Discovering April (15 page)

“Why doesn’t he make a move?” I refuse to let this conversation be dropped without more information.

“Maybe he wants to get to know you first!”

“He knows who I am. We’ve known each other for years!”

“Yes, but you said he keeps telling you that you aren’t the girl he used to know… he’s getting to know you all over again. Maybe you should let him. Stop worrying about it so much and see where things go.”

“You’re right. God, I hate you.”

“No you don’t!”

“You’re right … again. I owe you one! Thanks, Ro, I needed to hear this.”

“What are friends for?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You’re coming on a little strong there, pal!”

Before she has a chance to answer, I begin my walk down the hill as I hear the exhaust begin to make its presence known, coming around the bend.

As Jared idles in the fire zone waiting for me, I continue my way up the walk. That’s when I hear it.

“Oh, there goes Hunt’s leftovers.”

“I hear she likes it rough, if you know what I’m saying!”

“I hear…”

“What? I would love to know what you hear, Todd!” I butt in, walking right into their circle, shutting them up at my boldness.

“I was just gonna say that…”

“Honestly, Todd, no one cares! We all know the only reason you got into this frat in the first place was because of your father. The only reason why you got into school was that half ass play last quarter of that one game in high school. You’ve never gotten a touchdown since. You’re dumb as rocks and I think I can speak for everyone here when I tell you: no one gives a flying fart in space what you think!”

His friends snicker but they don’t back him up. I know they hate him just as much as I do; I’ve heard them talking about it. To flat out let a girl embarrass him in front of his brothers is definitely not a brotherhood I’d want.

I turn to walk away when I hear him try to recover. “Oh yea… well, you’re a whore!”

At the sound of his words I hear the bike shut off, but that’s only at the back of my mind. I’ve already turned around, using the momentum of the turn to spin into a right hook that meets Todd’s jaw. His head follows my fist before he collapses to the ground.

“Who the hell do you think you are? What gives you the right to call a girl a—”

I feel arms wrap around my waist and begin to pull me back as his frat brothers crowd around him. I’m screaming at him the entire way as Jared drags me back to the bike. He picks me up, places me on it, and snaps my helmet on for me. But he doesn’t pull his hands away when he’s finished buckling my head in. He pauses with his hands on my chin. I look up to meet his eyes, confused.

“Now, that’s the girl I remember.” His mouth quirks up to the side in a part smile, half smirk that instantly dissipates my rage.

In this moment, as Jared climbs on in front of me and we careen out of the parking lot, I realize something. I haven’t thought about Hunter since I started hanging out with Jared. I haven’t cried. I went on a rollercoaster, I stood up for myself … Jared is making me kind of a better person. One smile from him made my anger disappear like a feather on the wind. Either I’m in love with him or I’m in need of serious medication.

AFTER HE DROPS ME off, I realize I need some more girl time. I text Ro and she graciously leaves her new man-friend to hang out with me at my house. Lying on the bed with Jinx next to her, she swats him right back when he keeps swinging his paw at her.

“I can’t believe even his friends are going after me!”

“They don’t have a brain inside their heads. How much you want to bet Hunter told them to make your life hell?”

“I don’t think he cares. I mean, he’s moved on.”

Ro gasps, leaning up from the bed in one swift movement. “We have to do a burning!” She jumps to her feet and grips my shoulders.

“A burning?” I feel my eyebrow quirk upward.

“Yea, you know, a purging of all old boyfriend stuff!”

“I don’t think I have anything …”

“Nonsense.” She punches my shoulder. “You were together forever! You probably have stuff you wouldn’t even think about!”

“Like what?” I glance around my room.

“Well, number one: gifts! Anything he has ever given you. Then comes clothes – anything he let you borrow or keep. Lastly, anything else you have that reminds you of him. If I touch anything in this room and you have a story to tell about him, it’s going in the fire.”

“Where is this fire going to take place? I don’t have a fireplace or anything!”

Her finger finds its way to her lips as she paces back and forth. “A metal trash can, outside!”

“All mine are plastic…”

“We’ll figure something out!” she calls, throwing a frame holding a picture of Hunter and me from a few years ago… when we were happy. “This! This is the first thing that goes!”

Figure it out -- we definitely do. We find an old round grill in my garage that has become a museum of all my dad’s old tools. Ro practically squeals when she sees it and throws it over her shoulder as she heads out into the backyard. Walking into the sunshine from out from the shadow of the garage, I sneak a peek over towards Jared’s house. The lights are on in the kitchen, but that’s about all I can tell because his curtains are drawn. The backyard looks pretty today under the afternoon sun, with all the red and yellow leaves framing my perfectly square backyard outlined in a while picket fence.

Mroow
.

Jinx has found himself a front row seat on the ledge of the back porch. Sometimes I swear he’s a living person and he can just tell when trouble is about to ensue. Maybe it’s his feline instincts; not that he’s ever tried to warn me, or help me, for that matter. Turning my attention back to Ro, I see that somehow she has gotten that old metal contraption working again and is dousing it with lighter fluid.

“I think that’s enough. I don’t want the whole house to come down, too.”

“Relax, I’ve done this a million times.”

“A million?” I smirk before recovering. “Somehow, that doesn’t make me feel very reassured.”

Spinning around, she gives me a look that tells me if I weren’t her only friend, she’d lay into me. Her eyes soften, like some thought comes to her mind, and she turns back to the fire. “Can I tell you something?”

Her voice is hard to hear as the wind stirs up a pile of leaves in the corner of my yard.

“It’s only fair; you know all my secrets!”

Her brown eyes lock with mine again and this time, a small smile plays on her lips. “You’re the only girl friend I’ve been able to keep.”

