Deeper (18 page)

Kelly folds her arms over her full breasts. Breasts I’m not at all interested in. Monica puts her arm around Kelly.

“Yeah, what’s it going to be, Knight? Two sure things, or chasing some tramp who went off with another guy?”

They’re right. Rain probably doesn’t even want me over there. She’s probably fine, so I have no reason to beat the crap out of Dan. We’re not together, so why do I want so badly to get out of the water and go make sure she’s fine?

“Good choice, handsome,” Kelly says, taking my arm and running her fingers over my bicep. “You’ll have more fun with us anyway.”

I guess she’s probably right.

“Get off me,” I say, pulling Dan’s hand off as I try to shake Amy. She’s barely lucid now, but she still giggles at whatever Mike says.

“Come on, leave them alone, come over here.” He grabs my waist again and tries to pull me to him. I sigh and push him back again, and anger flares for a moment in his eyes, before he calms and sits back. “Suit yourself.”

“Rain, want to get me another drink?” Amy says.

No, but I want to go get help so I can get her out of here. “Sure, anyone else want something?”

Mike shakes his head and starts play wrestling with Amy. Dan shrugs, he’s now more interested in watching them than he is in me. I leave and head back out to the deck. Instead of going to the drink table, I look for someone who can help me get Amy out. I’m fairly certain someone put something in her drink. I can’t prove it was Dan or Mike, but she shouldn’t be that loopy. My eyes seek out Knight first. It’s natural, because he’s always been there for me.

A girlish giggle from the lap pool tells me he’s probably still there. Sure enough, the girls are still hanging on him, though they seem to be talking something over. Maybe where they should go to have their threesome? It makes my blood burn, just thinking about it. But I guess since I can’t give it to him, someone else is free to.

But I don’t have time to think about this. I need to get back to Amy. There’s only one other person I can ask. I walk to the chem room and knock. Nate comes to the door. Of course he’s hiding in here instead of being out at the party.

He pokes his head out, and I can hear a girl ask him if something’s wrong. So he’s got his own little somethin’ somethin’ going on I guess. Makes sense. Every other guy here does.

“S’up, Rainy day?”

“Nate, sorry to bug you,” I say hesitantly, not wanting to ruin his date.

“No prob. Whatcha need?”

“Just some help with my friend. She’s had too much to drink. I need someone to help get her out.”

His eyes narrow. “Gotcha. Have you told Knight?”

“No. We’re uh, broken up.”

“I still think you should tell him. He’d be better at getting up in the guard’s business than me.”

“Yeah. I just, I don’t want to.” Because he might not come. He might think I’m just using him, since we aren’t together anymore and I don’t really have any right to have him get me out of jams. Especially when he’s…busy.

“Okay, can you give me a minute?” he looks behind him.

“Sure, it’s okay if you can’t, I don’t want to ruin your date.”

I hear a giggle behind him and I can tell his date thinks the term date is as ridiculous a name for what they’re doing as I do.

Nate flushes, his pale skin going pink and hiding his freckles. “‘Kay Rain, be there in a sec.”

I walk away from the chem room, feeling dejected. It used to be so easy to get someone to help. Half the time I didn’t want Knight’s help, but now I’m realizing how much it really meant.

I wish I could go tell him that I will be more careful. I’ve realized that there’s a line between protecting others and being reckless. I’m at least willing to think about it. But it’s too late.

I go back to the back room where Amy is with the guys. It’s a room we usually store the CPR dummies and such in. I’ll just have to get her out myself, unless Nate comes soon. I’m probably overreacting anyway.

When I open the door, my jaw drops. I snap it closed and take it all in. Amy’s on the floor, and Mike’s straddling her. He seems to be messing with her belt or pants, and Dan’s standing right over him, staring down, a blank, lustful look in his eyes. Amy is out of it, and she struggles weakly against Mike’s hands.

I come closer, not letting them see, and mouth her a question, asking if she wants me to get them off.

She shakes her head yes, and a tear squeezes out of her eye down one cheek. That’s enough.

I’m not a warrior, but I know some grappling from two years of martial arts I took during high school. Mike’s in a good position for me to get, but Dan could be a problem if he intervenes. First things first, I have to get Mike off of Amy.

