DefeatedbyLove (19 page)

“He won’t need evidence,” Simon said with assurance. “He’ll
believe us, if we tell him the whole story.”

“As much as I hate to waste a skill like yours, Daniel, I
have to agree with Simon. Constable Manderley seems the better choice right
now, rather than cold-blooded murder.”

“If done right, murder can solve a great many problems,”
Daniel muttered. “Particularly if you kill the right people.”

“Manderley will help us once he hears everything,” Simon
reiterated. He turned and pinned Christy with a stare. “Especially if we all
play our parts well.”

She nodded solemnly at him. “Yes, yes he will.”

“And then he came to see me in Surrey,” Christy said, hesitating
a little. Robert had paled considerably at the revelation that Harry was not
the father of her babe. He still looked a little shocked over the whole story.
“When he saw the rumors of my condition were true he threatened to kill me. I
believed him, after what I overheard before. Then someone tried to break into
my house and he was frightened off and I ran to Daniel.”

“Who is the father?” Robert demanded rather harshly. It
wasn’t the most pertinent question, but Daniel recognized that it came from his
turbulent emotions at her story rather than the cool-headed constable. Christy
shook her head and bit her lip.

“What difference does that make?” Harry snapped. “He’s fled,
left her to fend for herself and saved his worthless hide. He is nothing here.”

“What are you going to do about it?” Robert asked, standing
up to confront Harry.

“Do about it?” Harry asked, confused. “This is what I’m
doing. I’m bringing it to the authorities.”

“Not about your father,” Robert told him angrily. “About
Christy and the baby.”

“I’m going to divorce her.” Harry’s calm statement was met
with a gasp from Christy and Simon took an angry step toward him. Robert’s face
was red with rage. “Don’t be idiots. Christy deserves more than me. If she
desires it, I will divorce her. We were married in Scotland, so it isn’t as
difficult as it is here to obtain a divorce. She can sue me for desertion or I
can claim adultery. The real problem is that if I do, unless there’s a man
willing to marry her, she’ll be an outcast in society. As a divorced woman
she’ll already have problems with certain people, but an illegitimate child
would be worse.” He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Daniel was
beginning to recognize the gesture of frustration. Harry hadn’t done that in
Portugal. He’d picked it up in America. “I’m willing to remain married if that
is her wish. But we don’t love one another as man and wife, and I don’t want
her to be deprived of that kind of relationship. The fact is, I’m in love with
Daniel and plan on spending the rest of my life with him. Christy deserves more
than an absent husband in love with someone else.”

“You were married in Scotland?” Simon asked curiously.

“I lived in Edinburgh with my mother’s distant cousin,”
Christy said. “We were married there in a small ceremony.”

“Father didn’t wish to pay for a large wedding,” Harry said
sarcastically. “Since he’d already paid so much for her upkeep.”

“How did you end up in Surrey?” Robert asked.

“I dropped her there before I took sail for America,” Harry
said. “I hoped she’d be far enough away from those two they wouldn’t bother
her, but close enough to London to deal with my solicitor here or catch a ship
to America if she wished to join me at some point.” He looked at Daniel. “And
close enough to you if she needed help.”

Daniel was reeling from Harry’s casual mention of their
affair and his feelings. How dare he air their personal business in public like
this? And no matter what Harry was planning, he had no right to make plans of
any kind for Daniel.

“I do want a divorce,” Christy said quietly. “You’re right.
I want more than this.”

The room was silent. All three men looked over at Simon. He
now stood mute with his back to the wall and Daniel could see the panic in his
eyes as he watched the proceedings. Daniel had hoped he’d step forward and
offer for Christy’s hand, but he’d known he probably wouldn’t, that he simply
couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Christy stood there staring at Simon, expecting him to step
up and claim her after their recent intimate encounters. But he didn’t. He
stood there staring at her as if she were a firing squad, or a plague victim.
Well, she guessed that answered that question. His feelings for her clearly
weren’t as strong as hers for him. She’d been a diversion, a plaything, no more
to him than she’d been to Jonas. How utterly humiliating. Finally he broke eye
contact with her, turning his head away.

Christy took a deep breath, not sure what else to say or do.
She supposed she’d have to accept Harry’s offer to stay married. If nothing was
done before the baby came it might be more difficult to get a divorce later,
and then she’d be stuck with Harry and Daniel forever. Wonderful. A lifetime of
being a millstone around Harry’s neck and all that stood between him and
perfect happiness. What more could a girl want? She hated herself for it, but
she resented Harry and Daniel’s love.