For some reason I find this hard to believe, but as I think about it, I don’t see Ro with other girls from school. She’s always hanging out with
male
classmates.

“I know it’s not a surprise,” she says. “It’s just that I guess they see me as a threat.”

“A threat?”

“Well, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed I don’t really…
restrict
myself when it comes to men.”

“Restrict? I guess that’s the nice way of putting it.”

“Oh, shut up!” She punches my shoulder. “It’s just after …” She pauses, looking up towards the blue sky and I see her eyes glimmering a little.

“Ro?”

“I’ve never told anyone this before…”

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want…”

“No, I think I can trust you. You don’t judge me like the others. April, you’re different.”

I smile. “I think it’s because you’ll shank me if I do!”

“And I will. That’s what happened to all the others!”

We share a giggle before we have a seat on the back stairs. She maintains her eye contact with the growing fire as she begins her story. “My boyfriend in high school died in a car accident after a party. It was his fault. He was drinking and on his way to my house to make up after a fight we had just had.” She sniffles so low I almost miss it, but she collects herself and continues. “That’s why I don’t like to settle down. I don’t ever want to feel like that again. I don’t want to feel responsibility or emotions; I don’t want to fight. I just want to have fun.”

“But Ro, what are you going to do – be single all your life? You don’t have any dreams of a family?”

“I used to. I don’t know anymore. I think I’ll just deal with it as it comes.” Her head turns towards me, but her eyes still don’t meet mine. I think she’s ashamed.

“I don’t think it was your fault. I don’t blame you for what you do, either.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean it. I was there. A break up is like a death. You have to figure out how to live without someone you cared for. And you go through all the phases of grief, too. Denial – this can’t be happening to you. Anger – you want him to pay! You want her to die a horrible death. Bargaining – you find yourself making excuses and bartering with God for things to go back to the way they were. Depression – that’s the worst one. That’s when it hits you that it’s really over. Things will never again be the same. And then finally – Acceptance. The last phase is when you close up so that no one can ever make you feel like that again. But, let me tell you, Ro when you finally find someone who does, it’ll hit you like a ton of bricks. You won’t know what hit you until it’s too late. Then they either have to accept you for your flaws or leave you broken, even worse than the way you were before.”

Her dark eyes finally meet mine and I see what’s behind them. Fear. Ro is afraid of getting hurt again.

“You just have to decide whether they are worth the risk or not.”

“Is he worth the risk?” She nods towards Jared’s house.

My eyes fly wide, my heart in my throat. She caught me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting that question. Glancing up towards the window with the vanilla curtains I know to be Jared’s bedroom, I take a deep breath.

“I hope so.”

She nods with a smirk on her face, one I can’t quite read. Slapping her knees she climbs to her feet. “Okay, lets get this burning on, shall we?”

“Yes! Let’s purge me of the evil Hunter Adams!”

“Fuck Jock-face tool-bag-Hunter!” Ro screams so loud, Jinx whines in protest.

Walking up to the little fire we created, she hands me the photograph, victim #1. Holding it between my hands, I stare at it for a second. We look happy. I remember the day like it was yesterday; it was his sister’s 16
th
birthday. He told me he loved me for the first time. At that point in time, it seemed like a fairy tale. I thought he was my prince charming. My ears register the ripping of paper before my mind comprehends that I’m tearing the photo to shreds. I sprinkle the remaining scraps of photograph over the fire. The fire crackles as it grasps hold of the paper and destroys the face of Hunter that was still staring out at me with his happy smile. The smile he’s now giving to that girl who shall not be named.

“Good! I like the anger! What’s next?” She grabs more photos from the box we carried out here.

We sit like that, throwing photographs into the fire for what seemed like hours. Ro was right; it gives you such a feeling of power. It makes me feel like once again I’m in charge of my own emotions. I am being purged. It isn’t until she pulls my necklace out of the box that I snap out of it.

“No! Wait!”

“We said everything!” Her head twists to make sure I’m not having second thoughts.

“But that’s my favorite necklace. It’s simple and just goes with everything!”

“It also reminds you of Hunter.”

“So what? Jewelry is forever; me and Hunter were not!”

“Burn it!” she screams as she throws it into the fire.

“NO!” I scream, almost reaching for it until the heat pulses towards me and I pull my hand back.

We watch as the necklace lies there in the center of the fire, unharmed. The flickering flames tempt it and throw their wrath upon it, but it doesn’t break or melt. The necklace remains unharmed in the center of the fire. I guess one thing in the relationship was actually real.

“I think we need more accelerant!” Her anger is apparent in her every word as she sprays the lighter fluid into the roaring fire.

“NO!” I reach for the bottle, but it’s too late. I watch as the fire flickers and sparks go flying over the edge of the grill. Crackling of leaves is the first thing I hear before I notice the smoke building at the bottom of the grill.

“THE LEAVES!” I scream, stomping on the leaves beginning to ignite.

Ro freezes up and stares at me stomping around the bottom of the grill.

“RO! Help me!”

Jinx shrieks and runs towards the front of the porch. I don’t know if it is the cat’s shriek, but Ro finally jumps to action, taking her jacket off and smacking the leaves that are beginning to spread the fire across my backyard. Suddenly, the entire grill is engulfed in flames.

“Oh, no!” I mutter, turning to run towards the side of the house where the hose is coiled up.

As I turn, I feel the spray of something wet drench me. I shiver against the cold water mixing with the brisk air around me. Once the water is turned off, I lower my arm to meet Jared’s concerned gaze. His eyes scan over the smoldering backyard, pausing at the grill before they meet mine again.

“Trying to cook again?” He smirks, but I feel like all the wind is knocked out of me as I take in the curve of his bare arm muscles as he lowers the hose in his hands.