Denying Heaven (Room 103) (20 page)

“You’re going to leave me, aren’t you.” She whispered it
as a statement into the silence, perception forcing her words and I squeezed my
eyes closed as I answered her honestly.

“We’re going to leave each other, baby.”

I felt her stiffen with my words but she didn’t speak and
I ached all the more at her acceptance. “We’ll kill each other, Spirit.” I told
her quietly as I held her tightly, engraining the feel of her soft body into my
memory as I fought back the tears. “I’m too hard now, too numb and too angry
with life to be what you need and you need to learn to grieve and forgive
yourself before you can even think of giving any more of yourself to someone
else. You are an utterly beautiful strong woman Spirit, but you need to see
that in yourself and believe it so you can accept it from others. Teach
yourself to live again.”

She nodded faintly against me and slipped her arms around
me; holding onto me fiercely as my heart crumbled inside my chest and I placed
a gentle kiss on her forehead as I brushed a strand away then tilted her head
slightly so she was looking at me. “You know I’ll support you, with the baby,
and I want to be hands on Spirit, I want to be its dad, you get me?”

She gazed at me for a while and I saw her blink back a
tear. Her strength and resilience pulled at my gut, sealing me with both anger
and sorrow. “I am so sorry, baby. Please be happy, Spirit, fight for that at
least.” I whispered as I lifted her and placed her back on the chair.

She watched me dress, both of us silent and filled with
darkness. The sadness in the room was suffocating and we both breathed deep
trying to get through this… this fucking finality and cruel bloody world that
dragged our souls through the pits of hell and refused us both any happiness.

I bent to kiss her forehead again, my lips lingering too
long as I desperately wrestled with myself to pull away and do what was needed.
“I’ll always really, really like you Spirit, always.” I choked as I pulled
back.

She looked down at the floor, refusing me her eyes as she
nodded briskly. “I know,” she mouthed with a sad smile as she finally looked at
me and held her hand to her heart, tapping it twice as her tears slid freely and
threatened to drown us both.

I nodded and duplicated her motion with my own sad smile.
“Goodbye, Spirit,” I whispered before I turned and left, choking on my own
hatred when her strangled sob echoed through my head as I closed the door.

The emptiness inside me was consuming as I stared at my
naked figure in the mirror.

Why did this world hate me and forever strive to hurt me,
constantly condemning me and infecting me with its hatred; seizing and binding
the hope and delivering only loss and misery?

I stroked my hand over my sore backside and smiled
slightly as I remembered the most amazing sex of my life. Bulk’s tender touch
after, the way he had pulled me against him as his heartbeat thrummed in my
ear, comforting and soothing my dejected mind.

I moved my hand from my bottom and held it against my
chest, feeling the thump of my heart just to check it was still beating; it had
felt numb and frozen since Bulk closed the door last night.

I tapped it twice before I slipped the dress over my head
and sighed as Danny filtered into my head. Was I doing the right thing? Meeting
him and giving him a chance to voice what he wanted to tell me?

Time would tell. My eyes flicked to the clock with the
knock on the door. He was early and I drew in a steadying breath as I went to
answer the door.

I wasn’t sure how my body reacted when I saw him stood,
smiling softly as his eyes raked over my body, then up to my curled black hair
and then settled on my face. “You look gorgeous, River.”

“Spirit.” I corrected but he shook his head as he stepped
towards me and slipped a finger down my cheekbone before leaning in and placing
a tender kiss to the side of my mouth.

“You’ll always be my River, baby. The fourteen year old
beauty that took my breath away and stole my heart the moment she stepped into my
kitchen that day.”

I swallowed as my heart thumped against my ribcage and rushed
blood to my brain.

He’s playing, Spirit, working you.

I smiled and turned back to the room. He followed me and
I could feel his gaze rake over my belongings. I slipped on my shoes and turned
to find him with the picture of Janey and me enjoying a lazy day at the beach.
“How is Janey?” he asked with a sad twinge in his voice.

“She’s good; she’s just got a job at the new development
sector down by the docks. I’m so proud of her.”

He nodded and smiled. “And you?” he asked as he replaced
the photo back on the mantle and turned to me. “What are you up to now?”

I walked over to the table and picked up my bag,
distracting myself from the nervousness inside me as I peered inside it and
made sure I had everything I needed. “I’ve been staying with Kenny.”

“Yes, I know that but that wasn’t what I asked, River. I
asked what you are doing
now
.”

My brain shivered with the familiar dominancy in his tone
but he seemed to realise and covered it with a wide smile. “I heard you were in
a band, touring with Room 103” he continued with a lighter attitude.

I nodded but didn’t answer his question further as I
picked up my keys, “Are you ready?”

