Dial a Stud: Dante's Story (42 page)

Mel and I looked at one another in confusion. What was he talking about? My head hurt, my body felt like it had been run over by a car, which technically, it had been. I couldn’t deal with all this right now.

“I’m so tired.” I said, closing my eyes.

“I need to make a couple of calls, I’ll speak to you later sugar.” Alex ran a gentle hand over my hair, which was probably nicer treatment from him, than I deserved. “Are you coming sweet thing?” He asked Mel.

“I will, in a minute. I just need to speak to Grace alone.”

Alex nodded, before leaving the room. Once he was gone, I turned to my friend. “What do you think is going on?”

“I don’t know, but something is obviously going on with Alex and Dante. He might be moving to Italy? What about me? I love him.” She said those last words on little more than a sigh. It was the first time I’d heard her openly admit, to what I’d already worked out a while ago. She turned back to me. “So what did the doctor say? Are you ok? How long will you need to be in hospital for?”

“I don’t know; we didn’t talk about how long I’d be in here for. I…he…he told me something.” I raised my eyes to Mel. “You have to promise me, you won’t tell Dante, please. I don’t want his judgement clouded in any way. If I can fix this between him and me, it has to be, because it’s what he wants, not a case of him feeling some foolish sense of obligation to me.”

“Ok, ok, what the hell is going on now Grace? Just tell me.”

“I’m pregnant.” The words left my lips, and kind of hung there, suspended in the room. They were just two words, but such a massive impact behind them, given my history.

Mel didn’t say anything; she just looked at me, like one of us was crazy. Probably me, given there was so much accusation in her eyes.

“Is this some sort of joke? You can’t get pregnant. Well, that’s what you’ve always maintained. Now, you’re telling me, you’re pregnant?”

I gaped at her. “You don’t believe me?”

“Well, given we only talked of this, before you got hit by the car, it seems a little hard to believe. You swore blind, that you couldn’t have kids. Hell, it was one of your arguments, for ditching poor Dante. Now you calmly lie there, and tell me you’re pregnant?”

“I can’t believe this. You think I’m lying, don’t you?” I stared at my friend in shock. “Why would I lie about this? Check my chart Melanie.” I used her full name, something I tended to do, when I was angry with her. “Go on, look. I know the doctor only wrote something there, while he spoke to me. He’s going to schedule me in for an ultrasound. He said my baby is a tenacious little one, to have not only defied the odds of this happening, but to have survived what happened to me. Please, look at my chart.”

          Chapter Twenty Eight

Slowly she picked it up, and flicked through the sheets, her eyes settling on something. As I watched her, I saw shock flicker across her face, before she raised her eyes to mine.

“Oh my god, it’s true.” She whispered; before she walked to me and bent down, kissing my forehead. “God I’m sorry Gracie. Some friend I am, not believing you. Things have become so…not right, between us, since that night. I hated what you were going to do to Dante, I didn’t agree, but I was a first class bitch. We’ve been through too much together, to fuck it all up now. I’m sorry. I still want to bend you over, and kick your ass, for what you’ve done to Dante though, but let’s not fight any more, ok?”

“I hate fighting with you, so agreed.” I said, smiling at her. “Now, I need to sleep. I’m so tired and remember, no mentioning anything to Dante, about the baby. I will speak to him, but I don’t want his decision to be influenced, by him knowing I’m pregnant. It has to be about me, not what is growing inside me.”

“Ok, ok, I get it. I do understand, and he won’t hear about it from me.” She assured me. “Now get some rest. I’ll see you later. I need to speak to Alex, and find out what he’s hiding.” She lowered her lips to my cheek. “See you later.”

I watched my best friend walk from the room, and finally, with it being peaceful and quiet, I closed my eyes. Despite the dull aches of various things that hurt on me, it wasn’t enough, to keep me awake. My eyes had no sooner closed, and fatigue pulled me under, into a deep sleep. 

It was pain, and the steady beep, beep of the heart monitor, that woke me finally. I moaned, shifting in my hospital bed, as much as the limits of my I.V and plaster casts would allow.

