have some sort of a bug?”

“Maybe . . . but I don’t think so. She ate some pretzels, and then we went shopping. I don’t think she knows I heard her.” Morgan’s hand ran up and down the Hershey pillow. “What are you going to do?”

“Well, I’m not really sure just yet, sweetie,” Dana said, trying to wipe the dismay off her face. “But this is not your problem. I’m glad you told me, and now it’s up to the grown-ups to figure it out.” She gave Morgan a quick kiss, impatient to lock herself in the office and pick up the phone.

“Kenneth, I’ve made a final decision about that little trip, and it’s definitely no, after what Morgan just told me.” She relayed the conversation, awaiting his humbled response.

Kenneth let out a weary groan.

“So you knew about this!” she exploded. “And you were willing to expose our children to—”

“It’s not what you think.”

“Right,” said Dana, her voice salted with sarcasm. “She only did it that one time, or it’s some exotic medical condition, or—”

He chuckled humorlessly, and the sound went up Dana’s spine like an army of red ants. “Actually, it
is
a medical condition,” he said. “Called pregnancy.”

Dana closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure she could stay upright in the swivel chair. “Oh. My. God,” she breathed. “How
could
you?”

“How
could
I? Well, the usual way, I guess, if you have to know.”

Dana wanted to hang up, but her limbs seemed to have frozen and she felt as if she might faint.

“Wait,” he said, as if she had any choice, as if she might be capable of action. “I need to . . . Not that it’s any of your business, but I just want you to know I didn’t plan this. Really, I’m as stunned as . . . And I mean, this is a lousy time to have someone else to take care of, with the company in the crapper, and the kids . . . the kids
needing
so much.” His voice broke then, and desperation leaked out. “But, God, what can I
do
? I love her, and I can’t ask her to . . . And she wouldn’t anyway, so what’s the point of even going there?” He let out a long, hard breath. “It is what it is, and I just have to deal.”

A tear fell down her face, and though she pitied herself and her children far more than she did her philandering ex-husband, still, she couldn’t help but feel for him. She knew all too well that he had never wanted more children. In the past whenever she’d brought it up, he’d always said two was quite enough for him. By the heaving sound of his breath in the receiver, she could tell he was crying, too.

“I know I don’t owe you an apology for this. I don’t owe anyone any apologies,” he insisted, a hint of self-righteousness coming into his voice before deflating completely. “But, Dana . . . I am
sorry.
For all of it. You know I never meant . . .” He couldn’t finish.

“You’re getting remarried, aren’t you?” she asked numbly.

“Yeah. I’m not one of those guys who—”

“I know.”

“We were going to tell the kids on the trip.”

She’d never heard him sound so defeated, and she realized there was no way to stop it—no way for any of them to evade this fast-approaching storm. Morgan and Grady needed fair warning, and finding out during a fun-filled trip might lessen the blow. “That’s probably the best way,” she said, wiping salty tears from her chin with the back of her hand.

“Really? You’ll let them go?”

“It is what it is,” she said. “We all just have to deal.”

“
I
’M GOING TO THE GALAXY WITH RITA!” MORGAN yelled into her cell phone, the cacophony of the school bus obliterating pieces of her words. “She’s got money! I’ll call when I need a ride!”

Who’s Rita?
wondered Dana. But it was the first time in over a week that Morgan had had any plans after school, and besides, she sounded happy. Or at least not beaten down, which was the way every other phone call had sounded since the blowout with Kimmi Kinnear.

Grady invited Jav over, and they made chocolate-chip cookies, mixing the chips into the stiff batter, groaning and making faces for effect. Then they went into the backyard to toss a football against the pitchback while Dana spooned the dough onto cookie sheets and put them in the oven. She was waiting for the last batch to cool, watching the boys leap for the erratic flight of the ball, when the mudroom door burst open and girls’ voices erupted into the quiet.

“Those kids are wicked pigs,” said one, familiar to Dana but not quite placeable.

“Especially Calvin Ridger. He’s got those eyes that get all shiny and weird when he’s hyper!” This from a twittery voice she didn’t recognize at all.

“Thank God you came, Jet,” said Morgan. “I was about to freak.” And then the three of them swarmed into the kitchen, oohing over the cookies. Jet took one without being offered. “Way good!” she announced, melted chocolate like an oil slick across her lower lip.

Morgan introduced her new friend, Rita, who had crazy wild red hair and battalions of freckles marching up her neck and across her face. Her pale eyes seemed to burst forward in a look of constant surprise.

Alder came in and retrieved the gallon of milk to which Jet had just helped herself. “What happened?” she asked. She got a cup and poured the milk for Jet.

“Oh, my God, it was, like, shocking!” gushed Rita. “These boys? They came into Galaxy like they, legit, owned the place!”

“Kimmi slaves,” said Morgan. “Kimmi doesn’t actually like them, but they’re hoping she will someday. Like maybe when they’re elderly.” The girls said the four boys had rolled into Galaxy Pizza, placed their order, and looked around for something to do while they waited. They locked in on Morgan and Rita, each with a slice of pizza and sharing a Fresca. The taunts began: fake puking and eye bugging and words like “titless wonder.”

“So then, um, she . . .” Rita motioned toward the older girls.

“It’s Jet,” said Alder. Jet gave a toothy smile, revealing another stolen cookie.

“Yeah, Jet came in and saw what they were doing? And she sat with them! She slid right into the booth with them! And they were, like, freaking!”

Alder looked at Jet, who gave an amused shrug. “It was fun,” she said.

“She started drinking their drinks and asking their names and where they live and stuff.” Morgan grinned. “Oh, my God, Calvin Ridger looked like he was gonna have a seizure.”

Jet had ordered her slice and taken the girls with her when she left. “Didn’t seem like too brilliant of an idea to leave them there,” she explained.

