Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission (71 page)

I always expected [people to say], “Oh, my God! You must be a pervert! Get away from me!” I haven’t found it to be the case. I think that a lot of women amputees have run across this a whole lot before I meet them. Most of the time when the subject does come up and I actually talk about it, people are neutral. A couple of people have made use of the Amputees Services Association in Chicago, the umbrella support group. I think that [it all depends on] the personality of the person involved and whether sex is a real good thing for her or a big landmine full of problems. And then there’s her past history with other fetishists. It’s dependent on a bunch of things outside of my control. But I’ve been surprised at how positive the response has been. Most people seem to react best to an honest admission, like, “Look, I’m interested in you, you’re neat, and by the way, I think your stump is cute.” I think that works a whole lot better than not talking about it. [Some amputees are] definitely aware of the attraction and kind of like it. I’ve gotten to the point where I can actually talk to some people about this issue, absolutely something I couldn’t imagine doing two years ago. [But] I never thought that therapy was appropriate. Therapy is like: Something is broken. I don’t believe that anymore. [I’m] not like other people, but I’m not in this to do anything that I consider harmful or negative. I have different interests in a couple areas [other] than the rank and file. I have a large collection of music; I’ve got about 400 CDs and about 500 record albums. I’m always expanding and exploring. Music seems like such a big adventure. I go to plays, to live music performances, to a lot of cultural things.

There’s a magazine called
Fascination
, which deals with the interest in female amputees and in amputees in general. They’re not sexist; they’re just overwhelmed by males who are interested in females. It’s composed partly of letters from “devotees,” the generic term for people who are interested in amputees. [There are] fictional stories and real-life encounters and editorial comments on various aspects of amputees and society. There are also real-life testimonials from people on either the male-seeking-amputee side or the
amputee-being-sought side. The magazine is published by a woman amputee in Chicago. They have gatherings once a year, where they get together to just explore and talk. There’s a couple of structured events where you gather in a room and a group discussion is led by some of the longer-term members. A lot of it is socializing, talking [to] and meeting different people. It reminds you that you’re not the only one. It really gives you some idea that this is what it’s like for other people. That’s something that a whole lot of devotees never have.

My advice [to others] is, “Please—try to let yourself be what you are, and try to find positive ways of expressing that.” [That’s] a central [problem for] all of the other amputee fetishists I’ve dealt with: “My God, this is so weird! This must be wrong! This must be something I have to suppress and not let be a part of me!” I’ve met people who are married and in good relationships. [Yet] they’re really frustrated because they can’t shake this interest, and it is hurting their relationships. I think they’ve been trying to push down this thing that won’t be pushed down. It is part of them, and they can’t really tear themselves away from it. If people could express themselves, I think we’d have a lot fewer strange, frustrated people wandering around.

Twenty

C
lothing is a critical aspect of how we present ourselves to and identify ourselves in the world. Whether we select an iconoclastic style or one that conforms to our social milieu, clothing expresses who we think we are and who we would like to be. If the mind and body comprise the book of our
lives, our garb is that book’s cover, by which—for better or worse—we are often judged.

D&Sers are frequently passionate about presenting the body in flamboyant and exotically erotic ways. Their dress transforms them into their personal ideals of wondrous and romantic—or, conversely, sinister and powerful—creatures. It may enhance their individual sensuality. It may even cause direct sexual arousal. D&Sers typically enjoy dressing in clothes that evoke their sensual realities.

In this chapter we hear from a number of our interviewees on the allure of exotic clothing:

Dressing for pleasure is a complete sensory experience. Most people can understand the satisfaction of wearing an expensive suit, a silk blouse, or even a comfortable pair of blue jeans, but to many D&Sers exotic clothes heighten overall erotic sensual awareness. The heightening of that awareness is, indeed, the primary purpose of exotic dressing. It involves the visual, the tactile and the olfactory. And there are those who love sounds—the swish of lace or the squeak of rubber. To dress for pleasure is to surround oneself with sensual stimuli. The specific pleasures are individual; for example, leather clothing may confer a sense of personal power to dominants; to submissives, such dress may signal vulnerability; for some, it is simply a playful interest.

For many D&Sers dress is an intrinsic aspect of the person’s erotic
fantasy. Just as body modification may bring an individual’s interiorized reality to the surface, so dressing achieves the same affect but through temporary means.

The erotic interest in fabrics and garments is well recorded. Nineteenth Century sex researchers found an abundance of individuals who eroticized silk, satin, fur, hair (including girls’ pigtails), wigs, rubber, linen, and so on. Similarly, specific articles of clothing—such as aprons, petticoats, pants, skirts, chemises, corsets, and gloves—have frequently been the focus of a fetishist’s lust.

Most D&Sers wear some form of exotic clothing, at least to parties and events. Clothing is an important way of identifying with the group; it helps D&Sers to recognize those with common interests and, in itself, is aesthetically pleasing. Generally, the people with the most extensive collections of fetish clothing are well-to-do: Custom latex clothing, tailored leather, and corsets are expensive. Some Americans order directly from England; Germany and the Netherlands also offer an array of latex and fetish options. Since so many chic designers (most notably Gianni Versace who, in 1992, dressed high-fashion models in so-called bondage dresses) have borrowed their inspiration from the European fetish industries, imitations have become trendy and available to all.

Parties for fetish-wear enthusiasts originated in Europe. Attendance at these events was prohibitively expensive.

Hundreds of people fly to New York to congregate at the annual Dressing for Pleasure gala, where ordinary standards of dress are left at the sidewalk and fanciful, fantastic frippery is
de rigueur
. Fabrics and garments whose names have long since faded from the vocabulary of most shoppers—crinoline, tulle, crepe, corsets, button-up boots, veils—are donned, and fetish clothing, such as suits or dresses of body-hugging rubber in brilliant colors and daring designs, take center stage.

Fetish dressers’ creativity is limitless. Whether they are rubber enthusiasts snugly enveloped by hooded latex suits; dominatrices garbed in authentic Victorian regalia; or transvestites who pull out all the stops on the frilled, flounced outfits of their dreams, all seek to escape the mundane and transform themselves into fantasy objects.

Whereas in mainstream society flamboyant clothing is often the unchallenged domain of women, men in D&S are equally likely to wear unusual or fetishistic outfits for personal or public enjoyment. A significant number of people, particularly gay men, enjoy dressing in military or police uniforms. Some leather fraternities, in fact, are known as
uniform clubs
whose members design a club-specific uniform. Perhaps the most fanciful outfits of all, however, are worn by male-to-female cross-dressers, many of whom do not hesitate to live out their erotic fantasies by affecting a complete transformation.

Of all the materials used by D&Sers, leather is the most ubiquitous. The interest in black leather probably originated in the biker subculture, where leather was preferred for practical reasons. Leather provides protection from the environment and is a kind of lightweight, affordable, and flexible armor in case of falls. Its color and ruggedness—and the reputation of those who wore it—suggests menace and defiance. The biker subculture was an early model for gay leathermen, just as gay leather culture has been a model for heterosexual D&Sers. And leather has become to the D&Ser what the blue
suit is to the IBM executive: a symbol of group affiliation and a statement about the person wearing it.

While leather may be important functionally to bikers, it doesn’t necessarily serve an explicitly erotic function for them. When leather was co-opted by the D&S subculture, the material became linked with forbidden eroticism.