Defensive (9 page)

Vanessa

I knew Jackson loved me and wanted our relationship to work but I couldn’t quit thinking about how he might change his mind. I didn’t spend any of his money so I wasn’t dependent on him financially, except for his car. I had saved some money and decided I was going to have my car fixed no matter what. If it cost more to fix it than I had, I would just ask my brother for a small loan.

I had just gotten off the phone with a tow truck when Jackson walked into the living room. “Who were you talking to?”

“A tow company. I’m having my car towed.”

He gave me a puzzled look as he sat down beside me on the couch. “Is there something wrong with your car? It should be under warranty.”

I picked up my cup of coffee and took a sip. “Not your car.
My
car. I’m having it fixed.”

“Why? You should probably just sell it for parts. Besides, I gave you the Infiniti.”

“No, I’m borrowing it and hopefully I won’t have to borrow it for much longer.”

He laughed. “No. You don’t understand. I put your name on the title a couple of weeks ago. It was a gift.”

I stood up and yelled. “What? That’s insane, Jackson. You can’t do something like that.”

He chuckled. “It’s not insane to gift the girl you love a reliable car. And I
can
do something like that. I already did.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me down on his lap and continued. “What’s the big deal?”

“What’s the big deal? I’m not with you for your money, I’m with you for you. A car isn’t a normal gift. A necklace or a bracelet is a normal gift,” I argued.

“Do you need or want a bracelet or necklace?” he asked, rubbing his finger over my palm.

“No. I don’t need things like that.”

He nuzzled up to my ear. “Exactly.” He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. “You needed a car. You didn’t ask. I did this all on my own.”

“I’m still getting my car fixed,” I told him.

“Whatever you want, babe.”

My phone started ringing and I picked it up from the coffee table. “Hello?”

“This is Tony from the tow company. I’m here to get the car.”

“Okay. I’ll be right down.” I ended the call and stood up. I turned my head toward Jackson. “Be right back. Can you take me to the repair shop so I have a lift home?”

He got up slowly. “Let me go throw some clothes on.”

“Thanks,” I said, giving him a small kiss on the cheek. I exited the door as he shook his head. I knew he was irritated but I didn’t want to rely on him for a car. I was an adult and needed to have a car of my own. Not a gifted, crazy expensive car.

Jackson was silent during the entire drive to the repair shop except for singing along with the rap music he had turned on. He bobbed his head with the music but barely looked at me. I hated making him mad but I couldn’t depend on him, either. What would I do when the relationship ended and I was left carless? I had to plan ahead.

“Why are you so mad at me over getting my car fixed?” I finally asked.

At first I didn’t think he was going to answer me but after a bit he turned the music down. “I’m not mad.”

“Really? Because you’re not talking to me at all. You won’t even look at me.”

He glanced over at me. “I’m driving. I can’t look at you and I’m listening to music. Do you want me to turn it off?”

I looked out the window. “No. Please listen to it. I have nothing to say to you anyway.” I wanted to cry. I wasn’t really sure why, except for him being rude. He wasn’t normally rude and it really hurt my feelings.

He exhaled and grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry. I’m being an ass. Will you just promise me something?”

“What?” I asked without looking at him.

“Will you please keep driving the Infiniti? I understand if you need to have your car fixed but like I said, I gave you the car already. Might as well keep driving it.”

“Fine,” I agreed as a tear spilled out of my eye and I quickly wiped it away. It was silly that I was crying over all of this.

“Don’t cry, babe. I’m sorry for being a jerk.”

He was just trying to be nice while I was consumed with being ready for the end of our relationship. “You’re not being a jerk. It’s actually really sweet that you care so much.”

I let the vibrations of the massage chair take away all of my stress from arguing with Jackson that morning. I was ready to have a relaxing day with Amanda, getting a pedicure and then shopping.

“Gosh, this feels so good,” I told her as I took a drink of water.

She looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. “Only you would fight with your millionaire boyfriend over him gifting you a car. I can’t believe you’re having that old Focus fixed.”

“Jackson and I haven’t been dating that long. He shouldn’t be buying me cars. We aren’t married.”

“You’re having his baby,” she almost yelled.

“Shush! He doesn’t know that yet.”

She shook her head at me. “I can’t believe you aren’t going to tell him until after the doctor appointment. He’ll be happy. Have you even thought about the possibility that he might want to go to the appointment?”

“The first appointment is nothing. If the baby is big enough, they’ll listen to the heartbeat but they might not be able to detect it. It would be boring for him.”

“You’re making excuses,” she said.

“I am not. I am being cautious.”

“Okay, whatever.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I asked, a little too bitchy.

“Nothing. No need to get defensive. I swear you’re the most defensive person I know. You’re either pushing someone away because of what people in the past have done to you or you’re ready to defend your actions at any moment. Just calm down.”