I watched the tiny glint in his eyes fire behind his
irises at my refusal to divulge more but he inhaled and shook his body faintly
as if shifting his dark mood. “I am, are you?” he smirked with a twinkle
lighting his eyes.

I smiled at his mischievous smile, the memory of it
warming my belly and giving me a sense of comfort. “I am,” I smiled when he
held out his elbow and I hooked my arm through it. “Where are we going?”

“Surprise, baby, but you’ll love it.” There was something
in his tone that triggered a frown from me but I shook it off and put it down
to nerves.

His hand settled at the base of my spine as he steered me
down the stairs. “How long have you lived here?” He asked as the main foyer
door banged closed behind us.

“A few years.”

I watched his teeth sink into his lip. Danny had always
been particular about my answers to his questions. He had always wanted full
and in-depth answers and I wasn’t sure if I was being guarded just to piss him
off or if there was actually no more to give him with each response. “How long
is a few years, River?”

“Spirit,” I replied tensely then sighed. “April fourteenth,
twenty ten, twelve thirty six precisely” I bit out, getting annoyed with his
obvious need for control over me, even after four years.

He clicked his tongue with irritation as he opened his
car door for me and I was silently impressed with the model; a sleek Porsche
and I inwardly wondered what he was doing now to be able to afford this kind of
luxury. “Nice,” I smiled as I settled my bum into the soft leather and peered
around the interior.

He slid in beside me, his eyes dropping to the bit of
thigh that was now displayed as my dress hunched up with my seated position. I
gulped and pulled the material as far to my knees as it would go. His eyes
twinkled and a teasing smile lifted one side of his mouth. “Baby, don’t be shy,
we both know you’re not.”

I cringed slightly with his obvious referral to the video
and I turned towards the window as heat fired through my cheeks. He laughed
loudly as he started the engine and I jolted when his hand settled on my thigh,
“River, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you, forgive me, baby.”

He seemed genuine enough so I gave him a timid smile and
settled back into the seat to enjoy the ride.

We made light conversation as Danny drove us to wherever
we were going and I frowned as he pulled down a dirt track and the car bounced
over pot holes and stones as he continued to keep the car above forty Mph.
“Danny, slow down, you’re gonna wreck your car.”

He tipped his head and turned to me and my chest jolted
with the glaze over his eyes. “You okay?” I asked cautiously.

He shook his head then smiled widely, “Sure, just eager
to get you there.”

“Get me where?” I was growing slightly nervous now as
darkness surrounded us and I couldn’t see a damn thing outside of the car other
than what the headlights bounced off.

“Here.” He said quietly and I squinted through the
window, still unable to establish a thing in the murky blackness. I turned to
him and frowned in confusion but he just winked and climbed from the car.

Opening my door he held out his hand and tipped his head
in a gentlemanly fashion. My heart was pounding as my gut agitated with nerves
but I took a breath and placed my hand in his.

He smiled widely as I stepped outside and curled his
fingers around mine, holding onto me tightly as he led me across some gravel,
my heels wobbling and slipping against stones as my knees knocked with unease
and goose bumps erupted with the cool night air.

“Danny…”

“Shush, nearly there. Trust me, River.”

I swallowed and blew out a slow breath as we continued to
walk in the darkness. The silence was eerie and a slight mist was covering my
feet, making the area seem even more disturbing. All I could think of was
having my head munched on by some crazy half-eaten zombie… or hacked to death
with a ginormous axe by Danny. “Danny, please.”

He chuckled and squeezed my hand and I jumped when a loud
squeal echoed in the air. “Just the door, baby, calm down I’m not gonna hurt
you.”

Images of the shower head curdled my stomach and I
shivered. Danny seemed to read my mind as he stroked a thumb over my knuckles
and spoke softly. “I promise, River. That wasn’t me… before. I was… grieving
and… well…”

His voice was low and soft and the sound of his pain
chewed at the layers of my heart causing a slight tremor through my soul with
his hurt.

“Yeah,” I whispered then gasped when the place lit up
like a football pitch. “Oh… wow…” I managed a stutter when my eyes flicked over
the scene before me.

We were in an old warehouse but the place had been
converted into a stunning beach. Sand covered every single inch of the floor, thick
dunes and wispy swells made it seem even more real. A picnic rug sat in the
middle surrounded by small pebbles and tall fake reeds. A basket was situated
next to the blanket and a little straw shack, resembling a bar area broke the
back wall.

But what caught my eye was the ‘sea’. It was obviously a
huge inflatable pool, but sand had been moulded over the sides of the pool and
rocks were placed in strategic positions to cover the offending item. But then
a little jetty had been built up and over the edge of the pool and was adorned
with numerous wild flowers climbing up and around the wood, giving it an aged
appearance.

