Defensive (2 page)

“Yeah. This can’t be normal.” I got up, too, and started getting dressed.

“Babe,” I heard him almost whisper in a pained voice.

I turned around to face him. “Yeah?”

“You have blood all over the back of your shorts.”

I turned around to look into the full length mirror and gasped. Just as Shane had said, blood was everywhere. I fought back the tears and tried to tell myself everything would be okay. I would go to the hospital and they would help me and the baby.

I stepped into the bathroom and tossed my shorts and panties to the side. As quickly as I could, I changed into some clean clothes and met Shane at the door where he was waiting.

A few hours later, I was discharged from the hospital. I had lost our baby. Shane was by my side the entire time, hugging me, kissing me, and supporting me through the whole ordeal.

“Let me help you into bed.” Shane told me before lifting me and placing me into the bed. “I’ll be right back, okay?” He asked before placing a kiss on my forehead.

I nodded but I didn’t say anything. I don’t know how long he was gone. It could’ve been minutes or hours. I just know that I woke up in the middle of the night snuggled up next to him while he gently stroked my back.

I knew it wasn’t just the baby I had lost; it was something so much more. I was so busy hurting that it wasn’t until a few weeks later that I realized I had lost two people that night. My baby and my husband.

My life would never be the same.

Vanessa

I could feel everyone staring at me. Maybe I was just really nervous and nobody actually cared to stare at me, but I couldn’t look up to check. All I wanted to do was get to my seat as quickly as possible. Jackson had asked that I come to the first home game of the season for the Thunder and I didn’t want to tell him no, but I was really nervous.

“V, slow down. I’m going to trip and fall,” I heard Amanda say from behind me.

I slowed down as I looked behind me. “Sorry. I just really want to get to my seat.”

“We have plenty of time. Let’s go get a beer.”

“No! Sorry, didn’t mean to yell. Look, let’s just get to our seats and we can get a beer later. Please.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Okay. Let’s go find our seats.”

I found our section number and made a dash into the hallway. Each time I took a step down the stairs, I prayed,
Please don’t let me fall, please don’t let me fall.
I found our row and was very glad that we were in the end seats. I sat down in the one next to the end and looked over at Amanda as she took hers. “These are really good seats.”

“Um, yeah they are. Are we sitting in the wives’ section?” she asked as she looked at the other people sitting around us.

“No. I asked Jackson to get us tickets in a section where nobody else would be sitting. I mean, I just don’t feel comfortable with all of this. Since his parents are in town, I told him to give them those tickets.”

“They won’t think you’re being bitchy?”

“I hope not. I just can’t do that right now. I just need to get more comfortable with all of this.” I gestured out among the crowd.

“I get it. This isn’t you. Hey, you want a beer? I’m going to go get one.”

“Sure. Just get me whatever,” I said.

“Okay.” She stood and marched back up the stairs.

I kept myself occupied as I watched the big screen and looked over the crowd. It was fun to look around at all the people wearing Jackson’s jersey. It made me smile to know so many people had welcomed him as a part of the team. If only they knew what a wonderful person he was. God, I loved that man.

“Here you go,” Amanda said as she handed me a beer.

“Thanks, that was quick,” I told her before I took a sip.

“I know.” She pointed to the court. “Your man is coming.”

I looked up to see the team coming out of the tunnel to warm up on the court. I took in the way that Jackson looked in his uniform. Sexy. That was the only way I could describe it.

With one look, I could tell he was in his element. He was focused and the game hadn’t even started. I kept hoping he would look up and see me, but he didn’t look up into the crowd once. As I watched him warm up, it was hard for me to believe that he was mine. Of all the women in the arena and world he had chosen me to be his girlfriend. It was unreal.

“Quit molesting your boyfriend with your eyes.”

I looked over at Amanda, who was smirking. “I wasn’t molesting him. I was just watching him.”

“Okay, whatever. If he was my boyfriend, I’d eye fuck him too. Is anyone else on the team single?”

I laughed. “I have no idea. And I wasn’t. I was just thinking how crazy it is that I’m his girlfriend. I mean, he could probably have any girl in this place.”

She shook her head. “You’re right, he could have any girl here but he wants you. Only you. Get used to it ‘cause I don’t think he’s going anywhere.”

“I know. It’s just crazy…” I was cut off by the announcer and the lights lowering to introduce the teams and starting lineups. Amanda and I both screamed our hearts out when they announced Jackson. I could feel my heart start to race and the nerves took over my body. I was so anxious for him. He didn’t seem nervous when I had spoken to him earlier, but he never seemed that way. Either way, I was nervous enough for him.

When we finally sat back down in our seats, I heard a woman’s voice behind me. “Excuse me. Hey, excuse me!”

I turned around to see a beautiful blonde looking right at me. “Are you Jackson Berrios’ girlfriend?”

I didn’t want to draw any attention to myself, but I didn’t want to deny my relationship, either. That felt wrong. “Yes, I am.”

