Desolate (9 page)

“Not really. My parents’ focused all of their attention on me without me trying to gain it. I always wished for a sister or brother because it got lonely at times if my friends couldn’t hang out, but not a day went by that I didn’t know I was loved, so I’m thankful for that.”

“That’s all that matters in the end, I suppose. Being loved and feeling that love from those important to us.” How did this conversation turn into something so deep?

“I suppose it is. So you were born and raised here?” she asked, changing the subject.

“My whole life these mountains were all I’d ever known,” I replied with joy and conviction. I was proud to call this small town my home.

“I loved coming here when I was a child, getting to run out in the open fields and play with the animals. I used to beg for us to live here when we’d have to leave, but my parents’ loved the access that the city brought so we never moved,” she replied, giving away a little bit more about herself than I’m sure she realized.

I wanted to ask about her parents’, her husband, but I refrained. Her left ring finger still donned a beautiful diamond wedding band set, but I didn’t want to spook her from talking, so I held those questions back for a later time.

When I was about to ask what city she was from, I noticed that I didn’t hear the rain pelting down on the roof of the barn anymore. I hoped that she didn’t take notice, but that hope was squashed when she looked up at the roof and smiled. I knew that she knew the rain had let up if not stopped completely.

She stood and folded the blanket and I followed suit, sad to see our small conversation coming to an end. We brushed off the hay from our pants and put the blankets back before we headed out to see if the storm had ceased.

She peered out the barn door and turned back to me, a smile upon her beautiful lips. The second she pulled the door open further, I knew that our moment was over for now. I walked her over to the house, the whole time I tried to figure out a way to have this happen again. Get her to talk without feeling so nervous and be the carefree person I knew she could be.

“Thanks for the help tonight,” she replied as she looked anywhere but at me.

I’d have loved for her to invite me in, but I knew how dangerous that could be. For now, I’d take tonight as a win for both of us. She opened up to me just a little. Even though she didn’t divulge anything important about herself, she did speak to me without seeming as nervous as she did before.

“Anytime, sweetheart. I’m going to head home. Have a good night, Magdalena.”

“You too, Weston,” I heard her shout as I turned and ran toward my truck. Hopefully our next encounter led me to gaining some insight as to who Magdalena really was.

F
ootball games
. Sundays spent hanging out with my dad. Those were one of the memories that I enjoyed the most. We’d spend all day lounging on the couch together driving my mom crazy with all of our screaming at the television. Thinking back on those times, I’m so glad that I spent those days with him. Especially now that we’d never get another lazy Sunday together.

I’d taken Clyde’s advice and got out of the house more. I was trying to get used to being around people again. I’d figured I’d try a football game tonight. The local high school team was six and zero so far this season, and they were playing their rival team. It should be a good game.

After I paid for my ticket, I walked through the gate and toward the home side of bleachers. The stands were getting pretty packed and there were children all through the field talking amongst themselves. I felt a sense of normalcy as I walked through the crowd. The chill in the air, the smell of hotdogs and hamburgers on the grill, and the cheers from the crowd as the team walked onto the field made this really feel like home. I hadn’t felt that way since I arrived. I felt like an outsider looking in.
Who knew Clyde was so wise in his old age?

Just as I was about to start climbing the hill to get a seat, I spotted him. Weston. The man that made me question everything. It would be nice to have someone to talk to while I was here. Coming to these things alone could get boring in my opinion. Just as I was about to walk over, I saw a beautiful little girl dressed in a pair of jeans and a thick red coat barrel toward Weston, her curls bouncing in the wind. They apparently knew each other based on the smile that appeared on his lips when he seen her. Before I could question how he knew her, she confirmed my question.

“Daddy,” I heard her scream as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

He was laughing as he spun her around in a circle with his arms wrapped tightly around her so that she wouldn’t fall.

I was just close enough that I could faintly make out what she was saying. He stopped spinning and she begged for him to continue, causing me to laugh right along with them both. Her laughter was contagious, and the more he spun her around the louder they both got.

The second time he stopped spinning, I could tell he had started to get affected by the constant circular motion because he stumbled slightly.