“I will marry her, if she’ll have me,” Robert said suddenly,
standing up and facing Christy.

She was dumbstruck. She’d known he had a bit of a tendre for
her, of course, and she found him completely charming and very good-looking,
but she’d never contemplated marriage to him. He didn’t even know who she was,
not like Simon.

“Will you?” he asked her earnestly. “Have me, I mean.”

Her instincts said no. It was a bad idea. Ultimately he’d
resent her. He’d begin to feel his hand had been forced. And she wasn’t sure
she could carry on the charade of the frightened, helpless woman he seemed to
adore. How could he not see who she really was, the way Simon had? And when he
finally did see her, would he think she’d only agreed to this marriage to save
herself and the baby? And what about the baby? Eventually he’d resent the
little one too, because it wasn’t his. But most damning of all, she didn’t love
him.

Though every sensibility said she must say no, her practical
nature said yes. She needed a husband, one who wanted women, not men. One who,
hopefully, could satisfy her more base nature and provide a respectable name
for her and for the baby. She wasn’t strong enough to make it on her own. Oh,
she wasn’t as weak and helpless as Robert believed, that was true. But she
wasn’t the sort of woman who forged a trail for herself, either. She much
preferred having a man to protect her and care for her. It was the way things
were done, and the way she wanted it. And she might learn to love him. Love
matches, while not unknown, were hardly common among most of her acquaintance.
Even if they merely liked and respected one another for the duration of their
marriage, it was a sight better than being alone, wasn’t it?

Robert’s cheeks were growing red as she stood there
silently. She’d inadvertently turned the tables on him while she was thinking.
He began to turn away.

“Yes,” she said, crushing her misgivings. “Yes, I’ll marry
you. Thank you for asking.”

She saw Simon close his eyes. He looked distressed. Did he
think she’d say no and simply wait on his pleasure, available for bed sport
while not being a burden to him? She was better than that and she deserved
more. The last few weeks had taught her that.

“It’s far too soon to make such momentous decisions,” Daniel
said firmly.

Robert ignored him and walked over to Christy, picking up
her hand and kissing it tenderly. “No, my dear, thank you for generously giving
me the opportunity to make you mine.”

“We have to deal with Harry’s family and their threats
first,” Daniel said again. Christy barely heard him as she stared into Robert’s
eyes. They were a beautiful blue. How handsome he was. She had made the right
decision. She had.

Robert looked at Daniel, putting Christy’s hand on his arm.
“There isn’t much we can do with just Christy’s word about a conversation
overheard years ago. You aren’t even sure who they were talking about killing.”
He held up a hand to stay further arguments. “I promise to look into any
Ashbury associates who might have died under suspicious circumstances around
the same time the conversation took place. I’ll come back this evening and let
you know if I’ve discovered anything.”

He looked down at Christy again and she was shocked at the
joy and satisfaction on his face. He really did want her, she could see that.
It gave her a thrill, to be wanted like that by a man. She’d never had it
before and it made her feel proud and special. “When I return tonight I would
also like to discuss the divorce and our future marriage.” He turned to Harry.
“If you would be so kind as to find out what sort of legal proceedings need to
be initiated, I’d appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Harry said. He sounded a little shocked too.
“Congratulations.” He shook Robert’s hand and grinned. “I’m sure there are more
than a few who would find a soon to be ex-husband congratulating his successor
odd, but I sincerely wish you both well.”

“Yes,” Daniel said, “congratulations.” He was slightly more
subdued than Harry.

“Show me out?” Robert asked her with an intimate smile. She
was confused by his suddenly loverlike, confident attitude.

“Of course,” she said, trying to cover her confusion.

When they walked past Simon, Robert nodded politely. “Good
day,” he said coolly. Simon did not answer.

“I hope the divorce doesn’t take long,” Robert said, halting
her just outside the door. He turned and closed it in Simon’s face, giving them
privacy. “I’ve been dreaming of this, you know.”

“You have?” she asked stupidly. “I mean, yes…me, too.”

He laughed. “You needn’t say that if it isn’t true. I know I
was your only option. I shall make you very happy you said yes, I swear.”

“You were not my only option,” she said, stepping close to
him and smoothing a hand down his lapel as she knew lovers did. Part of her
heart was broken over Simon’s abandonment, and the other part was hesitantly
moving forward into this new future with Robert. Again, her practical nature
took over. “I could have chosen to remain married to Harry. It would certainly
be the safe option.”

“True,” Robert said, his voice husky.

