Deeper (17 page)

It’s like he really doesn’t care anymore.

I find him in the water, a girl on either arm, trying to dunk him or splash him as he smiles and does the same back. His smile sucks my breath away.

“You gonna be okay, Rain?” Amy asks, taking my arm and pulling me close to her. “Bitches.”

“No, there’s no reason they shouldn’t. Besides, Knight and I didn’t really work after all.”

I wonder how he really can just turn it off like that, like he flipped a switch and bam, no longer interested in me. But I can’t go back and take that day back. And besides, we were just on track for heartbreak anyway.

“Look, there’s Dan and Mike! Let’s go over there.”

“Ew,” I say, dragging my feet and trying to pull her back. “Knight said they’re players.”

“Hot players. Besides, there’s two of them, and two of us. It’s perfect.”

She’s petite but persistent and I find myself dragged along, looking at Knight over my shoulder. I don’t have to worry about him seeing me staring, because he doesn’t look up at all. He’s totally absorbed in those skanks. He can’t have cared much if he moved on that fast. Not that I’m one to talk since I refused to love him at all.

When we get to the boys, Amy suddenly becomes coy, hiding behind my arm slightly and grinning at them stupidly. I nudge her with my elbow, but she just giggles and waves. Oh come on.

“Well, hello ladies,” Dan says. He winks one of his brown eyes and shakes his head to swish hair off his forehead. He just looks like an all American boy next door. Toned, taller than me, similar age. It’s just that no one holds a candle to Knight.

“Hi Amy,” Mike says. He’s got green eyes and sandy blonde hair. He’s pale and thin, and I don’t like the way he looks at Amy. Apparently she does though, because she moves forward and takes the lawn chair next to him.

“What’s a girl got to do to get a drink around here?”

“What do you girls want?” Dan asks, standing and pulling Mike up with him. They both look at me, probably because I’m standing there looking stupid rather than sitting by Amy. I’m not quite committed to hanging out with them yet. I still remember what happened at the party at Chad’s house, and I’m not going to go putting myself in a similar situation. Even if Knight isn’t around to care about it anymore.

That thought makes me a little sad, and I slump on the lawn chair in defeat as Amy tells them what to go get for us. I can feel someone watching us, and I look up to see Knight gazing over from the lap pool. He’s no longer smiling at the girls around him, just watching me with a pensive expression. Maybe he’s not so over it after all. His eyes go to the guys walking away from us, and then back to me.

I shrug at him, and he shrugs back and gives me a thumbs up. Really? A thumbs up? Seriously? He turns back to the girls, picks one of them up over his shoulder, like he did me one time. It hurts. Dan just became more attractive after all.

The guys come back to us and place some sort of liquid in cups in our hands. Amy grins over at me, mouthing that she’ll take Mike, and I shrug back. It doesn’t matter to me. I’m not putting out tonight.

If I could have put out, I would have put out for Knight. Interesting that he could put up with no sex but not with me putting myself in danger. I’m better off with him not being controlling anyway. I set my cup aside. I’m not feeling like drinking.

“You okay Rain?” Dan asks.

“Yeah,” I say, trying not to watch Knight. Dan just doesn’t hold the same interest. Even though his eyes are a pleasant warm brown, and he has a nice nose and face.

“I’ll be your rebound if you want,” he says, jerking his head behind him towards Knight. He sits down on my lawn chair, crowding me.

Amy gasps in offense but gets distracted when Mike settles in on the chair next to her. She snuggles towards him. I push away from Dan.

“Rebound from what?”

Dan blinks. “From Knight. You were dating him, right?”

“Oh. Yeah, I guess.”

“But you’re not now, right?” He runs a finger up my arm, and it gives me the heebie jeebies. “You’re free game now, right?”

I meet his eyes, not sure what he means. “I don’t know about free game. I mean, it’s not like anyone was interested.”

“Are you kidding? Tons of us were into you. You’re the new hot thing, right Mike?”

Mike looks up from teasing Amy long enough to nod and wink at me.

“None of us really had a shot at it though, not with Knight around. I mean, he shows interest, we’re gonna back off. Dude lost his girlfriend.”

“Yeah. Do you know what happened?”

He shakes his head. “Not more than anyone else. Besides, do we have to talk about that? Depressing as hell.” He moves in closer. “I’d rather talk about us.”

