Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy (60 page)

‘Now you know everything and I am truly sorry if you are upset that he was there.’

He lowers his eyes as if giving me time and space to consider my response.

Am I upset that he was there? I may have been if I had known before, but now that I know him, have seen the look in his eyes, how he provides me with a serenity I’ve never experienced before, I know I’m not upset. Something seems exactly right about him being there. It’s as though my dream about the owl with Leo’s eyes, and my flying as the eagle — trying to protect my eggs in the nest lest they should fall — is making some strange kind of subconscious sense. Everything seems to have unfolded in a perfectly timed sequence of events for me not to be upset or angry, just accepting of this reality. Maybe the unusual connection I feel to
Leo is founded on something after all, just something I don’t have the knowledge to understand yet.

Jeremy is patiently waiting for me to process this information before seeking my response.

‘Would you have told me if I had asked?’ I say.

‘Asked if he was there?’ I nod. ‘Of course. I can’t lie to you, AB.’

‘And you’ll tell him that I know?’

‘Only if you are comfortable with that.’

For some reason, I feel that Leo knowing that I’m aware that he was there, is a critical piece of this mystic puzzle but I have no idea why.

‘Yeah, I am actually.’ Jeremy’s face collapses in relief that we have managed to work through this potential danger zone between us.

‘Is there anything else you want to ask before I claim what’s mine for the foreseeable future? Or at least for tonight.’ His mood changes and his eyes glaze with lust. I can see the heightening of his erection and shake my head, indicating the matter is closed for the moment, which may be likened to waving a red flag to a bull.

Jeremy has clearly taken Leo’s sexual ultimatum as a challenge to possess every orifice of my body. We fly to heaven and back too many times to count, my voice becoming too hoarse to achieve any further coherent sound, which should no doubt benefit my future silence. Our sexual intercourse is akin to the jungle animals surrounding us. It is as if he has been told he could never touch me again in his life, such is
his desire for me tonight. The man is insatiable. For the first time in my life, I finally decide to swallow his seed, which leaves him utterly dumbfounded and, seemingly, in absolute awe of me. The euphoria I feel at succumbing to this final act of surrender with him is an astoundingly and surprisingly beautiful moment between us, one neither of us will forget, so firmly emblazoned is it in our memories.

Many, many hours later, I’m finally allowed to fall asleep in sheer physical and sexual exhaustion. Not that I’m complaining, it is a blissful, sated sleep for me. I can’t say the same for him.

When I awake, Jeremy has a bath running and my tired limbs appreciate soaking in the warmth for the last time in however long.

‘Oh no, you’ve got to be kidding.’ I shake my head in response to the erection striding toward me. ‘You can’t possibly have anything left in you.’ His face says it all. Apparently he does.

Eventually, we make it to the main house of our jungle village for breakfast, though I’m sure we’ve well and truly passed that time of day. I’m absolutely starving and thankfully Jeremy, who seems to have more energy after our activities rather than less, is happy to whip up a storm in the kitchen, which I enthusiastically devour. The kids are racing around gathering things together.

‘Jordan, what’s going on, what’s the rush?’ I manage to catch him as he passes in a frenzy of activity.

‘We’re going to the village to live with Marcu and his friends for a few days.’ I remember that Marcu is the teenager who now knows the macarena.

Elizabeth joins him, equally excited. ‘They’ve invited us to go and we’re leaving in the next hour. It’s going to be a real jungle adventure.’

They continue past as I stare after them, astonished. When was all this decided? My motherly instinct automatically kicks into gear. I’m not used to plans about my kids being made without my direct involvement. Thoughts of anacondas, tarantulas, panthers, piranhas and giant sloths falling from trees, bombard my brain, as I fear for their safety.

Robert appears conveniently from around the corner with a backpack ready and notices the concerned look on my face. ‘It’s okay, Alex. Adam and I are going too so there is no need to worry. It’ll be a great experience for them. They’ll love it, just like they loved the wilderness in Tassie. Besides, how many kids get to have an experience like this in the Brazilian rainforest?’ I remain unswayed. ‘Anyway, Leo tells me you have an adventure of your own starting today.’