“Are you in pain?” The voice from the other side of the room, made me jump, which in turn made me gasp, when pain lanced through me. My eyes swung to him, to where Dante stood, leaning against the wall, watching me.

“Yes…Dante…you’re here?”

One corner of his mouth turned up, in something which I think was supposed to be a smile, but looked more like a grimace instead.

“Nothing gets past you, does it Grace?”

I winced, at the cold, sarcastic tone in his voice. There was no ‘cara’ either. I had become Grace to him. He had rarely called me that. It was always the endearment, and I suddenly missed hearing it roll off those sensual lips of his.

I studied him, every beautiful familiar inch of him. He looked different, a little leaner. He’d lost weight. How could he lose it so fast? Was it working at the vineyard, or was I responsible for the change in him?

When my eyes moved to his face, I recoiled slightly. His eyes; the expression in them, was alien to me. The warmth I was used to; was gone. I’d always thought brown eyes were soulful, expressive, welcoming. Dante’s always had been, until now. Now they were cold, distant, void of the emotion, I was so used to seeing in them.

It was painful to see the way he looked at me now. It hurt to know, that I’d put that cold look on his face. I’d done this to him.

“You’re very quiet Grace. Always too quiet, aren’t you? How many times did I ask you to talk to me in Italy? I knew something was wrong, I tried, but you wouldn’t open up, you wouldn’t reveal, what was really going on inside. Did you ever love me, or was I just a pleasant diversion?”

“How can you ask me that? Of course I loved you, I love you.” I whispered.

He smirked, but there was no humour in it. “You can seriously ask me, how I can ask you that? You were fucking going to dump me. What was I? Like last night’s trash? Time to dispose of the things you don’t want cluttering up your life anymore?” He raked a hand through his hair, messing it up enough, that he had that ‘just fucked’ look about him. My heart leapt painfully in my chest at the sight of it.

“It wasn’t like that.” I said softly, my eyes lowering from his. It hurt too much to look at him, to see the cold, distant stranger, he’d become.

“Well what was it Grace? The way I see it, you and Mel discussed me, what, over a glass or two of wine?  The old, what to do with a boyfriend, when you don’t, want him anymore, discussion. Is that how it went down? Did you decide to dump me between drinks?” He snorted. “You could have said something to me in Italy. I knew there was something wrong, but you wouldn’t open up. Then I find out you’re dumping me, and the fucked up thing about all that is, you didn’t even tell me. You meant to tell Mel, that you were going to go ahead and do so, despite her protests. So your best friend didn’t approve, but you couldn’t even send her the message, you sent it to me. So, not only do I find out, I’m going to be tossed out like an unwanted meal, I find out by accident, when you tell your friend, you’re still going to go ahead and do it.”

I watched Dante begin to pace restlessly back and forth in my hospital room.

“It wasn’t like that.” I tried to say. “I’m not good enough for you.” I whispered, struggling to keep sudden tears back. “I watched you in Italy and everyone loves you, and respects you. Plus, I never expected the vineyard to be so big. You’re a very wealthy man Dante and I…I…how do I fit into that lifestyle? Look at me, compared to you.”

“I don’t give a fuck about the money, what you have versus what I have. I don’t know what you think you’re lacking Grace, but you’re the one with the hang ups about it, not me. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, have a family one day. I wanted you to come and live in Italy with me. I wanted Alex to come and be my business partner, to help run the vineyard, and I was going to try and sweeten the deal for you, by asking Mel to come and live there too. Then I get your message, that wasn’t really intended for me, and the bottom fell out of my world.”

“You wanted me to move to Italy, Mel and Alex too? You wanted a family? I…I…but…a family.” I stammered.

“God dammit Grace, I wouldn’t have pushed you for kids, if that’s not what you wanted. The look of horror on your face, and the fact the colour just bleached right out of it; shows me, kids aren’t up there on your list.”

“No…you…no…it’s not that.” I struggled to put together a sentence that actually made sense. God, if he only knew. It wasn’t a case of not wanting children, it was a case of thinking I couldn’t have them.

