Discovering April (12 page)

I TAKE MY TIME getting up and getting ready, but I keep my word— I don’t throw up. Dressed in a sweater and jeans, I make my way downstairs. I pet Jinx on my way out and lock the door behind me. Jared keeps his word, too. He’s right outside in the driveway, wiping his bike once again to a gleaming shine.

Seeing me approach, he looks up and tosses me the extra helmet. “You ready?”

The helmet almost falls from my hands twice before I get a good grasp on it. Strapping it on, I tap it once for emphasis. “Yup.”

“A ride is always good for a hangover,” he calls behind him as he hops onto the bike and starts it up.

I hope he’s right. To be honest, I find myself craving the wind in my hair. I long for the feeling of freedom and most of all, the way my thoughts and worries seem to disappear when I’m on the back of his bike. Even when one of them is sitting right in front of me.

I slip on behind him and scoot close to his backside. Holding his thin waist between my hands, I peek over his shoulder and ask, “What if I have to throw up?”

“It’s such a wonder why you’re single, Apes!” he yells over the exhaust and zooms off down the street.

Did he just call me Apes?
I haven’t heard that nickname since we were kids. The wind is whipping my stray hairs around my face, but my mind is what’s zipping backwards… about ten years.

“Snakey Apey!” Jared teases, sticking his tongue out at me.

“Shut up, Jare Bear!” I push him hard in the chest.

“I’m kidding. Come on, focus! Just stand up!”

“I can’t!” I scream, on the verge of tears as I look down at the plastic shoe contraption I’m strapped into. It has wheels.

“Why not?” He turns his head to the side and gives me a stern look.

“Because I’m scared,” I whisper, keeping my stare downward.

Grabbing my chin, he moves my eyes to meet his. “Apes, I’m right here! There’s nothing to be afraid of.” There’s something behind those eyes that comfort me.

“Okay.” I nod, struggling to climb to my feet.

His hands have a death grip on my arm, but I don’t mind as I climb to my feet. My legs are wobbling in fear, but my rollerblades never slip.

“Okay, you’re on your feet! Now, just slide!”

“Those aren’t very good directions!” I scream, grabbing his arms tightly now. If I fall, he’s coming with me.

“Just glide one foot in front of the other, like you’re walking. But don’t lift your feet up.”

“Okay.” Slowly, I release one arm and then reluctantly the other until I’m free standing. I take a deep breath and take the first step. I slide my right foot out like I’ve seen Jared do a million times. Then I glide my left foot up to meet it.

“You got it!” Jared yells behind me.

With his words, I get more confidence and continue gliding one foot out and then the other until I’m rollerblading! I’m really doing it!

“GO A! GO!” I hear hollered behind me.

I turn to look at Jared, when I realize I don’t know how to stop. I wobble slightly, beginning to lose confidence. I see Jared’s face change from pride to worry as he starts sprinting towards me. My feet slip out from under me and I fall flat on my back in a huff. I feel all the air leave me, and there’s a pain in my chest. I’m gasping for air, trying hard to breathe.

“April? Apes?” Jared screams, coming over to my side. I see his face dissect the sky above me. “Are you okay?” he whispers, as he looks me up and down. I nod, trying again to gain my strength and breathe. “Are you sure?”

“Yea,” I whisper, trying to get up again.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to rollerblade,” I mutter, leaning on his shoulders to get myself stable. Before he can stop me, I swing my body into my first glide to the left. Soon enough, I’m gliding all the way down the street. I slowly maneuver myself around in a circle before blading back to Jared. I pause halfway down the street and slowly roll the rest of the way to him, still unsure how to stop. He holds his hands out to catch my shoulders and helps me come to a complete stop. We stand there, facing each other.

“You are something else, Apes,” he whispers.

