Devoted (2 page)

CHAPTER 3

Blake

Squeezing my eyes shut, I lower my head, the sound of the woman’s incessant crying grating on my nerves. Perhaps I should feel some sort of sympathy for her. After all, she did lose her daughter, but instead of compassion I only feel annoyance.

I get why she’s here. It’s the same thing I’ve heard a million times before. The characters may change, but the back story and outcome always remain the same.

She was a beautiful girl, smart and full of life who started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Her dependency began with alcohol and before long, led her down a path of destruction.  She went through rehab and then relapsed. She was arrested and when she was released, always found her way back to the drugs. Her story should be compelling, and for my fellow classmates, it probably is.

“I was at work when I got the call from the coroner’s office. There wasn’t an ounce of compassion in the man’s voice when he told me they had my daughter and that she was dead from an apparent heroin overdose.”

And there it is. The sad story that breaks everyone’s heart. How her daughter died alone and afraid.

“In their eyes, she was just another dead junkie, but not to me. This was my baby girl, my flesh and blood. The little girl I read bedtime stories to, that I stayed up all night with when she had the flu. She had her whole life in front of her, and she threw it away because of drugs. The last image I have of my daughter is the one shown to me on a computer screen. I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye or hold her one last time.”

Rolling my eyes, I look over at Trace who appears to be just as moved as I am, as the woman continues her speech. Her story would make one hell of a Lifetime movie, but the reality is, she has no clue what she’s talking about. Her words are meant to scare us, to deter us from ever wanting to use.

Too bad Michelle isn’t here to tell it like it really is. That’s the problem with these assemblies. They bring in some family member who’s lost a loved one due to drugs. Sometimes it’s a mother or father. Other times, a sister or brother. Better yet, once they had the daughter of a drug user speak to us. I’ll admit that most of their stories are harrowing, but the truth is that every single speaker I’ve been forced to listen to has no idea what it’s like to be an addict. You can’t be on the outside looking in. Unless you’ve felt the rush, the instant euphoria, you can’t even begin to understand what it’s like to use. And since they lost their loved one because of it, they never will.

Leaning back into my seat, I pull my cell phone from my pocket and begin scrolling through the texts lighting up my screen. Only when I see the kids around me rise to their feet do I realize the assembly is finally over. I stand in a rush, pushing my way through the crowd until I am outside the auditorium.

Lowering my sunglasses until my eyes are shielded, I make my way across the courtyard, ignoring the looks I receive as I pass. My mind is focused on only one thing and once I catch sight of Bethany surrounded by her friends, I start plotting.

“Sis!” I call out as I approach.

“What do you want?” The frown on her face doesn’t go unnoticed. On school grounds, Bethany and I rarely speak, even in passing. It’s an unspoken agreement the two of us share. She has her life and I have mine. But outside of school, we are more than brother and sister – we are best friends.

“Didn’t you mention wanting to go to the mall with your friends tonight?” I ask, a sly smile creeping upon my lips.

“Yeah…” she says hesitantly.

She knows I’m up to no good. Why else would I bring something like this up? “How about I give you a lift?”

Narrowing her eyes, she grabs me by the arm and pulls me away from her friends, all of their eyes locked on me. It’s no secret that all of them have a crush on me. She hates it and so do I. The last thing I want to do is spend even a minute with any of them, but desperate times call for desperate measures. “What are you up to?” she asks when we are out of earshot.

“Just offering you and your friends a ride to the mall,” I say innocently.

“What gives?” she asks pointedly. She knows me all too well, one of the only things I both love and hate about her.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I admit what she already knows. “There’s a party tonight and there’s no way Mom and Dad will let me go.”

“So you want me to cover for you,” she states the obvious.

“Yeah,” I admit.

“Blake…” Bethany’s voice trails off, her tone filled with hesitation. 

“Just long enough for me to make an appearance. A few hours at most. Besides, you’ll get a chance to hang out with your friends.” On the outside I am the epitome of calm, but inside it’s a different story. “Please…”

“Fine,” she reluctantly agrees, worry etching her face. “But you have to promise me this is the last time.”