“Us?” I ask, avoiding his face as he gets closer.

“Go Rain!” Amy pipes up from her chair. Mike is getting awfully close too.

I push Dan back. “I don’t think we should. I think you’ve got the wrong idea.”

This is where Knight would have come charging over, before. This is where he’d get annoyingly overprotective and I’m realizing I’m not as annoyed by it as I thought I was. Dan catches me looking Knight’s direction and frowns.

“You still got something with Knight?” Before I can answer, he turns to yell in Knight’s direction. “Yo, Knight, it okay if I make a play with Rain?”

Dan’s blocking my view so I can’t see Knight’s face, but I feel like my heart just fell out of my chest and landed on the tile, and Knight can now squash with a single word.

I look around Dan to see what Knight says, and Knight’s eyes meet mine. They’re hard, and cold.

“Go ahead,” he says, with a wave of his hand. He turns back to his dates.

Cold washes over me. It’s one thing to know it’s over, it’s another to be handed off like an object. It’s another thing to feel like he’s given up on me forever.

Amy giggles next to me, a little too brightly, and I look at her drink, then Mike, suspiciously. Did they put something in it?

“What’s Amy drinking?” I ask Mike, grabbing her cup and sniffing it.

“Just a Mai Tai.”

“Alcoholic?” I ask.

“Yeah,” Mike flushes. “We always spike the drinks.”

I reach for Amy, but she flops away from me towards Mike. “Amy, let’s go get you something to eat. The booze is hitting you too hard.”

“Nope.” She pushes me off. “I’mma just stay here. You can go get me something though.”

“Fine.”

“Want me to come with?” Dan asks. He really does seem concerned, even if his question to Knight was insensitive.

“No thanks,” I say, standing and motioning for him to stay. “I’ll be right back.”

I leave them and walk past the lap pool without looking in. I won’t look at Knight. I don’t care what he does now. It’s not my business.

She bugs the crap out of me. I don’t know what I was expecting. I overreacted, I know that. But still, I thought she’d apologize. I thought she’d come to me, ask me to take her back, tell me she’d try to be safer from now on. Instead she just acts nonchalant. Like it doesn’t matter that we’re over.

No matter how cold I am, it doesn’t seem to bother her.

And the guys are already all over her. Skeezy Dan, and she doesn’t even seem to mind. When he asked me if he could make a play for her, I could have punched him. But then I saw her, peeking around him, looking at me almost as if she’s challenging me. If she can be nonchalant about it then I can too. I even gave her an extra thumbs up to show her how cool I am about it. That was so stupid. I wince just thinking of it.

Monica pulls on my arm, and I look down to see her pressing her breasts against my side and smiling up at me. “What’s wrong Knight?”

Kelly pulls on the other side. “Yeah, what’s up?”

They’re both beautiful women, but I feel about them like I’ve always felt about women who weren’t Camille or Rain. I respect them, but I don’t desire them. I let them pull me back into the water. They splash each other and me and I have to make an effort not to sigh in annoyance. It’s all so tired.

I hear footsteps and look up to see Rain approaching the pool. I open my mouth, trying to think of something to say, then shut it as she strides by without looking down. Is she pissed?

I’m distracted my Monica jumping up and trying to put her mouth on mine. I pull back sharply, falling back in the water. She thinks I’m being playful and comes forward, trying to pin me to the back wall.

“Monica, wait,” I say.

“Yeah, leave some for me,” Kelly says, coming up beside her. She goes for my neck, and though her lips are soft, it leaves me cold. I stiffen.

“Oh come on Knight, let us do this for you. It’s probably been forever. Rain’s super stiff, right?”

“Yeah, I heard she doesn’t put out for anyone.” Monica runs her hand over my chest, and I pull it away only to have her other one take its place. If I were a girl this would be sexual harassment, but since I’m a guy, it’s not.

“Yeah, I heard Dan’s gonna go for it tonight.”

“Did you hear him ask Knight if it was okay? Like Knight cares what he does to the stuck up bitch.”

I take Monica’s hands and push her away from me. “Don’t call her that.”

“Don’t defend her after she dumped you. Who could hurt a sweetie like you, anyway?”

I feel like I’m being patronized, and it’s hard to keep Monica back. Kelly comes behind me and reaches around me down my chest. Ugh.