My eyes tear with the memories of our childhood crowding my mind. The picturesque town is flying past us now and I know the orchard is coming up. I peek over at Jared. His face is serious and he is staring straight ahead, his hands gripped tightly around the handlebars. I wonder if he is also thinking about past memories. He must feel my eyes on him because his face suddenly twists to meet mine. One fleeting look is exchanged between us before his eyes once again shift forward. Turning into the dirt parking lot of the country store, he pulls up and idles for a second before kicking down the kickstand and swinging off. He turns to help me off, as well. Our eyes meet yet again as I grab his hand, but they give nothing away. They are hard and guarded. I follow him inside, walking slowly behind. My mind automatically takes me over to the table with the snow globes again. My fingers graze the top of the glass on the Tinkerbell figurine before I hear Jared’s voice.

“I got the donuts.” He comes up beside me with a small container.

“Okay.” I bounce a little on the balls of my feet, trying to maintain eye contact, but he just turns and heads out the door again.
What the hell?

I follow behind him, struggling to keep up once again as he mazes his way through the trees all around us. I lose him twice before I come to the opening and the view takes my breath away. The sun is high in the sky this time; no chance of falling asleep on him. There’s a family having a picnic on the lonely table atop the hill, so instead Jared comes to sit on the edge of the hill and place the donuts down next to him. Taking the hint, I sit beside him and fold my legs in front of me.

“Dig in,” he mutters, opening the top on the donut box and leaning back on his hands.

I study him for a second before I reach in for a donut. I take a bite and swallow hard, trying to fill the silence between us. Maybe it’s the sugar rush, but I find myself unable to stop the words coming out of my mouth.

“Why do you hate me? What did I ever do to you?”

“I don’t hate you.” He rolls his eyes.
He actually rolled his eyes at me
! “I just hate what you are becoming.”

“What am I becoming, exactly?” I scoff.

“Or lack there of…”

I stare at him, open-mouthed for a few seconds. “So I’m not becoming?”

“No, I don’t believe so.” He looks away from me.

“Awesome, good to know,” I whisper sarcastically, taking another bite of donut.

“I mean, you have potential, but you’re just a big mess right now.”

“I’m a mess,” I repeat as I let his words sink in.

He sits up straight, putting his arms over his knees. His eyes blink twice before he twists his head to look at me.

“April, you don’t even know who you are anymore. The girl I used to know was fearless and determined. This person here?” He points to all of me. “She doesn’t even know who she is anymore.”

“I know who I am!” I defend.

“Oh, really? What’s your favorite movie?”

I pause, thinking for a second.

“What’s your favorite book? What do you want to do when you grow up? What’s your dream job? What’s your favorite drink? Food? Color? Who are you, April? Or were you just Hunter’s girlfriend?”

His questions hit me like punches, one right after the other until the last… that one hurts worst of all. Because it’s true.

“That’s what I thought,” he murmurs at my lack of response.

“Well, how is one supposed to know all these things at twenty-one?”

“You live a little April, you go out there and find out!” He shrugs his shoulders, his brown eyes gleaming at me.

“You’re telling me you know all about yourself?”

“No, but I know my likes and my dislikes. I know where I’m going and where I’ve been.” He turns away from me now to watch a hayride pass us through the meadow below. I take another donut; this is a half- dozen kind of conversation. Things are silent as I continue to eat all six donuts. He never reaches for one. I guess perfect Jared doesn’t have a problem in the world.

Finally, I concede. “So how does one find oneself again?” I turn to ask.

Meeting my eyes, he smiles. “Live a little April,” he replies, climbing to his feet and holding out his hands for mine.

I slap my hands into his and he pulls me up. Then he turns and bolts down the hill. I pause for a second, debating my options before I decide to follow suit. My initial descent down the hill is slow. It’s pretty steep and I don’t want to gracefully fall on my face and tumble the rest of the way down. I’ve been embarrassed enough for 24 hours. I pretty much tiptoe the whole way down and once I reach the meadow, Jared is no where to be seen. I walk through a row of sunflowers. They are huge, taller than me. Crazy, but from up on the hill they don’t look that big. I guess it’s all about perception. I look up to face a drooping sunflower and suddenly it morphs into Jared’s face, so close to mine. I remember something. I remember last night – I kissed him! I also remember him pushing me away. Mortified, I begin to walk faster through the stalks of sunflowers as the memories come flooding back.