At this reminder, butterflies take off in full flight in my belly and I’m at a loss for words.

‘Thanks for worrying about us though,’ Robert continues, ‘but we’ll be fine. The kids have been waiting for hours to say goodbye to you. We were told to leave you both alone,’ he says with a cheeky grin.

‘I … oh … yes, well …’ I blush as I glance at Jeremy who is standing innocently at the sink, pretending to focus on doing the washing up.

‘And now they can. Elizabeth, Jordan,’ he yells, ‘as soon as you say goodbye to Mum, we’ll be ready to go.’

Their excited faces bounce toward me as they wrap their arms around me in little bear hug goodbyes. There’s no time for any emotion given their enthusiastic swarm of activity before they vanish.

I turn toward Jeremy just as Leo appears from the room next door to join us and I just shake my head at the perfection of their planning. There’s nothing quite like having every detail of your life coordinated to the extent where it is absolutely impossible to go against the flow of the tsunami. Men!

They both smile knowingly, their conspiracy a success. They knew full well that saying goodbye to the kids would be the most difficult thing for me to do, but it only took a few seconds and they magically disappeared. Deep down, I know it is foolish to underestimate the intelligence of the men standing before me, so why am I so surprised it has happened this way? Maybe I’d always secretly hoped that I could outsmart them. Even more idiotic on my part. I don’t bother saying anything, it would be futile anyway so I just accept what is.

Jeremy reassures me with a kiss on the lips that all will be okay and hands me a jungle-strength coffee. Leo, still with the grin on his face, places his hand on my shoulders. A warm electric current immediately
shivers through my entire body. I really need to get to the bottom of why he has such an effect on me.

‘Good to see you’re making the most of kisses and coffee before you go. We’ll leave as soon as you’re ready.’

Jeremy growls at him and turns to me. ‘That’s us being told, sweetheart. The time has come.’

I realise most of what I may need has already been thoughtfully packed on my behalf, so I’m concentrating on toiletries in the bathroom, though how much I’ll need for a jungle trek I’m not too sure. It’s not like it will be five-star, or even one-star for that matter, though I suppose it will definitely be millions of stars if I consider a different perspective. I’m fossicking through the cupboard when Jeremy appears at the door.

‘Nearly ready? I need to do your medical before we leave.’

‘Medical? Honestly?’ He stares at me with a ‘What else would you expect from me’ look. I should have known that Jeremy would take his ‘scientific’ responsibilities as seriously as he does his career. ‘Great, so the research begins …’ His smile is both kind and non-negotiable. ‘I’m just looking for a new contraceptive patch. I’ve just realised I haven’t changed it since we’ve been here, I’m sure I must be well overdue.’

‘I’m afraid you won’t find it in there, sweetheart. It wasn’t packed.’ My searching pauses, but I don’t absorb his words.

‘Would it bother you, going
au naturel
for this trip?’ He slides his arms around my waist.

‘Oh, well, I’m not sure, I haven’t thought about it. I suppose not, but I’ve had a patch since Jordan was born …’

‘We were hoping you wouldn’t mind your hormone levels returning to their natural state in your body for this trip. I meant to speak to you about it on the plane, but it slipped my mind and I haven’t thought about it since we’ve been here.’

‘Well, it would have been nice to be consulted, I must admit. But what about —’

He pre-empts me, ‘No sex rule, remember? That should keep you safe.’ He turns me around so I’m facing him, and I see genuine regret in his eyes.

I just shake my head, flabbergasted, yet knowing there is no use arguing about it. ‘Whatever … go with the flow …’

‘Thanks, AB, and I’m sorry, I did honestly mean to discuss it with you.’ He looks relieved that I’m not making an issue of it. I throw my toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant and some moisturiser into my toiletries bag and at the last minute, a packet of tampons. Just what I need in the jungle, a humongous period. I hope they realise what they’re in for with the mood swings that will accompany ‘
au naturel
’!

