Defensive (18 page)

“Okay, fine.” I stated then walked away.

I searched for Ray and his sisters to let them know I was going to take a cab home. I didn’t want to spend another minute in that club.

Vanessa

I missed Jackson more and more with each passing day. It definitely wasn’t getting any easier, but Amanda and Shane were keeping me busy. I had started to wonder if I’d made a mistake, breaking up with Jackson, but he hadn’t tried to contact me since the night in the club. Either he was moving on or he had given up. Either way, I had made my bed and now I had to lie in it.

Amanda and I decided to watch
The Lucky One
at her apartment while eating popcorn and ice cream. I grabbed a big bowl full of cookies ‘n’ cream and sank down on the couch to watch the credits roll. It was my second bowl but I didn’t care. At this point, I didn’t really care if I gained a lot of weight or not. My only goal each day was coming home from work and changing into my sweats. I also had a sweatshirt of Jackson’s that I liked to wear because it smelled like him. I tried not to wear it a lot because I didn’t want to wash off his smell. Pathetic. I was pathetic.

“Gosh, I love Zac Efron,” Amanda said as she hit the stop button on the remote.

“Yeah. Who doesn’t, though?”

She thought about it for a minute. “I’m not sure. Maybe people who are into ugly people?”

I giggled. Even when I felt awful, Amanda always cheered me up. She didn’t even have to try; she was just funny. I couldn’t understand why Landon didn’t fight harder for her.

“How’s bowling going with Shane?” she asked as she pulled her legs underneath her.

“Fun. You should come.”

“You guys remind me of Dan and Roseanne.” She said while giggling.

“Dan and Roseanne? Like from the TV show
Roseanne
?” I asked.

“Yeah. You know, they were always out bowling.”

I popped a big spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. “That’s just mean.”

She shrugged. “I’m just saying. That’s what it reminds me of.”

“You suck and, on that note, I have to get going,” I told her as I stood up.

“I’m just teasing.”

“I know. I’ve been putting off grading some papers, though, and I really need to get it done.” It was the truth. Her teasing hadn’t really bothered me. I rinsed the bowl in the sink, then grabbed my jacket before hugging Amanda bye. I crawled in my old car and texted Shane.

Me: Amanda says we remind her of Dan and Roseanne.

I threw the phone on the passenger seat and drove away. As I started toward home, I cranked up the radio, listening to Eminem. Before I realized it, I was driving down Jackson’s street. I knew he wasn’t home because he was at a game, but I still wanted to be near him in some way. Again, I felt pathetic but I couldn’t stop wanting him.

I pulled over across the street and put the car in park. As I glanced at his front door, I was assaulted with memories of walking through that door, of him pulling me in for a kiss. Telling me he loved me and had missed me. Tears formed in my eyes and I let them fall. I had done this. I had put my defenses up and pushed him away. I could’ve been a great stepmom to his child, but I had been jealous instead of welcoming.

I wiped at my tears and pulled into the street. I drove away from my happy memories and from him. I would eventually stop hurting. Maybe I’d just become a cat lady, throwing all of my love into them. I pulled into my apartment complex and grabbed my purse and phone from the passenger seat. Shane had texted me back and I giggled.

Shane: Tell her that means she’s Jackie.

I got out of my car, still giggling about his text when someone grabbed me. “Don’t make a sound.” My heart stopped beating for a second, then kicked into overdrive. I don’t think I’d ever been so terrified in my life. I didn’t make a sound, just like I was instructed, but I nodded to let the person know I had heard him. “Give me your purse.”

I pulled the strap off my shoulder as the attacker spun me around. He was wearing a ski mask with dark clothes. He grabbed the purse from me but didn’t let go. I tried to pull away but he held on tighter. What else did he want? I didn’t have anything else to give him.

“You’re a sexy little thing,” he said in a voice that made me want to vomit.

“Please no,” I whispered. This couldn’t be happening.
Please God, don’t let this be happening.

“I’m not finished with you.” He bit out as he pulled me closer and raised the mask to uncover his mouth. My throat burned with acid as I tried to remove myself from his grasp. He was really strong and it seemed the more I fought, the tighter and stronger he got.

He raised my sweatshirt with his free hand as I begged, “Please no. I’ll give you anything else you want. Please don’t hurt me.”

“Just shut the fuck up,” he roared as he reached for my jeans.

I screamed. “Help me. Please help—”

“Shut up, bitch,” he said and I flew through the air.

My head hit something hard and everything went blurry. I could hear grunts and scuffling but I couldn’t make anything out. I tried to move my head but I felt weak. I closed my eyes to blink but they felt so heavy that I left them closed. Images of all of my loved ones flitted through my mind. Eventually, my mind went blank, the noises got fainter, and everything blurred into darkness.

Jackson

I got back to my apartment early since we had played an early game. It had been a hard game but, in the end, we had won. Everyone else was pumped up from the win, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything. I had been settling for numbness. That was the easiest.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before I took my usual shower. Afterwards, I dropped down on my bed, feeling emotionally numb and physically exhausted. I grabbed my cell phone to look through the pictures of Vanessa just like I did every night when I noticed a text. It was from Cynthia.

Cynthia: Call me as soon as you get this.

