Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy (59 page)

‘As you both know I have been visiting the Wai-Wai people on and off for the past three years. They have been generous in allowing me to live with their tribe and understand their way of life, including their ancient traditions and connections to their spiritual world, for which I am eternally indebted to them. During my last trip, I had the privilege of taking a five-day journey with their head shaman, who guided my first experience of soul flight.’

Conscious that the elders understand very little English, Leo takes a moment to acknowledge the tribe’s generosity toward him, in their native language, before continuing. ‘It became clear to me during this experience, and after having read your thesis, Alexandra, that the events which have transpired over recent months are in no way coincidental.’

‘My thesis?’ I squeak, my voice coming out rather high-pitched.

This comment certainly has my attention. My original thesis, which I completed almost fifteen years
ago, was on masochism and the ego in relation to the female form and specifically explored the work of Sabina Spielrein. It was also the reason Jeremy organised the specific style of my submission for his experiment, after I admitted to him in a moment of youth-infused weakness that it had been an unfulfilled fantasy of mine, something I had never been brave enough to explore personally, only via research. Something he remembered when I thought it had been long forgotten. I should have known better.

‘What on earth has that got to do with any of this?’ I continue, my eyes flickering nervously between Jeremy, Leo and the elders. Not in a complete panic but not far from it.

‘Surprisingly, quite a bit. That is what we hope to discover and in doing so, we aim to unravel the apparent mystery of the healing element in your blood.’

I feel like I have gone into a state of semi-shock as my brain processes the links between my thesis, the experiment and everything that has happened since.

‘Would you like some water, AB?’ I nod confirmation to Jeremy who seems forever attuned to my needs.

Once we are again settled and silent, Leo continues. ‘Tonight I want to provide you with some insight on soul flight and the necessary preparations you must undertake before you embark on this unique and privileged experience. The Wai-Wai people are chosen for this journey only when the shaman deems they are spiritually ready. Ever since the tribe was discovered
in the twentieth century, white people have asked to be able to participate. Those who are obsessed with power, wealth and material possessions, are greedy or destructive or experience ongoing stress in their lives, are told they will never be ready for such a journey and leave disappointed that no amount of money can sway the shaman, as that is not what he values. Those who embody humility, kindness, forgiveness and generosity, who engage in exploration of the imagination, the unknown or unfamiliar are more likely to be given the gift of soul flight. It is a gift in the sense that not everyone who attempts it is capable of achieving it. It requires an instinctive intelligence and a strong sense of spirit, which we believe you have.’ He gestures toward our small fireside gathering, and they nod in agreement. ‘This, combined with a willingness to explore the heart and soul of your nature, will, we hope, guide us to the source of what science has not been able to discover … the enigma of your blood.’

I can’t help but inhale deeply at the enormity of his statements and the huge expectations they create. Leo notices at once. ‘Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate a sceptic’s viewpoint, and scientific verification of presumed “miracles”, as much as the next person, which is why I dearly value my esteemed colleague and wonderful friend.’ He acknowledges Jeremy and this time it is my turn to squeeze his hand. ‘And that is one of the roles he will play on this journey. Our best scenario is that he will provide us with the scientific verification we aspire to, but I am under no delusions,
however. Without Jeremy I would never have been able to convince you to take this journey with us, for which I will be forever grateful to him. I’ll say again that all of us being here together is beyond coincidence. I believe we are on the brink of a connection to the untapped universal web of nature, sexuality and spirituality, which is yet to be understood by science and western medicine. It is my opinion that a combination of these will provide us with the opportunity to seek the truth and will take us to a new level of understanding; a level that east and west have been skirting around, but as yet have not successfully integrated. Alexandra, I believe your blood is potentially one of the critical elements that can help unlock the key to this integration. This is why the paths of our lives have crossed at this point, at this time.’

My mind slowly absorbs Leo’s words and the peaceful, yet abundantly alive, forest surroundings. The elders look as if they have tapped into an inner silence unknown to us and are seated in an almost trance-like state. The rhythm and intonation of Leo’s words can make you feel as if you’re floating, he is an amazing orator. Jeremy has subconsciously moved closer to my body, forever fulfilling his role as lover and protector.