Dr Quinn goes into full professional mode conducting his medical on my body, recording every response with great finesse. There is no deterring him from his task, although he concedes a few smiles at my cheeky passes at him. Blood tests, body measurements, pap test, reflexes, blood pressure … the list goes on.

Eventually, we are ready to go. The good news is, I don’t have to carry a single thing except my water bottle, which is fantastic for me. My main aim apparently is to absorb myself in walking to the rhythm of the jungle. Can’t be too hard, surely. Oh, and make the most of conversation while others still have the right to engage with me. I have no idea what I’m walking into and I know that backing out now is not an option. Everything that has happened up until now has been preparing me for what lies ahead.

I feel a little anxious, but with a touch of excitement, which surprises me though I’m not sure whether that puts me in the category of brave or stupid. No doubt I’ll find out soon enough.

Jeremy rubs his hands along either side of my arms as though he can actually feel the nervous tension building in my system. ‘I will be with you every step of the way, sweetheart. Always by your side.’

‘And you trust that this will work out, J?’ I can’t help but question his commitment, one final time.

‘I trust Leo wholeheartedly. He’s never let me down in all the years I have known him, so yes, I trust that we should embrace this process and see where it leads us. Any other path is even more fraught with danger.’

I swallow my fear at his words, knowing them to be true and pull his head toward me to make my last contact with his lips. Jeremy packs up his medical kit, which will no doubt be accompanying us and I put my Jungle Jane clothes back on — sadly, they are not quite
as attractive as the movies depict — and we join the others who have been patiently waiting.

I sense that now is the beginning of the end of my journey. One that I have committed to take, which is why we are here. There is no looking back. I need my companions’ bravery as much as I need my own as we take our first steps into this unknown adventure together.

S
alina feels as though she has struck gold when her plan falls into place. She reaches the end of the track and appears in a lobby where the group of people are preparing to enter the facility. They have white lab coats on and not a hair our of place, so she quickly assembles her hospital outfit and grabs a pair of thick-framed glasses out of her backpack, ensuring her small Smith & Wesson Bodyguard handgun is tucked discreetly in her coat pocket.

Leaving her backpack in the shadows, she casually meanders over to join the main group and blends with Xsade’s new inductee scientists. Shiny silver doors ping open to reveal a large elevator. They cram in before descending further beneath the lake.

The facility is more impressive and high tech than she expected and she stares at the silver-suited volunteers her group passes in the corridors, trying to imagine
Dr Blake in similar attire. Salina has memorised every detail of the case and feels like she knows both doctors, Blake and Votrubec, intimately.

She continues along with the inductees and is pleased they are encouraged to ask questions, helping her to establish the basic layout of the lab. She wonders where they could be keeping Josef. For all she knows, they could have a whole series of lower levels. No wonder Alexa’s bracelet didn’t register; it’s as though they are in the depths of the earth. Her phone is definitely useless down here and she hopes Luke isn’t too concerned about how long she’s been gone just yet.

One of the young, eager scientists asks their tour leader if Madame Jurilique still intends to address the group at the end of the information session. Indeed she does. Nothing quite like having internal verification that the target is in the building.

The day science begins to study non-physical
phenomena, it will make more progress in one
decade than in all the previous centuries of
existence.

Nikola Tesla

O
ur little group consists of the two tribal elders, Yaku, Leo, Jeremy and myself. The jeeps picked us up from Avalon and delivered us to the spot from which we will commence our trek. I didn’t think it seemed possible to be more deeply in the jungle than we were at Avalon, but once again I tell myself to always expect the unexpected, the new mantra for my life as my preconceived constructs continue to be eroded.