“Come on Knight, just let go and have fun. Do we need to get you drunk?”

I try to push her off my back, while trying to be gentle. These girls have so many damn hands. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen them this aggressive.

“Come on girls, get off. Why now?”

“Oh come on, Knight,” Monica purrs, putting a hand on my leg. “No one knew you were still into it, until you went after the cold bitch. If you liked her you must have been really desperate.”

I can’t pull them both off at once, and concentrate on defending Rain. I continue trying to gently detach them when Monica suddenly freezes. I look at her, and see that she’s looking up above us to the side of the pool. I follow her eyes and see Rain. She’s carrying a bag of some kind of food, and glaring down at us.

Kelly giggles and wraps her arms around my neck. “Want to join us, Rain?”

I flush, embarrassed to be caught like this. It makes me look like an asshole. One week after breaking up, and two women climbing all over me. I wish I could explain to her that it’s just my natural sexiness, but that would probably get me slapped. Besides, I don’t have anything to explain to her. We’re over.

So why does it bug me when she turns and gives me a sarcastic smile and a thumbs-up?

I deserve it after doing the same to her, but it still stings to have the person you care about cheer you on for being with someone else. Isn’t she possessive at all?

“Rain…” I trail off as she shakes her head at me and walks away.

“Come on, Knight. Forget her. Did you see that goofy thumbs up?” she says to Monica.

“Such a nerd,” Monica says. “So glad I’m not a lifeguard and don’t have to answer to her. Front desk rocks.”

“Yeah, all the lifeguards look nasty all the time anyway. No makeup, lumpy outfits.”

“Hey now, that’s my staff,” I say, pulling my face away from Monica’s.

“You’re not lumpy though Knight. You look good in everything.”

It doesn’t turn me on. It doesn’t turn me on half as much as Rain did when she simply looked at me with eyes that said she wanted me. Like she was lucky to be with me and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

I remember our mini golf date. How tender and fun and subtle it was, compared to my situation now. I wish I could go back to that. Can I really deal with Rain, even if she acts stupid and puts herself in danger like that? I’m starting to think it would be worth it.

Sure, maybe I’d end up hurt. But it wouldn’t be as bad as feeling empty, like I do now. I should never have dumped her. If it hadn’t happened right after a Camille trigger, I wouldn’t have. I would have had more space to process things, to see that Rain was just doing her job. She couldn’t have known how bad it affected me.

“Skanks!” a voice calls down. Amy is glaring down at us, a drink gripped in her hand. She sways awkwardly, and would probably fall if Mike’s hand weren’t around her waist.

“You’ve had too much, Amy,” Rain says, reaching for her cup. But Amy won’t give it up.

“You’re such skanks,” she slurs at the girls with me. I blanch.

“Whatever whore,” Monica snaps back, planting herself on my lap.

Rain looks at me, and I swear for a moment I can see anger in her eyes. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking. She looks like she’s going to step forward for a moment, but Dan’s hand is tight around her waist and keeps her close to him.

For a moment, it looks like she’s going to pull his hand off and jump in here. But instead, she puts her hand over his hand and squeezes it. She turns to Amy and Mike. “Come on, guys, let’s give them some space.”

“Thanks, bitch,” Kelly says, sticking her tongue out behind Rain’s back once she’s turned.

“Ugh, how could you stand her, Knight? Especially her choice of friends.”

I sigh. Because she’s strong. Because she’s loyal. Because she’s good to me. And I dumped her over my own personal crap.

Regret turns to anger as I see Dan’s hand move over her butt. She doesn’t even pull it off, just continues to talk to Amy, as they walk away towards the back rooms. I can’t have meant much if she’s just going to go off with him like that.

I sink back in the pool. I want to go over there. I want to go tear him off, say that she’s mine, and kiss her until she screams out my name. But I have no right. I let Monica and Kelly grope me for a bit, kissing my neck and my shoulders. Things could be worse. At least they’ll keep me from making a fool of myself and sticking my nose in where I’m not wanted.

After a couple of minutes they seem to sense I’m not into it.

“What the hell, Knight?”

“You aren’t still thinking about her, are you?”

I look away from them, not owing them any answers.

“Screw this. You can either have both of us, or you can go after her. But she doesn’t even want you Knight. Think about that.”