Destiny's Bride (33 page)

“Especially since what?” Walt sat straighter, his head cocked.

She steeled herself. “I…I believed I was pregnant.”

Walt’s eyes widened. “Were you?”

Should she lie, tell the truth, feign illness? Doubt engulfed her.

“Well?”

“Yes, yes I was, and I was terrified I was going to have a baby all by myself. I was panic-stricken at the thought of being alone, so I went with Lone Eagle.” She bit her bottom lip, hoping Walt understood the direness of her situation.

“Went with him? You went with him, willingly?”

“Would you rather I stayed alone and died?”

Walt didn’t answer right away. Cecile’s heart pounded like a hammer against an anvil.

He slowly shook his head. “I’m so sorry I put you in a position of having to make that decision. How can I be mad at you? It wasn’t your fault.” A pained looked glazed his eyes.

Cecile sat next to him and told about her travels to the winter campground, her gnawing fear of not being accepted by the tribe, and her eventual reception in the Sioux camp. She described the warm way in which they welcomed her, but for only one reason. She paused to take a breath and gather her courage. Walt reached for her hand.

“What exactly was the reason?” His dark brow rose.

“Because… I…I was the woman of Lone Eagle.”  She held her breath.

Walt gasped and dropped his hand from hers as if it had turned to fire. He stood and walked to the hearth where he remained for several minutes with his back to her. Suddenly he spun around, asking pointedly, “And were you the woman of Lone Eagle?”

He turned back around. “I can’t bear to see your face when you answer me.”

Cecile walked over and put her hand on his shoulder. “Walt, I don’t want to talk to your back. I need you to look at me.”

He faced her.

“I wasn’t his woman in that way for a very long time, but yes, I became his wife. I didn’t have you anymore. I was in an unfamiliar place with people who were strangers to me. Lone Eagle was the only person to cling to. I didn’t know what else to do, Walt. I thought you were dead.”

“Then why did you come back if you thought I was dead?” His mood and tone changed dramatically.

She softened her voice hoping he would too. “Because a white man came to the village wearing your buckle, and I found out he'd helped you and that you might possibly be alive. That’s why I’m here.”

Walt went back to the couch and sat. He hung his head in his hands, his shoulders drooped. What he was feeling right now: hurt, guilt, worry, anger? How awful if he was picturing her in another man’s arms. The thought of Lone Eagle with another certainly caused her pain.

“This is all a little more than I bargained for.” He still stared at the floor.

Cecile sat next to him and took his hand. “You have to know I loved you with all my heart, but when I lost you, or thought I had, I did what I needed to do to survive. I never meant to fall in love with someone else—to let any of this happen. I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you.” Emotion choked her and she hung her head and sobbed.

“You said you were pregnant with my child,” Walt turned his gaze on her. “Then where is the baby?”

The tone in his voice challenged the validity of her story. Cecile wasn’t surprised. What else had she expected? She’d just broken his heart. Did she continue with the truth? She made her decision. There was no point causing him further pain. He already knew she loved another man. The final straw would be finding out she left his child with the Sioux. She lowered her chin to her chest. “I lost our child.” The lie rolled off her tongue with ease.

Walt took a deep breath.

She’d expected more than a look of relief, but her untruth raised only an eyebrow. Clearly he’d rather have no child at all than one who lived with Indians. She’d made the right decision in leaving Two Clouds behind. She may have shattered Walt’s dreams with her own actions, but he didn’t seem very disturbed at having lost his firstborn.  He had no idea he had a wonderful son he’d never know.

They talked far into the night—more like strangers who had just met than a married couple. She told him about the Indian’s rituals and way of life, and her motherly love for Rain Woman.  Cecile purposely avoided making references to the child, but not mentioning his name was hard, especially when she realized how much Two Clouds looked like Walt—the same black hair and angular chin.  Even their noses were shaped the name.

Not wanting to heap on more pain, Cecile omitted details about her wedding to Lone Eagle and their life together during the past months. All she wanted was for Walt to really understand what wonderfully warm and kind-spirited people the Sioux were, but no matter how she painted the picture, the look in Walt’s eyes didn’t change. The end result was the same—she’d betrayed him with another—a savage.

The sun was barely beginning to light up the sky. Walt gestured toward the stairs. “Maybe we should go upstairs and get some rest. This has been pretty hard on both of us.”

She was apprehensive about sharing a bed with him. After everything she’d just told him, surely he wouldn’t expect her to.

They walked up stairs in silence. When they reached the room, Walt grabbed some extra blankets from the closet. “You take the bed; I’ll make myself a pallet.”

Cecile said nothing, but reveled in the relief. She turned down the blankets and crawled into bed. “Goodnight, Walt. I hope someday you can forgive me.”

***

She awoke to find Walt gone. She washed up, brushed her hair, and put on her dress. Using her hands, she tried to smooth away the creases made from sitting. She took a last look at herself in the mirror, pinched some color into her cheeks, and went downstairs, thinking she might find him there.

He sat in the living room, drinking coffee and reading the morning newspaper. His demeanor was strangely cheerful and upbeat. “Good morning, sunshine. Would you like a cup?”

The fresh brew smelled delicious, and oh, how she’d missed it, especially with milk and sugar. “I’d love some.”

She was just enjoying the first sip when he started to speak. “A lot has happened and I have decided we don’t need to continue talking about it. It won’t change anything. We should both be thankful to be alive and that we have another chance. I promise to try, Cece, will you?”

She held the cup midair and stared at him over it. Wasn’t trying to make amends why she’d come back? She set the coffee on a nearby table and clasped his hand. This had to be a difficult decision for such a proud man. Breaking the silence, she looked directly into his eyes. “Yes, I will.”

