DESIRE (12 page)

“I don’t want to ruin your shopping plans,” Torrid said. While his smile showed his amusement at Sarah’s antics, he was otherwise unimpressed and I was able to relax. “I saw you and wanted to say hi.”

“Hi,” I said.

“Well, I won’t keep your guys.”

“Oh, please… keep us,” Sarah gushed.

“Don’t pay attention to her. Since her Life’s Plan, she’s been eyeing every potential guy in the hopes he’ll be the one.”

Torrid nodded knowingly and offered me a gentle pat on the shoulder before he walked on.

I turned to follow his departure, my desire to be with him growing with every step he took.

“Who was that?” Sarah exclaimed.

“I told you. Torrid.”

“No, I mean who is he? Where’s he from? How do you know him? And most importantly, where have you been hiding him?”

“Honestly, Sarah. You’d think you’d never seen a guy before.”

“Never a guy like that. I mean, don’t tell me you don’t feel it.”

“Feel what?” I brought my attention to the rack of scarves and tried to ignore everything I did feel.

“Kama, I saw the way he looked at you. I did my best to practically throw myself at him and all he could do was look at you.”

I knew I was blushing and turned away to look at a bin filled with handbags.

“So, what’s the deal with him?”

“No deal. Just a guy. I hardly know him, just crossed his path a few times and that’s all there is.”

“Sorry, girl, but the way he was looking at you, that’s definitely not all there is.”

“You know I love Liam, Sarah. This guy is just from the neighborhood and we’re on friendly terms. Nothing romantic has ever happened between us.” I heard the guilty note in my voice and wondered if Sarah picked up on it.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the store. “Do you realize what you have here?”

“What?”

“Your no Life’s Plan situation. Don’t you see? You're free. You can do whatever you want. There are no constraints on where you can go, who you can see or where you live.” Her eyes were wide with discovery and envy.

“I want to be with Liam, remember?”

“Don’t get me wrong, Kama. Liam is a great guy. I’ve always been fond of him. I even envied your relationship with him for such a long time. But this guy… geeze, Kama. He’s the kind of guy you don’t even dare dream of. That dark and dangerous undertone lying just beneath a sweet grin and dazzling blue eyes you just want to swim in forever. How can you remain so cool and aloof?”

If only she could see all that was going on inside me. The turmoil, the guilt, the attraction, the desire. I wanted Torrid, but I loved Liam.

Chapter 15

T
he Sunday afternoon was lazy and relaxed. I’d spent my morning with Torrid, learning how to work my way through the barrier that surrounded Arcadia. It was tiring and trying work and I was far from ready to actually give it a try.

Once home, I’d completed my homework and finished my chores, affording me the freedom to do what I wanted with my time. 

The sun warmed my skin as I sat in our small yard. Flowers bloomed, though not in the numbers and bright colors Liam’s home boasted.  Birds sang, but their song was not as sweet. The differences between the Diamond and Amethyst Districts had always been there, but now they seemed more evident and vivid, reminding me I had no business even thinking I could possibly end up shifting from one district to another.

“Kama.”

My mother’s voice penetrated my thoughts and I sat up.

“You have company.”

“Who?” For the time being I just wanted to be alone and had no desire to speak with anyone.

“It’s Liam.”

“Here? He can’t. He knows he’ll get in trouble if he’s seen here.” I scrambled to my feet and rushed to open the front door.

“Kama,” he said with a shy smile.

“I can’t believe my mother left you out on the porch. If the neighbors see you, they’ll report you to the Committee.”

“I don’t care.” He came in, his steps small and uncertain.

“Well, I do.”

“Kama, I’ve given my father an ultimatum.” He walked to the sofa and sat on the edge, quickly got back to his feet and sat again. “I can’t be apart from you.”

“You don’t know what you're saying.”

“I’d rather be banished than live without you and I’ve told my father so.” He stood again and took a step closer as he glanced around. His eyes remained on the hall that led to the kitchen a moment before returning to me. “I don’t want to be Governor,” he whispered. “Not without you. There’s nothing anyone can do to keep me from being with you.”

