Defensive (12 page)

Vanessa

It had been a week since Shane had told me everything about his drug use. It was a lot to take in but at the end of the day, I decided to
try
and forgive and move on. It wasn’t like I was going to call him up and be best friends with him but in my heart, I decided to forgive him.

Jackson was playing a home game tonight against Dallas and he would have a week and a half in Oklahoma City before he left again. He would even be home before midnight since it was an early game. I was supposed to wait for him at his house but Amanda and I decided to watch the game at my apartment.

I picked up my phone from the kitchen counter as it rang. “Hey.”

“Hey, you,” she said. “I’m on my way home to change but I’ll be over with pizza.”

“Did you work again today? On a Saturday?” I asked.

“I really want that promotion so I’m working extra hard.”

I ambled into my bedroom and dropped onto the bed. I was so tired. “Okay. I’m going to take a quick relaxing bath before you get here then.”

“Okay. I’ll knock really loud.”

“Bye,” I said as I ended the call.

I was so tired that all I wanted was a nice long bath since I couldn’t go to sleep. I poured in the bath salt and bubble bath and waited for the tub to fill up. I looked at myself in the full length mirror attached to the door. I couldn’t believe that I was pregnant again. Even though I wanted to wait until my doctor confirmed it before I told Jackson, I knew I was pregnant. I had only been this exhausted once before. I was having the exact same symptoms with this pregnancy as I’d had with my previous one.

I sank down in the tub and grabbed my phone, finding some Drake to listen to while I relaxed. I closed my eyes and let the warm water and bath salts calm my mind. I had been stressing about everything lately and I needed to stop worrying and just live in the moment. This wasn’t an easy task for me. I had always been defensive and guarded since I was a child; not worrying seemed crazy to me.

I opened my eyes to the sound of knocking on my front door. I was pretty sure Amanda hadn’t had time to drive here already but I wasn’t expecting anyone else. I got up as quickly as possible and grabbed my bathrobe from the hook. I flung the door open while finishing tying the belt on my robe as I looked up to see who was at the door.

“Shane,” I said as I locked eyes with him. I hated to admit it but he looked really good. His hair was a little longer than it had been recently, almost like he used to wear it, and he was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt as opposed to work wear.

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you. I guess you were busy.” He gestured to my robe.

I looked down then back up to him. “Oh, I was just taking a nice relaxing bath before Amanda comes over. We’re watching the Thunder game.”

“Can I come in? I’ll make this quick.”

“Sure,” I told him as I stepped to the side, motioning for him to come inside.

He walked inside but didn’t sit down. “You can sit down.”

“Umm, thanks,” he said as he ran his hand through his hair and lowered himself onto the couch. I sat down next to him while I made sure my robe was covering everything.

His hand pulled on his lip as he thought of what he wanted to say. “Okay,” he started as he looked me in the eyes. “This is
really
bad but I’m really hoping you won’t go back to wanting to kill me again.”

“Just tell me.”

“Okay. So I was always looking for drug money and ways to keep you from noticing how much was coming out of our account. And well, one night I stole this.” He stated as he pulled something out of his pocket.

I looked into his hand. It was my late grandmother’s ring, which was probably worth a lot of money. I knew it had been missing for years but I had never suspected that Shane had taken it. I reached out and took it from him.

“I’m so sorry, Vanessa. I took it one night while I was strung out. But even when I was strung out, I couldn’t bring myself to pawn it.”

I looked into his eyes; they were pleading for forgiveness. “I knew it was missing but I… wow, Shane. Do you have anything else you want to tell me? Because now would be a great time.” I said with irritation. I was really trying to remember how I wanted to forgive him.

“Not that I can think of. I think you know every horrible thing I’ve done now.”

“Why did you not pawn it if you went to the trouble of taking it?” I asked while readjusting the belt on my robe.

“Because I still loved you. I was mean and cheated to push you away, not because I didn’t love you.”

“Okay. Well, thanks for giving it back,” I whispered as a pain passed through my lower abdomen.

Shane reached for me. “Are you okay?”

“Just... um... a really bad pain. Excuse me for a second, okay?” I said as I got up and walked to the bathroom.

I shut the door as another horrible cramp shot through me. I sat down on the toilet just as another hit me. It felt just like the cramps I’d had during my miscarriage. I quickly took some toilet paper and checked. When I looked at the paper, it had a bright red streak on it. My heart sank. I wanted to cry. Life was repeating itself, just like I had worried it would. A loud sob escaped my throat at the thought.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Vanessa? Are you okay?”

I tried to get myself under control. “I’m fine,” I said as another sob escaped.

The door cracked open and Shane stood in the door. I was still sitting on the toilet but I couldn’t seem to care as sob after sob took over my body and he kneeled down and hugged me.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he pleaded.

“It’s happening again.” was all I could say.

“Happening… Vanessa, are you pregnant?”

“Yeah or I guess not now.”

He pulled back, looking into my eyes. “Let me take you to the hospital. Maybe it’s something else or maybe they can do something if we get there quick enough.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I whispered as I tried to breathe and control my crying.

“Yes, I do.” He said as he wiped the tears off my cheeks. “I’ll wait in the living room while you get dressed, unless you need some help.”

