Deep in the Heart (38 page)

Greg walked into the kitchen. “Can I get you something? Bud? Coors?”

The thought made Keith ill. “Uh, no thanks. I’m driving.”

From the refrigerator Greg checked him with a disbelieving look. “Never bothered you before.” Greg laughed as he brought one into the living room for himself.

Keith sat down on the couch. His gaze went to the coffee table as fuzzy memories of games of quarters drifted aimlessly through him. The parties were legend, and yet they didn’t hold the amusement they once had. He retrained his gaze to his friend.

“
So what brings you all the way down the mountain?”

“
Well,” Keith said, shifting slightly, “this is probably not my place, but I have to say something because it’s going to drive me crazy if I don’t.”

Greg took a drink. “Sounds serious.”

“
It is.” Keith paused to gather his courage. “It’s about Maggie.”

“
Maggie?” Greg’s head snapped up incredulously.

It took another breath to get the words out. “Do you know about her… well, her growing up?”

“
She said she grew up in Del Rio.”

Keith watched Greg take another drink. “Did she tell you why?”

Greg shrugged. “I don’t know. Because she liked Del Rio?”

It was all Keith could do to keep himself from knocking Greg flat. “No. Because she was an orphan.”

Across the room, Greg’s face fell with the can.

“
She grew up in the foster care system. Her parents died in a car accident when she was eight.”

Concern slid over Greg’s features. “I don’t… Why didn’t she tell me this?”

“
It gets worse.” Keith knew this was betraying every confidence she’d ever trusted him with, but he had to say it, had to get Greg to understand so he would stop being an idiot and hurting Maggie. “They were hit by a drunk driver.”

“
A drunk…?” Greg looked down at the can and thought for a long, long minute. “That’s why…”

“
Yeah.” Keith’s place in this situation had been left so far behind, it was no longer even in the rearview mirror. “Look, I don’t want to step on any toes here, but her riding out into the boondocks in some cab for an hour by herself is not exactly safe. I told her she could call me, but I don’t think she’ll do that.”

Greg shook his head. “Is she mad at me?”

“
No.” It killed him to say that. What he wanted to do was to lie and ruin every chance they had together, but he couldn’t do that to Greg or to Maggie. “I just thought you should know that’s all.”

“
Ye… yeah, man. Thanks for telling me.”

His heart wouldn’t let him go without saying it, but the words were pulling emotions from the center of him. “Treat her right, Greg. Okay? She’s been through hell already, and she deserves better.”

“
Yeah.” Greg nodded in understanding. “Okay. I will.”

“
Well, are you going to congratulate us or what?” Ike asked, walking into the office Tuesday morning.

Keith barely looked up from the paperwork. “Congratulations.”

“
Gee, you sound so happy. I would’ve thought you’d be bouncing off the walls for joy.”

“
I am. Inside.” He sounded as surly as he felt. The talk with Greg hadn’t made him feel any better. If anything, it had made him feel worse.

“
We won, you know,” Ike said, sitting on the other side of the desk.

“
I heard.”

“
You behave yourself while we were gone?”

Keith stood, tired of this conversation. “I was an angel just like always.” He grabbed his hat and stalked to the door. “Time to get some real work done. Don’t burn the place down while I’m gone.”

“
Ms. Montgomery,” Inez said long after the sun had gone down on Wednesday. “Phone call.”

Already tucked in for the night, Maggie dragged herself out of bed. Isabella was recovering, and they were back to a modified lesson schedule. It was already getting old. She tramped down to the kitchen and picked up the phone. “Hello?”

“
Maggie, it’s Greg.”

“
Oh, hi.” She sat down on the chair. Somehow she had hoped he wouldn’t call back after the last episode. “What’s up?”

“
Listen, I think we need to talk. I’m really sorry about the other night. I was out of control, and I’m sorry.”

She was tired of this conversation already. She was tired of trying to make herself like him in a way that she just didn’t. “Hey, it happens.”

“
No, I was a total jerk, and you have every reason to hate me.”

“
I don’t hate you, Greg. I just like to take things slower than that.”

“
But I shouldn’t have made you ride home in the cab again. It won’t happen again, I swear.”

“
Don’t worry about it.” Riding home wouldn’t be a problem because she wasn’t planning on going out with him again.

He hesitated. “Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go out tomorrow night.”

Disbelief slammed into her. “Oh, Greg, I can’t. We’ve had an impossible week around here. Isabella got hurt when I was gone last time.”

“
But couldn’t they get someone else to watch them… just for awhile?”

“
No, I don’t think so.”

“
Dinner. Just dinner.”

“
No. Really.”

“
Pre-dinner for drinks, or coffee, or whatever.”

Maggie laid her head on the table. “No, it’s just not going to work, Greg.”

“
Maggie, please, don’t give up on us because I was a jerk. Please.”

Us? It sounded like a death sentence. “It’s not because of that. Really. It’s just that they haven’t hired a back-up babysitter yet.”

“
What happened to the one they had?”

“
Long story. Listen, I’ve got to go.”

But he didn’t sign off. “Can I call you again sometime?”

She wanted to say no. With everything in her she wanted to say no, but he sounded so crushed, she just couldn’t. “If you want.”

Saturday night Keith got the call he had been dreading all week. After his talk with Greg, he had thrown himself into his coming life with Dallas like a good soon-to-be groom should; however, just because he was committed didn’t mean he was happy.

“
I wanted to make sure we’re going to be able to take the jet,” Dallas said, clearly stressed out. “I’ve got to be out of here by the 15
^th
one way or the other.”

“
Oh,” he said, hearing the yelling already, “Dad’s going up to Amarillo that weekend. He’s taking it. But I’m scheduled for the Friday night flight on American.”