He righted himself and placed the happy little girl on his hip, bounding her up and down. I didn’t want to interrupt his moment, so I continued walking up the hill so I could grab a spot. About midway up, I found a section of the bleachers that were still fairly empty and went to walk down the aisle when I heard him calling out my name. I should have acted like I hadn’t heard him, but I couldn’t be rude. He’d already seen me in a few of my weaker moments, and I didn’t need him thinking I was rude as well.

I took in a few deep breaths and turned to face him. Seeing him with a little girl was precious, but seeing her also hurt more than I wanted to admit. He was a charmer and a true gentleman. Add a father to that mix and he was every woman’s fantasy wrapped into one. Even with that admission, I couldn’t allow myself to act upon it. The only man for me was my husband. Plus, I couldn’t imagine getting attached to another child that wasn’t my son. I know that sounds selfish, but it was a way to protect my fragile heart. I couldn’t be the reason another child died.

He finally made his way over to me after getting caught up in a crowd of teenagers, and I wished that it’d taken him a little longer so I could get myself more prepared.

“Hey, Weston,” I replied when he was standing in front of me. My body instantly aware of just how close he’d gotten. Every time we were in each other’s presence, a weird sensation coursed through my entire body. Like a jolt of electricity or something similar. It was very difficult to describe, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to look any further into it.

“Hey there, Magdalena. Can’t say that I was expecting to see you here tonight,” he replied with a southern drawl that was sure to melt any woman’s panties. And no, I wasn’t admitting that he’d made mine melt at all. Not even close.

“Yeah. It was a spur of the moment decision. I’m tired of Clyde always getting on me about acting way too old for my age. I’d decided I’d give in to his pestering and go out for the night,” I attempted to joke.

“Daddy, corn?” she asked.

“Yeah, pumpkin. We’re going to go get some popcorn in just a minute okay. I want to introduce you to someone Daddy’s working for. Can you say hi to Magdalena, Grace?” he asked in a calming tone. Grace. What a beautiful name for an even more beautiful little girl.

“Hi, Lena,” she replied with a wave of her little hand. She’d tried. It was too cute.

“Hi there, Grace,” I replied, attempting not to tense in front of him. I didn’t need him thinking that there was anything with his daughter. Quite the opposite actually. I missed being around children, but not enough to even attempt to let them get close to me.

“Well, I better go get her some popcorn before the whole stadium knows she’s not getting her way.”

“Yeah. You better. See ya around, Weston,” I replied, turning to walk away before he could say anything else. That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Now to make sure that I was nowhere to be found when he’s around. That could prove quite difficult. Especially since the day that I had met him, he’d made a point to always say hello to me before leaving for the day. It wasn’t like I could avoid him much when I always made sure the doors were open and he worked on the farm. Hopefully they would fix everything soon, and I wouldn’t have to deal with him much longer.

I went back to take the seat I’d intended to before he stopped me. But I wasn’t feeling it as much as I had when I first arrived. Refusing to give up, I agreed with myself to at least stay the first half of the game before I’d leave. It could turn out to be a lot more fun that I’d thought.

Halftime rolled around and we were up by twenty points. These guys were on a roll tonight, not letting the other team get anywhere near their end zone. I’d almost forgotten how competitive football could be. Instead of lingering around, I’d decided that I’d had enough. I’d already yawned too many times to count, and I didn’t want to risk driving this tired on any of the mountain roads that led me home.

I made my way off the bleachers and out into the parking lot with ease considering most of the other people were at the concession stands getting snacks instead of leaving. I was almost at my SUV when I heard my name yet again. Instead of turning around, I kept walking like I hadn’t heard. I just wanted to get home. I didn’t want to see that cute little face again. She was adorable, but seeing her made me miss Liam. I missed him all day every day, but I missed him the moment I seen her. This is why I didn’t go out. Children were everywhere. Happy families walked the streets and shops everywhere. There was no escaping seeing what I would never have again. And Clyde wondered why I didn’t do this. I’d have to explain it better to him the next time he pushed me to leave the house. I couldn’t do this. I wasn’t ready to face it yet.