“Thank you,” I told him as I stood up.

He stepped into the living room as I found some sweats and a T-shirt. As soon as I grabbed my shoes, I wandered into the living room. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Again.

“You don’t have to take me. I’m sure Amanda will be here any minute,” I told him as soon as we made eye contact.

“I don’t care if she’s here or not, I’m taking you.”

“Okay.” I grabbed my purse then walked to the door.

I had just sat down in Shane’s car as Amanda pulled into the parking lot. “I’ll be right back,” he said to me. I watched him walk over to Amanda. She looked like she wanted to yell at him but then she looked at the car. She immediately jogged over and opened the back door, climbing inside.

“It’s going to be okay,” she said, while trying to hug me.

I couldn’t say anything because I started crying again. Shane got inside and pulled away quickly. I could tell he was worried about me and was reliving the night we’d lost our baby. He didn’t look at me on the entire drive to the hospital; instead, he looked everywhere but at me.

I stepped into the ER with Shane on one side of me and Amanda on the other. I told the lady at the counter what was happening and she pointed to a waiting area.

“Do you need me to get you anything?” Shane asked as I sat down.

“I’m okay. Just… thank you.”

He crouched down in front of me. “No need to thank me. I just wish I could tell you it would be okay.” He glanced up to the TV hanging from the ceiling. “Do you need to call him?”

I looked at the TV, which was playing a Thunder pre-game show. “No. He won’t be near his phone. He doesn’t know anyway.”

“He doesn’t know? You haven’t told him?” Shane asked.

“You don’t get to pry into her life,” Amanda said from beside me.

“It’s okay, Amanda. He’s here to help.” I turned to Shane. “I just kinda had a feeling this would happen.”

“Hey, we don’t know anything yet.” He offered as he sat down in the seat next to me.

After several hours of waiting, I was finally called back to a room. Even though I was grateful for Amanda and Shane’s comfort, I elected to go back by myself. I needed to go through the exams alone.

It felt like another several hours later when the doctor confirmed I was having a miscarriage. I felt like my world was falling apart. I was going to lose Jackson. He would eventually see that he was better off with his child
and
the mother of his child. I wouldn’t be able to hold onto him. Especially when he learned that I couldn’t carry a child. I began to sob but I was able to ask a nurse to please get Amanda from the waiting room for me.

“Hey,” she said as she came into the room, immediately putting her arms around me.

“I lost the baby,” I managed to say.

“It’s okay. I promise it’ll be okay.”

After being released, Shane drove us to my apartment. Amanda wanted to stay but I asked her to leave. I needed time to wallow in my tears by myself.

“So, I’m going to stay,” Shane stated.

“Thanks, but go home. I’m not your problem anymore,” I told him as I unlocked my front door.

“Well, I need to talk to your boyfriend. He called earlier and got the wrong idea and you don’t need to deal with him being jealous. Plus, I want to be here for you this time. I wasn’t there for you last time. The least I can do is stay with you until he gets here and then explain things to him.”

I didn’t have the energy to think about Jackson’s jealousy toward Shane. “Okay but I’m just going to go to bed.”

He flopped down on the couch. “And I’ll just wait right here for him.”

“Thank you.” I told him before going to take a shower.

Jackson

I walked back into the locker room feeling really good. I had played amazingly well, scoring over thirty points. I grabbed my stuff before pulling out my phone. I needed to call Vanessa and let her know that I would be at her place in an hour.

On the fourth ring, a male voice answered. “Umm, hello?”

I took the phone away from my ear to make sure I had dialed the correct number. When I realized I
was
connected with Vanessa’s phone, I put the phone back to my ear and spoke. “Can I speak to Vanessa?”

“She’s busy right now.”

“She’s busy right now? Who is this?” I asked while praying it was Landon, messing with me.

“This is Shane. Look, I don’t think I’m the one to explain, but I’ll have her call you.”

I wanted to reach through the phone and wrap my fingers around his throat while I beat the shit out of him. “Put her on the damn phone. Now.”

I could hear him sigh. “I can’t. I’ll let her know that you called, okay?”

I didn’t respond before I ended the call and clutched the phone hard in my hand, thinking about what had just happened. She had promised me that she wouldn’t have anything else to do with him. Why was she with him? Did she want him back? What the fuck did ‘busy’ mean? I shoved my phone into my pocket and sprinted to my car. Only one way to find out what was going on. Go find her.

“Hey, man, Coach is looking for you,” a teammate yelled at me while I ran passed him.

Shit. I stopped and turned around. “Where’s he at?” I asked, knowing I couldn’t leave.

“In his office.”

I ran as fast as I could to the coach’s office to see what he wanted, knowing every second I wasn’t with Vanessa, Shane probably was.

I entered the office, where he sat at his desk, looking at some papers. “Coach, you wanted to see me?”

“Yeah, take a seat.” He gestured to the chair in front of him.

I sat down as he began talking to me about my performances. He asked about my personal situation because he had heard some rumors and wanted to hear it from me. It wasn’t a bad conversation but I couldn’t stop thinking about Vanessa and Shane being together. With each second, I was getting more and more agitated.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, he told me to have a good night and I practically ran out of his office.