“Liam, you have your whole future ahead of you. You just don’t see it now.”

He took another step towards me, his gaze cautious. “I’ve had visions of you in another man’s arms. I can’t bear the thought. I won't allow it, Kama.”

I swallowed the lump of guilt and looked away for a moment. My heart was being torn in too many directions and I didn’t even know what I should feel anymore.

In the kitchen I could hear my mother humming as she put away the dishes. I knew that hum. It gave the casual listener the impression she was miles away, carried away on a song, but I knew her better than that. She was listening intently, aware of what was happening between Liam and me.

I gazed at Liam and backed away, hoping he’d understand the impossibility of the situation.

“They’ve made a horrible mistake. I was initially included in your Life’s Plan. My father confirmed it. Up until a week prior to your 18th birthday, I was meant to be with you. He found the report. It’s all there in black and white. Kama Johnson is to graduate with honors, get her degree at Pierson College and marry Liam Seer. As first lady to Arcadia she will be the jewel in the Governor’s crown.”

I stared at him, my head shaking back and forth in a fog of disbelief. It couldn’t be.

“The Committee member in charge of gathering all the documents and sources regarding your file found something that ended up changing that.”

“What?”

“That’s what I haven’t figured out yet.” He took a step closer and reached for my hands. “Don’t you see? We were meant to be together. Everyone in the Committee agreed. We were perfect for one another. We
are
perfect.”

He pulled me into his arms and kissed me, his lips pressing against mine with longing and heartache. 

“I can’t believe how I’ve missed being with you,” he whispered. “I never thought I could hurt so much, Kama.”

Not knowing what to do, I stiffened in his arms. I loved him, deep in my heart I knew that I did. But these months of not knowing where my future lay, not knowing what direction to take my life in…

I looked at Liam and wondered if the Committee might not have been right after all. Perhaps my life was meant to be more than merely governing Arcadia beside my husband. Perhaps I was meant for more than being the jewel in
his
crown.

Torrid had opened my eyes not only to the goings on in Arcadia, but to the wealth of possibilities that lay before me. I didn’t have to be bound to Arcadia. I didn’t have to follow a path ordained by someone else.

The light in Liam’s eyes dimmed as he took in my expression. “Kama, don’t.”

“Liam, I never thought my life could be without you, but…”

He silenced me with a kiss, but we both knew something had changed.

Chapter 16

“
H
ave you been practicing your barrier breaking tactics?” Torrid asked. He was stretched out on a thick cushy blanket of blue. His long legs were crossed at the ankles, his boots discarded and his socks in a small bundle.  Propped up on his elbows, he let his head hang back, taking in the sun on his face, neck and into the opening of his shirt.

His masculinity was enthralling, his confidence intoxicating. If he had a care in the world, he didn’t let it show.

I sat beside him, my knees pulled up under my chin as I gazed at the length of him. He was so relaxed, so casual and so at ease, it made my own sizzling hormones all the more annoying to acknowledge. I bit my lip, wondering for the millionth time what he tasted like if we kissed.

He glanced up at me when I didn’t answer.  “Well, have you?”

“I have, but every time I do I get a headache.”

“I told you it was hard work. You have to block out so many other thoughts that the strain of it all can cause pain. I have all the confidence in the world that you’ll get there, though. Most people never get the hang of it, just a chosen few, and you are one of those few.”

“Maybe I’m not.”

He shook his head. “Let’s try again.”

Once again he had me do an exercise he tried every few days. He’d lightly block his thoughts and try to get me to break through and read it.

“You’d like to go running in the rain,” I said aloud as I read his thoughts.

“Close,” he said, smiling up at me. “I hate the sound of a thundering train.”

“That’s not close at all.” I was disappointed. Aside from the thoughts he deliberately shot my way, I couldn’t read anything with any kind of accuracy.

“Try again.”

I closed my eyes, concentrated on him and captured the words that came to me. “Flowers and bees buzz around your head.”

He shook his head and grinned. “Flour and yeast makes good bread.”

