Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (40 page)

Hundreds (and possibly thousands) of types and styles of restraints are available today. Before listing the common types of restraints used by D&Sers, it’s essential that the reader understand that every type of bondage, without exception, carries some safety risk. Improper use of allegedly harmless—or small-scale—equipment, unsupervised restraint, or undue stress to the body can have serious, even fatal, consequences. It’s also important to remember that what is intensely arousing for one person may be utterly terrifying to another.

The different types of bondage reflect different erotic interests and have different purposes. While some sexually adventurous lovers may wish only to flirt with silk scarves or satin cuffs, more experienced D&Sers are likely to crave extremely secure and confining restraint. We essay here to describe only basic categories of equipment. Although many bondage fans are satisfied by rudimentary bonds (such as clothesline, rope, or chains), others devote their leisure and financial resources to constructing or acquiring extraordinarily sophisticated equipment. There are innumerable pieces of equipment of unique design, many of which will never be seen by anyone but their inventors.

While handcuffs are commonly believed to be the
ne plus ultra
of bondage, among cognescenti metal restraints are much less popular than leather ones. Those willing to invest in their pleasures purchase thickly padded wristcuffs from adult shops or buy hospital restraints from medical-supply companies to ensure a comfortable and adjustable fit—particularly handy if the partners switch roles. Cheap metal handcuffs can be dangerous; the possibility of a broken lock or skin abrasion is disenchanting to discreet and safety-minded D&Sers. Handcuffs, fetters, shackles, and other metal devices are largely the purview of those who have a particular interest in such equipment per se or of those whose fantasies center on police, prison, or military scenarios.

Although wrist and ankle restraints come in a plethora of materials (from silk and satin to leather, chain, and steel), leather is usually preferred. Erotic emporia carry leather restraints that can link extremities in a variety of combinations: wrist-to-wrist, wrists-to-ankles, ankle-to-ankle, wrists-to-neck, wrists-to-waist, wrists-to-thighs, and variations on these themes. Also popular
are spreader bars, which force the limbs to remain separated. A wide selection of leather (or metal) collars of varying widths and rigidity are also popular.

The person who likes lengthy, comfortable bondage may choose bondage wear—modified, restrictive clothing or undergarments. Esoteric bondage dresses or suits manufactured by foreign fetish tailors and which secure the arms to the torso are prized. Torso or full-body harnesses (a series of leather straps, often decorated with metal rings to which other bondage devices can be attached); genital harnesses, pouches, gloves, rings, clamps, and weight devices; and corsets, which compress the body, are all popular. Many small-scale restraints can be (and are) worn, undetected, even beneath an investment banker’s conservative suit.

Some bondage fans like mummification, the practice of completely immobilizing the body by creating a kind of bondage coccoon.

While straitjackets or full-body suits with copious belts and buckles are available, they are prohibitively expensive for most. Thus, household items (such as plastic wrap) or latex sheeting may be used to sheathe the body from toe to neck.

Chastity belts, once the scourge of fair ladies wed to errant knights, are now designed for both sexes.

Technology has yielded marvels of chastity engineering that allow comfortable wear over long periods of time. Lightweight, playful chastity belts may resemble little more than chain G-strings, but an array of expensive, hygienic, comfortable (and rustproof) devices are custom-made. Some belts prevent defecation; many prohibit erection. Female arousal is ungovernable by a belt, but chastity devices thwart any possibility of penetration. Variations on chastity belts may feature plugs inserted into the orifice(s) of either gender, but these cannot usually be worn for very long.

Large-scale bondage equipment includes racks, tables, benches, and cages as well as complex hoists for suspension bondage. Also popular is the bondage swing, a seat usually made of leather or canvas, which is suspended and to which the bound party may be tied or chained.

Whipping posts and St. Andrew’s crosses (also known as
X
frames) are large, usually wooden apparatuses to which restraints are attached. Stocks—familiar from the American Colonial era—also come in a variety of styles.

As discussed above, sensory deprivation is the blocking off of sensory organs. While many lovers are satisfied to experiment with a scarf draped loosely over a partner’s eyes, a wide variety of blindfolds exist for the more adventuresome. The most popular type is made of leather with fleecy lining to protect the eyes. Earplugs are usually impromptu affairs; multiple styles of gags, dental blocks, and bits can be purchased at specialty shops. Sensory deprivation is a high-risk activity. Damage to intraocular fluid dynamics or optic nerves, interference with swallowing function, and difficulty in communicating discomfort are only a few of the potential hazards. Many dominants give their bound partners a safety gesture to use in order to signal discomfort when they cannot speak.

Finally, almost inextricably linked to sensory deprivation is its antithesis: sensory overload. Some gags or hoods, for example, contain small holes so that the dominant may feed the submissive fluids or food. Some submissives wear headphones and listen to the music or soothing sounds that the dominant imposes. Even aromatherapy may be incorporated by means of breathing tubes.