I come up behind him quietly, put my arm around the front of his neck and brace him in a sleeper hold, slowly tightening the pressure against the front of his throat in a way that should slowly choke him out but not cause any other damage.

He flails against me, slaps my arm with his. I stand up, pulling him with me, so he’s forced to get off of Amy. He stumbles off, trying desperately to turn and face me, but I can’t risk it. Amy slowly rolls up and scoots back to the wall, not knowing what to do.

This is me all right. One moment regretting not being safer for Knight, the next ending up in a fight because I can’t not intervene.

Mike is weakening, but Dan grabs my arms from behind, pulling me off and locking them behind me.

“Get off of me!” I try to pull away. “What are you doing?”

“Oh come on, what does it look like? Just let Mike have his fun with Amy. She’s been asking for it all night.”

I growl. “Bastards.” I bring my foot up quickly, between his legs as he stands behind me, and he buckles forward and drops my arms. I run for the door, that is slightly open, but Mike grabs my legs and takes me to the ground.

It’s just ridiculous, how much harder things have been without Knight. I didn’t realize how much I needed him until now. Now, pinned to the ground with Mike climbing on top and Amy unconscious against the wall, apparently asleep. I buck my hips to try to throw Mike off, but Dan limps around and grabs my arms, holding them above my head while Mike reaches for the bottom of my shirt.

I scream for help, but get cut off half way with Mike’s hand over my mouth. “Shut up bitch.”

I wish I were stronger. Strong enough to hold William’s tube up, strong enough to fight everyone off, so that I can protect everyone and still protect myself. Strong enough not to need anyone.

But right now I need Knight, and there’s no way he’s going to come. He doesn’t care anymore, because I took his feelings and his protectiveness and threw them in his face for my own stupid pride.

I was so sure I was right. So sure that I should always save others, at cost to myself. Now I realize it might not be right, but I don’t know how else to make sense of things. Why else did I live when William died? It doesn’t make any sense.

Mike moves my shirt out of the way and gets to my belt. He starts to undo it. A frustrated tear leaves one eye as I buck again, trying to unseat him. He grins and gets the belt open and reaches for the button of my jeans. I still can’t say anything, because his hand is over my mouth.

I hear someone at the door. Relief floods me. Nate? I try to wiggle my head to see past Mike. Please let it be Nate. There’s no one else who would come. My own stupidity ensured that.

I hear Dan gasp at the same time I feel Mike come off my lap and his hand release my mouth. I take in a deep breath and stare up into Knight’s eyes. So relieved to see him. So happy to see him. He holds Mike under his arm in a much firmer sleeper choke than the one I had, and his eyes move over me, then glare at Dan, daring him to move.

I slowly roll to my side and sit up on my hands, taking deep breaths to calm down.

“You okay, Rain?” Knight asks, his voice oddly calm and low.

I nod, and start to do up my belt. His eyes watch me do it and his face tightens again in anger. He pulls harder on Mike, who grabs at his arms for a moment, before going limp. Dan doesn’t even try to double team him, like he did me. He just scrambles sideways, like a crab, and runs past him to the door, arms flailing. I’d laugh on any other night.

Knight sets Mike to the side and kneels in front of me. “You sure you’re alright princess?”

“Yes.”

He puts a hand up to my face, runs it over my shoulder and examines me with his eyes as if he needs to confirm it for himself.

I put my hand over his, hold it against my face and enjoy the warmth for a moment. He looks at me with confused eyes, as if it’s the last thing he expected.

“I thought you’d be mad at me, for interfering. That’s why I didn’t come sooner.” He looks over at Mike, then back to me. “But if I’d known what was going on, I’d have been here in an instant. I promise.”

“But we broke up.”

“What does that have to do anything?”

“You shouldn’t have to be constantly fixing my mistakes anymore.”

“Rain, I want to fix your mistakes. I want to protect you, even if you’re going to be stupid. Scratch that, especially if you’re going to be stupid. That just means you need me even more.”

I stare up at him, thinking he’s too wonderful to be real. “Knight, I don’t want to break up.”

