Denial (35 page)
Four years later...
Celeste leaned against the wall, unable to believe her eyes. Watching Amy leave the hospital she studied her closely. God, she looks so thin and so pale.
Celeste thought back to the way that Amy completely shut down after the boys’ and Maggie’s deaths. Within months she had cleared out her own personal accounts, leaving in her a wake a brief note addressed to Josh explaining that their marriage was over. Four years ago, she simply had disappeared.
Celeste watched Amy leave the hospital entrance in her crisp blue nurse’s uniform, and stand for a moment to put a sweater on. She looked at her watch. It was after six. Amy had just finished her shift. Looking up into the early evening, clear July sky, Celeste briefly wondered why Amy needed a sweater; there was still heat in the sun.
Watching Amy, she remembered when she disappeared. Josh had informed his bewildered family that Amy’s father had left her money. With that, he said, it would have been relatively easy for her to organize her own disappearance. For years, the Cameron family desperately tried to make contact with Amy, checking with all sorts of agencies in the hope of tracking her down. Nothing worked. They had never found her, until now.
Celeste’s heart leapt into her mouth when Amy came closer. She noted her appearance. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail but needed tidying. Amy’s hair had always looked magnificent, but, as she approached, Celeste noticed how lackluster it was. Amy, she realized, looked washed out.
A few weeks ago, Irene had contacted Celeste to let her know that she had a permanent address for Amy. Irene had, over the last four years, occasionally received short letters from Amy, letting her know she was okay. It hadn’t been long into Amy’s disappearance before they stopped trying to trace her correspondence. It only ever led to a dead-end.
When Irene received a recent letter, she immediately called Celeste to discuss what they were going to do. It never ceased to surprise her, that over the years, Irene had never judged or doubted Celeste’s feelings for her daughter and, as a result. Celeste reasoned it was because Irene had been in a similar situation once.
With the permanent address came a clear warning that Irene was not to pass the address on to anyone. If she did, Amy said she would relocate and all future contact would be broken off permanently. Regardless of the warning, there was no doubt in Irene’s mind that contact needed to be made, and that Celeste would be the one to make it.
Celeste stiffened as Amy walked swiftly in her direction. She still couldn’t quite believe that Amy had trained to be a nurse, obviously hoping in some way to follow in Maggie’s footsteps. She watched with disbelief when Amy was stopped by a fellow nurse, who offered her a cigarette, and Amy accepted. The blonde had never smoked in her life. After a few moments, the two nurses parted, and stubbing her cigarette out, Amy walked toward Celeste.
Celeste almost let her walk past, suddenly worried about Amy’s reaction to seeing her. But she needed this. She needed to make contact. She hadn’t come this far and waited for so long, to let it go.
Reaching out, Celeste placed her hand on Amy’s arm and said, “Hello, Amy.”
Amy started. She looked at the hand holding her arm, and then the face. For a moment, it was clear she had no idea who Celeste was. Then she whispered, “Celeste?”
Celeste smiled and nodded. “Amy,” she said with relief. “It’s wonderful to see you.”
Amy’s jaw dropped open. “What are you doing here?” she asked, frowning in evident confusion.
What else? Celeste wanted to say, but to find you!
Not wanting to scare Amy, Celeste tried to be nonchalant. “I’m on vacation,” she offered. “I’m traveling through. Irene gave me your contact details, and I thought it would be nice to see you.” Celeste dropped her hand when Amy stiffened. “Why don’t we find a café,” she said gently. “It would be nice to catch up.”
In evident shock, Amy nodded mutely.
Completely disarmed at seeing Celeste, Amy walked with her down the street in awkward silence. She was surprised and seriously annoyed that her mother had given Celeste her details despite clearly being told her not to pass them on to anyone. Her inner voice reminded her that she should have kept things as they were. It told her that she should have followed her instinct not to send Irene her permanent address.
At the café, Celeste suggested that Amy take a seat while she ordered coffee. Amy took a table close by and watched Celeste walk to the counter, unable to believe that she was here, in Glasgow.
Looking around, Amy watched people openly appraise Celeste. She could see that, even in jeans and a simple black V-neck sweater, she still managed to stand out in the crowd. Celeste, Amy observed, was tanned and her hair was down. She grudgingly admitted that Celeste was as beautiful as ever.
Amy knew she looked bedraggled. Today was such a busy day that she hadn’t had time to stop to even fix her hair. She was tired and knew she looked it. All those extra shifts, covering for the holiday period, had taken their toll. She was knackered, but she didn’t mind not going on vacation. She didn’t feel comfortable sitting out in the sun, particularly now with her scars.
Unclasping her hair, Amy pulled it tight then re-clasped it and felt slightly more respectable.
Waiting for Celeste, Amy looked at her hands and realized how pale they were; she could easily see blue veins. She was thankful that the scars on her hands were more translucent now.
As Celeste approached, Amy put her pale, scarred hands in her lap.
Celeste placed the tray on the table. She had bought a black coffee for her and a white coffee for Amy and two muffins—a blueberry and a chocolate one.
The blueberry was Amy’s favorite and as Celeste slid the coffee and blueberry muffin over to her, her stomach rumbled. She hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast.