“But that is not the sort of marriage I want,” she told him
in a whisper. “I want more than a marriage in name only.”

“Good,” he said with a relieved sigh. “Me too.”

“Hmm,” she answered, wrapping her arm around his neck. She
wondered if she’d have to kiss him or if he’d take his cue here and make the
next move.

He moved. When his lips touched hers it was a gentle kiss,
asking permission and soothing her fears. The warmth of his lips and the tenderness
of his arms around her made her press closer and slant her head, her lips
caressing his. He hesitated then, pulling away to place soft kisses on the
corner of her mouth. She didn’t want that. She wanted the kind of passion she’d
shared with Simon. She needed it right now. That would calm her fears more than
anything. And so she turned her head to capture his lips again and licked along
the crease of his mouth.

He gasped and she slipped her tongue inside his mouth. His
hands gripped her back painfully and then he yanked her hard against his chest.
His tongue tangled with hers and she could feel his frantic heartbeat between
them. She wanted to shout for joy. He was a kind, passionate man. His kiss
spoke of inexperience, which seemed ironic to her since she was the least
experienced person she’d known up until now. But he was enthusiastic and
smelled nice and tasted sweet and he wanted to marry her. It was more than
enough, more than she thought she’d ever have. She wrapped him in her arms and
held on tight.

Harry spun around to confront Simon angrily. “What the hell
is the matter with you?” he demanded. “Why didn’t you step forward? It was
clear to everyone in this room, including Manderley, that you were the one she
wanted.”

“I can’t,” Simon whispered, not bothering to hide his
anguish over what had just happened. “I can’t go through that again.”

“Go through what again?” Harry snapped.

Simon just shook his head. An image of Giselle that day in
the woods flashed through his mind and he walked unsteadily over to the table
and poured himself a whiskey with shaking hands. She’d wanted him too. And he’d
killed her by marrying her, by loving her too much.

“Leave him alone,” Daniel said angrily. “He has his own
demons, just as we all do.”

Daniel knew, he knew what had happened, and why Simon
refused to marry or fall in love again. He understood. He closed his eyes and
all he could see was Giselle, cold and dead lying there in her deathbed, her
hands crossed on her chest, her lips blue, her eyes empty, her lank blonde hair
a perverted halo around her face. He swallowed the whole glass and poured
another.

“I don’t give a damn,” Harry spat out. “He used her and hurt
her, and has probably ruined any chance at happiness she had with Manderley.
What man wants to marry a woman he knows wants another?”

“He’s been married before,” Daniel said wearily. “She died.”

“People die,” Harry said coldly. “It happens every day. Sane
men move on and they don’t throw away the best thing that could have possibly
happened to them.” He made a disgusted sound and waved Simon away. “It doesn’t
matter. She’s too good for you, anyway. He’s the better man for her.”

“Yes, yes he is,” Simon agreed, his voice rough with whiskey
already. He poured another.

“Yes, get drunk. That always helps,” Daniel said
sarcastically.

“It may not help you, but it helps me tremendously,” Simon
slurred. Giselle’s face was growing foggy, which is how he wanted to keep it
until he had a better rein on his emotions over this whole fiasco. Strangely,
Christy’s crestfallen expression at his failure to step forward was still clear
as day.

Daniel watched as Simon dragged a chair over to the table
with the whiskey and began to drink steadily.
Damn, damn, damn.
It would
be days before he came off this round. He really believed Simon cared for
Christy, but he couldn’t do it. He’d be drinking away the memories of his dead
wife Christy and his own cowardice. Daniel had been there.

He turned and glared at Harry. “You have no right to make
declarations on my behalf. There is no commitment between us. There is no
future, no forever. How dare you declare yourself in front of Robert. What if
he hadn’t reacted as he did? He’s a constable. What if he’d thrown you in jail
and thrown away the key?”

“Is that really why you’re mad? Because the good constable
might have been offended and tossed me in prison?”

“No, dammit,” Daniel admitted angrily. “I’m mad because you
seem to think you’ve won. One good fuck and I’m yours for the taking? Not
likely. I’m not so easily defeated.”

“It was two good fucks, and I didn’t realize we were still
at war,” Harry observed calmly.

“Oh, don’t pull that…that thing you do,” Daniel said
illogically. He waved his hand around in the air like an angry madman.

“What thing?” Harry asked, genuinely confused.

“The one where I’m mad and you remain calm all the time,”
Daniel snapped. “I hate that. You used to do it during the war too.”