***

They spent quite a while at the mercantile, buying her more clothes and shoes. She elected to walk barefoot to the store rather than wear her old, worn boots, watching each step carefully to avoid splinters. She picked out some stockings, several dresses, ribbons, and a couple pairs of shoes. She’d forgotten how fun it was to shop.

Walt was extremely generous. “Buy anything you need, Cece.”

”How can you afford all this?”

“I sold the ranch and land back to the bank… and the Stinsons bought the livestock. I’ve even repaid Aunt May.”

He’d lost his life’s dream. Sorrow washed over her. Walt’s hope of building his own spread and becoming a successful rancher ended just as abruptly as her life had changed. Seemed his suffering had run deeper than hers. “I’m sorry, Walt, I know how much that place meant to you. Why did you sell it?”

“I just couldn’t go back there after you disappeared. I tried for a week or so, but couldn’t manage living there without you, so I sold everything, lock stock and barrel. I’ve been just drifting, staying mostly with Mrs. Riley and doing odd jobs around town. New beginnings call for new places, so I thought you might like to live closer to your folks.”

How could she have been so heartless? Since arriving in town, she hadn’t once given a thought to letting them know that she was alive. Now she tingled with excitement.  How would they react news from her after all this time? She hung on Walt’s arm. “When we’re through here, can we please go send my parents a wire?”

A big smile formed on his handsome face and he nodded. She noted some of the tension between them had dissolved. He put up a good front, but they still had a long way to go. Walt paid for the purchases, and they made their way to the telegraph office.

The wire she sent read, I’m alive and coming home STOP See you soon STOP Love, Cecile.

Her heart raced. She was going home to see her parents and could hardly wait.

She walked back to Mrs. Riley’s, hand in hand with Walt, thinking positive thoughts about rebuilding their relationship. The sound of her new shoes clicking on the wooden planks brought a smile to her face. At least she didn’t have to worry about splinters.

Back at the boarding house, Walt settled his bill with Mrs. Riley. “We’ll leaving for Silver City first thing in the morning.”

“I’m sorry to see you go,” the older woman said, accepting his money. “I’ve become accustomed to your company.”

“It’s not goodbye, just so long. We might be up this way again someday.”

Mrs. Riley gave him a big hug. “Well, you know you and your little missus are always welcome here.”

Cecile smiled at the older lady. “Thank you from me, too. I’m sorry I didn’t have more time to get to know you better.  People can always use a caring friend in their life.  Besides, I could sure use some cooking lessons.  I’ve never tasted meals as delicious as those you serve.

***

Walt went to the livery stable to get feed for his horses and to make sure the wheels of his wagon were properly greased. Before returning to the boarding house, he threw some hay into the stall, and his two horses whinnied and bobbed their heads.

He reached across the gate and ruffled the mane of the nearest one. “Well fella, it seems like you and your pal know that come tomorrow you’re gonna get a taste of freedom—no more confining stalls.”

Worry about the trip niggled at Walt on the way back to the Mrs. Riley’s. A week of traveling together with Cecile was either going to be a blessing or a very bad mistake.

***

Cecile remembered the last time she’d sat on this same wagon seat. Then she’d looked forward to a new life and home, and here she was doing the same thing again, only this time she was bound for Silver City, the place she left behind. The past year felt like an eternity.

The wagon creaked past the last outbuilding of town. Cecile turned to look over her shoulder. The horse Lone Eagle gave her as a wedding gift trailed along behind, tied to the back of the wagon. Memories of their special day filled her eyes with tears. She turned to face forward and quickly brushed away the wetness before Walt noticed.

His whistling seemed to develop a rhythm with the clop, clop, clopping of the horses’ hooves as they pulled the wagon onward.  No conversation gave her way too much time to ponder her decision to leave Lone Eagle and her son behind. Could Walt really overlook her time with the Sioux?  Could she keep the lie going about having lost their child?  Her head ached from all her muddled thoughts.  At least, Rain Woman’s herbal mix was working and her breasts no longer leaked.

Chapter Forty

The ride across the prairie increased the uneasy feeling of tension between Walt and Cecile, and he bit his tongue every time he wanted to bring up anything about the past. Their occasional conversation, though strained at times, centered on future plans and goals.

“We’re still young enough to start all over again—build a new home where ever you want. We can have more children, and probably find another rooster with that temperament you loved so much.”

She punched him in the arm and giggled. The sound warmed his heart.

Many times the need to ask questions overwhelmed him, but his sore tongue reminded him not to. Besides, he might not like the answers. He fought the demons within, and tried not to dwell on his wife sharing a savage’s bedroll.

Their first night beneath the wagon, the thought of making love to Cecile crept into Walt’s mind.  The idea came as a natural instinct and was fed by his desire for his wife, but unlike the old days when she cuddled against him, tonight, the chasm between them showed she didn’t share his emotions.  He missed the woman he'd known and loved, but was she still the same person?  Was he still the same man?  The courage to approach her failed to muster. Perhaps in time they’d grow comfortable with one another again, though he wondered if they really could.  Clinging to his side of the blankets, he finally fell asleep.

After five days of travel, Cecile’s complaining about her bottom aching because of the hard seat grated Walt’s nerves. While she shifted about and whined about her discomfort, he scanned the horizon, removed his hat and slapped it against his thigh “Yee Haw, it looks like we’re on the final leg of our journey.”

He noticed the tenseness ridging her jaw. “What’s wrong? I thought you’d be more excited.”

“I’m anxious to see my parents, but now I have to face telling the story all over again. How will they take the news that I’ve been living with Indians. Mother could forgive almost anything, but Father…he has a reputation to uphold. Appearances have always been important to him.”