‘Any questions so far before I move on to the specific preparations?’ Leo glances around our small group; we are still mesmerised by him. ‘No? Okay. It will take us a few days of jungle travel to reach the shaman. During this time, Alexandra, your immersion in the nature that surrounds you is fundamental. The elders will let
us know when the time comes that we are no longer to speak to you.’

‘What?’ I screech out before I can stop myself. Not more conditions?

‘Engaging with your inner silence is imperative and we will all support you in this process.’

‘But what if I need to say something, to ask something?’

‘You may ask, but your voice is the only one you will hear on our travels. Silence is preferred, no artificial input should intrude on your journey and human voices will be kept to a minimum. This will allow nature to be your key source of communication.’

‘So I can ask, but you won’t respond?’

‘Not in a verbal sense, no.’ Great, I think semi-sarcastically. He continues. ‘When you eat, you will eat only lightly and naturally. We will be living off the jungle, eating food we gather, preparing lotions to protect our skin and drinking special herbal teas that may cause sensations of an altered state of consciousness. They will not be harmful and will only affect you in the short term. Having experienced this myself, I would recommend that you embrace these changed states wholeheartedly, for this is where true learning and understanding occurs.’

Leo had alluded to this before we left Miami so it doesn’t come as too much of a shock. I’m actually quite keen to experience what happens, or if anything really does. I wonder if more natural, herbal medicines could possibly have the same impact that western chemicals
have on my body — an interesting experiment from a scientific perspective, though I can’t say what my beliefs are on the spiritual side. I suppose I’ll find out soon enough. I nod in agreement and a quick thought crosses my mind.

‘Can I write?’

‘You mean on our journey?’

‘Yes, can I write about my experiences, thoughts, feelings as we go?’

Leo has another brief discussion with Yaku before answering me. ‘Should you be that way inclined, it’s an excellent idea, Alexandra. I was anticipating that Jeremy would be doing the analytical side but to do it from yours would be brilliant. I have a journal you can use and you can decide if and when you are happy to share it with us.’

‘Great, thanks.’

I sense that something has shifted in Leo and the elders but I don’t know what. This thought scatters through my mind and disappears. I love keeping a journal and haven’t written for months with everything else that has been going on. This somewhat lessens the concerns I have about the ‘no talking to Alexa’ rule. God, imagine telling the girls back home that? I can talk, but you can’t talk back! For someone like me that could be likened to torture. Although you never know, it could be good for me. Maybe.

I think about the times I wished for a bit of peace and quiet when the kids were little and just wouldn’t shut up, particularly when I was on the phone. I can’t
help but smile as I think of the saying: ‘be careful what you wish for’ … And here I am.

‘What are you smiling about, AB?’ Jeremy enquires, as always homing in on my facial expressions.

‘Oh, nothing really …’ I return my attention to Leo. ‘Can I ask another question?’ I shift in my seat. I suspect I’ll hesitate about asking questions for the rest of my life, thanks to Jeremy!

‘Of course you may.’

‘What was the elder doing when he touched me?’

‘He was checking to see if you are ready to embark on this journey.’

Oh, that’s news. ‘And am I?’

‘Yes, you are ready,’ he says, with a hint of pride and approval in his voice, which is a strange sensation. ‘We will be leaving tomorrow.’

Ah, so that is what had shifted between them moments ago.

‘Tomorrow. So soon?’ I can’t keep the tremble out of my voice.

‘Yes. And there is one more thing. There will be no sexual relations allowed with you on this journey.’

‘What? You have to be kidding me!’ Jeremy snaps out of his reverie, leaps from his chair and shouts into the night air. Well, this is obviously a shock to him, just as much as it is to me. If I wasn’t so amused by his reaction, I’m sure I’d be just as aggrieved as him, too, but I find it impossible to keep the smirk off my face. This is hilarious! There is nothing I love to see more than the oh-so-calm, cool and collected Dr Jeremy
Alexander Quinn completely out of his comfort zone. Leo maintains a more mature approach than I do in relation to Jeremy’s outburst.

‘No, I’m not kidding, Jaq. It is imperative for what we are
all
hoping to achieve.’