“At least I’m consistent,” Harry said wryly. “I shall
endeavor to be more argumentative in the future. Happy?”

“No. And there is no future. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m
involved with Sir Barnabas and you need to stop hoping there can be more
between us. Whatever there was is over. Those little interludes we had were
merely reminiscences of the past, not a desire to relive it.”

“They were more than mere interludes and you know it.
Reminiscing about the past, indeed. Do you lie that badly to yourself too?”
Harry had apparently decided now was a good time to get argumentative.

“Don’t presume to know what is in my head, Harry,” Daniel
warned. “You have no idea.” He turned away and headed for the door. “Now that
Christy’s situation is secure, you need to find somewhere else to go.”

“I won’t,” Harry said stubbornly.

“You will,” Daniel told him and then he left quickly, before
Harry could argue anymore. He hated to admit it, but he was no match for a
determined Harry.

Daniel had no idea where to go or what to do when he left
Harry fuming in the drawing room. His mind was in turmoil. He had to protect
himself from the kind of hurt he’d experienced before at Harry’s lies and
desertion. But was he doing so now at the cost of happiness for both of them?
Harry had betrayed him, there was no way around that. At the time he’d been
happy in a way that Harry was whole and very much alive when he went back to
England, even if it was to marry someone else. But over the years, as he’d had
time to think about Harry’s deception and his ultimate departure, he’d realized
how deceitful Harry had been, and how taken in he’d been by Harry’s lies of
omission. Harry had always planned to go back to England to marry Christy,
whether or not Daniel had ever entered his life. He’d left too easily, and
looked too guilty when all was revealed that long-ago day in Fuentes de Oñoro.
He’d made love to Daniel and convinced him of his devotion, all the while
knowing that he was going to leave him.

Eventually Daniel decided to go see Kate Randal. He needed
an unbiased opinion, and at her niece Very’s dinner party Kate had seemed just
that, unbiased. She was one of the few who had not chosen sides that night. Her
husband, Lord Jason Randal, had been a captain in the 14
^th
Light
Dragoons during the war. He and Daniel had met there, at Torres Vedras. Jason
and his lover Tony Richards, who had been a captain in the dragoons as well,
had been the first to make the life-changing decision to seek one wife for both
of them. They’d been close during the war, though not lovers, and had been
reluctant to part when it came time to come home. They’d both fallen in love with
Kate during the war. They’d served with her late husband, and upon his death in
battle had become determined to woo and win her. But before that could happen
Kate had been forced into the life of a mistress. Jason and Tony had
despondently left her in England to tour the continent when they believed she
was happy as the mistress of a man who turned out to be vindictively mad.
They’d returned to find Kate barely recovered from a violent rape and reluctant
to get involved with any man, even the two of them though she had loved them as
long as they’d loved her. But clearly she’d forgiven them for leaving her with
her former lover and she’d taken them back. Perhaps his situation wasn’t
exactly the same, but something told him talking to Kate was the right thing to
do.

“Daniel!” Kate cried as she entered the drawing room where
he’d been put to wait for her. She came to him and kissed his cheek. She was
still a stunning woman after two children—tall and lithe and blonde as a Norse
goddess, in a bright-blue gown that set off her eyes. “I’m so glad to see you.”

“Hello, Kate.” He kissed her back. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she said. “But how are you? It was a
rather…unique dinner party last night. Did you survive?”

“Barely,” he muttered. “Harry and I had words when we got
home.”

“I’m sure you did,” she replied with a twinkle in her eye.
“Among other things.”

“Kate,” he admonished. “You naughty thing.” They both sat
down on the green velvet couch that dominated the center of the room as her
laughter lightened his mood.

“Well, we’ve been dying to know who won the spoils of war.
Your report from the field seems to indicate it was Mr. Ashbury.”

“I am not a spoil of war,” he said impatiently.

“Oh dear,” she said, placing her hand over his. “I do
apologize. I meant nothing by it.”

“I know you didn’t,” he said with a sigh. “I’m just a little
tired of being treated like it.”

“Hmm,” she said, sitting back as she gazed at him with
intense regard. “What does that mean?”

There was a knock at the door and the butler entered with the
tea tray. Kate accepted it graciously and they were left alone again. She
poured him a cup, remembering how he liked it. Kate always remembered the
little things.

“How did you do it?” he asked, watching her now, confident
and gracious and understanding. So different from the woman he’d met years ago
who had been frightened and unsure and distrustful.

“Do what?” she asked, sipping her tea. She slid the platter
of cakes his way, but he declined.