“It’s all irrelevant now anyway. You don’t want me, it’s over between us. I’ll be heading back to Italy. I just needed to make sure you’re ok.”

“You’re going?” I gasped. “You can’t go. I…I don’t want you to go.”

Dante’s lips twisted, and he snorted. “You know, I spent years thinking about you. I wondered where you were, how you got on, after you left the centre. When I first saw you after all those years and we came together, I thought my life was complete. Never, did I expect, that you would decide, you didn’t want me anymore. You can tell yourself it’s due to concerns over my wealth, not thinking you’re good enough, whatever fucking excuses you’ve given yourself, so you feel justified in doing what you were going to do, but the truth is, you wanted out of the relationship. You can act like it’s insecurities that made you want out, but let’s face it; you just don’t want me anymore. Well, I’ll save you the trouble, I’ll walk away. Once I’m back in Italy, you won’t have to worry about possibly running into me again.”

Dante’s words sent panic shooting through me. “No, you’re wrong. I love you, I will always love you. I just don’t think I’m good enough for you. You’re too good for me. What can I give you? There is nothing I can bring to the relationship Dante. Look at you, and look at me. You’re…you’re perfect.” My voice finished on little more than a whisper.

“I’m not fucking perfect. All I wanted you to bring to our relationship was your love. I just wanted you to love me, nothing more.” Again, he raked his hands through his hair. “I have to go, this discussion is pointless.”

“No Dante, please don’t leave me. I was wrong, I’m so sorry, I love you, I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I got scared too because I saw you with those kids at the vineyard. You’ll make a wonderful father, and I thought I couldn’t…well…I’d…my body is scarred.”

“What are you talking about Grace?” He sounded impatient.

“It doesn’t matter now, it’s irrelevant. Please, give me another chance. I love you. I love you so much.” I begged, all my pride gone right out the window, as I found myself suddenly fighting for my life, fighting to get him back.

“You’re too late.” He sneered at me. “I don’t want a woman who says she loves me one day, then, decides she wants out, the next. I guess, we were not meant to be.”

“No.” I felt panic setting in. “No, you’re wrong, I want you, I want to spend my life with you. I love you.”

Dante’s laugh was humourless; the contempt in his eyes, as he looked at me, causing pain that seemed to grip every inch of my body. “Well, I’m sorry cara, but I don’t want you.” He said, each word piercing my heart, like a knife, leaving me gasping in agony.

I heard a sound, like an animal being tortured, a cry and realised the animal was me. It was my final, desperate attempt to get him to stay. “Please Dante, no, no…no…no!”

At my agonised cries, he hesitated on his way to the door, turning, shooting me one final hateful look. My stomach instantly tightened into a ball, of fear and sorrow. God, he hated me, he really hated me, and it was all, my fault.

I held the tears at bay, as he walked out the door, but when I heard the latch click behind him, I began to cry. Heart wrenching sobs tore at me, causing my body to fold in an attempt to ease the pain. Not only the physical pain from my injuries, but the pain from the realisation, that the only man I would ever love, had just walked out of my life, forever. The hardest reality to face from it all; was that, I’d brought this all on myself.

Gingerly, I rolled over as much as the cast on my ankle would allow, and burrowed my face into my pillow, crying so hard, it felt like my throat was being torn open. I’d lost him. I’d lost Dante and it was all, my stupid, fucking fault. I’d hurt him too badly, for him to ever forgive me, and now, I would be stuck with the image of that look on his face, as he’d walked out that door, and out of my life. Just picturing, the contempt and hatred in his eyes, made my tears fall faster, and harder.

I was such a fool for thinking I could walk away from him. Now I had to face up to the reality, of him being gone from my life, it was killing me. It hurt so much. It hurt to breathe, to cry, to think, to move, everything hurt, and it wasn’t just from my injuries. This pain ran deep, this level of pain, was ripping at my soul, and I’d caused it. Every agonising shard of it was my own fault. I had no one else to blame but me.