“Come on Bethy, it’s not what you’re thinking,” I say, trying to reassure her. She’s afraid I will become another statistic. “Did that sound anything like me?”

She says nothing, the concern in her eyes immeasurable, but it’s the guilt that’s present that eats away at my soul. She feels like she is enabling me, and in a way she is, but only because she has a conscience. If she were to say no to me, I’d still find a way. Deep down, she knows it.

“I guess not,” she mumbles, looking away.

“I’ve got this, Bethy. You’re worrying about nothing,” I smile down at her, instantly feeling relief when I see a smile forming on the edge of her lips. “Be ready by six,” I add before pressing a kiss to the top of her head and then walking away, not giving her a chance to change her mind.

As I make my way across the courtyard, I chance a sideward glance at Bethany and am suddenly riddled with guilt. Even from a distance I can see the worry that is eating her alive. It’s all because of me. It’s not the first time, nor will it be the last.

Swallowing hard, I tear my gaze away from her, guilt replaced by shame. I’m a shitty brother yet still that doesn’t stop me.

CHAPTER 4
 

Bella

I will not cry.
There’s no point to it. Tears will not save me. Nothing will.

Closing my eyes, I let out a shallow breath when I feel him pressing against my entrance. Part of me knows I should fight, but to do so would be pointless. Prolonging the inevitable changes nothing. He will take what he wants no matter what I do, so why bother?

I swallow the bile that rises in my throat when I feel him seat himself inside me. Drawing in a ragged breath, I realize that for the first time, there is no pain. I am numb, absent of all feeling.

Maybe I’ve finally given up. He promised I would and now look at me. I have submitted to him, just as he planned. I should hate myself for allowing this to happen, but I don’t. Not because I want this. There’s nothing I want more than to escape the hell I live every single day. But this is my fate and there’s no changing it.

In life, there is always pain. There’s no escaping it.

“You’re mine,” Rattletop groans as he pounds into me relentlessly.

I say nothing, accepting that this is what my life has become. I’ll never go to senior prom. I’ll never fall madly in love and live happily ever after. No good times. No happiness. I will simply exist.

Then it hits me and my world comes crashing down. That’s all I’ve ever done. I’ve been existing, never living life. And now I’ll never have the chance to.

The wall I have built begins to crumble as tears fill my eyes. My hopes and dreams may be crushed. I may never have a future, but I can’t pretend that it doesn’t matter.

A strangled sob escapes my throat but he says nothing, his rhythmic movements unwavering as he continues to have his way with me. The only reaction to my sudden outburst is the snide smile forming on his lips. He likes seeing me in pain, whether it be physical or mental. It brings him great pleasure, especially when he knows he is the cause.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to force the image of him from my mind but I can still smell him… feel him… hear him breathe.

His breathing becomes ragged and a guttural groan escapes his throat as he finds his release. There is no relief when I feel him roll off of me. The moment may have ended, but it is merely one of hundreds that are permanently etched in my mind. I will relive it over and over again just like all the others, every painful memory destroying what little part of me still exists.

My tears continue to flow even after he exits the room, leaving me with yet another haunting memory of the person I have become.

CHAPTER 5

Blake

“You son of a bitch!”

I startle at the sound of Shadow’s voice as I reach for the driver’s side door. Turning around, I look over at him in confusion.

“Mind telling me why the fuck my fifteen year old daughter was walking down the road in the middle of the fuckin’ night?” Shadow seethes as he comes to stand in front of me.

“What?” I ask in disbelief.

“I didn’t fuckin’ stutter!” he roars, taking a step towards me.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, shaking my head in confusion. And then it dawns on me. Looking down at my cell phone, I see its five past two.
Shit!
I was supposed to pick Bethany up four hours ago. “I… I um…” I stumble over my own words, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation, but there is none. Looking past him, my eyes land on Bethany’s tear-filled ones.

“Don’t even try to make up some fuckin’ excuse!” he shouts, gripping me by my collar and shoving me against the side of the car. “She’s your goddamn baby sister! Do you know what could’ve happened to her out there or do you even care?”

“I didn’t… I mean… I’m…” I can’t even form a coherent sentence as I take in Bethany’s disheveled appearance. I am immediately overcome with guilt, a feeling I should be accustomed to.