My heart rate picked up because I knew it had to be about the baby. I hoped nothing was wrong, but I couldn’t stop thinking something
had
to be wrong. Why else would she want me to call her? I went through my contacts, dialing her number.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Hey, I just got your text. What’s up?”

“Thanks for calling me back so soon.”

“Yeah, what’s up?” I repeated, feeling nervous.

“So, I have some news.”

I huffed. “Spit it out.”

“Okay, well the other day, I ran into this guy. He noticed I was pregnant and asked if it was his. My first thought was no. Why would he think it’s his? Anyways, after talking to him a bit more, I realized it could be his.”

“Cynthia—” I started.

“Just let me finish. Anyways, I got his number and we decided to have a paternity test done. I got the results back today and um… you’re not the dad.”

I stood up. I wasn’t sure whether I should be upset, angry, or relieved. “I’m not the dad,” I repeated.

“Yeah. I’m really sorry. Please believe me when I say that I never meant to cause you any trouble.”

“I really don’t know what to say. How did you not remember sleeping with this guy?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I feel like such a whore or something. Like I need to be on a talk show or something. I found out today and I wanted to let you know immediately.”

“How did you not remember this?” I bit out.

“I don’t know. I guess I was so focused on you I just forgot about the other guy.”

I sat down on my bed. I counted, trying to get my thoughts together but I was feeling so relieved. “It’s okay. Just let me know if you need anything. Good luck with the new dad, I guess.”

“Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.”

I sat holding the phone after the call ended, trying to process everything. I felt like I should be sad or angry or something, but all I could feel was relief. I wasn’t sure if that made me an asshole or not.

My thoughts instantly went to Vanessa and whether this would make a difference with our relationship. I wasn’t sure, since I had messed everything up by sleeping with that girl. I paced back and forth for a while before I decided to talk to her. I had to at least try. I called my parents to tell them they wouldn’t be grandparents after all as I took the shortest route to her apartment. They accepted the news well, with a lot of confused questions, but I think they sensed that I was relieved, which made them relieved.

Halfway to Vanessa’s apartment, a collision had slowed traffic. I was starting to get agitated because I wanted to get to her. We had to work all of this shit out and be together. My life meant nothing without her in it. After traffic started moving again, I accelerated as fast as I could without causing a wreck of my own. I drove into her complex, noticing some people over by her steps. I couldn’t make anything out but my gut feeling told me it wasn’t good. I parked as fast as I could before jogging over to whatever was happening. My heart stopped. Two guys were over to the side. One was one pinned down and Vanessa lay near him, on the ground. She looked lifeless and there was blood seeping from her head.

I fell to the ground next to her. “Baby?” I yelled as I touched her face. “Baby?” I tried again as I made sure she was breathing. Thank God she was.

“I called an ambulance,” I heard someone say. I looked over to see the guy on top of the other looking at me.

“You called an ambulance?” I asked as I looked at Vanessa again. I was scared to touch her too much because I didn’t want to hurt her.

“Yeah. I’m sorry she got hurt.” He pushed the other guy into the ground more. “This asshole was attacking her. When I interrupted, she hit her head.”

I wasn’t sure what to do but I realized I needed to let someone know. Her family would want to know. I dialed Amanda.

“What’s up, Berrios?” she asked.

“Amanda,” I choked out.

“Jackson? What’s wrong? Are you crying?”

I sucked in some air. “Vanessa’s… been attacked.”

“WHAT?”

“I um… I came to her apartment… someone attacked her.”

“Is she okay?” she asked.

I tried to steady my breathing but it was hard. “I don’t know. She’s unconscious. I’m waiting on the ambulance.”

“Okay. Text me what hospital and I’ll meet you there.”

The line went dead as I looked over Vanessa’s face and made sure she was still breathing. I felt like this had to be a dream. An awful dream. A nightmare. I heard the ambulance in the background so I sent Landon a short text.

Me: Vanessa was attacked. On way to hospital.

As soon as the ambulance came to a stop two, paramedics came busting out, running to Vanessa. My phone started ringing in my pocket but I couldn’t answer it. I couldn’t have the same conversation I had with Amanda again with Landon. I just sent him another short text.

Me: Call Amanda. Can’t talk.

“Can you tell us what happened?” the paramedics asked the guy who’d saved her. The man, still pinning the thug down, relayed the story of what had happened as they checked her out. She still wasn’t waking up. I felt myself growing more and more concerned with each passing second.

Two cop cars pulled up along with a fire truck. The police hurried over to where the guy had Vanessa’s attacker pinned while the firemen came to help the paramedics. They loaded her onto a stretcher and my heart broke. Seeing her lying on a stretcher killed me.
Why isn’t she waking up?
I ran over to the other guys because I wanted to get the name of the guy who’d helped her. I would make sure that he was rewarded. As I looked at the guy in cuffs, I felt anger that I had never felt before. I wanted to murder him.

I looked back at the ambulance, getting my emotions in check. She needed me. I quickly got the man’s name and information, then hopped in the ambulance beside Vanessa. I squeezed the hand that wasn’t hooked up to the IV and silently prayed that she would come back to me. She had to know the truth about the baby and how much I loved her. I couldn’t lose her this way.

“Is she going to be okay?” I asked the paramedic.

“All of her vitals are good but we’ll know more when she’s seen by a doctor.”