Degrees of Passion (21 page)

‘We both agreed to keep our relationship secret. You can hardly complain about that now.’

‘I get it, Trevor. You never really loved me. You liked that I loved you, but you never really cared for me.’

‘That’s not fair,’ Trevor interrupted. ‘I do care for you. It’s just . . . We’re from different worlds. You’ve never fully understood mine. I have obligations and duties and there are expectations of—’

‘You’re right,’ Sasha broke in. ‘I’m sorry, I got carried away. That wasn’t fair. I agreed to our secrecy, but I shouldn’t have. I know you care for me. I care for you, but I don’t love you, not like I should. I only hope that one day you find a woman you want so badly you won’t care about things like obligation and duty. I hope she sweeps you off your feet and never puts you back down.’

‘So this guy, he’s . . . ?’ Trevor’s words softened.

‘I don’t know, but I’m going to find out.’ She could hear the regret in his voice, the disappointment. What was missing was his jealousy. There was none.

‘Then this is it. I can’t believe it’s really over. I guess I always knew that someday it would end, but, wow.’

‘Yeah, wow.’ Sasha sat down on her bed, staring at the opposite wall.

‘I’m not sure what to say,’ Trevor admitted.

‘Let’s just leave it as friends,’ she suggested. ‘I don’t want to hate you. Our time together wasn’t a waste. We had fun.’

‘Of course, friends,’ he agreed, though there was a strangeness in his voice. ‘It was fun while it lasted. Call me if this guy doesn’t work out.’

‘Bye, Trevor. Take care of yourself.’

‘Uh-huh, you too.’ He hung up.

Sasha slowly closed her phone, staring at it for some time. It was probably the most honest conversation she and Trevor had ever had. Slowly, a smile crept across her features.

Kevin.

She loved Kevin.

Sasha stood, twirling around her bedroom. Laughter bubbled up from deep inside, spilling loudly over the quiet space. Anyone peeking through her window would see a mad woman, but she didn’t care. She was in love, really and truly in love.

‘I have to tell him,’ she whispered, suddenly stopping. ‘But not by phone. I’ll tell him Monday when I see him. That will give me plenty of time to plan what I want to say. I’ll find the perfect moment when we are alone and I’ll say the perfect thing.’

Shouting with glee, she jumped up and down. She felt light and free. For the first time in her life, she knew without any reservation what she wanted.

Going to the window, she looked out at the snowy street cast in yellow lamplight. Her eyes followed up the side of a building towards the heavens. She couldn’t see much of the night sky, but she knew it was there. ‘Goodnight, Kevin. I love you and I can’t wait to tell you.’

Kevin shivered, bracing his body against the cold air whipping past. He thought the liquor would have warmed him more, but no amount of alcohol could claim victory over the cold chill that seized hold of his heart since Sasha had walked out on him earlier that day. He still wasn’t sure exactly what went wrong, though it was clear he’d pushed too hard about her dieting. After Laurie, he couldn’t help feeling strongly about women who were obsessed with their weight – especially when they had no reason to be. Sasha’s eating habits had concerned him in the past, but there’d been something in her face when he mentioned diet pills.

Kevin knew he overreacted, just as he knew the reason for it. Laurie had been the only other woman he’d ever loved and what he felt then was nothing compared to what he felt for Sasha. Guilt ate at him and he walked faster. He couldn’t save Laurie from herself. He’d long since let the past go, knowing it wasn’t his fault. However, knowing did not stop the irrational fear that had seized him with the thought of standing over a second grave. He couldn’t lose Sasha. And, just as he was recovering from that illogical thought, he’d heard her read Trevor’s name off her phone. It struck him that Sasha wasn’t even his to lose.

‘I need to take it slow if I want to take it anywhere at all.’ Kevin knew he must look like a madman, stomping through the snowy streets, talking to himself. He didn’t care. ‘I’ll make her see what I already know.’

‘Why are you so smiley, Sasha?’ Beatrice eyed her daughter thoughtfully. ‘Do you have news you’d like to share?’

‘No,’ Sasha denied, instantly wiping the expression off her features, and turned her attention back to the masterpiece Zoe had created for them. Everyone but Ella had made it to Sunday dinner. ‘No news.’

‘Mom,’ Zoe broke in, ‘you haven’t told me what you think of the Chicken Farfalle. Should I include it in the sample recipes I turn into the publisher? They want fifteen samples and pictures in two weeks.’