I glared up at the heavens.

“Again.”

I honed in. “Your lips are sweet enough to kiss.”

When he remained silent, I opened my eyes to see him sitting up, his face just inches from mine. His smile sent a thousand little shivers traveling down my back and piercing through my heart.

“Voila.” He sat back, our brief proximity obviously having no effect on him whatsoever.

“I did it?” I said excitedly. I blushed as the meaning of his words sunk in. Was he toying with me, playing with my juvenile sentiments?

“I knew you’d get it.” He made no move to come closer.

“I guess I’m just one step away from breaking down this dreaded barrier you keep talking about.”

Silence lingered, weighted down with hope and promise, fear and pain. If so many people were counting on me to break through the barrier, my failure could mean their demise.

“I still see a lot of people with the leather bands around their wrists,” I said softly, my thoughts troubled by the pressure I felt laying on my shoulders. “I’ve also come to realize all that they do. It’s funny how you can spend your life taking so much for granted. Things are there, beautiful, clean, perfect, and you just lead your life thinking that’s how it’s supposed to be.”

“But now you see that perfection doesn’t come so easily.”

“I’d never realized the magic behind the perfection Arcadia is so proud of.”

“The Magical Ones are responsible for every acclaim, prize, trophy or praise Arcadia has ever received.”

I picked a pretty little poppy from the ground and twirled it between my fingers. “But why do they do it? The Magical Ones? Aren’t they betraying their people by using their magic this way?”

“They don’t have a choice.”

“They’re magical. Can’t they do what they please?”

“If only it were that simple. The leather bands they wear on their wrists are not idle ornaments.”

“I thought they wore them to identify one another, so that all Magical Ones would know who they were.”

“It certainly has become a means of recognizing a fellow Magical One. But that little leather band is actually the chain that binds them to their duty to the Arcadian Committee. One step out of line and the Committee knows it and their punishment is swift and without mercy.”

“These are your people, our people. Can’t anything be done to save them, to get them out?”

“Not until now. Your 18th birthday has given rise to a great amount of hope, inside and outside Arcadia.”

“Their freedom depends entirely on me?” It was a crushing weight to bear. I’d hope to have someone to share the burden with.

“I’m afraid it does. But I’m here to prepare you for all that. You won’t be alone.”

“With all their powers and abilities, do the Magical Ones have anything to do with Life’s Plans? Are they responsible for the blank plan I received.”

“All the analysts and statisticians that Seer boasts about are actually Magical Ones at work. Life’s Plan wouldn’t be possible without them. They’re instrumental in gathering information, private, personal, professional, educational; they find out everything, down to your darkest, deepest secret.”

I swallowed the gasp that rose to my throat. My deepest secret. Had a Magical One sensed my wavering emotions? Had they realized my love for Liam was not as strong as it should have been?

“Torrid, they can tell how I feel?”

“Absolutely. Don’t feel ashamed for what happened with Liam. It’s normal for someone so young to have doubts. The Committee picked up on that doubt and looked more deeply into it.”

Once again I swallowed a gasp of shock. Everyone in Arcadia knew how deeply I felt for Liam. How could Torrid possibly know of the doubts I had?

“And they saw how I felt about you?” I ventured.

“Me?” He seemed genuinely surprised and I was caught off guard.

Certainly he was aware of the deep emotions I had for him. Not only did it show in my eyes every time I saw him, but he could read my thoughts, and my thoughts always turned to the immense attraction I felt for him.

“I’d never really had a doubt about how I felt about Liam until that day at the diner… when I saw you outside the window.”

He looked away and for the first time I picked up on his discomfort. Perhaps I’d said too much. If he felt nothing for me, what a terrible position I was putting him in. I wanted to erase my words, backtrack and forget all about how I felt, one way or the other.

When he turned to look at me again, my heart rose to my throat and I knew he was the one I truly wanted to be with. It was more than his good looks that touched me. It was the man he’d shown me, strong, confident, yet with a caring heart and tender nature.

“Do you desire me, Kama?”