Dana’s eyes met Alder’s, and Alder raised her eyebrows as if to say,
Told you.
Dana nodded. Alder had been right about Jet. Underneath the sooty makeup and bad manners, the girl had quite a heart. “Jet, honey,” Dana said, “would you like another cookie?”

 

 

At lunch on Friday, Dana stared at her yogurt. The gelatinous pink mass nauseated her. “They’re leaving tomorrow,” she told Tony.

“I know,” he said.

Of course he did. She’d already told him everything. But the quiet sympathy she now heard in his voice was exactly what she craved. “I’m coming to work all day next week, okay?” she said. “You don’t have to pay me for the extra hours, I just need to be out of the house.”

“It’ll be my pleasure, and of course I’ll pay you.”

“No, don’t.” He started to object, but she cut him off. “Tony, I’m serious. I’d feel like it was charity wages.”

“Okay, I get it,” he said. “But look at it from my perspective. In an ideal world, you’d be working here full-time to begin with. How much of a slimeball would I be if I benefited from your unhappiness and
didn’t even pay you
?” He waved away the very notion. “No chance.” The look of intractability he gave her made her slump in grateful defeat.

There was banging at the front door, and they both startled in their seats and then strode quickly to answer it. There behind the glass was Jack Roburtin, his expression an odd combination of anger and hope. For a moment Tony and Dana just stood there. “I’ll take care of it,” she muttered.

“I’ll be in my office,” he said. “Listening.”

Dana unlocked the door. “Hi,” said Jack in an oddly unsettled way, as if he didn’t know which character he was playing in his own little movie.

“Hi,” she said.

He squared his shoulders and narrowed his already narrowly set eyes. “I’ve got a few minutes before my shift starts, and I figured we better clear the air before the weekend.”

“Okay,” she said, though she hadn’t had even a fleeting thought of him since their fractious phone call earlier in the week.

“So I guess you have stuff on your mind,” he offered.

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, I am very sympathetic to that. As a matter of fact, so do I.” Attempting a casual stance, he crossed his arms and shifted his weight, one side of his torso going out too far. He looked like a Ken doll in need of a hip replacement. Dana bit her lip to keep from laughing.

“What’s so funny about that?” he demanded. “You think you’re the only one with stuff? For crying out loud, sales are down! Not for me, really, but for a lot of guys. And I’m going to Florida to see my mother for Thanksgiving, and I hate to fly! What am I supposed to do—
drive
?”

“No, no, I’m sorry!” she insisted, though she couldn’t seem to control the chuckle in her throat. She put her hand over her mouth, but that made it worse.

“Okay, I am
definitely
getting the impression you’re not interested in making up,” he warned.

“Making up?” she said. “I thought you just wanted to clear the air.”

“Why would I want to clear the air if we aren’t getting back together?”

Together. With Jack.
Is that what she wanted? Dana hadn’t even considered whether they’d broken up after their little verbal skirmish. And now it appeared there were peace offerings to be made. Her limbs seemed to fill with lead at the very thought.

“Oh,” she said.

“Oh?
Oh?
”The awkwardness left him as his biceps tensed and his rib cage expanded. “I come here ready to take you back and you give me ‘Oh’? I don’t think so!” He looked around the tiny waiting room as if there were an audience only he could see. “Can you
believe
this?” he demanded of his invisible viewership.

“Jack, I’m sorry,” she began, but couldn’t think of what she was sorry for. She heard noise behind her, drawers thumping closed and throat clearing. Tony was making his presence known.

“I didn’t realize you were that type, Dana. The kind who toys with a guy and just uses him for dates and sex!”

Oh, God,
thought Dana, knowing that Tony was listening.
This is so embarrassing.

“I thought we were building something,” his tantrum continued, “and you were . . . you were just knitting mittens! Screwing around, having your fun!”

She’d intended to let him blow off steam, wear himself out with his yelling and posturing, the way she always had with her kids when they were little. But he seemed to be ramping up rather than winding down. “Jack, I’m sorry, but I have to get back to work now. You’ll have to go.”

“You’re
chucking
me? You think you can just
chuck
me? Well, let me tell YOU something!” His massive arms flew out in front of him, thick fingers poking the air toward her shoulders. “
You aren’t worth it!
You aren’t
pretty
enough or
nice
enough or ANYTHING enough! I hope you plan to be alone for a
long time,
because no guy worth a good goddamn would want you!”

In that moment she felt as if he had thrown a bucket of acid at her, as if he had disfigured her with his words. And when he saw that his assault had hit its mark, he gave a vengeful little smile and strode out the door.

Dana was still standing there when Tony came in and stood next to her, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Nice work,” he murmured. “Never heard the word ‘Oh’ used with such satisfying results.” She continued to stare out the glass door. Tony went on. “He was getting a little scary toward the end there,” he said. “Seemed like you were holding your own. But maybe I should have come out.”

“Would’ve made him madder.”

“That’s what I figured. I was getting ready to call 911. Are you scared of him? Should we look into a restraining order?”

She shook her head. She wasn’t scared of him. He had already done the damage he’d wanted to do. “I don’t think he’ll be back.”

“Listen to me,” he said. “All that baloney about you not being good enough—you know that’s complete crap, right?”

“I guess.”

“Don’t guess,” he said quietly. “Be sure. Because you are one in a million, Dana Stellgarten.”

She didn’t feel like one in a million. At the moment she felt like
none
in a million. If Tony’s hand hadn’t remained firmly on her shoulder, it seemed like she might fade into nothing.

“Hey,” he said, giving her a gentle shake.

When she glanced up at him, his face was kind and concerned, and evidently she hadn’t disappeared, because he was looking right at her. “Okay,” she said.