Now that our actual journey is underway, I do feel a sense of calm … it is virtually impossible for any Xsade spies to have a clue where we are. These thoughts, among others, meander through my mind as we continue our climb upward through the mountain jungle. The heat and humidity is at breaking point and I’m looking forward to the daily afternoon downpour that leaves you soaked to the core but also refreshed
and revived. I’m continually drinking my water, which is tinged with citrus and mint, replenishing what I’m losing in perspiration. Conversation has been sporadic as we settle into the rhythm of our steps, each finding the pace that suits us best. Nothing can be rushed in this heat; it would leave you with no air to breathe. I begin to find it quite meditative, slowing my breathing, easing my pace but knowing I’m slowly moving forward, step by step to somewhere, even if it is unknown to me.

The jungle is brimming with insect and bird life and is almost dreamlike in its vibrant beauty. Leo was right, you don’t need much conversation when you immerse yourself in a natural wonderland such as this.

Our little group pauses at a small clearing to take in the magnificent forest below as the rainclouds come tumbling in. I smile at Jeremy and inhale the scent of the rain deeply into my lungs before it actually arrives. It is one of my favourite smells — the earth’s perfume as she awaits the liquid that will quench her thirst and give her the gift of abundant life.

There is no need for umbrellas or coats as the rain cascades toward us. I stand with my arms outstretched, welcoming its temporary cool wetness against my skin.

‘You still love the afternoon downpour, AB?’ Jeremy knows I’ve embraced the heavy rainfall that arrives religiously every day.

‘I love everything about it, the smell, the feel, the taste, the sight of it. It’s as if Mother Nature is tantalising us with her brilliance. Just when the heat becomes too oppressive, almost unbearable, she
provides us with this. Overloading our senses but continuing to hide her secrets.’

‘I feel the same way. It is indeed a gift to be able to experience nature like this,’ adds Leo, as we stand in awe of the beauty surrounding us. I’m suddenly a little overwhelmed with gratitude for what Leo has done for us. I turn to him beside me.

‘Thank you, Leo. For everything. I would never have believed this journey was possible, let alone that I’d have the opportunity to experience anything like this with both of you, my family and tribal elders guiding our path. There is magic in its unexpectedness.’

His eyes reflect the deeper meaning of my words and even though he remains silent, I know he understands.

I hug Leo and feel the same familiar electricity, emitting kindness and a sense of calm over my psyche that occurs every time our bodies connect, even now when we are completely saturated. I don’t know why it’s like that between us but since I met him in Miami, his presence seems to give me the courage to accept my fate, knowing he will be by my side. Even stranger is when I have spoken to Jeremy about this he shows no jealousy or concern, just acceptance that this is the way things should be. Perhaps he is more Zen than I ever give him credit for.

After our brief respite, the rains pass and our journey continues up and over the side of the mountain.

We eventually arrive at our evening destination, our first bivouac truly under the stars and I’m infused with excitement. I gaze around and am immediately drawn to
a magnificent tree looming high above us, its branches outstretched like arms ready to either embrace or to capture our small gathering. This contrast intrigues me.

‘Leo, what tree is that?’ He has a brief discussion with the elders who seemingly nod their heads in discussion and approval at my question.

‘That is the grand lupuna tree, which contains a spirit that is regarded as the guardian of the rainforest. Its trunk is said to resemble a human abdomen and must be treated with the respect its majesty deserves.’

‘Are we able to walk up to touch it?’ I can’t explain it, I’ve always had an intense desire to touch giant trees and this one in particular is pulling me irresistibly toward it. Again, he confers with the elders.

‘Yes, you may. Follow Yaku, he will take you. The local legend is if you insult the tree it is known to take revenge with its magic. If you respect its presence, it will protect you from the dangers of the rainforest,’ he says with a wink and a smile.

‘Nothing but respect, Leo, I can assure you.’

‘I’d never doubt that, Alexandra.’ His words make it sound as though he’s known me for years rather than weeks. ‘We’ll stay here and set things up for tonight. Enjoy.’

I go to give Jeremy a quick kiss and his arms hold me back. ‘Sorry, sweetheart, I promised.’