‘It’s very good, honey,’ Beatrice answered, ‘but I think the chicken or eggplant parmigiana makes for a prettier picture.’

‘Kat and Ryan are doing my pictures,’ Zoe said. ‘They can make anything look pretty.’

‘You do seem very happy today,’ Douglas told Sasha.

Sasha frowned. Zoe had successfully drawn the attention from her and her father had successfully put it right back. ‘Spring break is coming up in a week. Perhaps you’re just sensing my need for a vacation. I’ve had a pretty heavy course load this semester on top of the internship.’

As soon as she said the word ‘vacation’, Sasha flinched. It took exactly two seconds for her mother to pounce. ‘That reminds me. I wanted to plan a trip since you’ve got time off. You mentioned your roommate’s brother had spring break last week and that got me to thinking. I checked the dates of your spring break on the college website.’ Beatrice pushed up from the table. ‘Let me go get my vac ation file. Everyone, check your schedules for next week. I have a few ideas for a family trip.’

‘Ah, Mom, wait,’ Sasha stopped her. ‘I have to go upstate to work on a project with my internship partner. I can’t go on a family trip right now.’

‘Oh?’ Douglas asked, sipping his wine. ‘What’s upstate?’

‘Sawmill Pine Bed & Breakfast,’ Kat answered for Sasha, grinning. ‘Her internship partner’s family owns a B&B near Lake Champlain.’

‘That’s perfect! We’ll go there,’ Beatrice announced. Sasha glanced at her sisters for help. ‘You can do your project and we can spend time together. It’s perfect.’

‘Sorry, Mom, can’t get off,’ Megan said. ‘There was a shooting and Axel is on bed rest. It’s left the station short-handed.’

‘I didn’t hear a cop shooting on the news,’ Douglas said.

‘They’re keeping it quiet.’ Megan took a long pull of her beer. ‘The guy’s mistress found out he was married and opened fire. She happens to be the commissioner’s niece. Lucky for Axel she’s a lousy shot and only nicked his thigh.’

‘No cop stories at the table, Megan,’ Beatrice scolded.

‘Dad asked,’ Megan grumbled.

‘Now, Sasha, do you have the number to the Sawmill Pine place or should I look it up?’ Beatrice looked expectantly at her.

‘I’ve got some news,’ Zoe interrupted.

‘Sasha?’ Beatrice insisted, not distracted by Zoe.

‘They’re booked with a snowmobile group,’ Sasha said. ‘Otherwise, I’d love to have you join us.’ OK, it was a lie, but at least it was a harmless one.

‘Oh, that’s too bad. Maybe this summer.’ Beatrice sat back down and picked up her fork, a small frown of disappointment furrowing her brow.

‘Yeah, Mom, maybe,’ Sasha agreed.

‘So, this internship partner? Anything we should know about him? It is a him, isn’t it?’ Beatrice asked.

‘Doesn’t anyone want to hear my news?’ Zoe inquired.

‘What is it, dear?’ Douglas prompted. ‘Did you get your own cooking show?’

‘Better.’ Jackson grinned.

‘We’re going to have a baby!’ Zoe announced, saying the only thing that could have saved Sasha from the interrogation their mother had in mind. The table erupted in excitement and well wishes. Sasha jumped up, running around the table to throw her arms around Kat, Megan and Zoe for a group hug.

Sasha couldn’t have been more grateful for Kat’s meddling when it came to her wardrobe. The violet kimono-style cashmere sweater looked stunning, even if the ribbed material was a little too lightweight for winter. Her sister intended the shirt for the upstate trip, but Sasha couldn’t resist. Besides, today was much more important than spring break. Today was the day she was going to tell Kevin how she felt and she needed to look perfect.

Taking out lip balm, she glossed over her lips, enhancing the natural colour. Sasha studied her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Subtle light-brown highlights now framed her face. She had done them the night before at her parents’ house. She had even let her mom trim her hair. All that combined with a curling iron created one kick-ass hairdo.

Sasha turned, checking out her ass in the mirror to make sure her jeans fit perfectly. They were a little loose around the waist so she cinched it with a belt. Pulling the cashmere down, the fitted material stretched around her hips, remaining looser on the top.

She picked up her messenger bag and Kat’s camera bag and made her way to the lab. Her heart beat so hard she felt it in her throat, echoing the hope that Kevin would feel the same. She refused to consider anything else.