“Says the girl who won’t forgive my brother because she’s scared she’ll get hurt again,” I said with a grin.

“We aren’t talking about me. Although, how is he doing? You know, with the move?”

I laughed because I knew she still cared about him. “He’s doing okay. He’s a hermit, though. If he’s not working, he’s home or doing something with my nephew.”

“What color do you want?” asked the lady massaging my feet.

“I’m thinking red,” I told her as Amanda asked for purple.

“Maybe you should drop by and see him,” I told Amanda.

She looked at me with a don’t-be-stupid face. “That’s a great idea. I’ll make sure to cook him a casserole while I’m at it.”

I giggled. “Now that would be funny. Maybe you could just pick up some take out.”

“That’s funny coming from the girl who never cooks.”

“I made mac ‘n’ cheese the other day. Jackson ate it.”

She chuckled. “He’s always kissing your ass. He’d eat liver if you made it for him.”

“He does not kiss my ass.”

“If you say so,” she said. “You wanna go try on crazy dresses just for the hell of it? I don’t really need any new clothes and I really need to save money.”

This was something Amanda and I had done since high school when we were bored and broke. We’d try to see who could find the tackiest dress and make a day of trying on ugly dresses. “That sounds like fun. I have a car to fix so I can’t afford anything new, either.”

We strolled into the dress store and immediately went to the clearance rack. A lot of times it was a jackpot for ugly dresses.

“Oh my gosh! Look at this!” Amanda hollered as she held up a dress that looked like it had been made out of different curtains from the 70’s.

“Holy shit, that’s ugly!” I touched the fabric. It even felt like curtains.

She threw it over her shoulder. “I know! I can’t wait to try it on.”

“Wait, look at this one,” I said, holding up a multi colored puffy dress that reminded me of a child’s toy.

“Try it on!” she exclaimed as she rummaged through the rack.

We tried on different hideous dresses for a couple of hours with Amanda’s curtain dress winning the most hideous award. I talked her into trying on a really pretty dress just for the fun of it. It was black and hugged all of her curves, showing off her boobs. She looked gorgeous. I discreetly took a picture of her while wearing it and sent it to my brother.

Me: Doesn’t she look gorgeous?

Landon: Why would you send me this? Although, she does look gorgeous.

Me: I sent it to you so you would know what you’re missing out on since you won’t even try.

Landon: She’s the one who won’t forgive me. Besides, I have a child to raise.

Me: So? I can babysit for you.

Landon: Have fun shopping.

“Help me with this zipper. Who were you texting? Jackson?” Amanda asked, while trying to grab the zipper on her back.

I batted her hand away. “I was texting Landon. I’m trying to talk him into letting me babysit.” It was the partial truth.

“Why wouldn’t he let you babysit? That seems odd.”

I got the zipper all the way undone. “There. You’re free. He won’t let me because he has no desire to get out of the house. I told you earlier he’s a hermit.”

“Sucks for him. He used to be fun,” she said, stepping out of the dress.

I agreed and we changed back into our boring clothes and left the store. I was feeling really exhausted so I had Amanda drop me off at my apartment to take a nap. I was exhausted all the time now. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hide it from Jackson before he thought I was sick.

Jackson

After Vanessa and I got back from the repair shop, she went out with Amanda, so I decided to hang out with her brother. We’d gone for a beer a few times since he had moved to the area and I really liked him. He wasn’t as irritating as Ray or, at least since I was dating his sister, he wasn’t constantly talking about hooking up with other girls.

I pulled up to his apartment; it was a much nicer complex than Vanessa’s building. It had different maintained bushes and absolutely no graffiti anywhere in sight. I would have felt a lot better if Vanessa lived in an area like this or with me. I’d really love it if she would’ve moved in with me. But she was stubborn and refused.

I knocked on the door and two seconds later, Eric opened the door. “Jackson! Wanna play Xbox? We have a basketball game. Or we can play something else if you want.”

“Eric, let him inside. We can play a game in a little while,” Landon said as he marched up to the door. “Sorry,” he offered as he opened the door wider for me.

I stepped inside. “That’s okay.” I looked down at Eric. “We can play whatever you want.”

“Well, make yourself comfy,” Landon said, gesturing to the couch and chairs. I plopped down in the recliner and sighed. It had been a long morning. “My sister getting to you yet?” he asked as he sank down in the chair next to me.

I watched Eric pick up a controller and start playing a game. “She’s a stubborn girl.”

“Yes she is. Always has been. Since the divorce, she’s different, though. Still stubborn but has no self-esteem.”

“I love your sister but man… she drives me insane sometimes,” I said, rubbing my forehead.

“What the hell did she do?” he asked.

“She had a tow truck come pick up her old car today and take it to a repair shop.”

He gave me a quizzical look. “She needs a working car, though. It only makes sense that she would fix her car.”