Thanking Celeste, Amy took a sip from her coffee before biting into her muffin. She chewed slowly, wondering what to say. She was still in shock; seeing Celeste was just so unexpected.
The café was a favorite for many of the nursing staff when they clocked off work. Neil and Sandra, two of Amy’s colleagues, entered. Neil looked around, and catching sight of Amy, quickly approached and asked if he could join them.
Amy opened her mouth to answer just as Neil plunked himself next to Celeste. He proceeded to tell Amy about his day. Joining them with two coffees, Sandra sat next to Amy.
Amy introduced her colleagues.
Neil focused completely on Celeste, asking where she came from and what she did then followed her answers with a barrage of questions.
After answering several questions, Celeste raised her eyebrows and looked to Amy for help.
Usually, Amy enjoyed Neil’s company and since they had finished nursing college together, he had become a good friend, but there was no denying he was incredibly vain. He obsessed about his body-builder’s physique and worked out more than necessary. She liked him well enough because, when he wasn’t obsessing about his looks, he was good fun.
Amused, Amy and Sandra watched Celeste squirm as Neil made his moves. Amy could tell he was completely bowled over by Celeste and was working hard to capture her interest. To her further amusement, within minutes, he produced every contactable number and address in the known universe, just in case Celeste needed a tour of city.
Sandra eventually interrupted. “Are you old friends?”
Blushing, Amy glanced at Celeste before answering, “Yes. You could say that.”
Neil immediately asked, “How did you two meet?”
There was an awkward silence. Amy didn’t want to go into that part of her past.
Neil looked at Celeste. “She’s always been so mysterious about her past,” he said, sounding miffed.
Celeste immediately responded, “Amy used to…date my brother.”
Neil looked at Amy and grunted. “Huh,” he said. “So you’re not a lezzie after all!”
Amy almost choked on her muffin.
Shocked silence fell across the table. Neil looked at Sandra, then Amy. “No offense, Amy.”
Wiping the crumbs from her mouth, Amy blushed.
Sandra visibly cringed.
Neil turned to Celeste. “You know,” he said, waving a finger between Sandra and himself. “We’ve known Amy for a couple of years, but she’s never been out on a date.” He gazed at Amy as if she was an alien. “
Never!
” he said. He looked at Sandra. “Isn’t that right?”
Flabbergasted, Sandra’s mouth hung open.
Neil looked at Amy and said carefully, “You don’t…bat for the other side, do you?”
Sandra stood up. “Neil,” she said, her voice rising alarmingly. “The only bat you’ll be getting is across that big mouth of yours if you keep this crap up.” Given her small demeanor, at just over five foot, with surprising strength she hauled Neil off the seat.
Neil lurched up.
“My apologies Celeste, but we’d better get going,” Sandra said. “It’s closing time at the zoo. So, I better hurry up and get him home.”
Dragging Neil out, Sandra called, “See you tomorrow Amy, and, Celeste, nice meeting you. Hope you have a good time while you’re here.” She stopped at the door and asked Neil, “Want to grunt your goodbyes?”
Neil shouted, “Call me,” to Celeste as Sandra pushed him out of the café door.
Amused, Amy and Celeste watched through the window as she gave Neil a dressing down.
Amy looked at Celeste and burst out laughing.
Celeste laughed with Amy, relieved that Neil the Neanderthal had served one good purpose—he had broken the ice between them.
V
For the next hour they chatted, avoiding any intimate conversation. Amy talked about nursing and some of her patients, and Celeste talked about being a doctor. Eventually the conversation lulled.
Celeste decided to tell Amy that she wasn’t here alone, that she had brought her two adopted children with her. Amy looked at her in surprise. Celeste produced some photographs and explained. “A few years ago I adopted Daniel.”
Amy looked at the photographs. “I remember your friend Susan talking about him. Wasn’t he the wee boy that you took to in Sierra Leone?”
Surprised that Amy remembered, Celeste nodded. “Daniel’s mother died of AIDS and they were orphaned.
There was a long moment of silence then Amy asked, “Why?”
Celeste wasn’t sure if Amy was asking why she adopted or why she hadn’t mentioned this during their time together. She decided to go for the first and easiest explanation.
“The options for kids in that kind of environment are grim, and since they only had elderly grandparents as supporting family I made the decision to adopt them, with their grandparents blessing, of course.”
Celeste showed Amy more photographs and explained carefully that she hadn’t told anyone at the time because the adoption process was extremely long with no guarantees.
Amy showed no emotion, but asked, “What are the children like?”
Painfully aware of Amy’s loss, and that she needed to tread carefully, Celeste cautiously told Amy about them.
When she stopped talking, Celeste watched Amy study the photographs. Swallowing, she thought, I have missed you so much.
Amy put the photographs down. She looked at her watch and said, in surprise, “It’s nine o’clock.”
Worried that Amy wanted to leave, Celeste asked, “Would you like to meet them?”
Amy picked up a photograph, one with Celeste and the children. She looked at it for a long moment. Celeste watched conflict cross her face. “Just once, Amy,” she said tenderly. “Alex is here and he would love to see you.”