Danny flicked some switches until the huge lights dipped
and little soft tea lights twinkled beautifully around the room providing a
moonlight setting as a bulb over the pool produced a reflected water ripple on
the walls and I swallowed as my heart thumped wildly.

“It’s stunning” I breathed, not sure what else to say.

“It is.” He whispered in my ear and nervous prickles
exploded over my body but I ignored both them and him as I took a step further
into the room. “I thought it would help bring back memories of the day I
proposed in Bournemouth.”

I smiled softly. The images of the midnight picnic Danny
had set up for me on the beach so he could propose to me made my heart skip a
beat with the sentimental gesture.

“When did you do this?” I asked with a lump forming in my
throat when I realised Danny would want more than a ‘talk’ if he had gone to
this much trouble.

“This afternoon,” he answered as he seated himself on the
blanket and patted the spot beside him. “Come on, I won’t bite you… unless you
want me to.”

I smiled at his innuendo, unable to hold it back with his
boyish grin. “You haven’t changed a bit,” I said as I perched myself opposite
him as an alternative to beside him.

He frowned slightly but then reached into the basket and
pulled out various foods and a bottle of red wine, my favourite brand and the
effort he had made wasn’t lost as I warmed a little that he had remembered. “Tuck
in, baby,” he gestured with a tilt of his chin.

I picked up a piece of chicken and proceeded to pull
small strips from it and nibbled them slowly as I watched him pour the wine. “Why?”

He looked up and frowned at me with the simple question
but then his eyes softened and he lowered them back on the bottle. “Because I
want you back” he answered as frankly as I had asked the question.

I heaved in a heavy breath and cringed slightly, “Danny…”

His head whipped up and he shook his head, holding a hand
up to silence me. “Just give me a chance River, please. That’s all I’m asking.
I know I… really hurt you, baby, really bad but…” His eyes darkened and he
stared through me as his gaze secured mine, “But surely you can understand why
I did what I did, River? You… you killed our baby.”

My throat flinched as my blood hurtled through my veins and
whipped a jolt through my heart, the effect making a tiny whimper vent through
my tight lips.

“Hey,” he said quickly as he shuffled over the blanket
and knelt beside me, taking one of my hands in his as he peered at me. “I know
you hurt as much as me, I know you do but…” he sighed heavily and I watched his
throat bob as his eyes flicked over my face. “Well I just think you owe me this
much.”

I stared at him, confusion and guilt twisting my stomach.
“Are you… are you saying we should… because I…” I couldn’t finish the sentence
but he got what I was saying when he smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind
my ear making me jerk away slightly. He hissed through his teeth but didn’t
exhibit any other irritation.

“River,” he shrugged with a deep sigh and fixed me with a
hard stare. “Well yes, I think you owe me another chance. I mean, you don’t
seem to realise how much you hurt me, when you… when you killed Amy.”

His words slapped me hard in the face as they
simultaneously kicked my gut behind my ribs and when his hand rested on my knee
I shuffled back slightly, his touch like a hot poker searing and scorching my
skin. The last time his hands were on me were when he had tried to kill me and
the memories refused to ever leave me, assaulting me regularly and at this present
time, intensely.

“And… and Summer?” I asked as bile surged up my throat
when I voiced her name. The image of them fucking hard on my bed whist I stood
in the corner like a naughty child forbidden from looking away, triggered
echoes of sex fuelled moans and sounds of slapping flesh to punch my senses
hard.

He cupped my face and sighed heavily, “Oh River, are you
still jealous of your sister? Baby, you know that was just sex between me and her,
it was never what we had, never real and raw.” His finger trailed down the edge
of my cheek then proceeded to slope down the centre of my throat and across my
shoulder, dipping under the strap of my dress as his eyes watched the trek with
deep concentration.

I gulped and tried to move back but his hand shot out and
his fingers wrapped around the top of my arm, the pressure causing me to
whimper slightly as he pulled me back to him.

“River,” he exhaled loudly and my eyes dropped to his
mouth when his lips tautened and a tic twitched rapidly in his jaw. “Don’t be
awkward about this; it’s really not a good idea.”

I stiffened with his blatant warning and cursed myself
for even coming here with him. Why the hell hadn’t I listened to Janey and
refused even a discussion with him?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I
re-opened them and nodded, “Okay.”

He grinned widely and pulled me against his chest, “Oh
baby, I’m so happy. We are meant to be together, we’re like kindred spirits.”

I nodded against him, numb and dazed as his arms circled
me and his thumb stroked the edge of my dress across my back. “Your skin was
always so soft, simply adorable.”

My stomach vaulted when his fingers slid the zip on the
back of my dress slowly and he slipped the strap off my shoulder with his other
hand, baring my naked breasts to him. He pressed his mouth against my shoulder
blade and placed a soft kiss on my clammy skin.