As I reached my SUV, a hand reached out and grabbed my arm, preventing me from opening the door. I instantly jumped and screamed because I wasn’t expecting him to touch me, and I honestly thought he’d give up when I didn’t respond.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to say goodbye before you left,” he whispered, still gripping my arm.

I moved out of his grasp and turned to face him. It was better to get this over with so I could get home quicker.

“Night, Weston and Grace,” I mumbled, still trying to catch my breath.

Grace startled Weston and almost fell out of his arms when she tried to jump into mine. Luckily he had the reflexes that he did and he caught her before she fell.

“You can’t do that, Grace. You scared Daddy,” he scolded.

“Sorry, Daddy. Kiss Lena,” she whispered, her lip started to quiver, breaking my heart in the process.

He got closer to me and she reached out and placed a slobbery kiss on my cheek. Those kisses were always the best kisses, and I had to push back the tears that threatened to fall.

“I don’t know what came over her. She’s never like this around people she just met,” he explained as he put her back on his hip.

“It’s okay. Kids will be kids,” I replied with a shrug.

“See you at work on Monday, Magdalena,” he replied before he walked away.

The moment he turned around I felt like I could breathe again. Between him grabbing my arm and his little girl, I thought my heart would pound out of my chest. Interacting with people was harder than I remembered, and I didn’t know if I wanted to try this again.

I got in my SUV, started the engine, and cranked up the heat. The coldness from the November air was finally registering. My brain had blocked it out to get through the night, but as I sat there seeing my breath in the air, I wondered if I’d ever be remotely normal again or if I was destined to remain a recluse who could only focus on the grief that consumed me.

T
he moment
I looked into her eyes, I saw it. The shock and fear when it registered that Grace was mine. I’d never gotten the vibe from her that it would matter whether I had a child, but apparently it did. Now I wanted to know why. Especially since my daughter never went up to strangers. She was usually reserved until she got to know someone better, but not with Magdalena. She was immediately drawn to her the same way I was. Which was why I questioned the fear. The shock I could understand. I hadn’t gotten around to telling her about Grace. We’d only crossed paths three times in the past week I’d worked for her. I was more focused on getting a sliver of information out of her rather than tell her about my daughter. Now I wished I’d told her.

I worriedly ran my hands across the steering wheel the entire ride home. I glanced in the rearview mirror and noticed that the little girl who held my heart was out like a light, her head off to the side of her car seat and her thumb in her mouth. I was shocked that she’d fallen asleep without her blanket and bear, but she’d played hard today so I knew she’d be exhausted tonight.

I pulled into the driveway of the house I grew up in and parked my truck next to my dad’s, but I left the truck running. I needed time to think. Time to figure out what my next move would be. I’d figured out two things since our first encounter. She was extremely fragile even if she didn’t admit to it and she wanted people in her life even if she said otherwise. I saw the look in her eyes when I talked about my siblings and the get-togethers I had with my friends. She missed that interaction more than she cared to admit. Now I just had to coax her little by little to get back into the game without her realizing that was what I was doing. She had a feisty streak to her even if I’d yet to have seen it up to this point.

As I was lost in my own thoughts of trying to figure out where to go next with Magdalena, a knock on the window broke me from my trance. I opened the door to find my father waiting on the other side.

“You gonna sit out here all night or are you gonna come inside?” he asked with a laugh.

“I’m coming inside. Just had a weird night, and I needed a moment to think about it?” I replied as I shut off the engine to the truck.

As I climbed out of the truck, I heard the back door open and my dad gently talking to Grace as he got her out of the back. We both gently shut the doors and walked toward the porch.

When we went inside the house, I kissed Grace on top of her head and watched my dad proudly walk her down the hall to her room. I walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

Just as I opened it and took the first gulp, my dad came into the room and motioned for me to sit down at the table with him.

“So what has my son needing to sit out in his truck to think?”