“I don’t either,” he says, pulling me against him. After a moment he pulls back and looks at Amy. “We should get her home and shut down the party though. We can talk after.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he says, kissing the top of my head. I smile.

An hour later, Amy’s mom has picked her up and the rest of the guards have left.

Knight grabs his stuff, and we both go into the guardroom bathrooms to change into casual stuff. He’s still in a swimsuit and I just don’t want my sexy stuff on anymore. Not after what happened in it. I hear him moving in the stall over, and blush when I realize we’re both nearly naked and so close. I wonder if he has realized the same thing.

I finish and come out of the changing room to see him smiling at me and leaning on the doorframe. He leads and we head out to the field behind the center and lay down towels. Knight lays his next to mine, but lays on the grass next to it, leaving both for me. Typical.

“Don’t want the grass to scratch you.”

“Thanks.”

He leans up on one elbow, and I love that even in semi-darkness his face is different from anyone else’s. It calms me more than I had realized to be staring into it.

“Of course, it’s selfish, because I want you to be able to listen to me, rather than being distracted by the grass,” he says.

“Of course. Monopolizing as always.”

He grins, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I can’t believe that happened. Boys can be animals. I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner.”

“You were there though. Thanks,” I say. “I was worried for a minute there.”

“Why did you get Nate instead of me?” He puts a hand over one of mine. “Did you not think I’d come?”

“I didn’t think it was your job. I didn’t want to bother you with the twins.”

“You would have been saving me from the twins. Besides, Nate came straight to me after all.”

“Why?”

“Because he gets what you don’t. That I want to be there for you.”

“I see. If it happens again, I’ll come to you first and save you from the twins. I do owe you a few rescues after all.”

“No problem, my pleasure.”

I’m beginning to see that it really is, baffling though that may be.

There’s a moment of silence between us, and I flop back on the towel to look up at the sky. I need it on nights like tonight. Weeks like this. The stars are so steadying, planted like guiding lights in the darkness around them.

“I’m sorry I’m so reckless.” My voice sounds foreign to me. Soft. Vulnerable. I hate being vulnerable. “I can’t seem to help it.”

“I know. That’s what worries me,” he says. “But if you really can’t help it, I’d rather be there to help. I don’t see why we have to break up over it. I don’t want to break up over it.” He flops down on his back next to me, hands behind his head. His elbows brush against mine.

I look over and see that he’s smiling mildly up at the stars, his eyes twinkling in the night light. His profile is gorgeous, carved in marble. I love his nose, so straight, with just the tiniest point at the tip that almost looks elfin, or would, without his hard cheekbones and straight, squared off jaw.

“So you did a pretty good job getting Amy free. I think you probably could have taken Mike if it was just him. Right?” he asks, his face serious again. I turn back to the sky.

“I guess so. But I really do hate hurting people.”

“More than I hate seeing the person I love hurt?” he asks. I look over, but he’s not looking at me. His mouth is turned down, and I wonder if what he said is really as romantic as it sounds.

“I guess it’s about equal. So one is not more important than the other.”

“So what do we do?” he asks.

I grin at the sky. I don’t know. “I don’t know.”

“I guess for me, it comes down to tonight. I realized that even though you could hurt me again by being reckless, that I just can’t leave you alone. I’d rather be there for you, even if it hurts me.” He reaches over and puts his hand on mine, covering it with rough warmth. I feel so safe when he does that. Much safer than when he’s yelling and fuming at someone, including me, for risking my safety.

“You know, I got wrecked once before,” he says. I look over and can tell he doesn’t want me to look at him now, so I turn back to the smoggy sky with its faint stars. “She meant everything to me. I made the same bet with her. I knew it could end up sucky and she could really hurt me, but I still threw everything into trying to help her. It didn’t turn out great.”

I take in a deep breath and let it out quietly, so I don’t disturb him.

“She just…” In my peripheral vision I see him raise a hand and put it to his face. “In the end, I wasn’t enough.”

His voice is hoarse. I don’t know what to do, how to act. I haven’t dealt with my own grief, so I don’t know how to help him deal with his.

“Knight.”