Defensive (7 page)

Just as I was walking out of the bathroom, Vanessa came down the hall. “I fell asleep after the game, I guess. Why didn’t you wake me up?” she asked as she wrapped her arms around my neck and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

“You looked peaceful and I wanted to shower first,” I told her before I kissed her back. “You ready for bed? It’s really late and I know you have to get up early for work.”

“Um, yeah. Bed sounds good,” she said in a way that sounded like something was bothering her. I knew it was wrong for me to pry when I had something huge to tell her, but I needed to know she was okay.

“Babe, are you okay? Please tell me if something is wrong.”

She grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the bed. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just really tired.”

“Okay.” I kissed her head then started turning back the sheets. I laid down and she immediately followed, positioning herself against me, draping one leg over mine.

“I wish you didn’t have so many away games,” she said. “I sleep so much better with you.”

“Me, too,” I said as I angled her chin so I could give her a kiss. She immediately moaned and gave my tongue full access to her mouth. I needed to stop this and tell her about the baby but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I had missed her too much to stop. Without thinking, I pulled her body on top of mine and ran my hand over her back.

“I missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you, too, but let’s not talk right now,” she said in an almost demanding tone. She deepened the kiss while her hands roamed all over my chest. I rolled us over and kissed her harder. I wanted her to know how I felt about her so, when I found the courage to tell her about the baby, she would have no doubts about us.

The next morning came quickly with Vanessa’s alarm clock buzzing. I pulled her closer, not wanting to let go of her.

“I have to get up. I don’t want to be late,” she said.

“Fine,” I said before nuzzling her neck. “I guess I’ll let you go to work but I want to see you as soon as you get off work.”

“Okay,” she agreed before getting out of bed. I watched her walk into the bathroom before I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep.

After I woke up, I called Ray to see if he would meet me for lunch. Of course, in typical Ray fashion he proposed meeting at Hooters, but I suggested a local diner instead. Nothing wrong with Hooters but I wasn’t in the mood for someone to see me there.

“Hooters would have been so much better,” Ray said as he slid into the booth.

“Oh, come on, I bet Roxanne over there could give any girl at Hooters a run for her money.”

He looked over, eyeing the older lady rolling up silverware before turning back to me. “You might be right. How the hell do you know her name? You into cougars?”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “You know me. I like ‘em wrinkly.” I lifted my water glass. “Dumbass, I’ve been waiting on you and she gave me my drink.”

“I saw the game. You played okay but you looked off. What’s up?” he asked.

I thought I’d played all right but if Ray could tell, then I must not have played well at all. Either way, I wasn’t in the mood to tell him my problems. “Just an off night.”

“Yeah, I guess those happen. You wanna go out tonight and pick up a couple of girls?”

I snorted. “First, no. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten about my girlfriend, Vanessa. Second, are you still in high school?”

“What’s that mean?” he asked.

“Pick up a couple of girls? You’re almost thirty.”

“Just because you’ve chosen to become an old attached man doesn’t mean that I have to. I’m still plenty young and I intend to have some fun while I still can.”

“Your life.” I told him before Roxanne came to the table and we placed our orders.

“What’s up with you, man?” he asked again. “If I’d known you’d be in such a pissy mood, I wouldn’t have agreed to lunch.”

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “Just have a lot on my mind.”

“Like what? What position to try tonight?”

I laughed again. Ray was good at making me laugh. “You’re such a dumbass. I have real life things going on. Things that could destroy my relationship with Vanessa.”

“You cheat, man? We’ve all been there.”

“No, I didn’t cheat. I wasn’t going to say anything but I need to tell someone. Cynthia’s pregnant.”

“Why do you care?” he asked with his brows furrowed. Either I was in a worse mood than I thought or he was really stupid.

“Because I’m the dad. The night before I moved here, we slept together one last time. She called yesterday morning and told me.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. I’m scared of how Vanessa will react,” I told him.

“Don’t tell her. Pay Cynthia off to keep it quiet.”

I looked at him.
Why the hell are we still friends?
“What’s wrong with you? I’m not that type of guy. If I’m a dad, I’m going to be a dad.”

Our food arrived and we both ate in silence. I devoured my burger quickly and moved on to my fries. I was going to have to run later and hopefully I’d clear my head enough to calm down and figure out what to do.

Vanessa

As soon as play practice was over, I drove over to Jackson’s on autopilot. I tried to think of ways to tell him I was pregnant but nothing seemed right. I should’ve told him the previous night but I was tired and he started kissing me and then that led to other things. I just couldn’t quite work in “oh, by the way, I’m pregnant.”