Jeremy looks exasperated, almost physically pained at his words. ‘How long will this journey take anyway?’

‘As long as it takes, my friend, as long as it takes.’

‘Fine.’ He is clearly not fine, he is clearly very disgruntled, I could even surmise he may be pouting. ‘But we have tonight, don’t we?’ he asks defiantly.

‘Yes, you have tonight.’

Still trying to stifle my laughter at Jeremy’s reaction to Leo’s words, I find myself suddenly swept up from my chair and slung over Jeremy’s shoulder, caveman-style. I’ll never understand how quickly he can do that to me. How embarrassing, in front of the elders! I attempt to swat his backside in reproach.

Leo shakes his head and chuckles. ‘I gather we won’t be leaving at first light.’

‘You’ve got that right, my friend,’ Jeremy responds as he makes a beeline to our cabin. The door shuts behind us and he throws me gently onto the bed.

‘What’s up, J? Finally a condition you find difficult to accept?’ I know I shouldn’t tease him but I just can’t help myself, his reaction is priceless. ‘How is this any different from the conditions I had to accept during our weekend together? You can’t possibly think —’

He has stripped naked and has me ambushed on the bed before I can even finish my words. ‘Don’t push
your luck, AB. The last thing you’ll want for your journey tomorrow is a sore, red arse and the mood I’m in now, I can’t deny it’s a possibility.’

‘And how, pray tell, would you explain my inability to sit down to your dear friend, Leo?’ I ask cheekily.

‘I can assure you, sweetheart, it would be nothing he hasn’t seen before.’

‘Really? I wouldn’t have thought he was that way inclined.’ I’m a little surprised at this admission from Jeremy and notice that something in his demeanour alters ever so slightly.

‘He isn’t.’

Hmm, sounds like he is trying to shut me down, which just serves to pique my interest.

‘Well, what do you mean then?’

My clothes meet the same fate as his, landing scattered on the floor. No doubt a direct attempt to dissuade me from questioning him further, so I sit up to look at him eye to eye, which he avoids. Intriguing.

‘Jeremy, seriously, I know there is something you’re not telling me. Haven’t we been through enough recently without keeping more things from each other?’ Possibilities flicker through my brain in an attempt to connect his words, a sore arse and Leo. And then it hits me like a brick. Something that should have dawned on me way before now.

‘He was there, wasn’t he?’

J shuffles around the bed uncomfortably as I pin the words on him just as I straddle him physically while he weighs up his answer.

‘Please don’t pretend to not know what I’m talking about. I learnt my lesson about doing that to you the hard way. It would be insulting if you tried it in reverse.’ My tone is deadly serious. ‘He saw me, during the experiment? My pleasure, my pain, my arousal. He saw it all, didn’t he?’

I don’t even need Jeremy to answer me as I can hear the truth in his silence, see it in his body language. Nevertheless, I need him to acknowledge this to me now, personally.

‘Yes, Alexa, he was there,’ he admits solemnly.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I wasn’t sure how you’d respond. I assumed if you had wanted to know who was there you would have asked by now. But I can’t deny that I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable around him when you met him for the first time knowing what he had observed.’

‘And it was after … when he, well, saw me, experienced me like that, he asked for my thesis?’ I ask perplexed, this new version of events tumbling around in my mind.

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘To be honest, since all of this began he seems to have been on some sort of quest. It’s as if everything that happened during our weekend in Sydney sparked something in him. That’s why he offered me Avalon for your recovery and went to every extreme to ensure you were protected. After he received your thesis in the States he came straight down here to spend time in the
jungle to experience soul flight, as you’re aware. When Moira eventually got the message through to him that you had been abducted, he was beside himself, apparently, stopping at nothing to help me help you, any way he could. Since then he seems to believe we have the key to the missing link he has been looking for his whole life, that us being here is much more than coincidence, as he said by the fire. But he can’t explain any more than that to me at the moment. It’s as if he’s depending on your own experience of soul flight to shed light on everything that seems to be in darkness at the moment.’ He allows me to remain straddling his body, gently stroking the curves of my waist, as I absorb his words.