I
NTERVIEWS

Many [people] who like bondage know that when you’re tied up, you can let the sensation—whatever it may be: embarrassing, nonembarassing, erotic, “slutty”—come out, because, as far as your mind is concerned, you’re helpless. You can fight it, but eventually you have to go with it. The same is true of pain. I find bondage to be very helpful in accepting the input; you can travel with it.

In my experience [bondage] is not really for the kind of submissive that would do as he or she is told without bondage. It is for people who will put up resistance—sassy masochists, smart-ass masochists—until it is proven to them through the bondage that it’s useless to resist. Their minds say, “Oh! Why in the world am I putting all my energy into fighting this? It’s going to happen anyway.
Click
!” Then they relax and usually get very turned on, because it’s a deep erotic state. Their attention really goes into their body.

I do all kinds of bondage. I do a lot of rope bondage. I do a lot of leather bondage, using all kinds of leather straps. I do Betty Page-type bondage. I do bondage that takes people’s body shape and body limitations, fears and phobias into consideration. I do all kinds of different bondage tricks. Bondage grows on you. Somebody starts [out] only wanting their hands behind their back; three years later they might be really interested in being completely restrained, not being able to move anything.

I advertise sensory deprivation. People call and ask, “Do you have a body bag? Do you have [an] inflatable hood?” And I say, “Yes, I do.” As far as I can tell, most people into sensory deprivation are also interested in sensory overload. I take away as many senses as I can and then, if it’s appropriate, overload one sense. I’ll start at the top. Earplugs. Blindfold. Gag. Hood. Inflatable hood. Sometimes inflatable hoods with breathing tubes. Posture collar to control the head, the neck, the body. Mummification, with Saran Wrap or an Ace bandage-type wrap. Body bags. All the bondage is put on the body beforehand—it could be tight rope bondage up and down the body. Then a body bag on top of it. Or Saran Wrap. Suspension—suspension is always close to the ground but lifted off the floor. Disorientation. Upside-down suspension. Floating suspension. Those are the things I’m talking about when I use the phrase “sensory deprivation.”

If I use sensory overload, it could mean electricity play, piercing: a specific point of “overloadment.” I [might] run electricity to the genital area.
It could be a heavy whipping, but if people get into a quiet fantasy, I seldom do a heavy whipping [then]. [I might try] sensations of different kinds on the genitals if the session is going to get erotic. If I see the person getting turned on—[and] with a male it’s very easy to see—then I [may] either poke a hole in the Saran Wrap or [give] some specific sensation [to] the nipples or the genital area. Or I might not.

For suspension bondage, I have two winches. I use a lot of rope work in suspension. It supports the body at different points so the body weight is as well distributed as possible. I [may] use suspension bars to lift people off the ground by cuffs [secured around their ankles]. I can use two suspension bars and lift them by their feet and hands; one needs the proper cuffs. The middle of the body is tied to rigging made of heavy rope. It is a lot of work. One should also use an appropriate piece of equipment, such as one we call a “panic snap.” If you use regular hardware [for suspension], if somebody fainted, you’d have to lift them off! With a panic snap you do not have to lift the weight in order to let [the person] down. There’s all kinds of safety equipment.

I consider myself submissive. It’s a closely guarded secret shared only between me and my wife. My wife is a fairly vanilla person and not very interested in this, but because she loves me and we have a good marriage, she engages in practices with me. Basically, I like to be tied up and held in bondage during sex, in various positions. My wife helps me with this. Oftentimes, if our children are away, we’ll do this all evening.

If all my dreams came true, then my wife, whom I love, would be more interested in such activities. I think if she had her druthers, this is one part of me that she’d probably want to move out. She’s happy with meeting demands as a lover, except for being very dominant. We’ve got a lot of years together, but she can’t cultivate an interest in it, and I can’t make my interest in it go away. It was a problem before in that when we had regular arguments, instead of arguing about money or picking up socks, two or three times she used this as ammunition against me. Finally, I said, “That’s me. If we’re going to stay together, you’re going to have to accommodate it.” Although she didn’t agree with it then, over time I think she has just come to the conclusion that that
is
me, that it’s part of my personality.

My first bondage experience was sometime around second grade. We were playing cowboys and Indians with a group of kids. I was captured and tied to a pole, with my hands behind my back. The other kids ran off and more or less forgot about me for a while. I got a tremendous erection and couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t adjust it in my jeans there. I
found that to be very stimulating, very exciting, even at that young age. Later the kids came back and they noticed. I was made the object of a lot of taunting and teasing. Eventually I was released, but that made a tremendous impact on my life. I spent a great deal of time fantasizing and trying to re-create that episode after that.