I pulled up to his place, sitting in the car and just taking deep breaths. He was a sweet, caring man who also claimed to be in love with me. He’d understand. I got out of the car and walked slower than I ever had in my life to his door. As soon as I put my hand on the doorknob, I thought of bolting and calling him later to say I was sick. I quickly changed my mind, though, knowing he’d rush over to my place to take care of me anyway.

When I opened the door, Jackson walked to me quickly from the kitchen. He placed both hands on my cheeks and kissed me. Hard. I opened my mouth, letting him kiss me deeply. I grabbed onto his hair and kissed him back, equally as hard.

He pulled back after a bit. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“I got us spaghetti take out. I hope that’s okay,” he said, pulling me toward the kitchen table.

“Yeah. It smells great,” I told him before sitting down and noticing that he seemed nervous. He was
never
nervous. Always calm and collected. Even when I had pushed him away because I thought he had been with his ex. Knowing he was nervous made me anxious because I knew it had to be bad.

He busied himself getting our plates full of the spaghetti and then finally sat down. “Enjoy,” he said before taking a big bite. Something was definitely up with him. Tonight probably wouldn’t be the best night to tell him about the pregnancy. He quickly devoured his meal while I still had several bites left.

“I need to tell you something,” he blurted. My heart started beating fast.

“Okay.”

He took a deep breath. “So… this is going to sound… bad… but it’s not.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it while I took a calming breath and tried to slow my heart rate. He continued. “Cynthia, my ex, called me yesterday. She’s um… shit… she’s pregnant.”

I sat there and tried to understand what he was saying. Then it hit me. Hard. “So you cheated on me?” I pushed back and stood quickly, but he grabbed my shoulders.

“No. I would never cheat on you. Just sit down and let me finish explaining.”

I sat down as he did the same. He ran his hand through his hair. “Okay, so like I said, she’s pregnant. And I’m the father.” I felt like I was going to pass out. He was having another baby with another woman? I had no words. I couldn’t really even think. “Vanessa, I swear this changes nothing for us. I love you so much and you’re who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I still feel like I need to be an active father.”

I was finally able to think and I cleared my throat. “So if you didn’t cheat, how are you the father?”

He took a deep breath. “The night before I came here, I slept with her one last time. We’d been broken up for a while but I met up with her that night and we had sex. Apparently when she came here, she was hoping we could get back together. She was going to tell me but decided not to when she found out how much I love you.”

“Then why did she call you and tell you now?” It came out a lot harsher than I had intended but I couldn’t seem to care.

“I’m not really sure. I guess guilt.”

This was too much. He was having a child with another woman. I pushed back from the table. “I really need to be alone right now. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?” I didn’t look at him as I got up and left. I ran to the door as fast as I could, hoping he wouldn’t follow me.

I reached my car and looked back at his door, where he was now standing, watching me. I wanted to cry so badly. I had so many feelings and thoughts running through me that I felt weighed down. All I could do was fall into the seat and put the car in reverse as I buckled my seatbelt. I had to leave before he saw me break down.

I wasn’t really sure how I got home or even how I got into my bedroom but the next thing I knew I was falling onto my bed. My thoughts were a jumbled mess.
He should be with the girl who’s used to being in the spotlight. He’ll be so wrapped up in her pregnancy he won’t have time for you. He’ll already be used to having a baby by the time yours is born, and he’ll barely even care
.
You’ll probably lose the baby and he’ll run straight to her.

I rolled to my side and hugged the pillow that Jackson slept on when he stayed over. I could still smell his cologne. I knew I was going to lose him. I had been kidding myself thinking that he could be the man for me. I was such a fool.

I heard buzzing behind me, coming from my phone on the nightstand. I thought about ignoring it but I couldn’t. I looked at the screen; there were four text messages from Jackson.

Jackson: Please come back and talk to me.

Jackson: Vanessa, please come back or call me.

Jackson: This changes nothing. I love you.

Jackson: Fine. I’ll give you some space but I love you. Remember that.

I knew I needed to reply but I wasn’t sure what to say. I was a jumbled mess inside and I was scared I would say something I would later regret. Finally, I decided on simple.

Me: I love you, too. Just give me some time.

The next morning, while I was getting dressed for work, I heard a knock on my door. I assumed it would be Jackson but it wasn’t. When I opened the door, a floral delivery man was standing at the door holding a dozen red roses. My heart melted, but at the same time, I questioned whether it was too early for deliveries. I decided I didn’t care and grabbed the roses from the man.

“Wait right here. I’ll be right back,” I told him before walking back into my apartment to find some cash. I placed the vase on the counter then grabbed some money. I jogged back to the man, gave him a tip, and closed the door.

My heart was racing for some reason. It wasn’t like it was the first time I had received roses or flowers from Jackson. I almost sprinted the few feet back to the counter and grabbed the card.