“Stop it!” Bethany cries out from behind him. “It’s my fault, not his,” she whimpers, tears streaming down her face.

Loosening his hold on me, Shadow turns around, focusing on his daughter rather than me. “What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”

“I shouldn’t have run off like that,” she says, pushing her way past her dad and looking up at me with those big, beautiful blue eyes. Shaking my head at her, I silently plead with her not to take the fall for me even though I know that’s exactly what she will do. Tears still streaming down her face, she gives me a sympathetic smile and I know she’ll go to whatever lengths it takes so that Mom and Dad never find out.

“I said, what the fuck are you talking about?” Grabbing Bethany by the arm, he turns her to face him.

“I went to a party tonight.” Her words are a mere whisper, but they don’t go unheard.

“You did what?!” he shouts, not even attempting to hide his fury.

“I knew Mama wouldn’t let me go, so I asked Blake to take me and my friends to the mall. I thought he’d just drop us off like he normally does, but he didn’t. When he wasn’t looking, we made a run for it. I was only gonna be gone for an hour or so, but I lost track of time,” she cries out, her performance worthy of an Emmy.

“Bullshit!”

My heart stops mid-beat and I know I’m busted.

“It’s true,” she says, lowering her eyes. “I just wanted to have some fun for a change."

Shadow’s brow creases as he looks first at me and then down at Bethany. “So you just ran off? Are you fuckin’ stupid?!”

“I wasn’t thinking, Daddy. I’m sorry.”

She closes the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his middle and laying it on thick.
Damn she’s good.

“I’m just glad you’re OK baby,” he murmurs, engulfing her in his arms. Their conversation becomes muffled and I am unable to make out what they are saying, but it’s obvious that all has been forgiven.

I have to give my sister credit, she’s one hell of an actress, but then again she learned from the best. Feeling a mixture of relief and guilt, I reach for the car door and pull it open.

“Blake!” Shadow calls out. Peering over at him, I draw in a deep breath. “I admit when I’m wrong. Thanks for looking out for my little girl.”

I say nothing, simply nodding at him in acknowledgement before climbing inside the driver’s seat. The guilt I am feeling is all consuming, but I manage to push it aside long enough to start the engine. After all, I have the rest of my life to feel remorse for each and every one my actions.

Just as I put the car in reverse, the passenger door jerks open and Bethany jumps in beside me. She says nothing, waving ecstatically at her dad as I begin backing out of the driveway. Only after we pull onto the main road does either of us speak.

“I’m sorry,” both of us mutter at the same time.

“Me first,” I say, glancing over at my sister. “I don’t know what happened.”

“I do. You got fuckin’ wasted and forgot about me again.” Bethany holds no punches when it’s just me and her. “You said you’d pick me up.”

“I know,” I murmur, my eyes affixed to the road.

“I waited for you, Blake. Outside the mall, for two fuckin’ hours.” There is a sternness in her tone, reminding me a lot of our mother. “I was so mad at you, I didn’t even hear Dad until it was too late. I was only a few blocks away.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I’ve said the same words a million times and in truth I mean them each and every time.

“Which part? You forgetting about me or you almost getting busted?”

I swallow hard. “Both,” I admit. I don’t even want to think about what could’ve happened to Bethany. “You shouldn’t have covered for me.”

“What’d you expect me to do? You’re my brother, Blake. Nothing’s gonna change that.”

Her words wound me to the core. I haven’t been a good brother, at least not for the past few years and I need to change that. That’s easier said than done. “What about when Shadow tells Mom and Dad?”

“He won’t,” she says confidently. “And even if he does, it’s all on me. Don’t worry, I can handle it. I’ve had lots of practice.”

“But you shouldn’t have to.”

“You’re right, and that’s why you’re gonna promise me you’ll stop.” Turning in her seat, I can feel her eyes boring into me without even giving her a sideways glance. “Say the words, Blake.”

I know what I should tell her, but the truth isn’t easy to admit. I’ve tried to quit and each time I’ve failed. Drawing in a deep breath, I regret the words even before they escape my lips. “I promise,” I say, knowing it’s just another lie.