‘Miss Matthews, you’re early,’ Prichard said when she walked in. They were the only two in the room. Prichard sat at the front table with an opened laptop. ‘Do you have good news about the Richmond donation?’

‘Ye-yes,’ she stammered, not expecting to see him. She’d been so focused on Kevin, she hadn’t thought about talking to Prichard. She set her bags down on the floor next to her work area. ‘I believe you should be expecting a call in the next couple of weeks about it. They were very impressed by the brochures. Having Kevin there was very helpful.’

‘Excellent!’ he exclaimed, snapping his laptop closed.

‘Which brings me to my request,’ Sasha proceeded. ‘For our final presentation, Kevin and I would like to do a short film on the project – with your and the others’ permission, of course. The film could be used to promote Project Aztec, raise funds and satisfy our class assignment as well as advertising. All we’d need from you is the necessary forms to use the artefacts and printed materials.’

Prichard didn’t answer right away.

‘The Richmonds wish to use it at a fundraiser,’ Sasha added.

‘Sounds like a splendid idea,’ he announced. ‘I’ll work on the paperwork to get you the necessary permissions.’

‘Then you wouldn’t mind if we started shooting pictures today?’ Sasha asked. ‘There’s much to be done.’

‘Not at all.’ Prichard tucked his computer under his arm and walked towards the door. Pausing on his way out, he said, ‘Good work, Miss Matthews. I had my doubts when you started, but you’ve proven yourself quite the resourceful team player. Don’t worry about picking up lunch today. One of the others will get it. You have enough to do.’

‘Yes, Doctor, thank you.’ Sasha could barely contain her grin of pleasure. As the door closed, she gave a small squeal of delight and clapped her hands. Things were starting to look up.

Sasha kept her eyes on the clock, watching the minutes tick by. She kept her hands busy fiddling with Kat’s digital camera. Her sister had made a detailed list of instructions on how to work the settings for the best shots. Sasha ignored them for the time being, turning it instead to the camera’s automatic settings. Lifting it up, she peered through the viewfinder and saw nothing but black.

‘It helps if you take the cap off,’ Kevin said. The sound of the door closing punctuated his words.

Sasha lowered the camera, bringing Kevin into view. Her breath caught in her throat. The winter cold flushed his cheeks and lips. ‘Hi, Kevin.’

‘Prichard told me you filled him in on the plan,’ he continued, dropping his bag on the floor next to hers. He took a sip out of his take-out coffee cup before slowly unbuttoning his coat. ‘Apparently, he loves your innovative idea.’

‘Yeah, sorry, I should have waited for you. He asked about the donation and it just came up. The good news is he said yes.’ This was not how she wanted to start a conversation with him. ‘I did share credit with you. Would you like me to go reiterate it to him? Because I will. I don’t want to seem—’

‘It’s all right. I don’t need Prichard’s praise.’ He gave a short laugh, tugging on his scarf. ‘I imagine he’ll stop picking on you now and find another target.’

‘You’re really not mad?’ Sasha’s gaze focused on his mouth, watching as it curled up at the sides.

‘Why would I be? You came up with the idea to do it in film form and I don’t think you’re the type of person to hog credit.’ Kevin took another drink of his coffee before setting it down on the table. He shrugged out of his coat, revealing the khaki and cream-colored baseball T-shirt with the long raglan sleeves.

‘No, I mean about Saturday,’ she corrected. ‘The way I left . . .’

‘I’ve given this a lot of thought.’ Kevin reached for the camera, taking it out of her hands. ‘I shouldn’t have pushed into things that weren’t my business. You’re absolutely right. What we have is a great, hot affair.’ He caressed her face, cupping her jaw. The light brush of his fingers danced along her earlobe. ‘I don’t want to lose that. I like what we have, and if, or when, it burns out, we’ll hopefully part as friends because we went into it with our eyes open.’

What? No. Wait. Sasha’s smile froze on her features. This was not what she wanted at all.

‘We both have too much going on in our lives.’ He removed his hand from her face and lifted the camera to his eye, scanning the room with it. ‘What we have going is perfect. Light, simple, no pressure.’

‘I don’t know if I was one hundred per cent right when I . . .’ Sasha tried to turn the conversation around. But how could she profess her love now? After that little speech? If she told him she loved him, told him she wanted more from him, he’d run for the Amazon and never look back. Her only chance to be with him was to play it cool and hope he came to realize he couldn’t live without her.