“Forgive them.”

She slowly set her cup down. “Ah,” she said. “So that’s what
this is about.” She settled back on the couch and looked at him with sympathy.
“I presume this is about Mr. Ashbury.”

Daniel sighed and slumped back against the couch, staring at
the ceiling. “Yes. He wants…well, I guess everyone knows what he wants. But I
can’t forgive him, Kate. He hasn’t earned it. He can’t just waltz back here
from America and expect me to fall into his arms because he says he’s sorry and
he should never have left me.”

“You’re wrong, he can,” she said. Daniel looked at her in
surprise. “The secret that most people don’t know, Daniel, is that forgiveness
can’t be earned, it has to be given. Forgiveness has more to do with the person
granting it than the one who receives it.”

“How can you say that?” Daniel asked in disbelief. “After
what you went through?”

“First of all, Jason and Tony had nothing to do with what I
went through, but that’s for another discussion.” She sighed and picked up her
teacup, but she just fiddled with it in her lap for a moment. Daniel didn’t say
anything. He could tell she was trying to figure out what to say. “It took me a
while to learn that, you know, that it was all about me and not them. But when
I did, when I let myself forgive them, it was the first step toward the
happiness I now possess. You can’t move forward, Daniel, if you’re always
looking back,” she said with sympathy, reaching for his hand. “At some point,
you have to stop being angry at him.”

“I’m not angry at Harry anymore,” he denied vehemently. “But
I think there have to be consequences for what he’s done. He left not just me,
but his wife as well. At least I could take care of myself. He left her without
protection, and now look at her situation.”

“I wondered about that,” Kate said. “So the baby isn’t his?”

“How could it be?” Daniel asked in exasperation. “He only
just got back from America after a ten-year absence.”

“She’s an adult, Daniel. Older than Very, I think. Her
situation cannot be laid at Harry’s doorstep. She made what have obviously
turned out to be some ill-advised choices. You can’t hold her decisions against
Harry.”

“Choices she wouldn’t have had to make if Harry had been
here!” Daniel argued.

“Whose choices are you really angry about, Daniel—hers, or
yours?” Kate asked quietly.

Daniel got unsteadily to his feet. “What do you mean?” he
asked, a sense of panic swamping him from out of nowhere.

“It seems to me you’ve made some questionable choices over
the last ten years too,” Kate said not unkindly. “Choices that have weighed
heavily on you. Perhaps you wouldn’t have made those choices had Harry still
been with you. I think that’s why you’re angry with him. But you don’t know
that, Daniel. No one can say what they might have done, only what they did.”

“Now you sound like Harry,” Daniel scoffed, turning away to
hide his discomfort.

“Do I? Well, he must be a very intelligent, insightful
individual,” Kate said.

Daniel didn’t answer. He wandered over to the window and
pulled back the curtain to look out at the quiet street. The weather was quite
beautiful today—temperate and sunny. He saw open curricles on the street and
nannies pushing baby carriages. He felt like an interloper in a strange and
frightening world. He was still more comfortable with violence and battle, so
many years after the war. Peace for him was not this street. Peace was what he
found when he was in Harry’s arms, the only place he’d ever felt it.

“You’re right I suppose,” he admitted quietly. “I do resent
that Harry left me behind, still fighting the war, and he married someone else
and built a whole life. And I stayed behind and fought like I was told. And
then I came home and did…nothing.” He turned and looked at Kate, sitting down
on the window ledge because his knees had gone weak. “I’ve been living in flux,
Kate—new houses, new minutia to occupy my time, but no real life of my own.” He
carefully avoided mentioning his vigilante pursuits, but the fact was he was
still where he was during the war, doing the same thing. “Harry found a purpose
and a life and I stopped living.” He wanted to weep over the waste he’d made of
everything.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Kate said drily. “You’ve hardly
stopped living. You have friends who love you, and who owe you a great deal.
You’ve always been our protector and our guide, Daniel. It’s only fair that we
get to repay you in kind.” She walked over and gave him a hug, and he clung to
her for a moment, more glad than he could say at the warm contact. “I hope this
means you’ll stop your risky visits to St. Giles,” she whispered.

He pulled back abruptly and stared at her in shock. “Oh, of
course I know. You don’t think Jason and Tony can keep secrets from me, do
you?” She patted his cheek. “I’ve worried myself sick over you. I hope Harry
can keep you in line.”

He laughed. “He has no idea how to do that,” Daniel said.
“But I do know he’s very good at picking up the pieces when I cross it.”