We are in my house, and he watches me crawl up the stairs. When I stop on the landing with my butt still up in the air, he smacks it playfully. I shriek in a flirtatious manner and run up the rest of the stairs before I throw open the bedroom door.

“This is where the magic happens!” I spin with my arms out and wink before I loop my fingers around the hem of my shirt and start peeling it off. I toss it across the room before I kick off my pants and slip on a tank top and flannel pants. I then proceed to unhook my bra and slide the straps down my arm, turning to lock eyes with Jared before flinging that into the same corner as my shirt.

“Oh yea, lotta magic here. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He laughs, throwing the covers off and Jinx hops on top of them. I crawl up the side of the bed like a drunken tiger and have a seat on the edge right in front of him.

I look him straight in the eyes and ask him, “Why do you hate me so much?”

He doesn’t respond, just tries to get me to lay back. I fight with him before I climb to my feet again.

“Jared, I asked you a question. Why do you hate me?” My fists clench at my sides.

“I don’t hate you,” he murmurs, his exact words from only moments before.

“But…” I feel the hesitation in his voice, knowing more is coming.

“I’m here, aren’t I? I’m helping your drunk ass into bed! I don’t hate you, April,” he tells me, finally getting me to lay back and pulling the covers up to my chest. He turns, glancing back once before I hear him whisper to himself. “Just the opposite.”

I freeze as the memory fades and I blink back to the stalks of flowers before me. Just the opposite? What is that supposed to mean? He’s giving me conflicting information here: on one hand, he is hard and rough, never showing any emotion, never letting any guard down, always insistent on telling me what it is that I’m doing wrong. Then on the other hand, he picks me up from the police station, takes care of me when I’m drunk, takes me for coffee and gives me a ride to school. It’s as if he hates me, yet he can’t stop hanging out with me.

“There you are!” His face pops through a row of stalks, scaring me out of my thoughts.

“You scared the crap outta me!” I gasp as my hand reflexively flies to my chest.

“Did you find it yet?” he gets out breathlessly as he comes to sit beside me in the dirt.

“What? Myself?” I giggle at the insanity of it all.

“No luck yet?” He pauses, taking a deep breath and placing his hand in the dirt behind me. We are sitting close again when he leans back more. We sit like this until his breathing evens out and he climbs to his feet again. “Oh well. Come on, we are going to be late.”

“Late? Late for what?” I wipe the dirt off my pants as I come to stand beside him.

“You’ll see!” With that, he takes off, back up the hill.

“What is with this guy and practically running everywhere?!” I murmur to myself before breaking into a run after him.

When we get back to the bike I feel my back pocket vibrate. I pull out my cell phone to read a text from Ro:
What happened to you last night?

With a sly smile I type back:
I got arrested
.

I strap on my helmet and slide in behind Jared. I don’t have to wait long for her response.

Yes! We just upped your street cred!

I roll my eyes before tucking my phone back into my pocket and reaching out for Jared’s sides. He starts up the bike and we zoom out onto the road as dirt kicks up behind us. Once he gets to the edge of the parking lot, he turns the opposite way from which we came. I look around, confused before I lock eyes with Jared in the rearview mirror. He smirks at my confusion before his eyes return to the road ahead.

WE ONLY DRIVE about fifteen minutes before we pull into an open field. My eyes gravitate to the three other cars parked there, and a small crowd of people forming behind them. As we careen in closer, I begin to make out the faces of his construction buddies. My anxiety rises as the bike stops at the front of the line of cars. Jared is the first off, hooking his arms under my armpits and helping me to the ground. In one swift movement he unclasps his helmet and swings it off, turning to greet his friends. Once he makes it down the line of them, they all seem to be looking at me. Feeling the weight of their stares, I unclasp my own helmet and try to fix my hair as I feel my cheeks automatically redden.