“I thought so, although I figured you’d be prettier in person.”

I wanted to run. Of course Jackson should be dating someone gorgeous, but he was dating me. I had no clue what to say to this girl.

“Jealousy doesn’t look good on you, and neither does that outfit. Now shut the hell up,” Amanda spat back at her then grabbed my arm. “That’s all it is. You know that, right?” she asked me.

No, I didn’t know that but I didn’t want to argue with Amanda so I just nodded. I turned around to see Jackson score a three point shot and I cheered with the rest of the crowd, trying to forget the blonde girl’s hateful comments.

“Big screen. We are on the big screen. We should probably wave or something,” Amanda said.

I looked up to see both of us on the huge screen over the court. I didn’t know what else to do because it didn’t seem to be moving onto anyone else so I smiled and waved. It was hard but I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the game and enjoy myself. It was something that Jackson had really wanted me to do while watching the game. Enjoy myself.

The game was a big win for the Thunder and Jackson had played amazing. Amanda and I walked to the exit where we’d agreed to meet Jackson’s parents. Most people didn’t even notice me as they ambled out of the arena to find their cars but some looked me up and down. By the way they kept staring at me, I could tell they were wondering if I was Jackson’s girlfriend. I tried to suck it up because I knew that I wanted to be with Jackson and that was something I would have to get used to.

“Wasn’t that a good game?” Rosa, Jackson’s mother, asked as she walked up to me.

“It was fantastic. I’m so proud of the way Jackson played.”

“He always plays hard,” his dad, Ricardo, said.

“Yeah, from what I can remember from watching a few Knicks games, he’s always been a great player.”

“It’s so late. We’ll just see Jackson tomorrow. Point us in the right direction and I think we can walk to our hotel,” Rosa said with a smile. I had only met her the day before but she was so kind. I’d instantly liked her. I hoped she felt the same way about me.

“It’s actually just on the other side of the convention center,” I told them.

“Oh, good. It’s such a nice night out. A small walk will be great.”

I hugged his parents goodbye then Amanda and I headed toward my car. Well, Jackson’s car that I was still borrowing. I still hadn’t gotten mine fixed and he insisted that I drive his until I did. He would almost get mad if I mentioned fixing my car.

“I should have picked you up. It’s kinda out of your way to drive me all the way home and then come back down here to Jackson’s house,” Amanda said.

“It’s okay. It’ll kill some time. He said he’d be late getting home. You know they have all that post-game stuff.” I told her as I opened the door and climbed inside the car.

“So do you think you’ll move in with him? Like anytime soon?” she asked while buckling her seatbelt.

“What? We haven’t been together long enough. I mean, almost as soon as we officially got together, he started real practices and then it was pre-season games. Right now I’m fine with staying over at his place a few days a week.”

“I understand but doesn’t he stay at your place a few days a week, too? It seems like it would be easier if one of you wasn’t always packing a bag,” she pointed out.

I threw the car in drive and then pulled out of the parking spot. “It’s too soon. I just can’t. Hey, subject change, Landon and my cute nephew, Eric, will be in town tomorrow. We’re all going to the zoo if you want to come.”

She gave me a glance and then looked out her window. “Um, I don’t think that would be a good idea and you know it.”

I did know it, but I still held out hope for Amanda and my brother, Landon. They had dated during high school. Until he called during spring break and broke up with her. After he showed up at my graduation with a new girlfriend, we figured out why. A month later, his girlfriend was pregnant and two months after that, he had broken up with her. He’d apologized numerous times to Amanda and had asked her to take him back but she was too hurt and pissed to even listen to him. I understood why she was so hurt. At least he hadn’t cheated and he’d broken up with her before he pursued Eric’s mom but, as Amanda’s best friend, I understood her hurt.

“I know. I’m sorry he was such an ass back then but it’s been years now. He’s raising Eric on his own. He’s much more mature and he’s still in love with you,” I told her as I drove down the interstate.

“And I’m probably still in love with him if I actually thought about it. But you know what? He lives in Tulsa and I live here, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“True. I’m sorry. I should have kept my mouth shut. I just love both of you and want both of you to be happy.”

“I know. And I’m so glad you have Jackson. You deserve to be happy, too.”

“Thanks,” I said as I pulled into a space outside her apartment. “And thanks for coming tonight. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“Hey, any time your boyfriend wants to give me free tickets, I’m there,” she said with a laugh.

I gave her a hug and she crawled out of the car. I waited until she made it inside safely and pulled away.

I walked into Jackson’s brownstone, put my purse on the kitchen counter, and grabbed a water from the fridge. I wasn’t really sure if I should wait on him or if I should just go to bed. I didn’t really want to fall asleep without at least kissing him and telling him how awesome he had been, but I didn’t know how late he would be. I also figured he would be really tired. In the end, I settled on the couch with my laptop to check Facebook and watched
Friends
re-runs.