“The woman that I work for, so to speak, was at the game tonight. We’ve talked a few times since I started there, but tonight she found out about Grace. The fear that crossed her face the second she realized she was mine made me want to know what spooked her, but before I could even have a conversation with her, she left. Now I’m left wondering what the hell I can do to get her to open up to me. She gets weirded out every time we talk, but the last time she seemed less nervous. And Clyde’s been no help at all. I tried to get some information out of him, but all he said was it wasn’t his story to tell. I have no clue what to do, Dad. Something about her pulls me toward her, calls to me, and I can’t break down her barriers for anything. Whenever I’m around her I want to ask her questions, but the first time I asked about her husband she got upset and left. I just have so many questions and not one answer to go on,” I replied, taking another gulp of water from the bottle when I finished rambling.

“Well now, son. It appears that you’ve gotten yourself in quite the predicament. First and foremost, you need to find out if she’s still married. You don’t want to involve yourself in that if she is, unless you’re just her friend. Secondly, you need to figure out if she’s against having kids around. You don’t need that type of person in your life either. Thirdly, if you get the answers that you’re seeking and you find out that she’s not married and loves kids, you need to figure out what about this woman has you needing to be around her and fight like hell to keep it. I had the same feeling when I’d get around your mother for the first few encounters. That pull is something special and shouldn’t be ignored. But, and yes there is a but. You need to make sure that you have the right to fight for her in the first place before you do anything. The moment you have those answers, the possibilities are endless. Now tell me a little about the woman that’s got you all riled up?” I’d never heard him talk that way about his and my mother’s connection, and it made me happy to hear that he fought to have her in his life from the beginning. That they had the special bond that I instantly felt when I was around Magdalena.

“She’s got the most beautiful green eyes that I’ve ever seen and long, dark brown hair. She’s got this sadness about her that makes me want to wrap my arms around her and never let her go, but at the same time I can see the fight in her just waiting to be unleashed. She’s unsure of something, and I want to figure out what it is so I can help her get to the other side of it. There’s just so much emotion that clogs up my thoughts when I get around her, that I don’t know how to handle it. Then I end up making an ass out of myself in the process. It’s kind of funny when I think about it now, but embarrassing as hell when I’m living in those moments,” I confessed, feeling better and better the more I poured my soul out to my father.

“And just how bad did you make an ass out of yourself? This I have to hear. All of my sons’ are such smooth talkers. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a story about any of you making an idiot out of yourselves in front of a woman.” He apparently loved the fact that I was such a fool.

“Well, every time I get around her, I scare the daylights out of her. Not on purpose or anything, but this last time, I scared her so bad that she fell backward on her ass as she screamed her head off. God I’m such an idiot when it comes to this girl, Dad. You’ve got no idea. I’ve never been this way around the opposite sex. What the hell has this woman done to me?” I pleaded, needing to know how in the world I would get over the feelings that coursed through me when she was near so that I never had to live in those embarrassing moments ever again.

“That’s called the pull, son. That feeling when you’re around her, that calls out to you, it’s the same reason you’re acting like an idiot. But in the same sense, it’s the most amazing feeling in the world once you figure it out. I can’t tell you how to overcome the idiocy, but I can tell you that you’ll never be able to ignore the pull. It’s kind of like guitar strings in a sense. They need to be pulled tight in order to produce the proper sound. The pull’s no different. The strings that have bonded you together will get tighter and tighter the more you’re around her until you’ve both been drawn together the way you should be. Now you might want to get the answers to those questions that I told you to get answered. Cause it sounds like the pull has already started to get tighter on your end. I don’t want you to crash and burn because you got closer than you should have with another man’s woman.” He made sense on one hand but completely fucked with my head on the other. Now I had to figure out a way to bring up the rings that she wore on her finger without having her breakdown on me yet again.

I drank the last of my water and patted my dad’s shoulder as I walked by to head to bed. He gave me so much to think about, and I feared that sleep would allude me for quite some time tonight because I was bound and determined to figure this shit out before I let sleep claim me.

“Thanks for the words of wisdom tonight, Dad. It feels good to know that you understand exactly what I’m going through. Now I just gotta figure out where I want this to go and if it’s even worth it in the end,” I replied as I walked out of the room.

Vaguely, I heard him respond, “If everything works out the way I hope it does, you’ll never have a greater feeling in the world than when those strings are bound as tight as they’ll go and the love that you feel is able to make the most joyous music to your ears.”