‘Really?’ I ask, shocked. ‘Not even a kiss?’

‘I’m afraid not.’

‘Jeez, I would have made more of an effort to have a decent farewell.’

‘I don’t think we did too badly, AB,’ he adds with the cheeky smile I love. As soon he mentions it, I feel the lingering tenderness in my groin.

‘Hear, hear,’ confirms Leo with a laugh. ‘We had to wait for hours for you two.’

I blush. ‘Okay. I’m sorry. So my celibacy begins,’ I say as I take one last swig of water.

I look toward Leo anticipating a joke or some additional sarcastic comment. None arrives. I’m getting to know that Leo doesn’t joke about things he firmly believes in.

I reluctantly shake my head in acceptance as I stride off to commune with the tree.

What a wonder. The tree is huge, well over fifty metres tall with a trunk almost ten metres wide. Its roots are seriously anchored within the forest floor and its leaves stretch way beyond the canopy in search of the sun. As I touch its massive belly, the energy surrounding the tree encompasses me, giving me a sense of its strength and serenity. I can understand why this spiritual tree demands respect.

I stand with my palms pressed against the trunk for a few minutes before finding a position on a rock where I can observe the tree’s massive form and sense its energy more fully. As I watch from a distance, Yaku pays homage to the giant lupuna by chanting and meditating on his knees at its roots. After a while he carefully pierces the trunk and extracts some sap from underneath its bark to put carefully in his pouch.

As he does so, it dawns on me that I’m in a giant natural pharmacy, where people knew, and some still know, how to heal using what the plants have within them. I suddenly have a deep understanding that nature is offering us so much more than we realise if we just open our eyes to the opportunities of nature and medicine combined.

Just as these profound thoughts flood my mind, I hear a loud sharp screech high above our heads. Yaku appears to give thanks to both the tree and the eagle we see soaring high above us.

‘Harpy eagle. It is sign, we are ready,’ he says in his broken English.

I glance up at the huge eagle swirling high above us, around and around the lupuna tree. It appears nature is well and truly talking to Yaku and I know that very soon, nature will be the only thing talking to me. I, too, pay my respects, copying his actions and we return silently to the group.

Our camp beds are laid out in the clearing around a fire that should protect us from wild animals during the night. Yaku is eager to explain exactly what happened at the lupuna to Leo before he leaves to consult with the two other elders. They start preparing some potion with leaves and the extract from the tree. I try to remain as calm as I was in the presence of the tree before the eagle’s screech, but I can feel the adrenaline creeping into my nervous system as I sense my spiritual journey is about to begin. I tell myself over and over that it will be fine. I can do this.

As we gather around the fire, my stomach is rumbling from not having eaten for many hours. I take a sip from my water bottle, but it’s now empty so I go to fill it when I notice everyone is seated around the fire.

‘Alexandra, please. Come join us,’ Leo calls.

The time has come. Oh, jeez, why am I so nervous? He places his hand in mine and guides me to the seat next to him and beside Jeremy. Immediately his touch allows me to inhale and exhale more slowly and provides me with a sense of calm. I don’t withdraw my palm when I’m seated; it gives me the security I feel I need. I glance at Jeremy and hold his hand as well, with a half-hearted, nervous smile.

‘All will be well, Alexa. We will be here with you physically every step of the way.’

Even though it’s not the physical component I’m worried about, I still appreciate his words, making the most of what may be the last of his voice. But I have to wonder where in god’s name will I be? I’ll be fine, I reassure my mind; plenty of people have done this before. People have been doing it for years to achieve an enlightened state …

I glance around realising that everyone is waiting for me to be present with them, as if they can hear my internal chatter themselves. That would be embarrassing. I breathe deeply again, relax, just relax.

Leo, naturally, leads the description of what happens next.