Dallas sighed. “Fine. I’ll tell Rachel.” She sounded tired. “Have you checked into any more houses?”

“
I called the realtor yesterday. We’re scheduled to go looking next Tuesday. She’s got five houses to show us including two of the ones we looked at online.”

“
Well, there’s something.” She sounded only vaguely impressed. “How about the job search? Have you found anything yet?”

“
I posted my resume on three sites on line, but I haven’t heard back from anyone yet.” This felt like work. Why did he have to have another job? “I checked with the caterer too. They are a go.”

“
Okay.”

“
You sound stressed.”

“
Huh. I wouldn’t know why. I’ve got two more finals and packing and moving and the wedding…”

Keith’s heart sank, knowing he was the cause of a good portion of her stress. “Tell you what. When you get here, you can take a mini-vacation. No finals, no stress.”

“
It sounds wonderful.”

“
It will be.”

Sunday morning it was all Keith could do to keep himself from running up the front steps. He hadn’t seen Maggie in what felt like forever, and as crazy as it was, the thought of being with her even for a few short hours was all that was keeping him going. He opened the front door and slipped inside. His heart was pounding so loudly, he was sure it was audible in the quiet of the house. He turned toward the kitchen where he found Inez washing breakfast dishes.

“
Morning,” he said.

“
Oh, good morning. Ms. Montgomery said she’d be down shortly. She’s getting the children ready.”

“
Dad and Vivian?”

“
They had a luncheon in Galveston this morning. They’ll be back later.”

He nodded just as Maggie and the kids appeared at the bottom of the stairs. He had never seen a more breathtaking sight. “Morning,” he said softly.

“
Hi. Sorry we’re late.”

“
No problem. You ready?”

“
Guess so.”

Keith couldn’t get his mind to forget that this was probably their last Sunday together. Next week he would be in Vermont, and the week after that Dallas would be here with him permanently. The thought threatened to overload his brain circuits, so rather than fry anything, he simply shut them off. He wouldn’t think about Dallas or anything else in his other life today. For these few hours he was Keith Ayer, the real Keith Ayer, and for the time he had left, he was determined to soak in as much life as possible because on the other side of this hour lay the death of him.

He stood next to her in the pew, wishing this was real, wishing it never had to end, wishing it could be a future with her he was looking into.

“
Welcome, everyone to our service this May 7
^th
…”

The rest of the greeting subsided into a swirl of confusion. The 7
^th
? May 7
^th
? Keith’s mind wound through and around that date. It had been 17 years. Seventeen years today that his mother had died. How could he have forgotten? His heart slid through the thought. He hadn’t even thought about it until now. Somehow that hurt as much as the date did.

The service started, but he didn’t really hear it. It was as if in one breath, he was back with her, a young boy enthralled with the world. Her soft voice flowed through him like it hadn’t in so many, many years. He closed his eyes and soaked in the feeling of her. He was a man now, but when he thought about her, he was once again 12 and 10 and 5, asking her questions, begging for her knowledge of the world and her understanding of his place in it.

She had always been able to make things right—with a kiss, a hug, a word of encouragement spoken at just the right moment. Peace, calm, joy. Those were the things he remembered about her. And now she was gone. Yes, she had been gone for many years, but in truth he had never let himself feel her absence until this very moment. Softly he let his heart whisper, “I miss you, Mom. I miss you so much. It’s been so long.”

Suddenly at his side, Peter reached up and slid his little hand into Keith’s big one, and Keith opened his eyes and smiled down at the child. Love, so strong it ached, flowed through Keith. Yes, his mom had left, but if she hadn’t, he wouldn’t have Peter nor Isabella. He looked over to Maggie, holding his little sister, and the picture they made seared through him. If his mother had never left, he wouldn’t have either of them. It wasn’t that he would’ve chosen one over the other. It was more that only now could he see that even in the pain, there were some blessings.

“
Mom, I never wanted you to leave. I’ve missed you so much, but these blessings. I was missing the blessings that are here that I wouldn’t have had if the accident hadn’t happened.” He let his eyes fall closed. “God, I’m so lost here. I feel like I know what I want, and yet it’s like I can never have that. Please help me to let them go, to let Maggie go. I made a commitment to Dallas, and I’ve got to keep it. Please help me.”

In what seemed only moments, the service ended. He hadn’t heard a word anyone had said. He followed Maggie out and to the pickup. However, when they were all strapped in, he glanced over at her. “Would you mind if we make a little stop?”

She shrugged. “No, that’s fine.”

He nodded. The last time he had been to the graveyard was when his grandmother had died five years before, but he’d never had the courage to visit his mother’s grave. Never. It had always seemed so final. But today he would face it. Today he would face the tragedy that had defined his youth so he could move onto the tragedy that would define his future.

What Maggie had expected, she didn’t know, but the graveyard was not it. “What’s going on?” she asked in barely disguised panic as he turned into the parking lot gate.

“
I just want to make a little visit while we’re here.”

Now? she wanted to scream. Today of all days? It was like fate was playing some kind of cruel trick. Gathering herself so that she wouldn’t completely lose it in front of him and the kids, she got out of the pickup and unstrapped Isabella. However, it took everything she had to get her feet moving toward the walkway when Isabella was in her arms.

“
What is this?” Peter asked, and Keith gave him some answer she didn’t hear.

Walk. Keep walking. Don’t think.
Fighting not to let the memories overwhelm her, Maggie walked with him through the small wrought iron archway and past five rows of headstones. There Keith turned to the left, and Maggie followed, pleading with God to not drag this out any longer than it had to be. It brought back too many memories of another graveyard, half a state away.