‘Yaku tells us that the harpy eagle, the most powerful raptor in the Americas, has signalled that
the spirits are ready to accept and guide your entry into their world. Usually the soul flight of a westerner would only occur with the shaman, but apparently the spirit of the lupuna, the most powerful protector in the jungle, will ensure your safe return to this place and the elders have been granted permission for you to commence your journey a little earlier than planned.’

I can’t really speak, not that I have too much to say. I feel like I’m going into some form of surgery that all the doctors are completely comfortable with because they’ve done it so many times before, neglecting the fact that it may be the patient’s first time under the knife and they are utterly petrified. Apprehension is whooshing through my body so profoundly I’m surprised they can’t hear it.

‘In experiencing soul flight, we are able to tap into nature in its purest form, our original human design. We have the opportunity to ask ourselves whether we are living the life that is our destiny, the reason we were born. It inspires us to re-align and adjust our lives in the present and awaken the innocence in our hearts. It isn’t about exploring uncharted territory so much as simply coming full circle, returning home to our purest self, our simplest essence and deciding whether we accept this into the here and now. On occasions, soul flight may show us glimpses of our ancestral past; this can serve to provide greater understanding of our future, though it may not be clear at the time. Once your journey commences, Alexandra, you will only commune with nature, without human interference,
until your journey concludes. It will begin with your first sip of this drink, prepared by the elders. Its ingredients have been determined via messages from the spirit world.’

I decide to ask while I know someone will still answer: ‘How long will I be gone for?’ I raise my fingers to highlight the word ‘gone’.

‘No one knows the answer to that question; it depends on your own journey. Just like in dreams, sometimes what seems like a long time occurs in seconds; other people can feel like they have been gone only moments to find it has been days. Your soul flight will be completely unique to you.’

‘Don’t you think it would be better to wait until I’m with the shaman?’ I make my last desperate plea to prolong the inevitable.

Leo briefly exchanges words with the elders. ‘Yaskomo, the shaman, is aware the journey needs to commence now, as the eagle is a sign from the spirit world. You will meet him at the point of your journey when the stars align.’

I really don’t get the whole ‘stars align’ thing that they keep mentioning so I don’t bother asking and move on to more practical issues, like my rumbling stomach.

‘Are we eating first?’

‘No, you will not eat, it is a far more powerful and insightful experience when abstaining from food. The only thing you are to ingest is the ayahuasca mixed with the sap of the lupuna tree.’ He indicates the pot hanging over the fire.

‘And that is what exactly?’

This time Jeremy answers. ‘Ayahuasca is a brew of pyschoactive decoctions prepared from the
Banisteriopsis caapi
vine mixed with leaves of dimethyltryptamine, or DMT.’

I just stare at him blankly. His scientific explanation is as helpful to me as Yaku explaining it in his native language.

‘It was described by a Harvard ethnobotanist in the 1950s as having divinatory and healing purposes.’ It sounds like this provides some credibility that otherwise wouldn’t exist from Jeremy’s perspective.

Leo chimes in. ‘It’s also known to provide spiritual revelations regarding a person’s purpose on earth and give insight into being the best they can be, by accessing a higher spiritual dimension.’ Leo and Jeremy seem to be teaming up to offer a balanced science-meets-spirituality explanation. How lovely!

‘Are there any known side effects?’

‘Vomiting and potentially diarrhoea,’ Jeremy replies. Hmm, not so good. ‘Medically, it is a reaction to the mild toxins released in your stomach as a result of ingesting the brew. But spiritually, it is the release of negative emotions and energy built over the span of your human life.’

‘I’m impressed.’ I try to squeeze Jeremy’s hand wondering when he had time to do this research, although it shouldn’t surprise me. This is well and truly his forte. He shakes his head apologetically, rejecting my touch.

‘So you’re both saying I should come through this more enlightened, understand the universe and my place in it, and maybe even a little lighter than I am now, correct?’

They both laugh.

‘More or less, sweetheart, yes, that’s the idea. But hopefully not too much lighter, you’re perfect the way you are.’ His eyes glance at Leo’s, almost pleading for a promise that that is all that will happen to me.